Someday you'll change your mind. No I won't!!!

Don't worry about it, it's your life and you live it the way you want, not the way is expected of you. You could always turn it round and when they say they want to have kids, nod smugly and say, you'll change your mind.

Well I just turned 49 and have no children, my twin sis also does not have children. I do know of some other couple around my age that do not have children either-si we do actually exist.
But I had to go thru years and years of comments from some of my SIL's-one who had 5 boys!! Or I get the comments-you would make a wonderful mother as I volunteer for clubs, cook alot, crafty etc....
I put them on the defensive and ask why they are so interested in my personal life???
don't let it bother you too much!!

I deal with that from people too. For goodness sakes, I'm 38, I don't need or want kids. I'm getting older and the risks are getting worse for me to have one so why would I want to try if I don't honestly want one?
I see kids at my job everyday, granted some are cute, there are the majority that are horrible and rotten. I tell people that is one reason I don't want kids, their response is "it's different with your own." ok, well, this maybe, but since we'll never know that, I only have your opinion to compare it to and everyday you come in complaining about something your kids did, or didn't do. Hmmm... seems like a great reason to go out and get pregnant.Um, nope, sorry I hate kids, and always will. I'm going to be one of those nasty old people who yells at the kids to get off their lawns!
Don't worry about what others tell you, they are just jealous that you can come and go as you please, without having to find a sitter, or dealing with the luggage that comes with a kid. Tell them what I do now, if you want one so badly, since I'm never having one, you need to then to make up for it.

Ugh.. I know how you feel. I'm only 17, but right now I'm pretty set on not having kids when I'm older (not much for ever wanting kids), and mom is always like, "You'll change your mind.. you'll definitely want to have one when you're older!" and everytime I tell her I won't, she has to argue.

Thanks for your responses. It actually came up in training class at the company I work for for a new position. We're a class of 5 people including the trainer. Two people were talking a lot about their kids and the trainer who doesn't have kids but wants kids were talking a lot about it too. I stepped out of line and suddenly said I don't have kids, I have 2 cats and I don't want to have kids and that's when it started and the trainer was just as adamant about me changing my mind one day as me never having kids and she seemed to insist with 100% certainty that I'll change my mind. She said she knew people who talked exactly like me and changed their minds and that she's "been there" and the class was teasing me about this too. So I had this feeling like I had to prove myself to be right and I insisted right back that I know myself and told them, "You're just hoping I'll have kids." They laughed. But of course, we did move on to the purpose of the training class, to learn to verify eligibility for health care benefits. I won't ever bring this topic up again at work and if someone else brings it up I'll keep telling them no. But it did strike a nerve in me because it's not the first time in my life someone said, "You'll change your mind." Once I was at a baby party for my Dad's wife's daughter and it was beautiful, I enjoyed the party. But then the mother of her husband said to me, "You have to get pregnant" with a smile and baby fever in her eyes. I said, "I don't want kids." She said "But you don't mean that. You don't mean never, do you?" I said "never" and she said "Someday you'll change your mind." Then my Dad told me I should just say that I'm going to have kids one day to avoid argument, although he fully supports my decision and doesn't think I should have kids either.

Originally Posted by moggiegirl

Why is it that whenever I say that I don't want to have kids and that I never will, people belittle my lifestyle choice and say "Someday you'll change your mind." Or "I know someone who was exactly like you. She was career oriented and just as passionate and adamant about not having kids as you and one fine day she got pregnant and now she has kids. I've been there." And I say "No, I mean it. I know myself and I'm not having kids, ever." and then I hear "Yeah right, sure, sure, you'll change your mind someday. You never know." And I say, "I do know." And then people like to grab my goat about it.

I may look young for my age, but what people don't get is that I'm not this young 20 something year old who doesn't know what she wants. I am 32 years old. Usually people in their 30s have a better understanding of who they are and what they want and I know myself. I do not want to have kids ever. I just love my cats. I'm a mom to my cats and I will always choose to have cats over children. I must have my furkids. I do want to have a husband without children so we can enjoy our double income household and do all the wonderful things we want and go all the places we want without kids and have all the pleasures of life we want, without kids. I'm selfish. So what? I enjoy having a good job and making a decent amount of money. And I'm not worried about not having anyone to take care of me when I'm old because that's not a reason to have kids. I will join a retirement home and make friends with other old people when I can no longer care for myself. I'm not against having kids, it's just not for me. But people like to insist my statement is wrong and that I will definitely change my mind when I'm older(Even though after 35 it's not reccommended as much and I'm only 2 and a half years away from that age), and they seem to think that choosing not to have kids is unnatural and that my placing value on having cats over having kids is eccentric. But why don't people believe me? There are people who not only say they don't want children, but stay true to that choice their entire lives and I have a very strong gut feeling in me that I'm definitely one of these people because I've been feeling like this for more than a decade and I haven't changed my mind by now and I doubt I'll change my mind by the age of 40 and beyond. I know myself.

Click to expand...

DITTO!

I swear whenever I hear someone say "Oh, you'll change your mind" I just want to rip their throat out. Harsh? Yeah, probably... but it's quite presumptuous of them... and if I do say so, quite condescending of them to think they know me better than I do. I've lived with this body and mind for 26 years. For all of those 26 years I didn't want kids. I didn't even play house when I was younger. And so help me if I could find a Dr. that would sterilize a 26 y/o who has never had kids I would be over there in a minute... but even the doctors won't do it. Why? Because "Oh, you'll change your mind"

#$%& THEM

I dont think we should have to say we will just to shut people up, we are all entitled to our own opinion, and I watched a film about teenagers the other night - not my kind of film, and I did think it was something else, but it really really put me off kids - the main character was a nice, shy kid till she got involved with someone, and ended up stealing, taking drugs, drinking, self harming and poss underage sex. And got the blame at the end of it. So, while I may be able to bring up a kid that is pleasant, you can't choose who they are going to be friends with.
After reading this thread, I am debating saying 'Are you planning to have any cats??'

Admittedly I'm one of those 20 somethings who say they don't want kids, but I KNOW. I've never wanted kids, never played with dolls, don't like other people's kids... I'd be ok with being an Aunt, but only because I can give the kids back to their parents whenever I get annoyed with them. I'm also apparently completely sterile, which helps with those "you'll change your mind" conversations (although my mother still doesn't believe me ) but people then say, but you'll adopt, right?
sigh.
luckily, my BF/fiance feels the same way I do. We're looking forward to the life of a childless-by-choice 30 something couple, vacationing when we want, doing what we want, acting how we want.
and frankly, no offence to anyone with kids, but I don't think I'd want to bring yet another human being into this world...

Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom

DITTO!

I swear whenever I hear someone say "Oh, you'll change your mind" I just want to rip their throat out. Harsh? Yeah, probably... but it's quite presumptuous of them... and if I do say so, quite condescending of them to think they know me better than I do. I've lived with this body and mind for 26 years. For all of those 26 years I didn't want kids. I didn't even play house when I was younger. And so help me if I could find a Dr. that would sterilize a 26 y/o who has never had kids I would be over there in a minute... but even the doctors won't do it. Why? Because "Oh, you'll change your mind"

#$%& THEM

Click to expand...

I tried to get sterilized at the age of 27, and went through the process of planning a leave of absence off work but the doctor denied me for the same reason. So because I was unable to provide clinical proof I didn't get my leave of absence and I guess I can say I was spared a drastic operation but thankfully birth control pills have kept me happily unable to have children and I'll keep taking them until I'm about 40 or so, in a doctor's mind the legal age for sterilization. I think after age 35, we're supposed to switch from high estrogen pills to progesterone only pills because of the risk of blood clots associated with high estrogen birth controls but with the progesterone only you have a slight increased risk of pregnancy. Not to be nosy, but I wonder what some of the women here over 35 use as effective means of birth control. In about 2 and a half years I'll have to start thinking about changing birth control.

Originally Posted by booktigger

I watched a film about teenagers the other night - not my kind of film, and I did think it was something else, but it really really put me off kids - the main character was a nice, shy kid till she got involved with someone, and ended up stealing, taking drugs, drinking, self harming and poss underage sex. And got the blame at the end of it.

Click to expand...

Ohh, I think I know which movie you're talking about. It was actually pretty interesting, in my opinion, but at the same time, I'm seeing people like that everywhere, and that's one of the big reasons I'm not thrilled about having a kid. Definitely not saying all kids turn out that way, but still.. I'd rather not have any.

I agree that it's rude, annoying and intrusive for people to make those sort of comments - they should mind their own business. If they want to have kids they can have them, if I have kids they'll find out sooner or later!

However, the reason people continue to say "you'll change your mind.." is because a lot of people do. Not everyone of course, but many people are adamant in their 20's and early 30's that they don't want kids then change their mind (I've known many - my sister for one). It's only really when you get to your late 30's/early 40's that you know for sure whether you do or don't want kids - when you're facing that biological clock ticking away and know that it's now or never.

I was told i would change my mind as well when i got married. I'm 47 now, still havent changed my mind so it's a good job they didn't hold their breath!

For me personally, i can't wait to have children! I greatly long for those days when i will hopefully be blessed by the wonderful gift of a child. I greatly look foward to the day when i can be a wonderful wife as well . For me, those are things that i sincerly want in my life and look foward too. I recently found out this week that i wasn't pregnant, after a false alarm and was quite upset...it was a hard knock, but it just wasn't ment to be at that point in time./ So having said that, i want to acknowledge that i understand and respect your different wants and goals in life- others should respect them too! It's not fair for you to be constantly tormented over a very personal decision that doesn't concern others. I want children, but i also understand that others do not and that for them, not having a child is the right choice...i wish others would too. I'm sending you lots of vibes! Sounds like you need a hug today sweetie . Keep your chin up, and stand firm even when people bother you about that issue. Maybe you can nicely tell the next person who asks you about your decision not to have children, that your choice is personal, and you feel that you can make more of a difference helping unwanted and abused animals. That is your passion in life and how you feel you can make a difference. Maybe you can explaine to them that you do not have to have children to be "complete". That for you, not having children frees you up to make more of a difference and an impact in this world.

I didn't ever have kids and I am retired. But I've always had cats and dogs and I feel that I have had a rich, rewarding life. I do however have about thirty nephews and nieces which I love to death and the cool thing about that is is that they are not around all the time. Yes, whenever I hear something like "you must not love children" because I chose to never have any, I simply say "I love children, other people's children".

My fiancé and I are leaning towards not having kids and everyone says the same thing to us. They can butt out, it's our life...they won't be here to raise them if we have them and don't want them.

ooh, this makes me so mad!

I am 23, recently married, and personally my biological clock is going haywire every time I see a kid. I want them bad, but we're also in school right now, so realistically I probably won't have one for another 4-6 years. Also, I've always, ever since I was a little girl, felt led to adopt, and my DH's sister is adopted, so I very sincerely doubt I will ever actually give birth-- we intend to adopt any children we do have.

But the decison to have children is not one that anyone has a right to make FOR you, and frankly it's none of their business. I get riled about this because women do not exist solely to procreate... you'd think in this day and age people would "get it", but they still act like something is wrong with you if you chose not to have children.

This even applies when you say you want to adopt... I've heard more than once, "Don't you want your OWN kids?" or, "You'll change your mind and want to have your own kids someday..." Sorry, but my adopted kids WILL be my own kids!

No offense to those who have birth children, but I really don't think we need to keep creating more children in order to "propogate the species." There's plenty of propogation as it is... now there are just a bunch of unwanted kids screaming to be loved. If we can save one kid from the foster care treatment I'll consider my duty on this earth complete (Again, no offense to the wonderful people who open their hearts as foster parents... but the standards are significantly less stringent and abuse is rampant in foster care.)

Uh, but my point is, it's nobody's business but you're own what you chose to do with your life. Frankly I'd much rather you not have children -- if it's truly not what you want, what could be more tragic than a child born into a home of parents who regret their decision?

And I think you should be able to go out and get a hysterectomy tomorrow if you so choose. I've got two friends who are my age and suffering tremendously because of uteral problems--one is a lesbian, one is transgender, and neither of them want kids. They have each been told countless times the only solution to their suffering is to get a hysterectomy. NO DOCTOR will permit either of them to get a hysterectomy because, "you're still of childbearing age and might change your mind."

That is such BULL. Women do not exist solely as babymaking machines. I was under the impression that 18 was the legal age of adulthood and the age at which you are able to make your own medical decisions. For something as crucial as childbearing to be placed in the hands of someone other than the individual in question flat-out disgusts me. We are grown adults with the ability to think and perceive and decide what we want out of life, we are NOT children to be "protected" from making poor choices.

I say if someone decides they want a hysterectomy, gets it and later regrets it, then they made a poor decision and life goes on--that's part of being an adult. You can always adopt -- I guess for some people that's not the same, but it's a part of being an adult that you do things you sometimes regret and suffer the consequences. But just because someone could make a poor choice doesn't mean the choice should not be made available, at all times, to all adults, everywhere.

Sorry, but this just Ts me off. Next time someone says you'll change your mind about having kids, tell them you're sure someday they'll change theirs!

That whole hysterectomy thing is bull, I think it's up to the person. That would make me sooo angry.

You know what really gets me about the whole thing... It's almost like since I'm female I'm obligated to breed. And you know, while women may be built for it, giving birth is a dangerous thing. Not that many years ago dying during childbirth wasn't a rarity and it's still not as rare as you would think today.

I admit, this whole birth thing is a sore spot for me lately. You see my cousin gave birth 10 days ago. Two days ago she was brought to the hospital for post partum hemmoraging. They tried a bunch of medications, a DNC and finally a hystorectomy (please pardon me if I am spelling any of this wrong). After the hystorectomy the doctor informed my aunt that my cousin almost bled out on the table. She is still in intensive care - and today is her 27th birthday.

But the reality of this possibility never gets told to you when your MIL is holding up a toddler dress going "Isn't it so cute? You'll change your mind someday."

I write this not to get everyone down, because as of this afternoon she has shown some improvement, so things are looking up. My point is simply that birth has a lot more to it than just "the miracle of life". It has very real dangers. The most recent statistics I could find is that in the US 1 in 10,000 die in childbirth every year - which doesn't include those like my cousin who didn't die, but came very close to it. Now match that number to the millions of people we have in the US and that is a scary statistic.

So yes... I find it downright insulting that I am expected to breed, risking death or injury for a child I wouldn't even want just because I have ovaries. And I still would like to know when the plans for my internal organs became anyone else's business anyway.

(Ugh... I can't help it.. I'm pretty bitter about this topic and it's been a bad day.)

I get the same crap all the time. I told a nurse at the hospital that I wasn't having any more and she said 'Oh if I had a nickel for every time someone said that and then ended up back here...' Well the difference is that I meant it and they didn't! 4 years later I'm still sure! A man has nothing to do with it, I'm married to the father of my daughter and he's a great dad. I just plain don't want more kids! Everyone tells me I don't know that, I'll change my mind, etc, and well SORRY BUT I DO KNOW WHAT I WANT! If I had the money and could find a Dr that would do it at my age (25, one kid) I'd get fixed. It's annoying and I tend to get rude with people about it because I'm just so tired of hearing that!

Originally Posted by Moz

Although I'm pretty much half the age of the OP, I know I won't have kids. I've known that since I was little and everyone had toy dolls and pretended that they were their babies. I'd rather adopt, or just stick to cats.

Click to expand...

I know...I'm 19 & I will NEVER have kids. I find myself getting angry too easily at children, they seem to irritate me. Dogs and cats mature so quickly, I like that. Kids learn so slow... I do not have the maternal instinct or patience to have kids, and that's that. *shrugs*