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Once anti-hugging, always anti-hugging?

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
We recently adopted a 5 month old Burmese a few days ago... he's really cute, but he doesn't seem that affectionate. He does a lot of meowing around the house, he doesn't seem to like to be pet a lot or held much.

At first, I thought this behavior was due to him adjusting... but it's been a few days, and he seems to have gotten semi-comfortable around the house... yet he still doesn't seem to like much affection. At most, he'll sit within on the same couch as us, or maybe walk across our lap... but he never settles down on it. Although at night, he likes to sleep real close to us.

Is this how he's going to be for the rest of his life, or do cats change over time? Part of the reason I really wanted a Burmese was that they were supposed to be super-affectionate. I'm a bit disappointed that ours isn't... of course we'll still love him and dote on him, but I'm looking for hope that he can still be the super-cuddly guy we want him to be!
post #2 of 11
Is he neutered yet? That could be a bit of the "problem".

But I really think that kittens are like toddlers. They don't have a lot of time to stop for cuddles. I just adopted a 5 month old Radgoll. I can pick him up and he will be mellow for a few minutes, then he's off to tear around the house a few times. I'm assuming he will relax after he reaches a more "mature" age.

In the meantime, I would pick him up, cuddle, and then set him down BEFORE he starts to squirm away. So he knows that you're not trying to smother him.

Pictures, we need pictures!
post #3 of 11
I have a half Ragdoll that sounds alot like your cat- I was hoping for a cuddly cat- I have one that can't stand to be picked up (except one time when she was sick at the vets, and actually crawled into my arms to snuggle and be held- she knows who her mom is! ), has a sensative back and only really likes her head and neck scratched, sleeps cuddled up in bed with us on occasion (if she can find a place), but doesn't meow much, and rarely gets in our lap, though we do get buzzed occasionally. She also has LOVED both dogs (one at a time, we got a new Boxer dog in Feb. after losing our 14 yr old Corgi the year before) more than us. Adores them.
And she has been this way since she was 6 wks old (my Bird fostered her for the last 6 wks before weaning). And now she's 10, and hasn't changed a lick. But we love her anyways, and she is a very well behaved roomate (no clawing furniture, no "missing" the litterbox, etc.) ,the most tolerant (of dogs and children) cat we have, and she likes to follow us on our walks, and I wouldn't trade her for anything. So just enjoy getting to know your cat, and the moments when he is loving towards you are all the more special!
post #4 of 11
It is difficult to say but with your cat but it can still be from adjusting. I think you need to let him come to you slowly and when he comes to your knee let him adjust there without to much attention.
Where did you get him from? Can you ask the previous owner how he interacted with other cats. This will tell you if this is his personality or just an adjusting issue.
post #5 of 11
he could definately still be adjusting, i would give him at least 2-3 weeks. i adopted a 5 month old kitten and hes pretty laid back he doesnt play all that much, he just lays around in his chair until the little one starts bugging him to play. for the first couple weeks he really didnt like to be petted at all. although he would ocassionally be extremely affectionate when he was in the mood. now he is super affectionate and will allow you to pet him even if he doesnt initiate it.

it is possible that you have an aloof cat but i would expect him to become at least a little more affectionate within the next few weeks.

i got lucky when i adopted a ten month old kitten, from the beginning me and my two daughters just held her and carried her around with us all day, taking turns. its been about three weeks and she still sleeps with us and lets the girls carry her around all the time. sometimes she comes looking for me and meows and paws at me to pick her up (sorry i guess i got off topic but i had to talk about her)
post #6 of 11
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the advice, I guess I can still have some hope that our little guy will become more affectionate with us! It's hard now because sometimes he'll seem to really like us, come sit with us and walk around us, and other times he seems totally bored and aloof. It's like he's toying with our emotions! No wonder cat owners are all crazy!

Oh, and here are some pics of him:

This is how he looks most of the time!

And this is him trying to look tough!
post #7 of 11
Aw, he's cute!
post #8 of 11
He is very adorable

post #9 of 11
I would say neutering him could help if it isn't done already. Right now and for the next couple months his male hormones are going to start kicking in and all he willbe interested in doing it mating, spraying and things like that. Neutering will take away his interest in those distractions and he will be more focused on you. Of course it isn't the case for all cats, but neutering definately should be done either way.
post #10 of 11
Kittens want to explore; they don't have time to sit in your lap when awake

I know Ling really didn't want to be held, etc. much as a young kitten. Therefore, I was hesitant on showing her. But since moving (and we found if we ignored her for awhile) she would come to us for pets, hugs, etc.

She's gotten a lot more outgoing and more tolerant in being handled, so we will show her in a few weeks and see what happens

I'd give your kitten time - best lap sitting occurs if they are sleepy.
post #11 of 11
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
Kittens want to explore; they don't have time to sit in your lap when awake
very good point.
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