Urgghhhh... how to deal with cat hater?

willie'slove · Aug 25, 2006

I know this is my 3rd post in a row, but I just have to say...that guy is an idiot for letting that cat our the door while she was having te baby.

I feel like screeming!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh!!

He makes me sooo mad, that cat could be hurt, and obviously your cousin was too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

satai · Aug 25, 2006

Originally Posted by LoveMyBabies

We thinked he kicked her out. There's coyotes in their area, so he wouldn't have to do much beyond letting her out to guarantee she wouldn't be back. It just turns my stomach knowing (well, believing rather) that he could do that to his own wife, knowing how much she loved Lola.

That's what I meant. It was, and was intended to be, a death sentence, if he let her out.

lovemybabies · Aug 25, 2006

Originally Posted by Satai

That's what I meant. It was, and was intended to be, a death sentence, if he let her out.

OK, thanks for clarifying. I agree - it was a sick thing of him to do.

skippymjp · Aug 25, 2006

Originally Posted by Beccory

I would probably say something like, if you don't like cats, don't come to my house. but that's just me.

I totally agree. I have a sign on my front door and one over the couch (I didn't write these, just saw them on the web, thought they were cute, and made my own)

On the door...."The cats live here....you don't!"

And over the couch......."If you don't want cat hair on your clothes, don't sit on their furniture!"

cinder · Aug 25, 2006

Originally Posted by Skippymjp

I totally agree. I have a sign on my front door and one over the couch (I didn't write these, just saw them on the web, thought they were cute, and made my own)

On the door...."The cats live here....you don't!"

And over the couch......."If you don't want cat hair on your clothes, don't sit on their furniture!"

Very cute!

This would be a really difficult situation for me to deal with as rationally as you are. I applaud you for the efforts you are making because personally, I know I would not let this individual in my house. I hope something can be done to improve things. I was related to a man who was both abusive to animals and people, and sadly (well, depends on how you view it) his death was the only thing that put an end to it. It would be so great if you and your family could make a difference in this man's attitude.

mamacat · Aug 25, 2006

I don't really have anything to add to what everyone else has already so well, I just wanted to say

to all in your family. This is a difficult situation and clearly goes beyond his feelings about cats. How someone could be so cruel to someone they supposedly love as to let their beloved pet out while they are in the hospital giving birth...it boggles my mind.

Moz · Aug 25, 2006

Originally Posted by katiemae1277

I'd probably would've have told him off a long time ago, i think it very rude to disparage someone's pets while in their home, that would be like going to your cousin's house and saying every 5 seconds what a bratty, evil child Elise was even though it wasn't true- you think Dan would keep his mouth shut if you did that? heck no! i say have a talk with your cousin, it sounds like she needs to stand up to her hubby a little bit, JMHO

If I were your cousin, be pretty PO'd if my husband let my cat out and it never came back.

ETA: Why in the world does he think every cat on the planet will attack you if you go near it?! That is just insane.

lovemybabies · Aug 25, 2006

Originally Posted by Moz

If I were your cousin, be pretty PO'd if my husband let my cat out and it never came back.

That's the thing, we don't know if she suspects he did something or if she believes that Lola really did just run away

Moz · Aug 25, 2006

Originally Posted by LoveMyBabies

That's the thing, we don't know if she suspects he did something or if she believes that Lola really did just run away

On your first post it said Dan hated Lola, so maybe he did do something to her?

Does he seem like the type to do that?

lovemybabies · Aug 25, 2006

Originally Posted by Moz

On your first post it said Dan hated Lola, so maybe he did do something to her?

Does he seem like the type to do that?

I mentioned in an earlier post that he wouldn't have to do anything to her besides let her out to guarantee she wouldn't be back - there's coyotes in their area.

cata_mint · Aug 25, 2006

I can just imagine a guy like that getting a kick or 2 in first though.

I would not encourage them to get another cat, who knows what he might do to it, she should just leave him if things are geting abusive.

lovemybabies · Aug 25, 2006

Originally Posted by cata_mint

I can just imagine a guy like that getting a kick or 2 in first though.

I would not encourage them to get another cat, who knows what he might do to it, she should just leave him if things are geting abusive.

No, he's not physically abusive. I honestly don't think it was anything more than him picking the cat up, plopping her on the outside steps, and saying something like "Run away, Lola!"

tavia'smom · Aug 25, 2006

OKay I will say this from experience until she stands up and says I won't take this anymore there is nothing your family can do but to have open arms for her and her daughter and make sure she knows you love them. This goes far above cat hating. He sounds to me like he has all the symptoms of a wife beater. I was married to one and I know what the symptoms are. Thankfully I stopped it before it went too far. And I don't know if I could have with my family being there for me. I feel terrible for your cousins cat. But I hope that maybe she will think of her cat and say if he can do that and treat his daughter the way he does then what else is he capable of. I am sorry but it all starts with verbal and emotional abuse and then it grows until either you get out or the household explodes to the point where she doesn't think she can get out. And that's where the family comes in make sure she knows you will always be there for her and her daughter. Because based on what you have said she will need you.

lovemybabies · Aug 25, 2006

Originally Posted by Tavia'smom

OKay I will say this from experience until she stands up and says I won't take this anymore there is nothing your family can do but to have open arms for her and her daughter and make sure she knows you love them. This goes far above cat hating. He sounds to me like he has all the symptoms of a wife beater. I was married to one and I know what the symptoms are. Thankfully I stopped it before it went too far. And I don't know if I could have with my family being there for me. I feel terrible for your cousins cat. But I hope that maybe she will think of her cat and say if he can do that and treat his daughter the way he does then what else is he capable of. I am sorry but it all starts with verbal and emotional abuse and then it grows until either you get out or the household explodes to the point where she doesn't think she can get out. And that's where the family comes in make sure she knows you will always be there for her and her daughter. Because based on what you have said she will need you.

Yeah, that's why we're all toeing the line really carefully. If she ever wants out, we want to make sure she feels like she can come to us instead of thinking all she'll get is a "We told you so!" or something like that.

yosemite · Aug 25, 2006

Originally Posted by LoveMyBabies

Yeah, that's why we're all toeing the line really carefully. If she ever wants out, we want to make sure she feels like she can come to us instead of thinking all she'll get is a "We told you so!" or something like that.

I think you and your family are being very wise to handle this in this manner. I would definitely not recommend they get another cat though and I would keep a close eye on him around my cats which I'm sure you already do.

enuja · Aug 26, 2006

Originally Posted by LoveMyBabies

I am running out of ideas on how to handle him, because I have such a hard time biting my tongue when he's around!

It sounds like your family is doing a wonderful job of being supportive of Kate. But it would probably be a LOT easier if you could hang out with Kate and Elise in the absence of Dan. Does Dan go on "guys only" outings? If so, is there a way someone could pick up Kate & Elise at those times or go to their house and hang out? Does anyone you know actually like Dan? If so, could you encourage this person to go out with Dan when their family is at your house? Maybe Dan could drop off Kate & Elise and go visit his family?

Maybe there is some medium ground, like putting NASCAR on the television in the den (sorry, a sterotype, I know

) while Kate plays with your cats and you play with Elise?

Dan has probably picked up on the fact that Kate's family isn't the biggest fan of him, and this probably doesn't make him more pleasant around you (and the cats!) I think it's completely possible that, since Dan doesn't like cats, he wasn't particularly canny and careful at home, and simply accidently let Lola out. Not necessarily because he was deliberately trying to kill the cat, but because he wasn't trying particularly hard to take care of Lola. At least, you should keep an open mind, since you can't get rid of Dan, and it is in your best interest to be as sociable as possible with him. Dwelling on the "fact" the he killed Lola is not going to help.

cheylink · Aug 26, 2006

The scary thing is that he is causing an unhealthy fear of a domestic pet. This can cause serious emotional problems for an infant, those are your learning years of interaction with people and animals. He sounds like a racist against cats, chasing a defenseless indoor cat out of their home, that is animal cruelty!

lovemybabies · Aug 26, 2006

Originally Posted by Enuja

It sounds like your family is doing a wonderful job of being supportive of Kate. But it would probably be a LOT easier if you could hang out with Kate and Elise in the absence of Dan. Does Dan go on "guys only" outings? If so, is there a way someone could pick up Kate & Elise at those times or go to their house and hang out? Does anyone you know actually like Dan? If so, could you encourage this person to go out with Dan when their family is at your house? Maybe Dan could drop off Kate & Elise and go visit his family?

Maybe there is some medium ground, like putting NASCAR on the television in the den (sorry, a sterotype, I know ) while Kate plays with your cats and you play with Elise?

Dan has probably picked up on the fact that Kate's family isn't the biggest fan of him, and this probably doesn't make him more pleasant around you (and the cats!) I think it's completely possible that, since Dan doesn't like cats, he wasn't particularly canny and careful at home, and simply accidently let Lola out. Not necessarily because he was deliberately trying to kill the cat, but because he wasn't trying particularly hard to take care of Lola. At least, you should keep an open mind, since you can't get rid of Dan, and it is in your best interest to be as sociable as possible with him. Dwelling on the "fact" the he killed Lola is not going to help.

Unfortunately he doesn't watch sports or anything - otherwise the NASCAR idea would be great!

He doesn't have any hobbies or friends, which I think is kind of weird, but whatever. Where they live, they don't have any friends, and none of his coworkers like him, so they don't hang out with anyone or do any "guys night out" or anything. He doesn't like his family, either, so he doesn't go see them, either (His mom has only seen Elise once since she was born). As you can see, he really limits our options!

Lately the cat thing hasn't been our biggest focus, rather his treatment of Kate & the baby. We're all chatty and pleasant with him, but we all end up offended and biting our tongues by the end of the visit because he, well, lacks a mind-to-mouth filter. It's such a weird situation - my family is all problem-solvers, and we are running out of ideas!

Urgghhhh... how to deal with cat hater?

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