Someday you'll change your mind. No I won't!!!

Why is it that whenever I say that I don't want to have kids and that I never will, people belittle my lifestyle choice and say "Someday you'll change your mind." Or "I know someone who was exactly like you. She was career oriented and just as passionate and adamant about not having kids as you and one fine day she got pregnant and now she has kids. I've been there." And I say "No, I mean it. I know myself and I'm not having kids, ever." and then I hear "Yeah right, sure, sure, you'll change your mind someday. You never know." And I say, "I do know." And then people like to grab my goat about it.

I may look young for my age, but what people don't get is that I'm not this young 20 something year old who doesn't know what she wants. I am 32 years old. Usually people in their 30s have a better understanding of who they are and what they want and I know myself. I do not want to have kids ever. I just love my cats. I'm a mom to my cats and I will always choose to have cats over children. I must have my furkids. I do want to have a husband without children so we can enjoy our double income household and do all the wonderful things we want and go all the places we want without kids and have all the pleasures of life we want, without kids. I'm selfish. So what? I enjoy having a good job and making a decent amount of money. And I'm not worried about not having anyone to take care of me when I'm old because that's not a reason to have kids. I will join a retirement home and make friends with other old people when I can no longer care for myself. I'm not against having kids, it's just not for me. But people like to insist my statement is wrong and that I will definitely change my mind when I'm older(Even though after 35 it's not reccommended as much and I'm only 2 and a half years away from that age), and they seem to think that choosing not to have kids is unnatural and that my placing value on having cats over having kids is eccentric. But why don't people believe me? There are people who not only say they don't want children, but stay true to that choice their entire lives and I have a very strong gut feeling in me that I'm definitely one of these people because I've been feeling like this for more than a decade and I haven't changed my mind by now and I doubt I'll change my mind by the age of 40 and beyond. I know myself.

Well I believe you.
Sheesh, why dont other people believe you is what I dont get.
You've got your mind made up, you've made it clear..What's not to believe?

I guess lots of people do think they never want kids, but when they meet the "right person", they change their mind.

It's certainly very rude of people to be so insensitive of the way you want to live your life!

Your not alone.

Don't let them bother you ,its your life,live it the way YOU want.

People like that really irritate me ,They are so wrapped up in 'family' and having babies they can't see that they are living their lives because thats what 'society' expects of them.Thats a sad life to live.I pity them

I find that most people who have children think EVERYBODY should have kids. Almost everyone at my work has kids. I'm one of the very few who don't. That's why I really can't take much part in the conversations that go on around me. They're always talking about their kids. I don't mean to be a grinch. I'm just radically different from them.

I'm totally there with you, moggiegirl. People talk about their kids and I talk about my cats!

I hate that sort of smug smile, where they think they know better than you and they say "you'll change your mind".

I'm 27 years old and positive that I don't want kids. I'd have myself irreversibly sterilized tomorrow if I could. It's not that I don't like children. I look forward to being an aunt if/when my siblings choose to become parents, but I just don't want to do it myself. I know myself, and I know that parenting isn't for me.

Originally Posted by moggiegirl

I find that most people who have children think EVERYBODY should have kids. Almost everyone at my work has kids. I'm one of the very few who don't. That's why I really can't take much part in the conversations that go on around me. They're always talking about their kids. I don't mean to be a grinch. I'm just radically different from them.

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Yeah you have a life...which still involves a lot of things they have forgot about
Just stick around like minded people at work...you'll be a lot happier.

After all they are only talking about getting puke stains from their shirts,nappies,fever,
the best baby lotion,how do you clean your babies ears.....etc.....etc....boring ....
.....

God I nearly fell asleep then

A lot of the people I worked with talked nothing but 'babies'
When I asked my friend who had a baby why she talks to them about babies.....she said...'well there isn't anything else to talk about'.......NUFF said .....

Well, I do understand and respect people's love for their children. They are after all their mother's life, their pride and joy. Maybe I'm out of line, suddenly saying at my workplace among child loving people that I don't have kids and don't want kids. It's like if we were in a circle talking about our cats and someone suddenly said that they never want to have cats ever. How would we feel? Not that there is anything wrong with their decision but maybe we would feel that they weren't placing any respected value on our pride and joy. So I should probably learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes.

Originally Posted by furryferals

People like that really irritate me

,They are so wrapped up in 'family' and having babies they can't see that they are living their lives because thats what 'society' expects of them.Thats a sad life to live.I pity them

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Although I'm pretty much half the age of the OP, I know I won't have kids. I've known that since I was little and everyone had toy dolls and pretended that they were their babies. I'd rather adopt, or just stick to cats.

of course it is your choice to have or not to have.
I have been having this fight with the wife,

how i like kids, i dont want any. she does.
I have told her from day 1 that i did not want kids or at most 1. She is back to i want 3.

i think many people do indeed expect women to want to have kids, well everyone is different. being different in actions or in looks is going to make people notice.

One of my best female friends for years said she never wanted kids, but after getting married for the first time at 38 she had her first and last.

Anyway if people choose to be different in looks or actions from what people see as the normal that is just the way socity does it. When we make the choice to be different you also need to get a little bit of a thick skin.

been dealing with being different my whole life, so you kinda get used to it.

We have had a thread about this recently, and I Am one of the people who knows I dont want kids (to the extent I Would be sterlised if only they would let me!! Not allowed at 24 apparently!!) and it does irritate me immensley when people are judgmental and think they know me better than I know myself. I am the kind of person who will deliberately never change my mind just to prove people wrong!! I wouldnt get upset at someone never wanting cats though, as it is a personal preference.

Don't worry what other people think, it's none of their business anyways.

Try not to let it get to you, it's really none of their business. They are the same people who ask women they've only just met, who don't have children, 'Is it because you don't want any, or you can't?'

They are rude, and ignorant, and there's nothing you can do to enlighten them. My advice is when it's unavoidable, just say something like 'I'm a very private person, I don't discuss my private life'.

Originally Posted by Miss Mew

Don't worry what other people think, it's none of their business anyways.

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I hate the 'you don't have kids yet?' questions I get, even from relatives, particularly the ones in Ireland who haven't realised there is a life outside parenthood and marriage. My sisters are not helping by both having babies before they are 20, but at least my nephew (and niece on the way) keep the family busy. Its like they 'need' a baby in the family, even if they don't visit my sister, that baby has to be in the family

Just ignore them, and if they carry on, you can choose who you do and do not want to be friends with. If its a one time meeting with a person, brush it off as them just not knowing you and try not to think about it again as you probably wont have to speak to them again, and if it is a friend, explain to them that you would prefer they unstand that you can make your own decisions.

I have found the easierst way of getting past the conversation is just saying 'perhaps but perhaps not' although with my aunt I told her I would prefer not to be stuck in a life, hating my bratty children for getting me stuck there and not enjoying life... she doesn't speak to me anymore but I was fed up at 19 of the hurry up, get married and have kids conversations.

Who cares what they think. Im sure there not really trying to upset or offend you. They just don't understand is all.

Originally Posted by moggiegirl

It's like if we were in a circle talking about our cats and someone suddenly said that they never want to have cats ever. How would we feel?

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It actually doesn't bother me at all when that happens. Some people just don't like cats or are so allergic that there's no way they could have one without both of them suffering (or have had a bad childhood experience with one). I don't think there is anything wrong with them or their decision and I don't see it as a lack of respect toward cats, just a lack of preference (if that makes any sense).

Originally Posted by moggiegirl

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I don't get that as much after I stopped giving serious responses to that (nosy) question.

The people asking are always total strangers, most of whom don't even know my name. Since when was "Are you ____s girlfriend? When're you two going to get married and have kids?" an appropriate introductory conversation?

"Hi, let me pry into your personal life and nag you about your life decisions" gives a horrible first impression, in my opinion.

It's gotten so bad for DH and I, I've started making up things to make people stop asking. I've also said that I do have a child, he's 30, and I don't want any others (in reference to DH and his toy obsession). In reality don't worry about what other people think or say about you not wanting children. If it gets too personal, then tell them to back off.

I just never understood why it's such a big deal to other people what you do with your life. THis is a decision that only you and your spouse need to concern yourselves with, not everyone in the free world.

DF (I guess he'd be...fiance? Anyone?) and I are very much on the fence leaning towards "no kids". When people ask, we usually just omit which side of said fence we're leaning towards

It s YOUR life and they shouldnt be so concerned... I love toddlers and preschool age kids but I aint having my own I will barrow someone elses /// I have kids ... one canine one feline a feline sister , my fish and MY Mom ..