I just received this in my e-mail and it suits me to a "T",
as I have both cats and dogs..and gave me a good laugh. So thot I would send it along to others who might enjoy it. Have a great day!!!
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain
your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note,
placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim
for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in
the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.. Tripping me
doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am
very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch
to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched
out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door
shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge and
try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same
door I entered..
Also, I have been using the bathroom for
years.........canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog
or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About
Our Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay
off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak
clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because
they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain
your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note,
placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim
for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in
the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.. Tripping me
doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am
very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch
to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched
out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door
shut, it is not necessary
to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge and
try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same
door I entered..
Also, I have been using the bathroom for
years.........canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog
or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About
Our Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay
off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak
clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because
they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
