THE CAT BILL OF RIGHTS:
Here they are. Better commit them to memory...
--ARTICLE I.
Congress shall make no law prohibiting freedom of sleep,
or the right of cats peaceably to assemble and to petition
for a redress of grievances.
--ARTICLE II.
The right of cats to keep and bear claws shall not be
infringed.
--ARTICLE III.
No cat shall in time of peace be quartered in any house
without the consent of the Owner's Cat, nor in time of war,
but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
--ARTICLE IV.
("The Friskies Act") The right of cats to be secure in their
bodies, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable
searches and seizures, shall not be violated.
--ARTICLE V.
No cat shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise
infamous crime, unless on an indictment of a Grand Jury;
nor shall any cat be subject for the same offense to be
nine times put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall any
cat be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness
against herself.
--ARTICLE VI.
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the
right to a speedy and public catfight, and to have the
assistance of a garden hose for his defense.
--ARTICLE VII.
The right of trial by jury shall be preserved, except in
cases where an electric can opener can be heard and the
jury disperses, whereupon the accused shall be freed
immediately.
--ARTICLE VIII.
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor cruel and unusual
punishment be inflicted, including the creation of little
paper hats for photo opportunities.
--ARTICLE IX.
The enumeration of certain rights shall not be construed
to deny or disparage others retained by the cats.
--ARTICLE X.
The powers not delegated to the United States by the
Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the State, are
reserved to the local cats respectively.
Here they are. Better commit them to memory...
--ARTICLE I.
Congress shall make no law prohibiting freedom of sleep,
or the right of cats peaceably to assemble and to petition
for a redress of grievances.
--ARTICLE II.
The right of cats to keep and bear claws shall not be
infringed.
--ARTICLE III.
No cat shall in time of peace be quartered in any house
without the consent of the Owner's Cat, nor in time of war,
but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
--ARTICLE IV.
("The Friskies Act") The right of cats to be secure in their
bodies, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable
searches and seizures, shall not be violated.
--ARTICLE V.
No cat shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise
infamous crime, unless on an indictment of a Grand Jury;
nor shall any cat be subject for the same offense to be
nine times put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall any
cat be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness
against herself.
--ARTICLE VI.
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the
right to a speedy and public catfight, and to have the
assistance of a garden hose for his defense.
--ARTICLE VII.
The right of trial by jury shall be preserved, except in
cases where an electric can opener can be heard and the
jury disperses, whereupon the accused shall be freed
immediately.
--ARTICLE VIII.
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor cruel and unusual
punishment be inflicted, including the creation of little
paper hats for photo opportunities.
--ARTICLE IX.
The enumeration of certain rights shall not be construed
to deny or disparage others retained by the cats.
--ARTICLE X.
The powers not delegated to the United States by the
Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the State, are
reserved to the local cats respectively.
