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post #31 of 45
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much. You know, it's funny. I ride a Harley, I'm a "biker-chick" and in general, I'm not easily intimidated. In fact, I'm always accused of being the intimidating one because I have a strong personality and I take no crap from folks.

However, as a formerly abused woman, when facing a man in a rage, knowing full well that this makes him unpredictable, I turn inward seeking protection, thereby coming across as vulnerable and a victim.

The fact that I've been hit in the face by a man in a similar rage changes what would be the normal dynamic. And especially since this incident took place in my office environment leaves me feeling even more powerless, because I do not have any authority over this coworker.

Update: a female coworker reported to me that she saw the boss go into this guy's office and that there was a closed-door conversation. The boss has left for the day, and has not directly confirmed to me that he addressed the issue with the coworker.

So far today I have managed to avoid any direct contact with the jerk, but as our office is SO small, I know that this is a small blessing that can't continue.

Obviously, the guy isn't being let go, and I can only assume that he received a warning, verbal rather than written. This makes me very glad that I reported the rage incident to the police on Friday, so my back is covered if there is any repeat occurrance and I need to call for assistance.

I really hate it when parts of my life are not in my own control!!!

Thanks again for all your support!
post #32 of 45
Bless your heart. I'm sorry he didn't let the guy go..he definitely should have after the turmoil he has caused. I'm soo sorrt to hear about your current work situation. If it's any consulation- i worke at a hotel for almost 2-3 yrs...i know what raging people are all about. I agree with a previous poster- keep a small bottle of pepper spray with you- it will ease your mind a little that if something happens, you know you have a way to somewhat defend yourself. Keep you chin up honey. I'm sending you lots of good vibes!
post #33 of 45
I had a similar situation with a co-worker a couple of months ago. I work the graveyard shilft, and he is the 1st person in, in the morning. I work alone with him for about 45 minutes to an hour. Now, mind you, I didn't do a bloody thing to this guy. However, he took major offense to where I'd parked my car the night before. Now, it wasn't in HIS spot, but in a spot he likes to use on Fridays. He came in to the office, screaming and cursing at me, wanting to know why I parked my car there. I tried to explain that I didn't want to get blocked in, and the boss who is the person who usually blocks me in, does not like to move his car for me, in the morning. So, I parked in that spot so as not to cause any trouble for anyone, including myself.

He called me every name in the book, told me how I was inconsiderate, and a ME, ME, ME, person. He just WOULDN'T STOP. Finally, I sent him a note via computer telling him, "he could be the nicest person in the world (which is true), but there are times, when he can be really cruel" He came back at me, and cursed me out. He told me to shut my (bleep) mouth, but he continued to harp on me, saying I was stupid. Telling me that I would never be invited to his home again, blah blah blah.. I stood up, and I raised my voice, and said, "You told me to shut my mouth, which I'm doing, now YOU shut your mouth, too." However, at the end of it, I told him, I was sorry that I had upset him, and that I didn't want to fight. I hated myself for days, for doing that, because I hadn't done a THING to him. I was going to be getting off work at 8am and he could move his car, if he wanted to. However, he always has to move his car anyway, at that time, because the space belongs to one of the other tenants in the building.

Anyway, I haven't spoken to him since that time, and he hasn't spoken to me. At least I'm not being attacked. At least not to my face, anyway.
post #34 of 45
Thread Starter 
Well, I thought my boss was gone for the day, but I was wrong. As I was headed out at 2:30 to go grab a sandwich to bring back to my desk, he told me that when I got back that he wanted to talk with me.

So off I go to get lunch, now my stomach is doing butterflies again. I figure my best bet is to sit down with the boss before trying to eat, but no, the boss tells me to go eat first, then we'll chat.

So I take my sandwich back to my desk, open it, and can't eat a single bite - the smell is making me ill, and it's a sandwich I eat often, just roast beef w/mayo.

This was more than an hour ago. I haven't eaten a thing, my boss hasn't said boo about talking with me, my stomach is STILL in a knot, and I'm just feeling miserable.

I had to put a call through to the coworker, and I'm keeping my tone as normal as possible, and in return I get a curt tone. Lovely.

Now I'm wondering what on earth the boss is going to say - wouldn't be surprised if the jerk tried to turn it around and blame it on me somehow. That's another thing that abusers are famous for - not taking responsibility for their own actions, especially when they are out of line.

I'm so messed up over this emotionally. I know I have to get my resume together and start job hunting again, no question about it, regardless of what transpires here.

Well, here's hoping that the boss has only good things to say to me, and that things get better around here, at least for the short term!!!
post #35 of 45
Oh I'm sorry this is so stressful for you...........lot's of good vibes headed your way!!
post #36 of 45
Good Luck!

I'm surprised that he didn't make the guy apologize to you. Of course like what you said though, abusers rarely take responsibility for their own actions.

Keep us posted!!
post #37 of 45
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunasmom View Post
Good Luck!

I'm surprised that he didn't make the guy apologize to you. Of course like what you said though, abusers rarely take responsibility for their own actions.

Keep us posted!!
Actually, this is exactly what I said to my boss about that:
Please understand that a simple apology is not acceptable, nor do I want one from him, as it will not change what has occurred. Abusive people are famous for making apologies that mean nothing. They explode, they apologize, then they are okay for a little while, then bang, they explode again when you least expect it.

What I would like is to be able to come into the office every day without fear that a minor comment such as "you didn't check off monochrome on the printer" is going to cause an explosive and scary situation. I shouln't have to worry about being made victim to someone else's misplaced and mismanaged anger.


Therefore, I'm not surprised that there hasn't been an apology. I'm still waiting to see what the boss has to say now...
post #38 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by GingersMom View Post
Actually, this is exactly what I said to my boss about that:
Please understand that a simple apology is not acceptable, nor do I want one from him, as it will not change what has occurred. Abusive people are famous for making apologies that mean nothing. They explode, they apologize, then they are okay for a little while, then bang, they explode again when you least expect it.

What I would like is to be able to come into the office every day without fear that a minor comment such as "you didn't check off monochrome on the printer" is going to cause an explosive and scary situation. I shouln't have to worry about being made victim to someone else's misplaced and mismanaged anger.


Therefore, I'm not surprised that there hasn't been an apology. I'm still waiting to see what the boss has to say now...

You did right that. I remember now
post #39 of 45
Quote:
Originally Posted by GingersMom View Post
I don't like feeling this way AT ALL. I don't like feeling scared that a coworker may hit me. I don't like being afraid that he'll throw something at me.

Oh my - what would you do if you were me???
Actually I prefer hitting than emotional abuse, because hitting is easy to prove and emotional abuse is not. If he actually hits you you would get vindication much easier.

I feel sorry for your situation and I can offer no advice.
post #40 of 45
I'm just catching up with this thread... Are you okay and did things turn out alright??

Sending lots of vibes your way.
post #41 of 45
If your boss hasn't talked with you by now, definitely approach him on it. Technically it sounds like you were suppose to talk to him right after you got back to lunch yesterday.

Hmmm...let us know!!
post #42 of 45
Thread Starter 
Well, here's what the boss said. He talked to the jerk, let him know his behavior is unacceptable. As I figured, the guy tried to make out like it was my fault, and that I essentially attacked him about the printer setting.

Riiiiighht.

So he has been told not to let it happen again. That's it.

I was told not to communicate with the jerk about anything office equipment related from now on, to only communicate if it is regular business (read: sales) issues. Any office equip issues are to be handled through the office manager, who is only here part time.

Fine with me. This won't work of course, because she's not here all day, but I'll do my part and keep my mouth SEALED. If he asks me ANY equipment related issues, my response will be, talk to so and so. Plain & simple.

I asked my boss, so what do I do when this happens again? Because it WILL, given time. He told me to not only walk away, but to actually leave the office, go home, and call him immediately. So that's what I'm going to do. And I'm going to confirm what he told me in writing to him as well, just so I have it documented.

I'm still disgusted, because the atmosphere here is now going to be palpable, and I can no longer come to work every day without fear.

At present, the jerk is doing his best to pretend that I don't exist, and I'm totally cool with that. I just hope his wife didn't wind up paying the price, if you know what I mean.

I'm a grown-up, and can absolutely act like one, so despite the fact that I have no choice now but to enter a potentially hostile environment every time I step into my office, I am going to take the highest road I can find to walk upon.

I'm also going to do some research on harrassment laws in MA. Just CYA. Or in my case, CMA.

I also spoke to my mentor last night and she's ready to help me redo my resume so that I'll be prepared for whatever. I may even start the hunt - you don't find opportunity unless you look for it, right?

In the meantime, here in this office, I will silently bide my time...

I'm doing okay today, and I truly thank you all for your supportive comments. I'm so glad I found TCS - cat people rock!
post #43 of 45
Well at least some conversations took place. I think your boss gave some good advice about how to handle yourself if the situation arises again.

At my old job my superviosr (how he got that position is anyone's guess!!) never stuck up for any of us to mgmt on any matter. He knew that I had a hard time dealing wth him as I was much older than him and he didn't know our job positions/workload of any of his staff-basically a jerk. There would be days where I wouldn't speak to him-he wasn't interested in my life-his small talk drove me nuts!! We had a few closed door talks about my attitude towards him and how our dept was being managed (I'm not a yes person) -but several months before my office closed I think he saw the writing on the wall about his future with the company and LEFT!!! The person who took his place until the office closed was the person who should have had that job all along-the whole atmosphere changed for the better in the office-more happy faces!!

So let thinks settle down and handle them the way the boss said (give it a try)
Remember you did not do anything wrong. You just reported a bad situtation.
post #44 of 45
Call the cops the next time he does that. It is illegal to act in such a threatening manor and he shouldn't be allowed to do it again.
post #45 of 45
I'm sorry things didn't get more resolved for you.

I hope either the job hunt goes amazingly well, or the nasty guy at your office leaves soon.
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