I'm being STALKED!!!!

Its not in my nature to vent about personal issues like this but I need some advice about what to do!! Let me fill you all on the details..this is just CREEPY!!! A couple of months ago my sister called me to tell me that an ex (we're talking 10 years ago) had contacted her (going on her surname in the phone book) in hopes of finding me. He left a message and a number. I never called him. We broke up on good terms but he was a control freak and very insecure and I ceased all contact with him after the break up. He had tried to find me through friends after that but I never called. I guess he didn't take the hint. Since June he has left two messages on my sisters phone and the last time she answered. She told him I had got the messages and hung up. Yesterday she recieved 22 letters adressed to her C/O my name. Being that she lives far away from me I asked her to open a few and read. The guy addresses me as 'my love' and is totally obsessed and wants me to meet with him. Parts of the letters would sound sane if we were pen pals that had kept in touch (save the 'my love' stuff). He goes on to talk about our relationship in DETAIL and then normal stuff in his everyday life and then how he's doing really well now and that he thinks he could make me happy. He knows I'm married btw...which is even crazier...good heavens have some respect man!!! He's also a musician and left an address in one letter as to wear and when he will play next...he has written an album all about me which he intends to send to my sister...this guy is looney toons!!! I called the police and they said that my sister would have to call but she is afraid to make him angry as he knows where she lives. He has left no information about his address on the letters but left a number with my sister.
He writes to me as if I'm this sweet naive little girl (that I once was...lol) maybe if I call him back and act like a brute he'll change his mind about me???
Any advice here? Good heavens who needs this kind of drama??? I can't sleep I'm so annoyeeeedddd!!!!!

scared or not, she needs to call the police.
and Or have your husband call him,, from a pay phone, not from your home or cell.

I know she should call but she won't. She's afraid. I, on the other hand, would rip him a second orfice if I got my hands around his neck and so would my husband. I'm surprised that I cannot file the complaint and that it has to be my sister...after all its ME he's after.
In all honesty though, I really don't want to be rude to him or sick my hubby on him, I don't think it will help the situation.
He was mostly an annoying jerk and probably still is...he'll probably harrass us even more if we're rude. I thought I could call him (using *67) and satisfy his curiousity (apparently he is very curious as to whether he still has a chance with me now that he's a small town musical performer and making a sliver more than he once did) by telling him all the things he would hate to hear....oh he HATES tattoos!!! I had only a couple when I met him and he wanted them all removed...lol...he'd choke if he saw me today!
I'm probably kidding myself though....in hoping for a best case scenario.
I wish I could convince my sister to call the police.

I don't think it has to be your sister - he sent the letters to you, after all.

My advice is to get a lawyer and try again - and, as much as it might tempt you, remember that absolutely no good will come from you or your husband contacting him.

Yikes, what a weird situation. Good luck with it...I'd definitely get your sister to go to the police, he does seem kind of like a stalker.

My 28 then 27 year old daughter went through this same thing last year with a fruit loop from high school whom she had not seen since she was 16, and that was only a passing hello sort of thing , but he had it in his mind they were going steady.
It got ugly and he is on holiday at the moment,a govenment holiday,
you need o nip this in the bud ASAP Kym did not and it got out of control so do what you need to do and get the cops on it, thats what they are there for, our boys in blue take this sort of thing seriously

You and your sister need to contact the police with this information. There are anti-stalking laws, but the police need to see the proof of this ongoing harassment. At the very least you won't the report on file if he decides to take this any further. The police can then contact your stalker and they will usually do this in a manner that will give him some awareness that a) there's a complaint against him b) that it's very serious and he could be charged. You could also go further and put a restraining order against him contacting you, and the police would then go and deliver this to him as well.

This is definitely not something i would ignore, a friend of mine ignored many warnings and pleadings to go to the police when she was being stalked. It started with calls and emails, and then he would suddenly show up at parties (after driving 3 hours to get there) and finally he showed up in her parents yard. Only then did she take it seriously.

Please contact the police...at the very least you can ask them for advice and guidance

Holy cow.
I saw a Canandian documentary a while ago on a couple of women who had stalkers, and it's infuriating how little the police can/will do to help unless it esculates to violence. They should do more to help victims of harrassment.
If you can convince your sister to call the police, I think it could be a wake up call for this guy to get a warning from them. I understand your sister's concerns. She's the person in the middle and this loony tunes has her address.
Also, rather than your husband calling him you should do it to make it clear that YOU definitely aren't interested in him. He's obviously a weirdo and may interpret your sister or husband calling as just other people who're keeping you two apart.

I would also suggest having a lawyer make contact.

I agree with the others completely. I would force the issue with the police, and contact an attorney. If the harrassment continues, and he keeps leaving you evidence, such as letters, or if he finds out where you live, starts driving by, stopping by, WHATEVER, I would file a restraining order against him.

This is a major safety issue. Since it has been so long since you've been acquainted with him, he may be suffering from some severe mental health issues...and these issues could lead to dangerous or violent behavior.

Please be safe, and good luck. You are in my thoughts!

That is so scary!! I agree with some of the others said, contact and lawyer and go that way, it may seem kinda weird and creepy now, but you want to do something about it before it turns scary.

I spoke with my sister again today and he called her AGAIN this morning. I thought she had told him not to call the last time but she only hung up on him. this time she told him that she and I are not on good terms and that he has to stop contacting her. He acted very politely and 'normal' and said ok.
She recieved 3 more letters today!
I will call him and tell him to stop harassing my sister and that I am happily married and to leave me be. I am also going to call the police again. this time the area that my sister lives in (which is what the OPP officer suggested)
He has tried to find my parents as well, but has not yet. My dad has a business that this psycho remembers the name of but hasn't found it either...but I fear he will sooner or later. This is also another reason why I want to contact him. I'm hoping that will stop him from trying to take other measures in finding me. thanks for the support everyone

Hopefully you calling him will make him stop if you tell him you're happily married and not interested. Use *67 like you said, or call from a pay phone. Maybe he'll just stop.

If he doesn't, I'd do what the others are saying.

I wouldn't get in touch by phone I'd follow the earlier posters suggestion and get an attorney, if you contact him then in some ways you are rewarding his previous behaviour. Good luck with whatever decision you make, thankfully the only stalker I have is a kitten after my toes...

Good luck with this Blueyes. You're definitely in my thoughts.

Your story has however reminded me and prompted me to share something that I heard a little while back.

As most of us know you can find anything on the Internet. You can google someones email address, name, or handle and sometimes find VERY personal information. In one instance a man found an old girlfriend that he was trying to get back in touch with by doing this and found some photos that she had posted online. One was of her cat. He saved the photo, zoomed in on the dangling ID tag and PRESTO. He had her current address and phone number.

Let's just all be safe about what we put out there in cyberspace for others to happen upon. We never know who from our past is looking for it.

Omg don't call him some pay phones show the town the call came from. I would simply have a lawyer contact him. This is not just creepy guys like this are the kind we later see in cuffs on those lifetime movies. I would simply avoid all contact with him. And have your sister make sure patrol cars go by her house frequently. He is already using your sister as an angle to you. And this could end very badly if you don't act very quickly. By calling him, in his mind you are saying you wanted to talk to him regardless of what you say to him. All he will hear is she wanted to talk to me. And I would also have your sister and family install security systems right upto security cams around your houses. And I would take all of the evidence to the police and photo copy it and keep records of when he calls and what he says. I don't know about where you live but here in Kentucky where I live only one person on the phone has to know before you can record what is being said on the phone. Like say if my ex called me as long as I knew I was recording what he was saying then I could and it would be legal in court. This shows a history of the harrasement.

YOu need to notify the police and contact a lawyer. The police may provide a restraining order and the lawyer will let him know that if he does anything crazy you will press charges.

Contacting this psychologically challenged individual by any means would be an absolute mistake. He will interpret your attempt as "progress". Getting your attention in his mind may be regarded as a step towards winning you back.

Your husband should not make any contact either, that may make him a target and the "reason" you can not be with him...

Your best bet is to have the authorities handle this. You must remain out of the equation.

Originally Posted by kittyDaddy

Contacting this psychologically challenged individual by any means would be an absolute mistake. He will interpret your attempt as "progress". Getting your attention in his mind may be regarded as a step towards winning you back.

Your husband should not make any contact either, that may make him a target and the "reason" you can not be with him...

Your best bet is to have the authorities handle this. You must remain out of the equation.

Click to expand...

I agree. Your sister should not have any contact with him either. I'm assuming there was no return address on the 22 letters since you say you don't know where he lives. Too bad - if there were your sister should just simply write Return to Sender and not take delivery of them.

If he calls her she should not say anything - just hang up on him. Her acceptance of his calls will not help this situation. Having said that, if she refuses to contact the authorities, there isn't much you can do. The onus is on her.

DO NOT contact him at all. Men like this do not behave rationally, in fact, the second you call him to tell him there's no chance, he will think you are playing hard to get and decide he has a chance.

He should get nothing out of this except lawyers, police, and POPs. He wants to talk to you, calling him is a victory for him and a loss for you.

Your sister should also call the phone company and ask that they block any number that does not appear on their caller id. She can provide a work number or something to other people who need to contact her, and she can call whoever she wants, but an unlisted number, a payphone, or whatever this creeps number is, she wouldn't answer.

Also, return all of his letters unopened and stamped "return to sender". If he comes to her house, she should call the police and give no sign of being home.

I have dealt with men like this, twice.