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What is appropriate for me to do in this situation? Funeral

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
Someone I know lost her husband a couple of days ago. They are not close to me in any way, however I know the lady somewhat and have talked to her on several occations. She is a very close friend of my SIL. The dh was only 39-40 yrs old or so, and we prayed for him a lot during a one year battle of leukemia. They have two very young kids, so it's very sad. They have been through so much, and we have followed along on their blog, so see how he was doing. They live right here in town.

I really feel I want to attend the funeral in one way or another, to show my support and also because I've been so involved with reading up on his situation. But since I am not close to them at all, I don't know what it appropriate and not. I have very little experience with funerals (thank God!). They will have two visitations tomorrow, the first one I will be able to go to if I go right in the beginning of it. Otherwise there is a "Celebration" of his life the day after, that I might also be able to attend. The problem I'm having is that I don't want to do anything offensive, like go to one that might be more for the very close family / friends. Also, I don't want to go to the beginning of the visitation if it should be reserved for the closest ones. But they did announce it to everybody, not giving an indication that one time is set aside for some and not others. So, would I be rude to come right at the beginning of the first visitation (I can't later)? Is that supposed to be mostly close family and friends? And what about the Memorial? Should I attend both, or just one?
post #2 of 6
If they've announced it, such as in the paper, you are welcome at whatever is announced.

All the funerals I've been at, the viewing and funeral were for anyone, and then the close family and friends went out to the gravesite. Or the cremation.

I once went to the funeral of a friend's dad. Hardly anyone else came, and my friend was so glad that we had come to support her. It meant alot to her that we had come, even though we weren't specifically invited.

Then again, at my grandma's funeral, a bunch of people who sort of knew her second husband came and it was kind of offensive, especially as he had been dead for years.

Why don't you ask you SIL, who likely knows better the wishes of the widow, what would be more appropriate to go to? To me, the viewing tends to be where you go if you just want to wish the widow and her family well and offer your condolences.
post #3 of 6
what Zissou'sMom said.
if the paper listed it as public, then anyone can show up for the viewing.
Unless i am faimly or a friend i never go to the gravesite.
post #4 of 6
Yeah I agree,If the family wanted privacy they would have said 'close freinds and family only' when they placed the notice in the paper.
post #5 of 6
Basically, if a published announcement doesn't include any restrictions, such as "Family and close friends only", then anyone who wishes to attend may. But, since your SIL is close to the family, checking with her would probably be a good idea.
post #6 of 6
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much! I actually saw this announcement in the blog that they have, one that has been primarily about his condition.
But when I found his obituary (sp?) in the paper, it only listed the viewing, and it said nothing about the memorial. So I take it that the memorial is privat. I'll attend one of the viewings today since that was announced in the paper, with no restrictions.

Thank you for your help in this, it helped clarifying it for me.
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