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Saddness & Guilt..So Sorry Tiko

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
I stumbled on this site in despair and I knew that there would be people here who understand.

Tiko(Tikki or Peekers was what we liked to call him) was our 2yr. old male tabby cat. I think he had a bit of Maine Coon in him and a bit of dog, too..lol. He was a gentle, laid back guy who liked to lick noses and play with the dogs. He had beautiful tabby cats stripes, but with a full breast of white on his chest and paws. He also had some red and brown markings on his face. We got him and his sister, Evee when they were 6 weeks old. Although he liked to play with his sister, I often thought the thought he was a dog. He loved to lay with the dogs, rub up on them, & play with them in the yard. He drank out of their water bowl and I sometimes caught him eating dog food on occasion...lol

Sunday Tiko had an awful bout of the sneezes, so when he started to act a bit strange on Monday, I chalked it up to him not feeling well with a cold. He would walk a bit, then lay down and meow when anyone touched him or if the dogs went near him.

The next day(tuesday) was my daughter's birthday. Tiko went out on the porch with the dogs and he wasn't meowing, so I figured he was ok and we continued with the birthday party. Later that evening, he was hiding behind the chairs ouside and wouldn't come in. When I went to pick him up I noticed that he was breathing a bit heavy and then he trew up. My vet was closed by then, so we rushed him to a 24hr. emergency hospital.

There they told me he had a urethral block and would require a 24-48 hour stay. The vet explained the procedure and gave me an estimated cost...$700 to $1,100 or more, depending!......I almost died when she told me that! They said they required a deposit, so I figured I could put some money down and then make payments....WRONG...They wanted a $700 cash/debit payment! I explained that I simply did not have that kind of money. The vet asked what I could afford, so I told them $300. The vet then told me that for $298 they could do the catheter and meds for a few hours then I could bring him home and follow up with my vet in 3-5 days....So, this was my only option.

Tiko was pretty much sedated when I got him home late that night. I kept him on my bed with me. In the morning, he made it to his litterbox and peed. The rest of the afternoon, he slept peacefully. All the while, my dog, Angel keeping a watchful eye on him. She would lay with him and lick his ears. His sister cat, Evee sniffed at him and hissed, wondering what to make of all of this.

Around 6pm, Tiko still wobby from the sedation, tried to get to the litterbox again. I helped him in and he managed to get himself out and lay down in the hallway. A while later I noticed that he was breathing a bit heavy and meowed a few times. It was very hot that day and my A/C kept blowing a fuse. So I decided to take him up on my bed with the A/C kicking to keep him cool.....I checked on m him several times and noticed that he wasn't responding to me like he was earlier in the day...He should have been coming out of the sedation by now...I knew in my heart that something was not right.

I asked my 14ye. old son to help me put him in a box, just in case...I knew it didn't look good, but there was always hope. We put a big fluffy towel in the box and placed him in, my son saying, "Don't worry, Tikki will be just fine I know it." We put him in and as we pet him a few times, he took his last breath...

My children were devastated, especially my 10 yr. old son who picked Tiko from the litter. He told Tiko that God would yake care of him until he made it to heaven to see him again and then he cried, "Who's gonna lick my nose now?"

We burried Tikki in a little spot in the garden. The kids made him a little cross and are coping well now. I, on the other hand am racked with guilt! Maybe if I had noticed the signs earlier? Maybe if I had somehow FOUND the money to keep him in the hospital? Maybe if I had taken him to my vet?

What if? What if? It is hardest at night when Evee looks for her playmate, when no one greets me on the porch with nose kisses and when Angel, my dog, looks at the small spot in the graden wondering where her buddy has gone...................

I am so SORRY, Tiko...Please forgive me..........
post #2 of 16
I am so sorry for your sad loss.

Rest in peace and perfect health at the bridge Tiko. Remember to look down on your family who miss you so much.
post #3 of 16
I am so very sorry for your loss. Please don't beat yourself up. Hindsight is 20/20.

It sounds like Tico was a very well-loved cat. I understand that it is heartbreaking to say good-bye. You don't need the guilt feelings on top of that. You took him to the emergency clinic because you were trying to help him. I believe he forgives you and knows that you love him very much.
post #4 of 16
I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, cats are very good at hiding their illnesses, and pain. Often they don't let us know something is wrong until it is too late.

I can say that I have children, and we foster cats and kittens. My children have experienced some very painful losses of beloved kitties. We lost a dog last year, too. Of course as a Mom, we want to keep our kids from such pain, but truly they are enriched by the experience of having pets. My kids have a fuller understanding of life and death than most kids. They are also able to love something small and helpless, and help care for the little kittens.

Condolences to you and your children on the loss of Tiko.
post #5 of 16
So sorry. I cried for days and days when my gorgeous, glistening ebony-blue, fearless male cat was killed by a car (many, many years a go).

At least you were there to comfort and caress Tiko during his last breathe.

Of all the 100s of 1000s, if not millions, of pet and animal deaths on this planet, at least your beloved Tiko passed not in the midst of trauma and terror, but painlessly (evidently) and surrounded by your love and concern.

My we all be so fortunate when our time comes.

Ann Demi
post #6 of 16
Condolences to your family. Please give extra hugs to your 10yo son for us, and let him know that he told Tiko correctly - Tiko will be well cared for by so many, many special people over RB till you all are reunited again, this time forever. Kidney problems are very tricky - even in human medicine; at least Tiko knew love and comfort and passed away surrounded by his loved ones; a love that would light the way to the path over Rainbow Bridge. My prayers and thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
post #7 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all your kind words and understanding, it helps a lot.
post #8 of 16
I am so sorry for your loss. It is never easy to say goodbye to our beloved pets. You did the best you could at the time and that is all anyone can do.
Don't beat yourself up. Peace and hugs to you.
post #9 of 16
Darling Tiko knows how much he was loved by you all. Its never easy to loose a loved one and no words can help take the pain away. I am however thankful that you found us here as we will always be here for you to lean on and to talk too. You did the best you could given the circumstances and Tiko knows that. I promise you.

Tiko will be watching over you all now, he is in no pain and will wait until you meet again.

I will light a candle to help guide Tiko to the bridge

RIP darling boy, play happily sweetheart and know your always loved

post #10 of 16
Tiko knows you did everything you could to help him, and when the time comes you will see him again and he'll give you the biggest headbutt to say how pleased he is to see you again
post #11 of 16
Originally Posted by rosiemac View Post
Tiko knows you did everything you could to help him, and when the time comes you will see him again and he'll give you the biggest headbutt to say how pleased he is to see you again
What Susan said.

RIP Sweet Tiko
post #12 of 16
I understand how you're feeling, Peekers, I genuinely understand the guilt. Years ago our 4 y/o orange tabby Tom developed the same symptoms your Tiko exhibited. I was fairly young and had never had a sick cat before. In fact, I didn't realize he was sick, but I knew there was something "not right". I got him to the vet; surgery was performed, but it was too late. He died because he had a blood clot in his urethra, and I didn't have sense enough to know anything was wrong.
I'm much older & hopefully wiser now. I tell myself I did the best I could for Tom with what little I knew at that time. Don't beat yourself up over this. You did the best you could, and I believe Tiko knew you were trying to help him. He passed surrounded by his family who loved him; that's all any of us can ask for. I hope you can find some peace soon.
post #13 of 16
i am so very sorry to hear of your loss, and the fact that you feel so guilty about it. You did the best you could with the resources you had, and that is all we can do. It is made harder by the fact that cats do hide their pain incredibly well, but it does sound like you did the right thing by getting him to the emergency vet as soon as you could and getting him some treatment. Sadly, blockages can cause kidney probs, which are sometimes irreversible, but he went loved and with teh people who loved him, and that does mean a lot. RIP little one, and i hope you find some peace soon.
post #14 of 16
I'm so sorry for your loss. RIP Tico.
post #15 of 16
Ohhh, I'm so, so sorry. I want you to know that is was NOT your fault that Tiko passed. Some things just happen, and they're really, really hard, and i don't want you to blame yourself because you did the very best you could. It's obvious Tiko was a very loved, happy kitty and had a great life, however short. He's at the Rainbow Bridge and feels relieved, I just know it.
post #16 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thanks for alll the support everyone! It is getting easier as time goes by
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