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post #1 of 2
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So, this could be really snivelly and low of me. I could be overbearing and witchy. But it's upsetting me nonetheless.

So, Ian is getting home froma 2.5 month internship in New York on Saturday. I've seen him twice this summer. Once, I went out to New York for a week. He could only get off one day of work that week, so we spent evenings together: I took what I could get. He flew back in Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon for my 21st bday 2 weeks ago, which of course was this big ol' dog and pony show and there were family and out-of-town guests and whatnot...we got one night together that weekend.

Now, his original plan was this: He gets in Saturday. H e was going to come home, spend Saturday and Sunday and Monday morning with me. Then, he was going to go out and take a trip to Michigan with his parents and brother and inevitably drop his brother off at college (it's his borther's freshamn year). he would them get back Wednesday night and we have tickets to a Cubs game (not my idea...HE is the Flubs fan, not yours truly.) So, it was going to be all peachy keen.

Well, now his mother, who I normally adore, has dumped a bunch of other family committments on him. He has a family BBQ on Saturday, his brother's "last supper" as they are calling it on Sunday and now they want to leave early Monday. We had plans, so Ian is offering to take the train back on Saturday night...miss dinner but catch the movie and back to his parents' house on Sunday to get the dinner and back out to the city a few hours later so we can get to the benefit for my rescue (late, again) and then take the train back out to the burbs again on Monday for the trip. That's the best he can muster.

Granted, the reason I am so stressed out about this is because I have an audition coming up that I am absolutely scrambling to prepare for and his mom might be crazed because she's about to become an empty nester...and we're all just nuts.

But to me, this isn't fair and has larger implications. Isn't it normal for people our age (we're 21) to cut the apron strings and stop doing each and every little family thing with our parents? Since we're engaged, doesn't this mean that OUR relationship is the most significant familial relationship we have in our lives? I mean, my parents live like an hour away and I still only see them every 2 or 3 months. I don't know. I feel like I'm the one getting screwed over here. We've had the benefit on the calendar for months and our date on the calendar since my birthday....

Who knows. Maybe I'm being too possessive. Feel free to give me the what-for if i am and maybe I'll snap out of it.
post #2 of 2
I think if it were just an ordinary family dinner, I would be very put out that he would rearrange plans, but seeing as how this is a final send-off for his little brother before college, I can understand why he would attend. I do think that you are completely justified in feeling miffed at your plans being rearranged, but at the same time, I think Ian seems like he's trying pretty hard to make things work. That's a whole heck of a lot of travelling he's doing in a short amount of time. And then coming at a stressful point in your life as well, I think its understandable that you're not too happy about it, no matter how hard he's trying.

I would talk to him and explain how you feel about the situation, and ask if he could skip one family function, say the barbeque, to spend time with you. Or, if you're comfortable with asking it, maybe his mom could make it lunch or an early dinner, out of respect for your previous plans so that you won't be late (or as late) for your benefit? Or if none of those sound appealing, you could try and remind yourself that this is just one weekend, and you'll have him to yourself after that. But in any case, I would definately talk to him about how you feel about your family (the two of you) in relation to your respective families, and let him know that while you appreciate that he needs to spend time with his family, you're his family now and you don't always feel like you're first in his life. I don't know if any of that made sense, but I hope it helped!
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