Friend Jealous of My Cat?

Apologies in advance for a long post, but I don't know where else to get advice for my dilemna.

I have a friend that seems to be jealous of my cat! She was supportive about the "idea" of me getting a cat but when it became a reality, she seems to resent it.

So far, she has said my cat is weird and will never be "normal" because she is still being domesticated from being an abandoned feral. As such, her tolerance for handling and petting is limited, she doesn't yet sit on my lap (but does sit next to me and sleep with me). My cat has made amazing progress in the six weeks I have had her, from hiding and hissing to being calm and playful and loving to me. She did hide when my friend came over last month, but my home was still new to her and it was her "terrritory" so she was a little freaked out by the stranger.

My kitty is a grey/brown striped tabby with green eyes. Her fur seems to be short or regular on the top, but full and light brown underneath and it is very thick and pretty around her face, her belly, and tail. She has a small face and sweet expression and beautiful dainty black paws with toe fur. I think she is precious. My friend called her "ugly" and told me I got a reject cat and shouldn't have chosen her. I said there was something about her that I responded to and I didn't choose to adopt her because of what kind of markings she had. She said again I made a bad choice and was stupid. I was really hurt by her calling my cat ugly and mean.

When we were discussing my friends upcoming visit, I reminded her not to pick up the cat and she was hurt - she had told me she was going to "train" her to be held and I said no - that she is fine and lots of cats don't like being picked up and held. She told me I was wrong and didn't know anything about cats. I said I know about MY cat and don't mess with her. She even asked who was more important to me - her or the cat. I told her that was a stupid question, but I was thinking "the cat.."

She will be at my place alone for awhile while I am at work. I don't think she will do anything to hurt my cat, but still, I don't want her to make my cat hide and be scared all weekend.

Has anyone had a similiar experience with having someone close to you not like your cat? How do you deal with people who don't like animals or your pet?

I wish I could tell her not to come, but I told her she was welcome before all this really started.

After reading that theres no way i'd leave my cat alone with her. I'm a suspicious person and that got my mind going into overdrive.

Ditto. I'd not leave her alone with my cat either, lest she stupidly try to "train" her while you're gone or throw her outside to fake a "runaway".

Your friend is being ridiculous. She's trying to guilt-trip you into something, although I have no idea what it is. I find it really odd that a friend would be acting like this, that behavior is more like "girlfriend from " behavior. She sounds really super needy or something... Anyway, you don't have to respond to that of course.

I wouldn't even want her in the same room as my cat. I can totally understand being afraid of a cat, or indifferent towards cats, even disliking cats, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. I would tell her that she is going to leave the cat alone, or she is going to leave, and that if the cat escapes or is somehow injured you will blame her first and ask questions later.

Honestly though this sounds like a toxic friendship and you're on the bad end of it.

I would politely point out to your friend how unreasonable her attitude about your kitty is. I would let her know how important your cat is to you, and explaine to her about socializing a feral kitty....the process- including how long it takes...also tell her about a kitty's body language, and how if you know how to read them, they will "let you know" when they don't want to be held. I would also let her know that her comment about your kitty being ugly really upset you. She sounds like she is a bit jealous, but mostly, just uneducated about kitties. I would try to be kind, hopefully she will come around...and see how important the kitty is to you .Good luck!

Additionally, if you've a room which locks and you have a key to, I think that kitty would ultimately be better off alone while you're gone than with this "friend". It sounds like there's good potential for traumatizing interactions to go on behind your back.

Originally Posted by rosiemac

After reading that theres no way i'd leave my cat alone with her. I'm a suspicious person and that got my mind going into overdrive.

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Ditto. I would NOT leave my cat alone with her. She could hurt the cat and you might not even know it. I would tell her since she is acting like that, she cannot stay with you anymore. Be blunt, who cares if she gets mad. She is being ridiculous.

Thanks everyone for all your support - I really needed it!

I have been doing alot of thinking about this since I posted and I think all of this isn't really about the cat but me. I do not think she would ever do something to hurt my cat - she has had pets and is great with animals, in fact, we were college roomates and had a cat.

I think she is jealous of something or angry that she isn't the focus of my attention - now that I have something that makes me so happy and gets most of my time and attention, I am not as inclined to listen endlessly to all her problems and dramas. Some people are miserable and can't stand it if someone else isn't. I think all the comments about the cat being ugly and mean and abnormal are jabs at me and designed to hurt my feelings. I know it is ridiculous but I was very hurt.

And the very creepiest thing to me is that she would actually stoop so low to insult an animal! What is that about? How nuts is that?

I will be keeping a very close eye on things when I am here. Astrid is a very sharp kitty (must be all those feral "street smarts") and I think will find a way to hide from her if necessary. I will lay down the law about how to treat my cat and my home and if it means a fight and taking her back to where she came I will. This has to stop.

Anyway, thanks again. Astrid and I will get thru this and if I can, I will work to turn her attitude around. It is her loss; getting my cat has helped me so much. I often wonder who rescued whom

Good luck - I second everyone's suspicions.

If that cat seems any different after her first time alone with 'friend' I would strongly suggest isolating the cat completely from your guest, either with a locked door or by bring it to work (may/not be possible).

Originally Posted by CommonOddity042

Ditto. I'd not leave her alone with my cat either, lest she stupidly try to "train" her while you're gone or throw her outside to fake a "runaway".

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I agree, further more is your friend alright ? why would a normal person ask me or the cat, seems pretty childish to me, I personally would tell her I'ts my Cat and I will do with her what I want and I will train her , I wouldn't want someone else doing it anyway.. Good Luckkkkkk