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wedding to cover up pregnacy?!

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
ok. so i know there has to be people on here that have/had kids. My new sister in law is pregnant. and my mom isn't really too happy with it because they have like NOOO money at all. My mom thinks the reason they got married so early was because she is pregnant, yet they denied the whole time that she wasn't pregnant. Well, tonite low and behold i recieved a phone call from my brother saying that I am going to be an auntie. My sister says that she is going to be due in april and figures that she is about 3 weeks along, she says that they are going to find out the official due date when they get an ultrasound in a week. Is that even possible to tell if the baby is so small at that point??? When is the earliest that you can tell that using the ultrasound? My mother thinks that she had to of been pregnant before the wedding. So any thoughts on this for those mothers out their that know more then a 17 year old. I want to know if my own brother is lying to me and my parents.
post #2 of 24
I think the most accurate time to get a due date is around 16 weeks, but definately before the 24th week. I think you get an altrasound early on, but I don't remember how early. That is all I can remember.

When did they get married??? I know that for her to be due in April, she would have had to of had her last period after June 24th because the estimated due day would have been March 21st (don't ask why I know this....)
post #3 of 24
The truth of the matter is that time will tell if she is almost three weeks then yeah she can have an ultrasound done. It wont show much b/c there isn't much to show at that point but ultrasounds can be done at any time in fact it is a very accurate method of determining pregnancy and most doctors wont do one unless blood work has shown positive pregnancy. But the honest truth is if she is pregnant and has been since before the wedding then time will show it soon enough.
post #4 of 24
We are all human and life is so short.

If the bride was pregnant before the wedding and she and the groom did not tell the family...is that a reason to start a dispute in the family?

You say that your brother may have been been lying. But when people get into a pickle ...that's what they do...they lie (unless they have the courage to be honest and true) . I am not condoning him lying. But understanding it and looking at the bigger picture.

Marriage is hard enough. Marriage and no money is even harder. Marriage, no money and a baby is going to be tough. Marriage, no money, a baby and a lack of support from your family is just damn right awful.

Ok they may have made an unwise decision to get married ...but they are married now. Don't let your own family sink infront of you when you can help them float by just even being supportive of them and the baby and not picking on who lied.

Who cares when the baby was conceived? Its on its way! That is the most impotant thing!

When people are old and on their death bed....whether a baby was conceived in January or April is neither here nor there.
post #5 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by minxie
We are all human and life is so short.

If the bride was pregnant before the wedding and she and the groom did not tell the family...is that a reason to start a dispute in the family?

You say that your brother may have been been lying. But when people get into a pickle ...that's what they do...they lie (unless they have the courage to be honest and true) . I am not condoning him lying. But understanding it and looking at the bigger picture.

Marriage is hard enough. Marriage and no money is even harder. Marriage, no money and a baby is going to be tough. Marriage, no money, a baby and a lack of support from your family is just damn right awful.

Ok they may have made an unwise decision to get married ...but they are married now. Don't let your own family sink infront of you when you can help them float by just even being supportive of them and the baby and not picking on who lied.

Who cares when the baby was conceived? Its on its way! That is the most impotant thing!

When people are old and on their death bed....whether a baby was conceived in January or April is neither here nor there.
Well said. Really, what does it matter now?
post #6 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by minxie
We are all human and life is so short.

If the bride was pregnant before the wedding and she and the groom did not tell the family...is that a reason to start a dispute in the family?

You say that your brother may have been been lying. But when people get into a pickle ...that's what they do...they lie (unless they have the courage to be honest and true) . I am not condoning him lying. But understanding it and looking at the bigger picture.

Marriage is hard enough. Marriage and no money is even harder. Marriage, no money and a baby is going to be tough. Marriage, no money, a baby and a lack of support from your family is just damn right awful.

Ok they may have made an unwise decision to get married ...but they are married now. Don't let your own family sink infront of you when you can help them float by just even being supportive of them and the baby and not picking on who lied.

Who cares when the baby was conceived? Its on its way! That is the most impotant thing!

When people are old and on their death bed....whether a baby was conceived in January or April is neither here nor there.
All very true.

Even if he lied, even if you're mad about that, try to think of how scared your brother must be right now - he's going to be a father.

Remember, too, he may not have lied - and your mother will look foolish and unkind for throwing those accusations around if it turns out the baby was concieved when your brother and sister and law say.
post #7 of 24

I completely agree with the previous posters.
My daughter was pregnant when she got married, and didn't tell me until after. I wish she would have told me, but that did not make me one bit less excited to be a grandma. We have a beautiful little girl as our newest family member, and I couldn't be happier.
post #8 of 24
The earliest that a blood pregnancy test will show a positive is at about 21 days, but that is too early for anything to show on ultrasound, and is normally too early for a urine test to show a positive.

Drama aside, if it's a real pregnancy, then congratulations, auntie!
post #9 of 24
Hi! I'm gonna be a brand-new auntie too! My whole family is excited about it, as I'm currently the youngest and I'm in my twenties. I can't wait! My mom and I are already discussing what kind of presents to buy!

When families are upset about a baby, just wait till its born. You'd be surprised how fast people can forget to calculate due dates and months between the wedding and the birthday when they see a precious newborn baby!

Your mom will probably just fall in love with her new grandchild and forget all about it, and you should too. They're your family, why worry about why they got married (which is their business anyway) and whether the baby was conceived right before the wedding or not?
post #10 of 24
My sister had an early ultrasound and the doctor was able to give her an estimated due date quite early on, but that will also change several times over the pregnancy, so if the wedding was quire recent you may never know.

Once that baby comes no one will care when it was conceived and really, it is nobody else's business but theirs, and if they are newlyweds with money problems and a baby on the way they are going to need support from their families, not bickering over when the baby may have been conceived
post #11 of 24
If your family are already this upset and concerned, then I can fully understand why your brother and SIL felt the need to be less than honest if she was indeed already pregnant at the wedding.

I agree with the others - what is the big deal! So she may not have been a virgin bride - how many of us are/were? They are having a baby - not an abortion - good for them.

I think your family should be more supportive and less judgemental. I always try to think of the old adage, "There, but for the grace of God, go I", in other words it could have been me instead of the other person.
post #12 of 24
I dont believe anyone who is older than 21 and says they are still a virgin.
post #13 of 24
I don't think there is anything wrong with getting married while pregnant. Someone gets pregnant, realizes the child needs both parents, and then get married. That is what responsible adults do.

If your brother told your parents and they were against the marriage because they thought your brother was getting married due to the pregnancy, then there is a chance the child will grow up without a father.
post #14 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilboardingurl6
My sister says that she is going to be due in april and figures that she is about 3 weeks along, she says that they are going to find out the official due date when they get an ultrasound in a week. Is that even possible to tell if the baby is so small at that point??? When is the earliest that you can tell that using the ultrasound? My mother thinks that she had to of been pregnant before the wedding.
I had an ultrasound at 10 weeks where they were able to estimate my due date (I knew the day of my last menstrual period and conception date) and it was right on what the calendar said. Remember, they estimate due dates from ultrasound based on averages of lengths of certain bones, skull diameter, etc. The computer program spits out a date for each measurement, then a average due date with +/- # days it could be off either way. Does that make sense?
post #15 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan
I dont believe anyone who is older than 21 and says they are still a virgin.
I was a virgin when I got married this April at age 22 (almost 23).

We just couldn't wait any longer.
post #16 of 24
Oh, and I was almost 6 months pregnant when I got married. We got engaged in November, pregnant in December, and married in May. I don't think its a big deal. I'm not sure of your brother and SIL's ages, but DH and I were 29 and 23 respectively, so old enough to make our own decisions. Not even the most conservative, religious members of our families had a problem with it!
post #17 of 24
Fran, I tend to agree with you. The people who are older than 21 and are virgins, you don't have to ask if you know them very well because you just know. I do have one friend who I believe when he says it, because I dated him for awhile and, well... you know.

But other than that. Most people past that age who wanted to be virgins at marriage are married by their mid-20s, if not earlier.

Shengmei, having two parents isn't necessarily more responsible than having one, and being pregnant isn't really a valid reason to marry. If the two people know there is no way that they would have married otherwise, it's just a recipe for being miserable.
post #18 of 24
Nowadays people have such long engagements (mine was three years) that it is not uncommon to get pregnant during an engagement. They were going to get married anyway. No harm done.
post #19 of 24
My SIL was confirmed pregnant on the day her cycle was to begin. So what was that 2 weeks? And they did an ultra sound a week later because her progesterone levels were low, and they wanted to make sure that the embryo attached to her uterus wall before giving her medicine to raise her progesterone levels. So they did an ultra sound @ 3 weeks. But it's an internal ultrasound... not the kind they rub on your belly. And the due date will change, depending on the growth of the baby. My SIL went from Feb 28, to Feb 18, to Feb 9th.... and holding !

I also, agree with everyone else... maybe you should try to be the buffer for your mom & brother. Tell your mom, it's a baby, not a life threatening illness... and will it matter when the babies here if she was pregnant a month before the wedding? Nope. Also, if the girl was pregnant and didn't want to tell people about her own body, I feel that is her right. She is not obligated to tell your mom about her body, maybe they weren't sure if the pregnancy would stay or hold. It used to be taboo to tell anyone that you are pregnant in the 1st few months. So many things could go wrong. And if she did lose the baby, then she'd have to go through all of that pain with everyone knowing. I can sympathize how that would be difficult. And I know that if/when I finally get pregnant, I don't want to share that info with anyone but my hubby & my best friend & that's it, until I'm sure I'm going to have the baby.
post #20 of 24
Thread Starter 
well the main concern that my mom has is the fact that...
1. we paid for the whole wedding basically. they didn't pay for a thing.
2. If she was pregnant before the wedding, she was drinking && smoking pot.
3. they got married july 8th, and on the 6th she was asking for some pads.. so she must of concieved right after marriage. but were not really sure.

we know that my brother has had a history of lying, i know because im usually the one that has to cover them up.We are just worried that she is going to continue drinking and smoking while she is pregnant, shes going to be 20 soon, and to sit there and waste away a chance to go to college and get things settle and make some more money and wait to have a child. She makes it seem like its no big deal to have a child. but they also don't have health insurance and my mom doesn't want them to think that she is going to pay for everything, and she knows for sure that she is not. they know that they are in a bad money situation and should wait before having a child. She could of gone on birthcontrol but she doesn't believe in it...but their condoms. We told them so many times that they should wait before they have a child.

but the biggest issue....is the drugs & drinking if she is pregnant and if she is going to continue it.
post #21 of 24
I was 4 months pg when my hubby and I got married
It was NOT the reason for us getting married as I already had 2 kids by my first marriage.

As for your Brother and his wife, I would try and talk to them about giving up the pot and drinking while she is pg.There are so many facts these days that PROVE that can and does harm fetus's......low birth weight,birth defects to name a couple.
As to the face that she MAY have been pg before the wedding, maybe she didn't tell anyone for fear that they WOULD assume they only got married because of the baby.
Regardless, LOVE the baby!!
post #22 of 24
You raise a legitimate and important point about her drinking and smoking pot while pregnant--and you are absolutely right that that is the most important thing. But what matters about that is that she stop doing it. I think it would be better to expend your energy letting her know that it's important that she take care of her body now that she's pregnant--not trying to establish when the baby was conceived.
post #23 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom
Shengmei, having two parents isn't necessarily more responsible than having one, and being pregnant isn't really a valid reason to marry. If the two people know there is no way that they would have married otherwise, it's just a recipe for being miserable.
Very true. I know a couple who just split up and have hated each other for a while...and the only reason they married was because she was pregnant.
post #24 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacat
You raise a legitimate and important point about her drinking and smoking pot while pregnant--and you are absolutely right that that is the most important thing. But what matters about that is that she stop doing it. I think it would be better to expend your energy letting her know that it's important that she take care of her body now that she's pregnant--not trying to establish when the baby was conceived.
yes, they are going to come back from Georgia in Sept. and they are most likely going to come to visit us here and stay night or two, and were going to see if they are going to do the same thing, drink, smoke pot, or even smoke cigarettes.
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