Male cat doesn't like me.

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chgojcs

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Yes, I know this is probably a stupid thread title, however, it is something that I am wondering.
Anyhow, about a year ago, or a little less, my fiance and I adopted two ferals. A male and female. Now, after much patience, they are your typical, run of the mill, housecat spoiled brats.
While the female is the attention *****, with both of us, in the house, the male is a bit more inclined to run from me. Oh, I'm a guy. He loves my fiance, he sits in her lap and lets her pet him, but never lets me get too close (unless he's in a nap coma) and if I do, I can pet him until he relizes it's me, then he darts away.
I guess I am wondering, as I have never done anything to hurt or to(not intentionally, anyway, unless dropping a shoe on the floor counts) scare him, are male cats just more wary or fearful of males? Or could it be, since they were captured on the street as kittens, that he had a traumatizing or bad experience with a human male?

Just curious.
 
callista

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Not male cats in general; but this particular male cat? Quite possibly.

As you guessed, if he had been abused by a man, he might be afraid of you now, thanks to that memory. Some cats will generalize from one man to all.

Or maybe he sees you as a competitor for the females in the house; if that's so, it's leftover from before neutering and should probably decline as time goes on and his hormones settle.

I'm thinking the abuse theory fits best, though. He likes being petted, but he's scared when he sees it's you... that seems like it's about right.

Don't know whether he'll ever warm up to you; but giving him treats or something else he likes (a new toy, playtime, whatever) might get him to like you a little more. Once he gets the idea that you're not going to hurt him, he might let you get a little closer... He may always be skittish; ferals are often more excitable than cats which have been house pets for generations.

At any rate, even if he never does like you, you can still provide food, a warm place to sleep, and safety for him; and even if he won't sit on your lap, a cat is still a very comfortable thing to have in the house (not to mention being built in pest control).
 
purrfectcatlove

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My next door neighbour cat was only a one person cat . Lidia could pick him up and do what ever she wants to do with him , but her husband never even could get close to the cat .Some cats are just like that that . So don't think anything off it and take him as he is
 
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chgojcs

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Originally Posted by Callista

Not male cats in general; but this particular male cat? Quite possibly.

As you guessed, if he had been abused by a man, he might be afraid of you now, thanks to that memory. Some cats will generalize from one man to all.

Or maybe he sees you as a competitor for the females in the house; if that's so, it's leftover from before neutering and should probably decline as time goes on and his hormones settle.

I'm thinking the abuse theory fits best, though. He likes being petted, but he's scared when he sees it's you... that seems like it's about right.

Don't know whether he'll ever warm up to you; but giving him treats or something else he likes (a new toy, playtime, whatever) might get him to like you a little more. Once he gets the idea that you're not going to hurt him, he might let you get a little closer... He may always be skittish; ferals are often more excitable than cats which have been house pets for generations.

At any rate, even if he never does like you, you can still provide food, a warm place to sleep, and safety for him; and even if he won't sit on your lap, a cat is still a very comfortable thing to have in the house (not to mention being built in pest control).
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I'm not necessarily looking for him to love me as much as he has warmed up to my fiance. It's his personality, and I can totally accept that.
It could also be (his name is Wrigley, she is Comiskey. Yes, we are Chicago baseball fans) that because the Cubs are playing so horrible this season, that he is a bit perturbed that he gets the lesser team field as his name. It was my idea.

No, I love him no matter how he feels about me. Can't force it anyway. And he has come a long way from the little, hissing, biting, clawing ball of fluff that he was when we brought them home.

Funny thing about domesticated ferals, though. I got home from work and was taking my shirt off, when it became tangled. I don't know how either. Regardless....
So I can just see them freaking out as I'm battling, trying to get this shirt off, and finally getting it off and throwing on the floor in triumph.

They ran under the couch.

Now, he's in the window, and she is on the couch. They're both looking at me, as if thinking "What a moron."
 
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chgojcs

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Originally Posted by PurrfectCatlove

My next door neighbour cat was only a one person cat . Lidia could pick him up and do what ever she wants to do with him , but her husband never even could get close to the cat .Some cats are just like that that . So don't think anything off it and take him as he is
Click to expand...
I figured it was something like that.
I'll get home from work, and they are all curled up on the couch together, all three of them, and he sees me and darts to the windowsill.

It's a conspiracy, I say!
 
pami

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Originally Posted by ChgoJCS

Chicago baseball fans) that because the Cubs are playing so horrible this season, that he is a bit perturbed that he gets the lesser team field as his name. It was my idea."
Click to expand...
ssoooo funny probablly the reason !!!
 
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Cats in general are skittish, their senses are almost always on high alert and loud noises, quick movements etc put them in a fight or flight mode. But I think being male makes a difference too, your voice is deeper and you command a different presence than your fiance, like you suggested. Male cats though, IMO, are actually easier to domesticate than females after they've been feral. (I can only go by my own experience)
Special treats that only you give him and a more active playtime with you compared to your fiance might help. Takes alot of time and most importantly consistency, but I think his willingness to tolerate you is an opportunity to bond with him. You guys could end up being great pals and who knows, maybe the Cubs will do better next season!
 
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Does he like to be brushed? Maybe you can entice him that way. Don't get right in his face to brush him. Show him the brush and let him approach you. Start small by letting him rub his face against the brush, and then help him along a little by moving the brush along the side of his face (my cats love to get their cheeks brushed and both drool in total happiness!!!). Don't brush hard, just softly. Then try the top of his head if he will let you, or a part of his back. Hopefully he will love being brushed so much that he will start to spend more time with you getting brushed and pampered.
 
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I've only had feral cats... and I"m pretty old
but it sounds like you've only had these kitties for a while (about a year?) - I'd say just give it time and be quiet and gentle when you are near him, and occasionally have a special treat for him. He could, over time, turn into YOUR biggest fan. Good luck!
 
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I opt for the "bad male human experience as a kitten" theory.

I've known and read about animals that just have a definite preference or dislike for either a male or femal, or even a particular race. And cats are not known for changing their personality once established.

So if you can comfortably live with a cat that doesn't like you, but likes your fiance, why not?
 
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enuja

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My husband and I adopted feral kittens, and both of them now crawl all over me for attention. They are both females. One of them is a one-person cat, who behaves exactly as you describe your male cat behaving.

Artemis (the cat) will let my spouse pet her only when she seems not to be able to tell that it is he petting her. She'll sit happily on my lap with him petting her, then suddenly look up, flinch, and escape. Or be happy until my husband stops petting her, when she looks around and then escapes.

I make wild guesses that it's because my husband moves more abruptly, or shouts at the computer sometimes, or is larger than me, those are just wild guesses. It really doesn't seem to be anything he can do anything about.

Luckily, my husband is okay with the fact that we have one cat who isn't a huge fan of him. I'm not sure how I could handle it if the situation were reversed, but I think the most important thing is to not resent the picky cat. Artemis has sharp claws and kneads in the most painful way possible, though, so at least I can use that to convince my spouse that it's okay he doesn't get scratches on his legs.
 
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