I want my cat back!!

duckncvr · Aug 26, 2006

Girlfriend has been with me for over a year. She belonged to my roomate, and we all lived together for about 3 years, then the roomate got married, moved out and (weep) took Girlfriend. I was totally heartbroken. The roomate then got a dog and Girlfriend hated the new living situation. When I finally bought a place of my own last year, the roomate gave her to me, since she knew I would care for her and that Girlfriend would be happy with me. We were a happy family, she'd come sleep with me at night, snuggle, give me kisses and when I came home from work she'd come out from wherever she was to tell me about her day of napping, stretching, eating, sleeping and whatever else happened that day.

Then, a few weeks ago, my best friend's grandmother died. The grandmother had a cat and my friend asked if I would take it; she couldn't bear the thought of giving her away or putting her into a shelter, and to be honest, I couldn't either. Cats are family members and you can't just dump them!! My friend has a dog, cat and a young daughter, but said she would take it if I didn't. I said yes. Girlfriend has been having a little "innapropriate peeing" problem lately (which I've been working on fixing), and once the vet cleared her of a UTI, I kind of almost thought "maybe she's lonely?" for some reason. Actually, when she lived with me and the roomate, we had another cat, so maybe that's what I was thinking. So, about 2 weeks ago, I took in the new cat, a couple years older than Girlfriend.

Girlfriend now spends all her time under the couch. No more sleeping with me, no kissing, no welcome home from work. I'm so sad (it's all about me!!) The new cat has taken over Girlfriend's food and water bowls (even though she has her own) and is using Girlfriend's litter box (even though she has her own.) While Girlfriend is still using the litterbox, I'm not sure how often she's eating/drinking! She finally came out this morning (last time I"d seen her was Thursday morning) and she's lost some weight. I can tell because her little belly blub is gone

Am I being selfish? Am I being silly? Do you think they'll work this out? Is the new cat going to be the new alpha cat of the house? I just don't like that! I want Girlfriend to run the place, as usual! I feel like I"ve betrayed Girlfriend. Is this just me imposing my human emotions on the situation? For the record, the new cat is also female, fixed and is really a sweetheart. There is some hissing that happens, but no grappling (yet?). Also, my friend has repeatedly told me that she will take the new cat off my hands if I want to -- so if I start to feel at wits end, I have an alternative.

Thanks for any thoughts..

jen · Aug 26, 2006

Did you take the time to properly introduce them to each other? This could take a week or more to do. But you have to do it slowly. Use pure vanilla extract on them and buy some Feliway plug ins.

larke · Aug 26, 2006

I have specific feeding times and each cat has it's own place (& bowl). I dish out, they eat, and if they don't finish right then, I put the bowls away for 10-20 mins. til they want the rest. There's no 'free feeding' on the floor and no fighting over food. I want to be sure they all get proper meals, no one gets fat, and I 'supervise' while they eat. Try it, but keep them at opposite ends of the kitchen!

crt · Aug 26, 2006

I can't add anything to the suggestions made, other than to say it really takes some time for them to adjust. I know because I have been going through this with my two, Brandon and Kabou. I adopted Brandon about 5 months ago when Kabou was a year old. I tried to follow the suggested methods for introducing cats, but it was still a stressful time for all of us. There are some great threads on this forum about introducing cats. I don't know what I would have done without them.

Kabou had ruled the roost as well, and watching Brandon take over was so hard. He sleeps in her favorite places, they share litter boxes (which is fine), he often takes her place on the bed, takes her toys, etc., etc. and she would just hang back and look sad. I felt the same as you, I wanted my little girl back just like she used to be.

After five months, I am finally able to say that I am glad I adopted Brandon. Kabou's little personality is returning, she and Brandon romp and play and keep each other company. If Brandon is in one favorite spot, Kabou choses the other and it all works out. The one issue remaining for us is that Brandon can be a big bully and is much stronger than Kabou. I have a hard time watching Kabou enjoying a toy or playing with me and then here comes Brandon who jumps right in the middle and knocks Kabou out of the way.

I guess what I am trying to say is, hang in there, it will get better. Good luck!

stephanietx · Aug 26, 2006

First of all, hang in there! Take a deep breath and relax. Remember that your kitty will pick up on your anxiety. Now, having said that, I totally can relate to your situation as it IS all about YOU and the relationship you have with your first cat.

I had a cat for 8 years, then brought home a new family member kitty last November and they are just NOW starting to really get along with each other, so there's hope! From my experience, this is what's helped my girl come back into her own.

First, Comfort Zone plug ins with Feliway. We have a 1600 sq ft house and I have 3 of them going non stop in the house at all times. Second, time and patience with both kitties. It really hasn't been that long since you've brought the new cat into your house, so give it time. You may also need to get some Bach's Rescue Remedy and give it to your kitty to get her over the anxiety of the new cat in the house.

If possible, fawn and ooh and ahh over your resident cat and sorta ignore the new cat. Protect your old cat's food and water bowls. (I put my girl's bowls up on the counter. She lets me know when she's hungry. I also don't free feed.) If necessary, put them on a feeding schedule and supervise eating. Don't let the new cat infringe on your old cat's food and space. You may need to feed one cat in one room with the door closed and your old cat in her regular spot. When SHE'S finished, then pick up her food bowl and let the other cat out. Also, you can get some good love sessions in when the other cat's shut in the other room.

Don't force anything between the two and continue to supervise them, always encouraging any positive behavior from Girlfriend and "coming down on her side" when there's any interaction. This boosted my girl's self-confidence and security and helped tremendously. Lastly, be sure to seek out Girlfriend and give her special one on one petting and snuggling sessions.

Keep us posted on how she's doing.

Stephanie

xian120 · Aug 26, 2006

I agree with all of the answers, Mugs and otis are finally able to be in the same room and not fight, Otis is eating again and touring the house like he always has. I feed them in seperate rooms, but at the same time so they both get full at once and dont want the others food. They still wrestle and play king of the hill but I think that wont ever end. You have to experiment and see what works for your cats I guess. Its only been a week or so here and all is going well. The first few days were like world war 2 let me tell ya...

gardenandcats · Aug 26, 2006

Usually in time cats will adjust. And these are not fighting so thats a good sign. Sometimes cats personalities do change for good when a new cat is brought into the house.. I have had that experience. Jade is my 7 year old siamese cat female.She loved me to pieces, slept on my pillow usually at night , and rubbed my cheek and purred, road around on my shoulder all the time.
Last August I added another female Siamese to my cat family.And in December I added a male Siamese. I have not been able to get Jade to purrr not even one time since last August when I added Lilly to the household. She no longer sleeps with me she sleeps with my youngest son now. Even though the new ones do not sleep on my bed.I have a older Siamese that sleeps on the bed and she was always with him.She won't ride around on my shoulder like she used to she hops down most of the time now. They do get along no fighting they play. But shes not the old Jade she used to be.So sometimes they do not go back to the way they used to be. I too thought in time she would but I'm still waiting over a year later. And its odd she will purr for both of my sons but if she sees me shes stops!She still likes me and everything but the no purring and rubbing like she did I miss alot.

duckncvr · Aug 26, 2006

Wow.. you guys are great! Stupid me, I didn't even think to 'introduce them' to each other in a special way. I actually came here a day or so after and read my first thread on introducing new cats to each other and went "Uh-oh"..

I'm glad you said to "take Girlfriend's side" when there's an issue, because I totally have been, when it's needed! I can't help it! She was a little better today, came out, I gave her a bunch of love and the new cat came out and they just looked at each other. No hissing or tension, just looking.

I will def try the non-free feeding thing. For whatever reason, I've always let her free eat, but she was starting to put a little weight on. And luckily, I do have some vanilla extract in the house and will try that so they get used to each other's smells. I've also heard about Feliway, and will pick some up. It's also good to hear that this may take a while for everyone to settle in with the new situation.

Thanks again! I will post updates!

hissy · Aug 26, 2006

Originally Posted by duckncvr

Girlfriend has been with me for over a year. She belonged to my roomate, and we all lived together for about 3 years, then the roomate got married, moved out and (weep) took Girlfriend. I was totally heartbroken. The roomate then got a dog and Girlfriend hated the new living situation. When I finally bought a place of my own last year, the roomate gave her to me, since she knew I would care for her and that Girlfriend would be happy with me. We were a happy family, she'd come sleep with me at night, snuggle, give me kisses and when I came home from work she'd come out from wherever she was to tell me about her day of napping, stretching, eating, sleeping and whatever else happened that day.

Then, a few weeks ago, my best friend's grandmother died. The grandmother had a cat and my friend asked if I would take it; she couldn't bear the thought of giving her away or putting her into a shelter, and to be honest, I couldn't either. Cats are family members and you can't just dump them!! My friend has a dog, cat and a young daughter, but said she would take it if I didn't. I said yes. Girlfriend has been having a little "innapropriate peeing" problem lately (which I've been working on fixing), and once the vet cleared her of a UTI, I kind of almost thought "maybe she's lonely?" for some reason. Actually, when she lived with me and the roomate, we had another cat, so maybe that's what I was thinking. So, about 2 weeks ago, I took in the new cat, a couple years older than Girlfriend.

Girlfriend now spends all her time under the couch. No more sleeping with me, no kissing, no welcome home from work. I'm so sad (it's all about me!!) The new cat has taken over Girlfriend's food and water bowls (even though she has her own) and is using Girlfriend's litter box (even though she has her own.) While Girlfriend is still using the litterbox, I'm not sure how often she's eating/drinking! She finally came out this morning (last time I"d seen her was Thursday morning) and she's lost some weight. I can tell because her little belly blub is gone

Am I being selfish? Am I being silly? Do you think they'll work this out? Is the new cat going to be the new alpha cat of the house? I just don't like that! I want Girlfriend to run the place, as usual! I feel like I"ve betrayed Girlfriend. Is this just me imposing my human emotions on the situation? For the record, the new cat is also female, fixed and is really a sweetheart. There is some hissing that happens, but no grappling (yet?). Also, my friend has repeatedly told me that she will take the new cat off my hands if I want to -- so if I start to feel at wits end, I have an alternative.

Thanks for any thoughts..

First of all, it isn't all about you. It should be all about girlfriend. She has gone through so much upheavel recently, new homes, new scents, new sounds and just when she is getting settled back with you, here is a new cat she has to deal with.

She is feeling out-of-sorts and is hiding because she is waiting for the next change to come along (the shoe to fall). Don't be so focused on what you want these cats to deliver to you. They need to learn to get along with each other and until that happens, girlfriend will continue to hide. If you know she is healthy, then leave her alone and let her hide. Put her food, water, litter pans in the room she is hiding in, and barracade the door with baby gates. Let her have time to absorb what has happened to her and don't expect her to be the same cat for quite awhile.

Go into the room daily and sit on the floor and read out loud to her, talk softly to her, do not pull her out, go under wherever she is hiding and stare at her. Just ignore her. She will come out when she is ready and not before. You can get an interactive toy like Da Bird and run it in the room where she is hiding and that may stimulate her prey drive. Keep her and the new cat separate for awhile until she can figure out there aren't any more "surprises" coming along. Keep everything you do with her on a strict schedule and do not deviate, put a cat condo in the room for her and go to the local craft shop and buy artificial plant leaves and wire. Wire the leaves to the condo as a sort of jungle she can hide in to give her an alternate place to go.

Use rescue remedy in her water to keep her anxiety level low, burn several comfort zone room diffusers in your home and just let her figure this out. You might even think about letting your friend have the new cat as she said she would be willing to do. But even then, it will be a couple of days before GF will come out of hiding.

I want my cat back!!

duckncvr

TCS Member

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jen

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larke

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crt

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stephanietx

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xian120

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gardenandcats

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duckncvr

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hissy

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