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career women make bad wives

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
What do you guys think of this?
http://ca.pfinance.yahoo.com/ca_fina...y-career-women
post #2 of 27
According to that article I should be unhappy, cheating, and on the verge of a divorce. None of which are true.
post #3 of 27
I tried to see if my husband would let me quit my job. He said no because he likes spending on the toys.

Wasn't it just a few years ago that career women didn't even have a chance at getting married? This always shows up every few years even though our economy would quickly tank if women were removed from the workforce. It just supports those who don't want to make the work place more family friendly.
post #4 of 27
Since I am the more highly educated, I have asked my husband to stay home and homeschool our future children

He said yes.
post #5 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by shengmei View Post
Since I am the more highly educated, I have asked my husband to stay home and homeschool our future children

He said yes.
I really dont want to be rude, but home schooling young children is really not healthy, children need to be sociolised with other children to be successfull later in life.
post #6 of 27
Thread Starter 
I find it a little disturbing that economic models are applied to human behaviour. I don't think that's the best way to understand humanity.

It does seem to be a topic that keeps cropping up.
All the women I know who have careers seem to be doing just fine in their marriages also. It seems that most men in the same socio-economic class prefer & expect women to be working. They certainly wouldn't be enjoying the lifestyle they do with just one income!
post #7 of 27
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan View Post
I really dont want to be rude, but home schooling young children is really not healthy, children need to be sociolised with other children to be successfull later in life.
I disagree Fran. People often make the assumption that homeschooled children arre lacking in opportunities to socialize. I don't know what it's like everywhere of course, but here in Ontario there's a big network for home schooling. The kids all get together and do tons of different things. The parents don't have to be soley responsible for teaching every single subject either, they can take advantage of someone else's knowledge and experience.
The home schooled kids I know are very well rounded and seem very happy, a lot nicer than most kids who go to school!
post #8 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by shengmei View Post
Since I am the more highly educated, I have asked my husband to stay home and homeschool our future children

He said yes.
That's an amazing man! I'm happy for you.
post #9 of 27
First of all, I would like to say that there should always be an adult at home where the children are around. In Taiwan it is very common for everyone to have two children, then when the children grow up and have their own families, the grandparents can split up and go to the homes of different children to help take care of the grandchildren. That allows both of the parents to work full time, without any of the adverse social effects.

However, since in America it is uncommon for grandparents to help rearing grandchildren, I believe it is best for the lesser educated (whatever the sex is) parent to stay home.

As far as homeschooling goes, it practially goes both ways. Sure they don't get enough positive social interaction, but they do that at the reward of getting none of the negative social interactiioins also. There are no bullys and victims between children in homeschooling.

Ariel was homeschooled and although his social skills could stand a little improvement, he has absolutely no emotional baggage or trauma whatsoever. He is the happiest person I know. He is so ridiculously happy all the time sometimes I just want to whack him on the head.
post #10 of 27
I think that an issue like this certainly COULD be a slippery slope. If you are 100% career focused, than the chances are that you are putting in a lot of hours, perhaps travelling frequently and making a lot of personal sacrifices as a means to bettering your career. And that's a perfectly fine value for any person, regardless of their gender to have.

But I think that there definitely comes a point in which you'd start to be unfair to your partner. Relationships are an investment as well, and require time and attention. If one is totally career focused, then you will at some point have issues to resolve with your partner. Especially if you are BOTH career focused. Enter children into the mix, and you create even more issues. OF COURSE, 2 parents can both work and have kids. Everyone will have to make sacrifices, but studies show that the kids do ok. But you certainly cross the line when you both travel and are gone 10- 12 hours a day 5 days a week, if not more. A 9-5 your kids and partner can probably deal with. When you leave before 8 and get back after 7 every day and travel at least a week out of every month....that's a different story. I really believe that it's all shades of grey.

What I think is BS is to think that this is gender specific. As much as I hate to admit this, it makes sense that a household would run more smoothly is there were a primary breadwinner and perhaps a secondary breadwinner who concentrates more on household duties (and I don't care who you are or what you have below your belt...running a household is HARD WORK). It just makes sense that a partnership would have some sort of division of labor and that by dividing the labor while still creating space and time for the relationship would create a balance in which everyone was happier. But to suggest that it's the women who are the problem? THAT, I find offensive.
post #11 of 27
post #12 of 27
I didn't see the story until now, but heard a briefing on the news.

So, since I can't cook, barely clean, what am I to do? Besides, I live in an area where you NEED to have a dual income. It's so frickin' expensive around here for rent, utilities and groceries, car payments and car insurance (which mine just got raised again despite no accidents or claims) that no one could live off of making just one income. Heck, I could barely live when B was without a job and I AM the breadmaker.

So :P to all males that still want that perfect all-smiles wife when they come home.
post #13 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionessrampant View Post
I think that an issue like this certainly COULD be a slippery slope. If you are 100% career focused, than the chances are that you are putting in a lot of hours, perhaps travelling frequently and making a lot of personal sacrifices as a means to bettering your career. And that's a perfectly fine value for any person, regardless of their gender to have.

But I think that there definitely comes a point in which you'd start to be unfair to your partner. Relationships are an investment as well, and require time and attention. If one is totally career focused, then you will at some point have issues to resolve with your partner. Especially if you are BOTH career focused. Enter children into the mix, and you create even more issues. OF COURSE, 2 parents can both work and have kids. Everyone will have to make sacrifices, but studies show that the kids do ok. But you certainly cross the line when you both travel and are gone 10- 12 hours a day 5 days a week, if not more. A 9-5 your kids and partner can probably deal with. When you leave before 8 and get back after 7 every day and travel at least a week out of every month....that's a different story. I really believe that it's all shades of grey.

What I think is BS is to think that this is gender specific. As much as I hate to admit this, it makes sense that a household would run more smoothly is there were a primary breadwinner and perhaps a secondary breadwinner who concentrates more on household duties (and I don't care who you are or what you have below your belt...running a household is HARD WORK). It just makes sense that a partnership would have some sort of division of labor and that by dividing the labor while still creating space and time for the relationship would create a balance in which everyone was happier. But to suggest that it's the women who are the problem? THAT, I find offensive.
I completely agree!
I think a lot of the reason why the statistics they use seem to show a gender bias is because many married men still have the expectation of the woman being responsible for the housework, regardless of whether or not they are working. Many women also seem to accept that assumption still.

Aside from the obvious issues of childbirth, I don't think there is anything built-in in women that means that they will be unhappy being married and having carreers while men wont. I just don't see anything in the biology to justify it. To me, it's purely based on social expectations and gender roles, which means that instead of making a blanket statement like 'career women make bad wives' and accept it as a reality, we should be asking why many career women experience difficulties that men don't and address the issue.
post #14 of 27
I'm not sure that i agree that career women make bad wives. I think the main thing to consider is the individual couple. Are they open and honest? How do they communicate? What is their fighting style- and how do they end their fights? Are they open and honest about finances? I think communication has a lot to do with a good marriage.
post #15 of 27
Unfortunately, they are looking at statistics that have been carefully analyzed (although data can be twisted in either direction). the divorce rate in this country is just too darn high; of course, a career woman with an good income can just leave her cheating mate but economically, a lower-earning woman will suffer if her marriage collapses. And both sexes seem to not mind "fishing off the company pier", which is the big danger in not keeping safeguards in place that protect the marriage. I know 2 really good marriage therapists and they both say that some of the "old-fashioned" ideals about interactions with the opposite sex do protect the relationships, such as not letting a member of the opposite sex develop the intimacy that occurs when sharing thoughts, problems, dreams - they both recommend the person telling the opposite co-worker, "Hey, you should discuss this with my spouse - he/she has such good insight on this kind of stuff" and avoid letting the co-worker get too emotionally bonded, cuz that's how attraction starts.
post #16 of 27
Oooo...one more thing. If the man is suppose to always be the breadwinner, what happens if he's in a field that doesn't make much over $30K? I know some parts of this country that's still enough to buy a house, but other parts it's not enough to save for a house.

catsknowme - you bring up another point that I'll segue off the divorce rate of this country. We work too damn much in this country! Plus in order for women to prove themselves we have to spend a little more time at work (when we're starting out).
So working 50 hours a week, getting 2 weeks of vacation time for your first 5 years and we wonder why the divorce rate is high? We're at work more than at home to spend time with the ones we marry and create. It's ridiculous.
post #17 of 27
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CommonOddity042 View Post
That was interesting. Thanks for posting the link.
post #18 of 27
I just found that was a scornful male taking out his biases on all working woman.

I think that tradition is what you make it. My mom and dad have been married for 22 years now and my parents both worked a lot during my childhood. My father being a long haul truck driver and my mother being a registered nurse working 12 hour shifts. They have had their problems as does every couple but still managed to stay married. Now, for the past 5 years, my mom has been the primary bread winner and my dad stays at home with my younger sisters and it seems to work and it's because they make it work.

These men need to get over their pride and what they consider is the "woman's role" and move into the 21st century and make you marriage work so both parties are happy!

My husband has worked for the last 4 years while I finished highschool and my first year of education to support us and will continue to do so until I graduate. Our plan is to then both work full time until studenloans are payoff and we have bought a vehicle and house and then my husband will then go part time and be a stay at home father. I am better with working outside the home and finances and he is more adapt to cleaning, cooking and running the house.

Right now, we share the household duties as we are both away from home the same amount of time.
post #19 of 27
I think that the article should say a little more about what particular guys shouldn't marry career women: Those who are so lacking in self-confidence that they are threatened that a women could possibly be a provider for the household, and who cannot view a woman as his equal in the partnership of marriage.

I make more money than my husband, and have since we met. He's not threatened by it. He does want to make more money than me, because he wants to give me the chance to follow my dreams that he has had (he's currently working in the music industry as a syndicated radio show producer, and waiting for the show to "break" into a real profitable territory). While we are in this situation, he does the traditionally "wife" duties - he cooks, he keeps the house. Neither of us want children, so that doesn't play into the equation.
post #20 of 27
I have to reply here, thinking that I have a unique perspective. I am a married, stay-at-home mom of two children. I also have a college degree and am more intelligent (based on standardized testing and GPAs) than my husband. I have a long life (career-based) ahead of me. I made the decision to stay with my kids until they were at least in pre-school. Yes, I do much of the housework, but my husband helps out. He is the breadwinner and makes more than enough to afford our $170,000 home and a car payment. He is soley responsible for laundry and dishes and never complains.

On to my point, I think that the divorce rate among carrer women is completely explained by the freedom that women earning thier own income can enjoy. If I were to divorce my husband (whom I love dearly and would never imagine divorcing) I would barely be able to make it (to the current standard of living) despite the $1700 a month he would owe in child support and the $500 a month in alimony. We firmly agree that, in case of divorce, that we would try to both remain in the home, taking equal responsibility for the children.

Despite the fact that my husband and I share money making decision equally and I actually pay all of the bills (with his paycheck of course), I would still be reluctant to leave. Many people (unhappily married mothers) I know, would love to leave, but because they are stay-at-home moms literally don't have the financial ability to do so.
post #21 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by IloveSiamese View Post
I just found that was a scornful male taking out his biases on all working woman.


That was my very first opinion of the article.
post #22 of 27
I've had TWO stay-at-home husbands. Russ was disabled and had a LOT more patience, with the kids. I was grateful, that he made life easier, for me - dinner was ready, when I got home, the kids' chores and homework were done and I was able to relax and actually TALK to him and the kids.

The last one was retired and my working wasn't the cause of our divorce.

Secure, confident men don't have problems, with independent successful women.
post #23 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by katl8e View Post
Secure, confident men don't have problems, with independent successful women.
Amen to that. Know where I can find one???
post #24 of 27
I think I would be a WORSE wife if I didn't have a career. What would I have to contribute to our conversations? How would I be able to feel fulfilled and as though I've accomplished something? I look forward to having children, and one of us will definitely stay home with them: but we've agreed it will be whomever has the lower salary/earning potential, which, as it stands now, would be my hubby home with the kids.
Statistics can be manipulated to say pretty much anything, as I've learned through years of doing marketing demographic research for my job, and I think this is one of those cases.
post #25 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by katachtig View Post
I tried to see if my husband would let me quit my job. He said no because he likes spending on the toys..

haha, thats me,

ok lets look at like this, if both are career focused, the marriage would have very little chance. Often in careers you will be asked to move. So who has to give up there career. If they move then one takes several steps back.. But in today world very few people i have seen are willing to take a step back for the other. Its still the ME ME ME not US US US. How many couples stay a couple when they only get to see each other every few months?

My boss now, marriage broke up cause she makes more money then he did.
Also i am sure if you look you will also find stories where the women got upset over going to work and the man staying home.She was no longer seeing him as being man cause he was not the one making a living for the family. Alot of people still see how much money the man makes as a sign of how much of a man he is.

the wife has talked about selling off her business and just stay at home after we have kids. no way, She makes way more money then i do, most of my work is contract work and i can do that any place i am. I dont want a job that i go to every day. I happen to like showing up doing a job, then moving on.

Any way this could go in both ways, I would think that a man that was 100% focused on his job would be a very bad husband, as would a women that is 100% . If you put the two in the same marraige, i just see bad things,.from my point of view once you make a family it comes first.
post #26 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by GingersMom View Post
Amen to that. Know where I can find one???
my ex was happy to live off my money, but didn't like the fact that since it was my money, I controlled it no you cannot have a new playstation game to play instead of getting a job!!!!
post #27 of 27
It would seem to me, that if you are married there is no my money. Butyea, if you dont have kids at home then get a job.

however the wife does seem to think that my money is her money also for some reason. you should have seen the fight i had when i started to buy this house here.
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