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Need Advice

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 
I've never really had any real friends outside of the family since I was in the eighth grade. I'm now 27 years old and now have a really good friend, a best friend, that I met about a year and a half ago. I've started becoming more outgoing, wanting to go out and do things instead of sitting at home, and I've opened up a lot. I still live with my parents. To be honest, that's because mama told me that she doesn't want me to leave while she's still alive. Me and her have always been close. That's never going to change and I've told her that. But now, when I want to go over to my friend's house, she starts acting weird. And when I confront her about it, she says something like "it just seems like you want to be over there all the time instead of being home". She ends up making me feel guilty about it. I finally have a real friend outside of the family for the first time in 14 years and I'm happy. I just don't know what to do.
post #2 of 4
You're 27! Its time she lets you fly the nest, at least a bit. Try explaining that you'll always love her and you would just like to make a few friends. Maybe increase the amount of time you're away from home in small amounts so she doesn't notice too much.Or invite your friend over more. And also she has no right to make you feel guilty.
But it does sound like she is lonely too, maybe try an activity with her in a large group to encourage her to be sociable as well. If she spent time out with friends she couldn't criticize you for it.
post #3 of 4
Perhaps invite your friend and her mother over? That way you could see your friend and your mom would have some company as well!
post #4 of 4
Hi! I have known of 2 mothers that "kept" their children with them, throughout their adult life. Both acted quite deliberately sadly to say. My feeling is that such a person is desperately afraid to be alone. Objectively, people outside see the sitaution for what it is; that being that you are 27, and it is not healthy for you to still be in the situation that you are in. But your mother, though she loves you, is probably manipulating you a bit. Perhaps the best thing might be for the 2 of you to attend some family counseling, and perhaps get her to open up with her fear of being alone, and your feeling of responsibility for her, and whether she is happy or not. You have some guilt about simply wanting to be outgoing and social, and you shouldnt have that burden. A lot of good things can be accomplished with a good counselor. God Bless both of you and good luck.
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