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Someday you'll change your mind. No I won't!!! - Page 2

post #31 of 41
I agree that it's rude, annoying and intrusive for people to make those sort of comments - they should mind their own business. If they want to have kids they can have them, if I have kids they'll find out sooner or later!

However, the reason people continue to say "you'll change your mind.." is because a lot of people do. Not everyone of course, but many people are adamant in their 20's and early 30's that they don't want kids then change their mind (I've known many - my sister for one). It's only really when you get to your late 30's/early 40's that you know for sure whether you do or don't want kids - when you're facing that biological clock ticking away and know that it's now or never.
post #32 of 41
I was told i would change my mind as well when i got married. I'm 47 now, still havent changed my mind so it's a good job they didn't hold their breath!
post #33 of 41
For me personally, i can't wait to have children! I greatly long for those days when i will hopefully be blessed by the wonderful gift of a child. I greatly look foward to the day when i can be a wonderful wife as well . For me, those are things that i sincerly want in my life and look foward too. I recently found out this week that i wasn't pregnant, after a false alarm and was quite upset...it was a hard knock, but it just wasn't ment to be at that point in time./ So having said that, i want to acknowledge that i understand and respect your different wants and goals in life- others should respect them too! It's not fair for you to be constantly tormented over a very personal decision that doesn't concern others. I want children, but i also understand that others do not and that for them, not having a child is the right choice...i wish others would too. I'm sending you lots of vibes! Sounds like you need a hug today sweetie. Keep your chin up, and stand firm even when people bother you about that issue. Maybe you can nicely tell the next person who asks you about your decision not to have children, that your choice is personal, and you feel that you can make more of a difference helping unwanted and abused animals. That is your passion in life and how you feel you can make a difference. Maybe you can explaine to them that you do not have to have children to be "complete". That for you, not having children frees you up to make more of a difference and an impact in this world.
post #34 of 41
I didn't ever have kids and I am retired. But I've always had cats and dogs and I feel that I have had a rich, rewarding life. I do however have about thirty nephews and nieces which I love to death and the cool thing about that is is that they are not around all the time. Yes, whenever I hear something like "you must not love children" because I chose to never have any, I simply say "I love children, other people's children".
post #35 of 41
My fiancé and I are leaning towards not having kids and everyone says the same thing to us. They can butt out, it's our life...they won't be here to raise them if we have them and don't want them.
post #36 of 41
ooh, this makes me so mad!

I am 23, recently married, and personally my biological clock is going haywire every time I see a kid. I want them bad, but we're also in school right now, so realistically I probably won't have one for another 4-6 years. Also, I've always, ever since I was a little girl, felt led to adopt, and my DH's sister is adopted, so I very sincerely doubt I will ever actually give birth-- we intend to adopt any children we do have.

But the decison to have children is not one that anyone has a right to make FOR you, and frankly it's none of their business. I get riled about this because women do not exist solely to procreate... you'd think in this day and age people would "get it", but they still act like something is wrong with you if you chose not to have children.

This even applies when you say you want to adopt... I've heard more than once, "Don't you want your OWN kids?" or, "You'll change your mind and want to have your own kids someday..." Sorry, but my adopted kids WILL be my own kids!

No offense to those who have birth children, but I really don't think we need to keep creating more children in order to "propogate the species." There's plenty of propogation as it is... now there are just a bunch of unwanted kids screaming to be loved. If we can save one kid from the foster care treatment I'll consider my duty on this earth complete (Again, no offense to the wonderful people who open their hearts as foster parents... but the standards are significantly less stringent and abuse is rampant in foster care.)

Uh, but my point is, it's nobody's business but you're own what you chose to do with your life. Frankly I'd much rather you not have children -- if it's truly not what you want, what could be more tragic than a child born into a home of parents who regret their decision?

And I think you should be able to go out and get a hysterectomy tomorrow if you so choose. I've got two friends who are my age and suffering tremendously because of uteral problems--one is a lesbian, one is transgender, and neither of them want kids. They have each been told countless times the only solution to their suffering is to get a hysterectomy. NO DOCTOR will permit either of them to get a hysterectomy because, "you're still of childbearing age and might change your mind."

That is such BULL. Women do not exist solely as babymaking machines. I was under the impression that 18 was the legal age of adulthood and the age at which you are able to make your own medical decisions. For something as crucial as childbearing to be placed in the hands of someone other than the individual in question flat-out disgusts me. We are grown adults with the ability to think and perceive and decide what we want out of life, we are NOT children to be "protected" from making poor choices.

I say if someone decides they want a hysterectomy, gets it and later regrets it, then they made a poor decision and life goes on--that's part of being an adult. You can always adopt -- I guess for some people that's not the same, but it's a part of being an adult that you do things you sometimes regret and suffer the consequences. But just because someone could make a poor choice doesn't mean the choice should not be made available, at all times, to all adults, everywhere.

Sorry, but this just Ts me off. Next time someone says you'll change your mind about having kids, tell them you're sure someday they'll change theirs!
post #37 of 41
That whole hysterectomy thing is bull, I think it's up to the person. That would make me sooo angry.
post #38 of 41
You know what really gets me about the whole thing... It's almost like since I'm female I'm obligated to breed. And you know, while women may be built for it, giving birth is a dangerous thing. Not that many years ago dying during childbirth wasn't a rarity and it's still not as rare as you would think today.

I admit, this whole birth thing is a sore spot for me lately. You see my cousin gave birth 10 days ago. Two days ago she was brought to the hospital for post partum hemmoraging. They tried a bunch of medications, a DNC and finally a hystorectomy (please pardon me if I am spelling any of this wrong). After the hystorectomy the doctor informed my aunt that my cousin almost bled out on the table. She is still in intensive care - and today is her 27th birthday.

But the reality of this possibility never gets told to you when your MIL is holding up a toddler dress going "Isn't it so cute? You'll change your mind someday."

I write this not to get everyone down, because as of this afternoon she has shown some improvement, so things are looking up. My point is simply that birth has a lot more to it than just "the miracle of life". It has very real dangers. The most recent statistics I could find is that in the US 1 in 10,000 die in childbirth every year - which doesn't include those like my cousin who didn't die, but came very close to it. Now match that number to the millions of people we have in the US and that is a scary statistic.

So yes... I find it downright insulting that I am expected to breed, risking death or injury for a child I wouldn't even want just because I have ovaries. And I still would like to know when the plans for my internal organs became anyone else's business anyway.

(Ugh... I can't help it.. I'm pretty bitter about this topic and it's been a bad day.)
post #39 of 41
I get the same crap all the time. I told a nurse at the hospital that I wasn't having any more and she said 'Oh if I had a nickel for every time someone said that and then ended up back here...' Well the difference is that I meant it and they didn't! 4 years later I'm still sure! A man has nothing to do with it, I'm married to the father of my daughter and he's a great dad. I just plain don't want more kids! Everyone tells me I don't know that, I'll change my mind, etc, and well SORRY BUT I DO KNOW WHAT I WANT! If I had the money and could find a Dr that would do it at my age (25, one kid) I'd get fixed. It's annoying and I tend to get rude with people about it because I'm just so tired of hearing that!
post #40 of 41
Originally Posted by Moz View Post

Although I'm pretty much half the age of the OP, I know I won't have kids. I've known that since I was little and everyone had toy dolls and pretended that they were their babies. I'd rather adopt, or just stick to cats.
I know...I'm 19 & I will NEVER have kids. I find myself getting angry too easily at children, they seem to irritate me. Dogs and cats mature so quickly, I like that. Kids learn so slow... I do not have the maternal instinct or patience to have kids, and that's that. *shrugs*
post #41 of 41
Wow, great debates, guys. Some of you have very good points and are well-spoken.

Personally, I think that if you are a person who knows yourself well, and are an adult, you should have the ability to choose what you want in the way of having kids...whether that decision IS to have kids, is NOT, or is to ADOPT. No one else can tell you anything, because it's not their life, and they can't tell you what to do. America is the land of freedom, after all.

I myself have decided that if anything I will adopt...it's possible I may have my own, but I'm feeling more definite about adopting...if I have any children at all. I do want to be married (I don't think I'd truly be happy as a loner, even IF I'm very independent), and have a great life with someone else (hopefully, lol), but I'm not really interested in kids as something that HAS to be done.
I know myself, and it's better I choose not have children then to have them, regret it, and live out an even more stressful life. Children are HARD...they do have their rewards and everyone will feel different about it, but I admit, it doesn't sound like the thing for me. I'm just not cut out for it.
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