Facing a deployment

crystal211

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My fiancÃ[emoji]169[/emoji], Erik told me yesterday that they're being deployed for a year early 2007 (January/February time period). I JUST got here (after a year and a half separation due to me finishing up college)...and now we get like 6 months together and then we have to be apart again for another year and a half.

I'm moving home to Cleveland. Fayetteville is a hell hole and the only reason I'm here is because of him. My dad owns properties and he has an open house he was going to sell...but I'll be living in it until Erik gets out of the Army (mid-2008), when we buy our own house. When he gets back, he'll only have about 6 months left in the Army, so there'd be no point in me moving back here.

This is my worst nightmare and I'm so lost and upset and overwhelmed...I just need a hug.

Thank you in advance for dealing with me and helping me through this. Another member on here mentioned that others here have been through deployments, so hopefully you'll have some words of wisdom for me.
 

babyharley

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Originally Posted by icklemiss21

There's not much more I can say than that


My brother's g/f just got deployed, so we're dealing with the same thing.

We're always here for you!
 

joanne511

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Sorry to hear that. I was a Navy brat, so I can relate from that perspective. My dad was gone for sometimes years at a time with only a couple of short breaks in between. I'm sure it was harder for my mom than we realized.

 

lookingglass

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Awwww.... hugs and love to you!

PS Welcome back to Cleveland! There are a lot of TCS members in good old NE Ohio. When you get back we could drown your sorrow on West 6th or in Tremont if you would like.
 

gemlady

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My baby cousin's group should be heading home in October. (He just got promoted to captain.
)
 

beckiboo

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My ex-husband was in the Navy...during one 3 year period of time, he was gone for a total of 2 years. It was so difficult! You are wise to be moving home. Thank him for his service to the country, and thank you for keeping the home fires burning for him, even if you do it your way back home!
 

krazy kat2

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You are smart to not stay in Fayetteville. I lived in that hellhole for 3 months, and it was the longest 3 months of my life. You are fortunate to have the opportunity to go home and have a place to live waiting for you. I talk to wives, fiance's, girlfriends or deployed Marines almost every day, and I feel so bad for them. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to have the one you love in harm's way. Best of luck to both of you, sending out thoughts and prayers.
 
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crystal211

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Originally Posted by krazy kat2

You are smart to not stay in Fayetteville. I lived in that hellhole for 3 months, and it was the longest 3 months of my life. You are fortunate to have the opportunity to go home and have a place to live waiting for you. I talk to wives, fiance's, girlfriends or deployed Marines almost every day, and I feel so bad for them. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to have the one you love in harm's way. Best of luck to both of you, sending out thoughts and prayers.
I'm glad someone else agrees! I don't know many people down here, but no one likes it here. I'd go crazy on my own, the only thing keeping me sane here is Erik.


Thanks again everyone for your kind words.
 

bella713

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Oh I can't even imagined being faced with this, all I can say is enjoy every minute you have with each other till he goes.
And continue to come on here and we will help as best we can!
 
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crystal211

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Ever since he told me, we've been fighting and having such issues (since Friday). We had a HUGE fight last night and both ended up crying and venting our frustrations about the deployment and how we don't want it to happen. We promised to take advantage of every day until he leaves...we had no problems with fighting up until this weekend (minus the occasional spat).

I used to belong to a forum for wives of soldiers and I heard this is common. I hope we can overcome it and worry together, not AT each other.
 

AbbysMom

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Crystal, I am very sorry to hear about this. Aren't you getting married soon also? I would imagine the combined stress has to be overwhelming.


We do have a few members that have gone, and are going through this. They would often post about their feelings. Our members are very good about offering an ear, or a shoulder to cry on.
 

MoochNNoodles

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Oof..a year is a long time. My husband just finished his enlistment in the Air Force about 5 or 6 months ago. He was deployed once to Afghanistan and twice to Iraq during our dating and then married relationship. Honestly, coming on here all last summer kept me sane. I can't really say what will help you get through it but I'll tell you some of the things I did for me and for DH, because I always thought he was paying a greater sacrifice than I ever did.

One thing I did for DH was I sent him with a huge stack of cards. I numbered each one for each week. (his deployments were only 4 months so I could do them all at once) I would write inside each one some kind of message telling him how much I loved him and things I'd like to do together when he got back, things like hiking in TN and that sort of stuff. I also sent him with a card for every holiday. The company I work for comes out with a calendar every year and they put all these wacky holidays and things in it so I just chose some of those, sort of spaced out evenly and sent cards. I also sent him with what I called an 'Emergency Fund' of cards. Basically just undated cards again with messages of how much I love him and how proud of him that I am.

I used to work at Hallmark when we were first dating so I'm pretty familiar with their stores. I bought a lot of the cards from the Warm Wishes section ($.99 cards). I got Shoebox ones to make him laugh too. For the holiday ones I sometimes had to find a plain one and modify it. For example, for Christmas I bought one that had a cookie smiling on the front and just drew a santa hat on him and that sort of stuff. I was also able to ask the manager if they had any leftover stock from last holiday they could sell. I know that doesn't usually work with Hallmark because of their tracking systems and things but it's worth asking! You might want to start getting holday cards that are out now for next year so you have them and can send them with him/mail them out in plenty of advance. Now you all know why I am a preferred gold card crown holder!
Oh during the last deployment they also had a section of patriotic cards. Everything from plain flag ones to ones welcoming soldiers home to just everything. I recent found one of those I was supposed to give him when he got home and never even signed!


Some other things I did were really simple. For #1, and this I think is very important!, I did not watch any new or read any newspapers, etc. They will only bring down your mood and fill your mind with negativity and fear! You are not supporting him by keeping up with the news because I know soldiers who have witnessed things in Iraq and then gone and read articles and they have told me things were completely different than the media was portraying it to be! So that is my biggest piece of deployment survival advice, DON'T WATCH/READ ANY NEWS!!!

Another thing I did was to buy a journal and write to him every night. (or most every night) I'd just talk to him on paper. It helped to get the feelings out and plus now DH has those books to read whenever he wants. You could even mail them to him at his APO address. I used to send DH small boxes of things and of course add in more cards and what not. Having that to read might make it easier on him. But of course if you use the journal to vent your frustrations and things, then that wouldn't help. Maybe keep a second journal for that kind of stuff.

I also made myself a list of goals for while he was away. I did everything from make a list of books I planed to read to redecorating the house. I totally redid his study on him during one deployment. It was definitely a labor of love. Interior Design is my thing, but his style is much different than mine!

Lets see....oh! If it gets overwhelming, don't be afraid to get a counselor to talk to. Keep up a support system with your friends and family too. You can't support him if you don't take care of yourself. DH's first deployment to Iraq kinda tore me up and he didn't know I was seeing a counselor till he got back but it did help. I also learned this important lesson: it's easier to fight to keep yourself out of a pit of misery than to climb back out. Not saying you would react the way I did (feeling sorry for myself, dwelling in the loneliness, shutting everyone out, etc) but that is what I learned the hard way a few years ago.

What seemed to help me a lot last time was my girls! DH and I adopted them 1 week before he left. I grew up with cats but my last one died three weeks after we got married. DH is also allergic to cats so when he deployed a short time later I was really alone in the house. During the last deployment I had my job (where I was fortunate enough to have very supportive co-workers) and most importantly my kitties. Mooch and Noodles were so small and doing all those wonderful kitten things. They filled the void left by loosing my Glory and Tiger and they sure kept me busy too!

I can't think of anything else right now but I'll add on later if I think of something. Remember, us TCSers are here for you!
 
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crystal211

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Originally Posted by AbbysMom

Crystal, I am very sorry to hear about this. Aren't you getting married soon also? I would imagine the combined stress has to be overwhelming.
We're getting married October 28. I've been EXTREMELY stressed about that, trying to get everything done. Needless to say, it would have been nice until after the wedding to hear about htis.
 
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crystal211

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Thanks for the wonderful post, MoochNNoodles.

I can identify with the cards/letters thing. We went through a year and a half separation due to his training and going to his first duty station because I had to finish up college. When he was at Basic and AIT, I'd write him letters everyday telling him about everything that went on, and I'd send them every 2-3 days so he was constantly getting mails. When he was able to receive them, I sent wonderful care packages, too (I know he'll be getting lots of both of these!).

Thanks for the advice about the news...I was already planning on staying away from it, but the situation where the news was different from what actually happened is interesting.

A journal is a great idea. I wrote in mine for myself when he was gone before, and I know I'll be going back to that. I've told him he's welcome to read it anytime he wants. I also made him a webpage where I put up pictures and such...I'll be doing that again, I know he loved looking at that and always got excited when I updated it.

And for goals...I wanted to lose weight when he was at training...I lost 25 pounds! It gave me something to focus on. I got into Tae Bo, and let me tell you that Billy Blanks is one of the motivational people in the world and it got to the point sometimes where I would break down in tears because I was so happy he was "there" for me during the workouts...he really knows how to say the right thing when you're at your breaking point.

Not saying you would react the way I did (feeling sorry for myself, dwelling in the loneliness, shutting everyone out, etc) but that is what I learned the hard way a few years ago.
I started out the same way when he went to training...but then figured out I DID have to fight to keep myself out of that horrible pit.



Overall, I'm glad I had to deal with him leaving for training, that was the hardest thing ever...no contact with him for 10 weeks of Basic Training was terrible. I talked to him on the phone about 3-4 times I think that whole time. I'm hoping bringing back memories of that time will help me through this.

Again, thanks for your supportive words...it's good to know people who have been through this.
 
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