Advice on Comforting a friend

Ok. I have this friend that is a mutual friend between Lee and I. He met this girl that is about 3 years younger than him. He is 19 and she is 16. There starts the problem IMO. He wants a serious relationship. He wants to be with the girl he is going to marry. He doesn't want to date just any girl. Last night she broke up with him. He is devastated. I don't think he slept a wink because he called us at 5:45 this morning. I just got off the phone with him becuase she won't even talk to him. He was bawling. I fell so bad seeing him like this becuase honestly I didn't think it was going to work out because she is still in HS and in the environment where the girls change boyfriends like they do nail polish.

So my question really is. How do I comfort my friend in his time of need. What can I tell him to help him understnad there are other fish in the sea and the right one is probably standing right in front of him he just doesn't know it yet?

Well...at this point he is probably too upset to hear anything logical (i.e. more fish in the sea). At this point he just needs a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear. Which it sounds like you are providing wonderfully. When things have calmed down, and he's thinking a little more rationale, you might want to try and offer some words of wisdom then.

Well I told him that she is young and yada yada. I htink he is really upset because now she won't even talk to him. He just siad he wanted to hear a girls point of view. I told him to wait a few days and when his emotions calmed down then to try to talk to her again and find out why she broke up with him. But I did tell him that we are there for him when he needs us. Poor guy. I have never really seen a guy that emotional over a break up. I couldn't understand 1/2 of what he was saying because he was crying so hard.

If she suddenly broke up with him and is not talking to him, I wonder if her parents told her that she couldn't date him anymore. My parents had a hard time when I dated a guy 3 years older than me in high school (I was 14, he was 17...but he was more interested in computers than es, ee, ex) so it's likely that's what happened.

How long had they been together? It sounds like he's awfully attached to her.... I would really try to get him to see that she's a sophmore in high school.... he is a grown man now... she is taking SAT's....he's (hopefully) going to college/in the work force.... she is not on his level, and he needs to find someone on his level of life/maturity/relationships....even from a legal stand point... I always think of the what if's....what if she decided to act like a bratty 16 year old and accuse him of something? what if she consented, and then felt bad about it, and recanted her story, causing him to be in trouble? what if she consented, and her parents found out and tried to press charges? you never know now-a-days.... Also, tell him, that at 16 your not going to find the person your going to marry.... even at 19 it's a long shot.... then just give him some ego stroking... "your a great catch, you'll find someone"... and keep his social calendar busy so he doesn't have time to dwell on the past... good luck!!!

Thanks guys. I talked to her. She says she just doesn't see them working out. They fight a lot (age difference IMO) and he gets jealous when she goes and hangs with friends.

I really think he bases his relationship on what Lee and I have. We spend a lot of time togheter and that is what he wants. Neither one of us really hang with a lot of people other than eachother because we just don't want to. I think D-Ray is going to be ok in a few days.

Originally Posted by Phenomsmom

Thanks guys. I talked to her. She says she just doesn't see them working out. They fight a lot (age difference IMO) and he gets jealous when she goes and hangs with friends.

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That's not good. She's 16; she needs to hang out with her friends!

I hope your friends feels better soon though.

Why is it that people are in such a rush to get married and/or have babies?? Geeez, I'm 37 and have yet to find the girl I'm going to marry.

He has ALOT of time to find her. For now, just be there for him.