I'm being STALKED!!!!

shengmei

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I have been stalked for the last two years. All of the suggestions above worked to some extent, but I was unable to get her out of my life.

The biggest reason was that her father worked for the INS and my family was emigrating to the U.S. I was concerned that our personal dramas would affect my family's ability to survive in the new world.

Without such constraints, though......I believe that those suggestions above would work.

One thing I did that finally worked for me (though I would never recommend it to anybody) is to pretend to be psycho and psych the person back. I would never think it would have worked, but it worked for me.

Whatever you do, do it ASAP. Any delays would chew up your soul and spit it out. I mean literally.
 

shengmei

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What is really infuriating is that the person can easily break in and take your cat if you are not careful. The lady who stalked me did that to me.

Police cannot do anything if the only thing missing is a cat. A lot of times they would ask you if you are not sure the cat just ran outside by itself, especially if there were no signs of forced entry.

I would recommend microchip and insurance for your cat. It is better to be safe than sorry.
 

icklemiss21

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I would definitely have a lawyer call the cops / call him to tell him legal action may be taken.
If the police will not take you seriously as he is calling your sister, the lawyer can say he is acting on behalf of both of you.
I agree with whoever said don't call him, it may just encourage him thinking you wouldn't call if you weren't interested etc.
 

goosehazel

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Originally Posted by kittyDaddy

Contacting this psychologically challenged individual by any means would be an absolute mistake. He will interpret your attempt as "progress". Getting your attention in his mind may be regarded as a step towards winning you back.

Your husband should not make any contact either, that may make him a target and the "reason" you can not be with him...

Your best bet is to have the authorities handle this. You must remain out of the equation.
That is great advice
 
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blueyes

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well, I did contact him early today. I had to do this. I didn't want him to continue pestering my sister in trying to find me. I was curt and to the point. He seemed shocked at my cold demeanor and I made it very clear that now that I have contacted him that he has no reason to bother me or my family ever again as that was my sole reason for calling him to begin with. He told me he was desperate to express himself and purge himself of the regrets he had of how he treated me and that he's been trying to find me for a long time and was determined to do so. He said that he would have dug around as far as he could to get in touch with me so I am hoping this contact will have satisfied his need. He also admitted to being a bit cooky with all the letters (that are more of a journal) but he had heard from a friend that I was unhappy (whoever said this needs a slap) and hoped that maybe he could get another chance if we met again. I told him I wished him the best in life and that I harboured no ill feelings towards him but that I had moved on a long time ago and I had not an inkling of feeling for him. I also told him I no longer was the same girl he once knew and I know (by his shock and discomfort) he realized that during the conversation. I also made it very clear that my husband was not pleased with his attempts to contact me and the letters and that my calling him was a one time deal and the next time it won't go down like this. He said that he had no intention to harrass me or stalk me and that he wished it had not come across this way. We than wished each other the best and that was it.
NOW, I spoke with my sister and we will meet up, I will read all the letters and then contact the police together and file a report.
Also, when I spoke with him he seemed very worried that I thought he was harrassing us. I believe that scared him and although I am still going to file a report I don't think he has any intention of bothering me anymore.
I'm not afraid in any case, but I am cautious, I have also googled him and found info on HIM..HaHA!! I can act like a crazy person too if need be

thanks for the support and advice, although some may not agree with my decision I think it may have alleviated his mind. Sometimes not knowing something can drive one more crazy than a simple closure. That is my hope in this case.
 

yosemite

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Originally Posted by Blueyes

well, I did contact him early today. I had to do this. I didn't want him to continue pestering my sister in trying to find me. I was curt and to the point. He seemed shocked at my cold demeanor and I made it very clear that now that I have contacted him that he has no reason to bother me or my family ever again as that was my sole reason for calling him to begin with. He told me he was desperate to express himself and purge himself of the regrets he had of how he treated me and that he's been trying to find me for a long time and was determined to do so. He said that he would have dug around as far as he could to get in touch with me so I am hoping this contact will have satisfied his need. He also admitted to being a bit cooky with all the letters (that are more of a journal) but he had heard from a friend that I was unhappy (whoever said this needs a slap) and hoped that maybe he could get another chance if we met again. I told him I wished him the best in life and that I harboured no ill feelings towards him but that I had moved on a long time ago and I had not an inkling of feeling for him. I also told him I no longer was the same girl he once knew and I know (by his shock and discomfort) he realized that during the conversation. I also made it very clear that my husband was not pleased with his attempts to contact me and the letters and that my calling him was a one time deal and the next time it won't go down like this. He said that he had no intention to harrass me or stalk me and that he wished it had not come across this way. We than wished each other the best and that was it.
NOW, I spoke with my sister and we will meet up, I will read all the letters and then contact the police together and file a report.
Also, when I spoke with him he seemed very worried that I thought he was harrassing us. I believe that scared him and although I am still going to file a report I don't think he has any intention of bothering me anymore.
I'm not afraid in any case, but I am cautious, I have also googled him and found info on HIM..HaHA!! I can act like a crazy person too if need be

thanks for the support and advice, although some may not agree with my decision I think it may have alleviated his mind. Sometimes not knowing something can drive one more crazy than a simple closure. That is my hope in this case.
I actually agree with you on this. Sometimes we (myself included) act too hastily and assume the worst. Maybe he is being straight-forward in believing you were unhappy and now you've set his mind to rest. I'm also one of those people that goes crazy when I don't have answers and am better at dealing with issues with I have the cold, hard facts.
 

theimp98

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lol i guess i should have looked at some more of the posts beforei posted,
anyway i hope in getting in touch with him does not make it worse now. Good luck!!
 

pushylady

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I hope this issue is resolved now. I think it's good that you're still going to file a report. It does sound like you've really given him a wake-up call though and that should be the end of it.
 

wookie130

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I would still continue to file the report...and I would still look into getting a restraining order, particularly if he does not desist. Just because you took him off-guard by the phone call, and he seemed surprised by your tone and your words does not mean he won't attempt to retaliate once the shock wears off. It seems to me (and I don't mean to sound judgemental) that he has some issues...none of which will be resolved through interaction with him or rational conversation. Anyone willing to take the time out of his own personal affairs and responsibilities to track down a former girlfriend, write endless letters to her sister, phone calls, etc. is someone who seems very fixated and locked into the mindset of having things his way...whether it fits into the framework of your life or not. It seems to me that he has invested a lot of time and effort into reaching you (knowing fully well it was probably not appropriate), and I wouldn't expect it to stop here.

I certainly hope this is it with this guy, but do not let your guard down. The one thing that is good, is that you did make an attempt to stop him directly. I would write down the date, time, length, and details of the phone call, and add that to your file of "evidence." No one can say that you sat idlely by and allowed him to harrass you...an attempt was made by you to stop it.

Stalkers can be cunning. They can appear to be taken aback when their victim confronts them, and even remorseful. They may apologize, and promise to cease the harrassment. But the truth is, the ritual of seeking you out and contacting/following/writing/calling is becoming part of his daily repetoire of behavior...an obsession.

I'm telling you this because you should not contact him again...if ANYTHING more transpires with him (even hang-up calls), you need to turn it over to the authorities, and file a restraining order. It is nothing to take too lightly.
 

crystal211

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Ah, I'm glad you called! That's what I thought at first, just call him and be very short with him and he'll be done...but what others were saying scared me.


I had an issue with a past boyfriend...he wasn't harassing or stalking, just wanted to get in touch with me and say some things...so I'm familiar with that type of situation.

I doubt he'll bother you now from what you said...I hope you read his behavior right. I agree with you and others to still file a report just in case...but maybe he was just really desperate to get ahold of the girl he once knew...who obviously still isn't around.
 

luckygirl

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Has she thought about calling her phone company? She can have that # blocked from calling her phone. Not that he can't just call from a work # or a cell, but then she can call & have those #'s blocked as well.

I agree with having a lawyer send him a letter stating that he represents you & your sister, and wish to sever all contact with him, or you will be forced to file for a protection from harassment order against him. Do you know anyone who is a lawyer? They would probably just have their seceratary type a letter up for you for free... it only takes a few minutes to type a letter & put it in the mail.

I hope this gets better for you...
 
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