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Change in behaviour (due to bereavement)

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 

Last weekend we had to have our poor beautful Shelley put to sleep and we are now left with only her sister Sassie. Obviously we're all trying to get over her being gone which is hard. Sassie spent a few days looking for Shelley but has since seemed to accept that she's not going to burst through the catflap at any second.

They were sisters, and Shelley was very much the dominant cat of the house. Sassie was very quiet and snoozed the day away, hardly ever meowing but loved to cuddle. She is quite timid and although she goes outside occasionally she is very nervous of our neighbours cats and runs off when they appear. Although she and Shelley got on okay they weren't that close and often would give each other bops on the head etc if the had a tiff.

Since Shelley has gone Sassie has become very much more vocal and wants to spend lots more time with us. She now sleeps on our bed and has taken to following us about and wanting to 'be' with us, which I love as I still miss Shelley (she was a real follower and used to hang out with me all the time!)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that her behaviour has changed a lot which is totally understandable and we are trying to give her lots of love. What worries me is that we both work so she is alone all day. I know it's very soon but I am wondering if she would benefit from feline company, but as she is so timid I'm worried that she would be too scared to accept a newcomer into the household.

How have others coped situations like this? I'm really not sure what is best to do for poor Sassie, I don't want her to be lonely, but equally I don't want to introduce a new cat or kitten and upset her even more.

Any advice would really be appreciated...


Rosie (and Sassie)

PS - Sorry, should have added they were rescue cats we've had for approx 2 yrs and approx 6 yrs old
post #2 of 9
I am going thru the exact same thing! My Sassy is a 12 year old tabby, and I lost my Nico on Aug 1. My heart goes out to you, as we are all missing Nico, and I know how much you are missing Shelley.
I have been advised to look for a mellow tempered young or adult male to keep her company. My Sassy has previously welcomed other cats into the house, but she really doesn't like females much. She will tolerate them, but not make friends.
I spent all weekend at local shelters, and petsmart, looking for a companion, but didn't find one yet. I'm still looking.
In the meantime, good luck to you. I hope this helps. You can e-mail me if you want to cry on my shoulder.
I don't know how long it takes to get over a loss like this.
post #3 of 9
Thread Starter 
Thanks Sierra,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss - isn't it sad that two Sassies/Sassys are both suffering on different sides of the world...

I hope you manage to find a friend for your Sassy, it sounds like a hard task though. I guess at the moment I'll need to have a long think about what is best for my Sassie. Your idea of getting a boy is a good ... although she so rarely interacts with other cats it's hard to know what she would do regardless of if the other cat was male or female. Part of me thinks she might find a kitten less of a perceived 'threat' than a fully grown cat but I just don't know...

You have my sympathy over Nico, it's only been a week since Shelley was put to sleep and it feels like forever since I last gave her a stroke or a kiss. I don't think it will go away, I guess in time I will just get used to not having her around. I've put lots of pictures up of her and we have her ashes so will scatter them in her favourite place. I'm sure you feel just as bad over poor Nico.

Likewise, if you want a shoulder to cry on just mail me or something.
post #4 of 9
Although I can not give you any advice, I can give you each a huge hug, and send kisses to your angels

Its been a hard road, but now I can share in the passing of Cookie, we miss her so much, and although its been a long 5 months, with help from 2 new little bundles of fuzz, we smile when we think of her now, and are constantly reminded of her whenever we see Cami, and they look sooo similar.

Good luck in your quest for new companions, I know that the right one for each of your households and hearts is out there, and all the luck in the world finding them.

There are so many of us here to send as many hugs as you need!

Hugz & wet-nose kitty kisses from Jessica, Titan & Cami
post #5 of 9
My Beautiful Baby was lost by the carelessness of a house guest, they were staying with me while down and didn't shut the screen and out she went. I searched for her for days and just could not find her, I expanded my search and had my young relatives on the lookout too. The cats were as upset as I was, 2 of them were her offspring and she had nursed the kitten and was her Momma too. They would Meow out the windows for her for the first month or two. Baby was understandably the Alpha, (I also have one more cat a boy not hers) and was only bossy when they would get nasty with each other, and if Loco beat up her son Romeo she would get on his case.

Since she has been gone and everyone is finally adjusting, Loco is the Alpha Kitty. Perhaps you have heard the saying that power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely! :-o He is becoming a bully, and I am not happy with this at all. He fights with the other male and they are both neutered, Romeo has a very gentle nature, but he gets hissing and fighting back. He, Loco, even is getting nasty with the girls. I seperate him from the rest, give him kitty time out with me, and in the room, do the blow in the face (cats hate it when you puff air in their face). I won't do the squirt gun I have read that it makes them aggresive and I don't need that. I will be happy to take any suggestions that you may have.
post #6 of 9
Thanks for your hugs and kind words. Only cat people seem to understand.
Hugs to all. I will be looking again this weekend for a companion for Sassy. She seems to have given up looking for Nico, but now she just hides in the bathroom. I think she can still smell him there, as he loved the shower and would take his toys in there to play.
It makes me so sad.
post #7 of 9
My sympathies on your loss. We lost both our cats in the last 2 months as well. We had to put 1 to sleep and his brother lasted a month before he became ill/sick from loosing his brother. Take care of yourself. I'm sure you'll find Sassy a new friend soon.
post #8 of 9
i also think you should get a young male, but i wouldnt get one younger than four months because of the size difference, cats can play pretty rough especially when they re first getting to know each other.
post #9 of 9
Thanks for the suggestion of a young male. I am afraid that a very young kitten would be annoying to Sassy with all that extra kitten energy! She needs a mellow tempered buddy.
I saw a guy on Petfinder that meets the criteria, and maybe I'll get to meet him this weekend

I am also sorry for your loss of 2 kitties! Are you adopting more?
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