Alright... I need help from people with social skills

I'm not very skilled at the art of dealing with delicate social situations and I could use some help. I'm pretty useless when it comes to dealing with guys especially.

Tonight I decided to get out of my apartment to get a change of scenery. I walked for a while and then stopped in a little coffee shop to have tea and work on my history paper a little. Some guy came over to talk to me and we ended up talking for a little while. He seemed nice and we ended up exchanging email addresses before he had to leave.

Now here's the problem. He did ask me if I had someone in my life. I told him I didn't. Without making a clear promise, I also told him I might like to go to a movie with him eventually or meet with him again.
I did like him, he was very friendly. However, I am not interested in even considering dating him. Not because there's anything wrong with him, but I have someone else I am interested in and anyone else would just be a "consolation prize" right now. I was enjoying the flirting, but I don't want to give the wrong idea.

How do I make it clear that I really only want friendship?

My social skills wont win awards but I would just be strait with him before he gets any ideas...

I'd just be blunt, tell him the truth, no one wants to play second banana.

I'd say wait for him to make the first move, and see what it is. If it feels like just getting together to do something that interests both of you, you probably don't need to anything more than enjoy the time together. At the first sign that he's expecting more of the relationship than you are, you might want to say to him something like "I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression. I really find you interesting and would like to be friends, but I'm not looking for anything more than that in this relationship. I hope that's OK."

Good luck. It's not easy to deliver that kind of message in a way that keeps the lines of communication open.

Originally Posted by rapunzel47

I'd say wait for him to make the first move, and see what it is. If it feels like just getting together to do something that interests both of you, you probably don't need to anything more than enjoy the time together. At the first sign that he's expecting more of the relationship than you are, you might want to say to him something like "I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression. I really find you interesting and would like to be friends, but I'm not looking for anything more than that in this relationship. I hope that's OK."

Good luck. It's not easy to deliver that kind of message in a way that keeps the lines of communication open.

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This is what I would do!!!

Hmmm... I'd have to know more about what's going on with the other guy. If you're just pining after him and there's nothing going on, there isn't anything wrong with dating someone. As long as you don't make him think the dating is anything serious or exclusive. And who knows, maybe knowing you are dating in general will give the other guy the heads up that you won't wait around forever. It would be wrong to go into a real relationship knowing that you aren't 100% percent into it, but dating doesn't have to be a relationship!

If you plain old don't wan't to date though then I like the advice given already.

I usually approach it subtler, like "It's so weird how all my friends are guys!"

I would tell him that at this point in your life you're not looking for something serious but more for a friend because you're not ready to be in a relationship. You don't have to tell him you're intersted in someone else until you're ready and comfortable to do so.

Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom

Hmmm... I'd have to know more about what's going on with the other guy. If you're just pining after him and there's nothing going on, there isn't anything wrong with dating someone. As long as you don't make him think the dating is anything serious or exclusive. And who knows, maybe knowing you are dating in general will give the other guy the heads up that you won't wait around forever. It would be wrong to go into a real relationship knowing that you aren't 100% percent into it, but dating doesn't have to be a relationship!

If you plain old don't wan't to date though then I like the advice given already.

I usually approach it subtler, like "It's so weird how all my friends are guys!"

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The other guy doesn't know that I am interested in him. He might have a girlfriend, I don't know. Unfortunately, I'm out of touch with him for the moment so I can't really figure out what is going on with him.

It's not that I think I shouldn't date anyone else while I'm waiting... it's really that I don't want to date anyone else. Even casually.
I don't even feel like I'm depriving myself either. I have no problem being single. Still, I don't want to loose the opportunity to make friends.

If you said to him "I just want to be friends, I'm interested in someone else", he'll probably assume he can keep trying since nothing is happening with the other bloke

How many guys that walk up to a girl in a coffee shop and give out their email address will just want to be friends!

He obviously thought you were pretty special to be that brave and up front! I think he'd be quite disappointed if you said you only want to be friends.

Sorry, this doesn't help at all does it....

Originally Posted by sarahp

If you said to him "I just want to be friends, I'm interested in someone else", he'll probably assume he can keep trying since nothing is happening with the other bloke

How many guys that walk up to a girl in a coffee shop and give out their email address will just want to be friends!

He obviously thought you were pretty special to be that brave and up front! I think he'd be quite disappointed if you said you only want to be friends.

Sorry, this doesn't help at all does it....

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I think a guy walking into a coffee shop and asking for an email address is Romantic. In a wierd way.

Keep your options open. The other guy is ?wishful thinking? perhaps, what's the saying? "A bird in the hand is better than a bird .... ?

I forget, anyway .... just go out, don't even think about anything "serious", tell him you just want to get to know him - he doesn't need to know about this other guy who you really don't even really know about - no need to even bring it up unless the topic comes up during the course of one of your conversations, then, just keep it low key... like, "yeah, there's someone I'm interested in, but I'm keeping my options open."

He may not be interested in anything serious, just interested in having your friendship, why kill the start of a good friendship by blurting out you have another interest who doesn't even know you exist?

You aren't in a committed relationship - so date a lot of guys, meanwhile, if this other guy, that your interested in, sees you with other guys, he might notice you more? Meanwhile, you may not even care if he notices you anymore.

I guess I said all that to say this -- don't wait for the other guy - go date, and don't say anything about someone else that's a "big maybe". just see if you might be more interested in this guy - you're not leading him as long as you don't lie.

I hope this makes sense, I'm tired, and my brain is dead -

Originally Posted by Arlyn

I'd just be blunt, tell him the truth, no one wants to play second banana.

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yep, guys are sometimes hard headed haha
but just cause you have someone else on your mind, does not mean stay home, who knows you could meet someone else who could be on your mind.