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No life....?

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 
Okay... this is probably going to end up as a rant... because I'm not in the best of moods.

All my life, I've been close to my family. Though, the older I got.. the weirder it got.
I was in public school for only part of kindergarten, because my mother and the teacher didn't get along.
So the mother decided she could homeschool me.. that went on until grade 6.
I was at home 24/7. No social interaction other than the family, and every sunday my grandma took me and my two younger sisters to church.

I was put into a private religious school when I was in grade 6. Though I was a year olfer than everyone else in my grade, because the mother didn't homeschool me properly. Throwing down a book and paper on the table isn't the best way to do things.
So it took me while to warm up to people. Always been shy, probably due to being at home with the only people I knew all the time.
Made some wonderful friends.. had great time.
Then grade 8 came.. and I was pulled from the private school I had come to know.. and thrown into public school.
I stopped doing everything. Church, stopped going because I wasn't being forced to go anymore.
Then i started skipping school any way I could. Even if it meant sticking my fingers down my throat to make me sick, so I could stay at home.
I stopped telling them things.. which only got worse.. because of the thoughts of hurting myself that I got around that time.
Eventually, she pulled me out of there.. and tried homeschooling me again.. but that didn't work out.

We moved into the city. Lots of people.

Eventually I found the cat rescue I currently volunteer for. I had to have my sister go in and talk to them about volunteering... thats how shy I was. And I didn't go in, unless my sister went in.
She found things to do though.. and I ended up ging in by myself one day.. and met some people. Made friends. And started going more and more.
That became my life.
wake up. Take dog out. Feed dog. Go to rescue. come home. eat. go back t o rescue. come home. sleep. start over.
thats it.. for almost two years like that. Though internet time was put in there at about 6 months.

I got over my shyness a little bit. Having to deal with new people everyday at the rescue. Answering phones, talking to people about cats, going out to fundraisers at the mall or park or wherever.

Well.. about 3 or 4 weeks ago, I met this guy online. Myspace.
After talking for about a week.. we decided to meet. (Though I swear we've already met.. he looked familar and it's a small town)
We spent all day in the park. First date ever. First kiss ever.
he even said that it seemed like I had lived a sheltered life... I didn't tell him he was right.
I didn't tell my mum where I was going or who I was with. I was gone for 8 hours.. 11am- 7pm.
They called the COPS. They had people out there looking for me.

Come on.. seriously? I am 18 years old.. almost 19. I am not a baby anymore.
So I decided to not tell them who I was with, and lied.
We went out again 2 days later.. for a bike ride along the trails and then back to the park.
Again we saw each other at his place, had dinner with his famly, and saw a movie.
Then I hadn't seen him for almost a week.. when I HAD to invite him over for dinner at my house.. otherwise the mother said that I wasn't allowed to date him.

Dinner went fine.. he was here from 2pm-11:30pm. we watched movies, and had dinner.. and he decided to go home when he noticed how tired I was getting.
I was going to go over to his place last night to watch Prison Break with him, and have a bbq.
And I don't know what her problem was.. but I wasn't allowed to go.

Meanwhile.. my 16 year old sister is out, god only knows where with god only knows who, doing god only knows what. And here's the 18 year old.. stuck at home.
Is it just me... or is that a bit messed up?

I finally have a life, and she is trying to keep me from it. And it's not the typical teenager.. 'Oh my parents are ruining my life I hate them yadayadayada'
Because thats not it..
It's like.. she's trying to keep me safe.. but she's only hurting me in the process.

It's like she's trying to keep me prisoner.. my sisters have been in public school their whole life.. except one went for two years to the private school with me, and the youngest only for a year.
I didn't even go to highschool. I am just finishing up my GED now.

Blah.. big rant about my life. I just needed to get it out, I guess. Makes me feel a little better anyways.
post #2 of 4
I'm not too sure if I have any good advice for you, but I wanted to offer a hug
post #3 of 4
I can understand living with difficult parents (mine weren't protective, but manipulative... long story). I think you've reached a point where your parents need to stop raising you, and you need to start raising them.
I don't know your parents so I don't know what would work with them, but for me, at some point, I decided that I wasn't asking for permissions. So instead of asking 'can I go visit my friend', I'd tell them 'I'm going visit my friend, I'll be back at X hours'. At first, they tried to find way to resist and keep me from going, but since I was travelling by bus, and I wasn't being unreasonable, they really had no way to stop me.
Ok, that has the disadvantage of potentially ruining the relationship with the parents for a while... I guess it depends on the situation. (In my case, I didn't really care at that point)
I'd say you need to be clear with them (and with yourself) what you want and have realistic expectations. Maybe start with smaller things (like going out during the day with friends for short periods of time) and then work up to going out in the evening, going out on dates, coming back late, etc. Be reasonable, be honest, but don't ask permission.
Don't be too hard on your parents though... make it clear that you know how they feel, but don't give in. They'll get used to it

Ok, once again, I don't know enough about the situation to know if this would work in your case, but use your best judgement.
post #4 of 4
It does seem like your parents are singling you out, and that's actually pretty common for families like that. You are 18 and not in high school- my suggestion would be to finish your GED as soon as possible, set up a plan for moving out (do you have a job, or do you just volunteer? If you just volunteer start asking about job openings and see if something comes up there). If you want to go to college finish your GED asap and have yourself legally emancipated so that you will be able to afford to go to school without your parent's help. I wouldn't accept any help from them at all because that will just reinforce the control they have over you. The emancipation is important, because unless you are in your twenties (23 maybe, or 21) you are still considered a dependent by universities, if you are emancipated you can actually get good financial aid. Find your own church, one that doesn't reinforce this kind of dependence, if that is what you desire. Just stay away from your parents' denomination and maybe go for something more mainline. If that church is anything like my husband's families church it will reinforce the control.

You've got a good head on your shoulders. Set up a plan and stick to it and don't accept any help from your famly. It would probably be a good idea to see a counselor and a financial counselor so that they can help you end your dependence on your parents. As long as you live with them they will be able to control you- and I'm willing to be they do not want you to move out or go to college.

My bestfriend had to be emancipated at 16- dropped out of school, had a baby, got her GED, and now has an A average at a local private college. It can be done!
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