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How Long Does The Sadness Last??

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
Yesterday I found out that my cat of 13 years has feline HIV. I have been crying off and on since I found out. We are probably going to put him to sleep within the next couple of weeks. I LOVE this cat. We have had him since I was 12 and I am 25 now. I cannot bare the thought of him not being around anymore but I know that it's going to happen soon. I can't even imagine getting another cat and this is the first cat I have ever had. I am SO sad. In a way I just want my parents to go ahead and have him put to sleep so I can go ahead and start the grieving process but I guess I should just enjoy these next one or two weeks. I am soooo sad. Is this normale to be this upset over a pet? How long will I cry for after he dies? I need other cat lovers to talk to me right now. I'm so sad.
post #2 of 18
I wish I knew the answer to your questions. But I think people grieve differently and go the process in different stages. All I can say is that you need to let yourself cry and feel sad. Don't try and put a "time" on your grieve. Try and remember the happy times you are having with your cat or something funny that he has done. I know that helps me (along with the sobbing spells). I had a cat as well that had Feline HIV when I was in 8th grade and I felt bad because I never got to say goodbye. My mom put him pts while I was class.

Just remember here at TCS, we are here to support you and listen. Welcome to TCS! You and your baby are in my thoughts.
post #3 of 18
I'm so sorry that you are facing this. Unfortunately, opening ourselves to great joy also opens us up to great sorrow. The pain will be hard but it will get easier.

I lost my Petunia 3 years ago and even now I still miss her. But I also find joy in my current bunch. And even though I will someday be parted from them, it will not stop me from loving them.
post #4 of 18
My cat Chloe was born before I was--we were really close. But mosty Chloe and my mom. Anyway, her kidneys were failing, and we put her to sleep.
She died happily in my dad's arms--warm, soft, and happy.
She was in no more pain.
I miss her to this day, but I must admit that it was better than her in her misery for the few short weeks we had.
I kept crying for about 2 weeks and had no happiness, because my parents didn't know what to do with themselves, either.
I pray for Chloe and Tiggy every night.
I know they're with me.
You're cat's in my prayers
post #5 of 18
MMMMMmm...I'm sorry you're facing this loss.

Everybody grieves differently, and differently for each loss, too. The best anyone can tell you is that it takes as long as it takes, and you just have to take one day at a time. There will be a big hole in your life when your baby goes, but as time passes you will learn to move around it, so that you don't fall into it as often, and eventually the tears you shed will come with a smile.

You will shed many tears, and that is right and good: they are cleansing and healing. Some people won't understand why you are making "such a fuss" over "just a cat", but we understand here, and will be ready to listen to your heart ache and give you

I hope you have a little while yet with your baby, before you need to take that painful step.
post #6 of 18
It is always not easy, the pain does not leave, they just stay and get buried deep inside, so from time to time we are reminded of that precious life who brought so much joy. I lost Sasha years ago and I still cry whenever I remember her, sometime I imagine or hear her long tail touching my leg, or her shadow running behind the curtain, and I believe she still keeps on playing with Oscar, even if I don't see her, because I sometimes see Oscar playing alone, chasing someone, when we are alone in the apartment.

It's okay to grieve, the pain is there to remind you of that baby, just comfort yourself with the thought that you gave him the best life he could possibly have
post #7 of 18
It'll be a year since my Tucson died, and believe me, every day I still think about him. He died of FIV complications and I know what you'll be going through, it was the single most painful thing in my life, putting him to sleep, but he was in so much pain we had no choice. Just remember the happy times you shared with your kitty, and you'll smile through the tears. It's alright to cry, everyone understands ....
post #8 of 18
Originally Posted by Cat Mommy View Post
I had a cat as well that had Feline HIV when I was in 8th grade and I felt bad because I never got to say goodbye. My mom put him pts while I was class. .
Same here.... I was in the 8th grade when my 10 year old cat was put to sleep.. I was in class too.. I didn't even know.. I came home, called him.. he wouldn't come.. he was gone.. I didn't even get to say goodbye

As has been said.. everyone grieves differently.. I still cry for my man.
post #9 of 18
I am sorry you are going through this with your baby
The grieveing process is different for everyone. No one can really know how long they will grieve, it's a process that one has to go through...
post #10 of 18
As everyone has said, it affects people in different ways. One of my friends is getting tearful at the moment and it is coming up to the 25th anniversary of her cats goign to the bridge. As an aside though, is he showing signs of being ill, or has he just been diagnosed with FIV through something minor? Cats with FIV can live for years with little health probs.
post #11 of 18
Originally Posted by booktigger View Post
Cats with FIV can live for years with little health probs.

Yeah, make sure every thing is covered before resulting to euthanasia, as I know, FIV cats live quite normally, and longer, although they have a specialised diet. I guess you ask again, or take a second opinion, and maybe, give the cat a second chance in life
post #12 of 18
Yet another person whose cat was pts by parents, without notice... My little Tiger had feline leukemia, and I overheard my mother telling the vet to put Tiger to sleep. She had intended not to tell me at all. I was ten.

It's just cruel not to let a child say goodbye to a cat... when that child participates in a cat's life, s/he should be allowed to be there for the cat at the end of it.
post #13 of 18
Originally Posted by Leto86 View Post
Same here.... I was in the 8th grade when my 10 year old cat was put to sleep.. I was in class too.. I didn't even know.. I came home, called him.. he wouldn't come.. he was gone.. I didn't even get to say goodbye

As has been said.. everyone grieves differently.. I still cry for my man.
Why is it that parents want to shield their kids from a pet's death? I had a lot of animals growing up, I had horses, cats, dogs, birds, fish, rabbits, and I had seen my cats give birth, my animals hurt, sick... but why try to shield them from the death of a beloved pet? I sometimes wonder if those experiences made me what I am today. And maybe that is why I feel so guilty for not being there for my two babies, Sam & Patrick, who were pts recently. The vet asked if we wanted to be there with them, but my husband & I couldn't do it. I just feel really bad that I couldn't allow myself to comfort Sam & Patrick in their last moments. But I didn't want to remember them that way...

But just remember your kitty loves you! and again, welcome!
post #14 of 18
I lost my cat chippi 4 years ago. I let her out for the toilet and she got hit by a car and the driver rang me and my boyfriend had go to get her. she was killed instantly and we burried her somewere she would have liked to be. I kept seeing her around the house the morning after.

Losing her broke my heart and I thought that I would never stop crying.

What helped me was to imagine being in a room with her and being able to say everything I needed to say to her.

It does get easier and the hurt and pain will gradually disappear and your heart will mend. you will smile gain.

My boyfriend's mother got another kitten for us but I swore I would never have another cat. but I wouldn't be without him. I am so overprotective with him and he is spoiled rotten.

Having another won't mean that I have forgotten about chippi as she has a special place in my heart.and he isnt a replacement.
Take some time to grieve before getting another cat if you decide you want to have another cat.

Make the most of the time you have with your cat so you say everything you need to before you have to say goodbye.

Get a support system of people who love you and will give you a shoulder to cry on around you.

Give me a shout if you need a friend
post #15 of 18
I lost Tuffy 5 weeks ago today, Its still as hard for me today as the day he died.
post #16 of 18
my dog was pts in 1982 and i was missing her terribly--not a day went by without my missing her..

i think gizmo's coming in 2005 led to some closure since i'd not had a pet since peaches the dog died...

i still think of the peach with great fondness though.

i'm using lower case since gizzy is rersting on my right arm.
post #17 of 18
I lost 2 cats within 2 weeks of each other three years ago. They were sisters. I truly believe that the 2nd girl died of a broken heart. They both died in my arms at home. We couldn't talk about them at all for a while. It was just too painful. Now, we enjoy remembering them and their crazy antics. We miss them still but the pain of being without them seems to have left us. All I can say is that we feel blessed to have had them in our lives. We are richer for the experience. Each of us has to mourn in our own way and in our own time. I beleive that eventually the memories of your friend will ouotweigh the pain of her passing. God bless you.
post #18 of 18
It's been almost 2 years that I lost my special friend Bubba, it will be 2 years Dec 22nd. I still miss him so much. I see him in my dreams sometimes clear as a bell, but he seems to walk away from me in my dreams. I wonder if it's not my mind playing mean tricks on me. I lived to love him and keep him from harms way. Bubba was 14 1/2 when he died. He was healthy one day and dying the next. Bubba got sick so fast and after treatments of antibiotics, the vet did exploratory surgery and found he was riddled with cancer. We had him PTS while he was under on the operating table. I sometimes feel so guilty that I couldn't protect him from the nasty illness that he got. In reality Bubba was in alot of pain when he passed, he could no longer eat and I know in my heart I did the right thing. He just got sick so fast that my mind couldn't start to except the fact that he was dying.
I loved that guy more than anything. I had him since he was born.

I lost his mother Mort this past June. She was 17 years old and had CRF. We kept her going with sub-q's for 1 year before she passed away. I miss her very much. I was with her till the very end. We said our goodbyes for many months, and cuddled every night showing our love for each other. I will never forget the 2 of them, they were my soul team. I know somehow that they watch us from the spirit world and send us signs from time to time that they still watch over us.

I still get welled up with tears as I miss them with all my heart and soul.

**After Bubba had passed on we brought a 15 week old abyssinian into our home. I do believe that Frankie was Bubbas gift to us. Frankie is a very special little guy with some very unique characterictics that make him another special soul cat!.
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