Looking for suggestins!

Hi everyone...

I have several posts in "Behavior" regarding my problem and have received some good advice but I want other opionins on a piticular item..
I'm hoping the amount of people in the lounge may have some suggestions...
Please ...I am desperate!

I have 2 cats. 5 & 6 yrs old.
last month I introduced a newbie. 3 yr old. All fixed, all have claws. I did the seperation process and maybe moved a bit quick to get them together but things seemed ok for a while. The newbie was a show cat and is very friendly. He is fearless and in-your-face! In a good way unless your another cat I guess...
My cats didn't know what to do as he would walk up to their face no hesitation at all. My cats went after him (not toghether) at different times. Since then, HE chases them EVERY time I put them toghther.
The are totaly seperated during the day. I feel awfull keeping him in a seperate room. When I bring him up to the main part of the house, I lock up the other 2 but the newbiw hangs mostly by their door.
I tried Feliway, Vanilla to even their scent. Feeding together, that worked but the second they were done eating, one would walk away and the other would stalk and that was it.. Not just a little fight, scarey screaming, scratching fur flying fights. My MUrphy would hide after that.
So I rotate them as far as livingroom free time with the family. The newbie is a real peopl cat and I hear him meow when he is alone and it just breaks my heart..He is mostly in our down stairs room...He has a window and all ammenaties a cat needs but he wants out.

Now, I want to know what you all think of this.........................
My husbad says I should let them work it out. We should put the together when we are home and just let things happen.. I totally disagree..
Am I wrong?????
Will they work it out????????????
Or is it a dangerous situation? Also, my husband says we should put them together in closed door room(with us in there) so they can't chase each other. He feels the chase and stalking is what escalates the problem.
The thought of that scares me also.
Then the one trying to get away can't. Their fights ar pretty nasty..
PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE.........I am so desperate for advice.
Thanks Judith

Judith,
I am by no means an expert. But what I'm guessing, is that they are trying to establish dominance... who is the top cat, and who are the 2nd fiddles. Your newbie, is probably used to being the top cat, given his show quality, he is used to being the star. You didn't mention whether "your cats" (the 2 your previously had) were male or female... either way, I don't think it matters much because I think female cats can be the "top cat" over the males as well... maybe another member can solidify that. As long as there is no blood shed , I would let them together while you are home. From what I've read on TCS, to establish dominance, 1 cat will try to "mount" the other cat, as if they are going to mate, and will bite the back of the cats neck, to get it to submit to his dominance. This probably started when your cats attacked the newbie (even at different times), and now Mr. Newbie has to try to show them that he is top cat. Are you following? IMO, I would keep them seperate while no one is home (until they can show you responsible cat-like behavior). But while you are home, allow them to mingle, and if it gets too loud (the meowing), or looks too rough, pull them away from each other and place them in seperate rooms, but don't lock them in. Just to give them a "cooling off" period, like they do with boxers. I think given time, they will be fine . Or, just thinking out loud, is there anything you can do with them all together... activity wise. Like doling out treats. Can you sit on the floor and have them around you, and give each one of them 1 treat. Then when they are finished, give them another. Or playing, can you use say, 2 fishing rod type cat toys, and get them to play "together". This may give them some bonding time, where they are all too busy playing or getting treats to worry about who's the king of the castle.

Good luck. Any other TCS members, if I'm wrong, or incorrect please feel free to correct me!

Thanks for the advice..
I may try to put them together again soon. The newbie show cat (Moses) Male is a small cat. Murphy is a Main coom mix..Male.
Boots is a calico girl. A skiddish girl at that!
She ran the first time but now she attacks. Thier fights are really bad.

Murphy the Male, hissis behind the door but will run and get chased down by Moses. Not as violent but still very scarey..

Do you think I should try to get them together one at a time? or all 3???
Thats another question I ment to ask before..
They all LOVE treats.. Maybe I could do the "treat" game..

I will let you know what happens.. Thanks again. you have been a big help.

Judith

All I can contribute is my experience with my two cats: I adopted them at ~3 months (Mitzie, female; now 9#) and ~6 months (Bear, male; now 13#). They were bonded to each other, like litter-mates. (They were found at a grocery store in a cardboard box.)

They cuddle and groom each other, often sleep together...and, boy, do they fight! Not often, but when it happens, fur flies, hisses, bites, snarles, wrestling, frantic chases, banging around corners and tumbling into walls and corners Yikes! And each takes turn picking on the other. Interesting behavior to observe, their body language, the tease, the give'n'take.

Sometimes it appears to be just rough-housing, sometimes it appears to be a fight, but they don't last long; they vary in intensity, and there'e no injury or blood; and the encounters end up with the cats contentedly lying around -- either by each other or alone -- and grooming.

So my take is with your hubby, just watch them together for a while and then decide what to do.

Thanks Ann & Lucky,
I'm starting to think it may be worth another shot.
I have a hard time believing the seperation is doing any good.
I think there will always be that first meeting hanging over my head so I feel like I'm just prolonging it.

Here is another question for anyone reading this.......

The room I keep Moses in is a finished basement. Carpet, etc..
I was thinking of taking the door off the hinges and making a
(don't laugh now.....) Chicken wire door. I thought if they can really be with each other without really being with each other, perhaps they would be more accustom to each other on the loose.
Any opinions?????

Wow! I think the chicken wire door is an awesome idea! My only concern is that the wire may be big enough to get a paw stuck in, or may become a mission for the cats to climb.

As for your fights, my boys did this for a while to establish dominance between them. What I'd suggest is if the fights get too intense throw a blanket on top of the kitty mass, and then separate them for a few minutes. I had to do that with Bit and Scratch for a few weeks before they finally were able to work things out
.

Well, this weekend will be the test. I have kept them seperated the entire time. I have been to scared to put them together but this weekend I will make it a point to put them together several times. If the fight, I'll break it up seperate them & try again. I will let you all know what happens.
Wish me luck!

A note about Moses... He started jumping to my shoulders from the ground!! It's so funny. Well, not when he jumps short!!!!!! I better keep his nails trimmed..

We used the screen door insert from the front screen door since we always keep the glass in it instead. That worked really well. We also used it to keep the cats out of the baby's room at first

I'd say that they're all jealous of each other and want to be loved the most my you and you husband. I would leave them alone and let them work it out.

What sexes are they? That might be a part of it.

If you put people who dont like each other in wthe same room, there bound to get used to each other. Myabe it will work with cats


Our 3 year old cat hates our new 6 month old. But the 6 month old now has neuralogical problems from sugery(stupid vet) and were still waiting to see how he does, so they cant be anywheres near each other (nothings simple in the cats life-thread to see about the neuralogical problems and all the stuff hes been through)

Originally Posted by goosehazel

We used the screen door insert from the front screen door since we always keep the glass in it instead. That worked really well. We also used it to keep the cats out of the baby's room at first

Click to expand...

If this weekend doesn't prove to be successful with the kitties, I will be trying the chicken wire door.

Originally Posted by Willie'sLove

I'd say that they're all jealous of each other and want to be loved the most my you and you husband. I would leave them alone and let them work it out.

What sexes are they? That might be a part of it.

If you put people who dont like each other in wthe same room, there bound to get used to each other. Myabe it will work with cats


Our 3 year old cat hates our new 6 month old. But the 6 month old now has neuralogical problems from sugery(stupid vet) and were still waiting to see how he does, so they cant be anywheres near each other (nothings simple in the cats life-thread to see about the neuralogical problems and all the stuff hes been through)

Click to expand...

What a shame about your kitty..I hope he does well..
I hope my kids get to be tolerant with each other.
One is a 5 year old female a 6 year old male and the newbie is 3.

I'll let you know how it goes...

Last night I fed them together and did not give them any time for other interaction. I figure a few meetings together of calmness & food first.

As soon as I start clanging the bowls, my old 2 came running. MY hubby then brought up Moses, held him util the bowls were on the floor. They all ate about 2 feet apart from each other looking at each other every few seconds. It was funny. But, the best part was my 2 finished first and walked away. I am SOOOOOOO Happy about that part!
When Moses was done, we just picked him up & put him back in another room. I will try that again today with tiny amounts so I can do it several times. Maybe tonight or tomorrow I will let them stay for a while.
With blanket & broom in hand of course!
I know they will fight but I feel the more times they are together without fighting, it may not be as bad as there first meeting.

Judith

This is not such an active thread....oh well.