Originally Posted by Enuja
It sounds like your family is doing a wonderful job of being supportive of Kate. But it would probably be a LOT easier if you could hang out with Kate and Elise in the absence of Dan. Does Dan go on "guys only" outings? If so, is there a way someone could pick up Kate & Elise at those times or go to their house and hang out? Does anyone you know actually like Dan? If so, could you encourage this person to go out with Dan when their family is at your house? Maybe Dan could drop off Kate & Elise and go visit his family?
Maybe there is some medium ground, like putting NASCAR on the television in the den (sorry, a sterotype, I know :-P ) while Kate plays with your cats and you play with Elise?
Dan has probably picked up on the fact that Kate's family isn't the biggest fan of him, and this probably doesn't make him more pleasant around you (and the cats!) I think it's completely possible that, since Dan doesn't like cats, he wasn't particularly canny and careful at home, and simply accidently let Lola out. Not necessarily because he was deliberately trying to kill the cat, but because he wasn't trying particularly hard to take care of Lola. At least, you should keep an open mind, since you can't get rid of Dan, and it is in your best interest to be as sociable as possible with him. Dwelling on the "fact" the he killed Lola is not going to help.
Unfortunately he doesn't watch sports or anything - otherwise the NASCAR idea would be great!
He doesn't have any hobbies or friends, which I think is kind of weird, but whatever. Where they live, they don't have any friends, and none of his coworkers like him, so they don't hang out with anyone or do any "guys night out" or anything. He doesn't like his family, either, so he doesn't go see them, either (His mom has only seen Elise once since she was born). As you can see, he really limits our options!
Lately the cat thing hasn't been our biggest focus, rather his treatment of Kate & the baby. We're all chatty and pleasant with him, but we all end up offended and biting our tongues by the end of the visit because he, well, lacks a mind-to-mouth filter. It's such a weird situation - my family is all problem-solvers, and we are running out of ideas!