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When children are sick...

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 
We had a barbecue last Saturday, and one of our friends came with his very sick child. She had woken up that morning with a brutal cough, and was sneezing, etc.

I have to say, I was a bit offended that he didn't call first to see if it was OK to bring her. This is a pet peeve of mine. I regularly have people with suppressed immune systems at my house, and it really bothers me that he did this.

Am I overreacting? When I was sick as I child, I always stayed home. I do have friends that stay home when their child is sick, so as not to spread the germs, and to hasten recovery. Unfortunately it seems like this is beginning to be an exception rather than the norm.
post #2 of 25
I think it reall depends on age and the type of sickness and the situation.

I think a cough/sneezing cold like symptoms isn't really a big deal because there is nothing you can do for a cold anyways, but I do think that bringing that to a bbq is a little gross in normal situations, but if you're friend knows that people in your house hold have weak immune systems then I would say you ARE NOT over reacting. I think he should have phoned to atleast ask or let you know the child was under the whether.

As a parent, I would never bring my sick child over to another person's get together where there would be a large gathering of people if he was running a fever, or throwing up or anything like that. I mean how good can it be for the sick child to be out and about when they should be resting to get better.
post #3 of 25
Yes, it seems that the "me,me,me" attitude has affected parenting, too. Gone are the days of letting the child stay home & recover How much nicer if your friend would have called, and you could have sent a nice note & maybe take over a toy or some kitty pics or a magazine to the patient As it happened, your friend made an imposition upon you & the rest of your guests. But it does speak well for your hospitality - that your friend & his child would rather get dragged out sick to attend rather than miss your BBQ!
post #4 of 25
Even if its a cold I think that the parent should keep their child home. In the beginning stages colds are very contagious. There's no reason that it should be risked that that child get everyone else at the barbeque sick. I totally agree with you Karen.

Same with people who try to "be tough" and come to work sick. Just stay home. I nor anyone else at the office wants your germs. I'm the person that people call in to at work and I don't think twice about telling them to stay home and rest.
post #5 of 25
I think that is rude..... My nieces and nephews were at my house for a few weeks when their Mom (ex SIL) called to say "By the way, Sara has ringworm, can you get some med to treat her". I was furious that she was so nonchalant about bringing a fungus into my home that my cats could catch.

I think its selfish regardless of the circumstances when someone is sick and cares nothing about the people around them catching it. I would have told your guest "Sorry but there are people here with a weak immune system that do not need to be exposed to any kind of cold" and if there were any hard feelings then so be it.
post #6 of 25
It seems rather irresponsible to me to drag an ill child to a social event. Not only do you run the risk of contagion, but the child needs rest, i.e., quiet time reading or being read to, playing board games, or even watching television. I don't believe it's the norm nowadays, though. Our families and friends no longer have small children, but just yesterday a colleague missed the school graduation celebration because his preschooler has a stomach virus, which everybody understood was an important reason for his absence (also at work sometimes; we have a few teachers with young children, and they have to stay home occasionally).
I have heard complaints from people with small children that they find very little compassion if they miss work to tend to sick offspring. What are they supposed to do, send the child to daycare/school ill? Not everybody has family members or reliable babysitters who can take over at short notice in such circumstances. A BBQ doesn't fit into that category, however.
post #7 of 25
That is very selfish of the parent. The kid probably did not want to be anywhere but parked in front of the TV sipping Sprite, and being dragged there exposed everyone at your BBQ to cold germs (or worse, whatever it was). The only reason they were there was because the parent wanted to go out and have fun.

I also hate it when people come to class/work/whatever sick. For one thing, you don't do much work and don't pay attention and there's no point being there, and for another then everyone else will get sick. I had to take a final sick once, and I came early and asked the professor if I could take it out in the hallway. He said yes. Even though it was distracting being out there I didn't want to make everyone else be sick and distracted by my coughing / snorting for their final!

I guess gone are the days when if your mom heard you cough you were in bed for three days, huh? Too bad. We'd probably all be healthier!
post #8 of 25
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by emily_325

Same with people who try to "be tough" and come to work sick. Just stay home. I nor anyone else at the office wants your germs. I'm the person that people call in to at work and I don't think twice about telling them to stay home and rest.
This another huge pet peeve of mine!! Why do they feel the need to infect everyone with their grems!!!!
post #9 of 25
My pet peeve is during cold and flu season....
The check-out clerks at my local supermarket are told to come to work when they are spewing germs from their runny noses, coughing & sneezing.

As they slide everything from my grocery cart over the scanner, their germs contaminate all of my purchases.
post #10 of 25
Originally Posted by AbbysMom
This another huge pet peeve of mine!! Why do they feel the need to infect everyone with their grems!!!!
That is a majo pet peeve of mine, our workers will 'need the money' and so come in, but they spend the day doing hard labour (construction work) and so make themselves more sick, but also the two other employees working with them that day and we end up with 3 guys off for a few days.

When we were sick as children, we stayed home and one of my parents stayed with us, we especially did not go to family functions if we were not 100% as my aunt was having cancer treatment and we didn't risk her getting sick so that we (as a family not the kids in general) could enjoy ourselves.
post #11 of 25
I think that the parents should have had their little one stay home. When I was a kid my parents used to force me to leave the house when I was sick all the time, and it was horrible for me. I remember once, my Dad pulled me out of bed when I had a temperature to go to an NBA basketball game just because he had tickets. I got so sick in the bathroom we had to leave at half time. It was an awful experience for me, and an embarrassing one for him.

I will also say that my SIL in an offender of this as well, she will bring all five of her kids with her where ever she goes, even if they are running fevers. For the well being of the child, leave them at home if they aren't feeling well.
post #12 of 25
Originally Posted by AbbysMom
This another huge pet peeve of mine!! Why do they feel the need to infect everyone with their grems!!!!
I feel the same but in my part tiem job it is really hard to call in sick.

Whatever is wrong with you, the manager will not believe you and will have an argument for why you can still come in.

And if you manage to convince her that you are really sick, she says "well, i hope you know you are letting the whole team down"

(I have had numerous colds and stomach upsets this past months passed to me by my co-workers as a result)
post #13 of 25
I think if you or your kids are sick, you should call the person that invited you to see if it is ok to bring them. However, if a child is coughing and sneezing, that is certainly spreading germs, and she should have stayed home.

The exception to the rule is if it is several families of kids, and they see each other all the time, so are exposed anyhow. Like my kids friends from the babysitters...if they had been together all week, and were already exposed, we would still have them visit even if they had a little cold.

Honestly, I think you need to call the parent and let them know that you were dismayed by her bringing an ill child to the barbeque. Let her know you are concerned about how the child is feeling. But also that you are worried about your other guests catching the cold. Maybe she will learn from your conversation!

When my Mom was immunocompromised due to chemo, she didn't even get to see her grandchildren if they had a little bug.
post #14 of 25
I've been known to go "with cold" to someone else's home, but NEVER while still sneezy, and NEVER without checking first.

I suppose there are situations where taking your sneezy-coughy kid with you would be preferable to staying home with her, but they are vanishingly few, and a BBQ is most assuredly not one of them. Your guest should at the very least have phoned and said "Jenny's feeling a bit under the weather, but would still like to come, if that's OK? Or would you rather we gave this one a miss?" -- though more appropriate would be "Jenny's got a cold. I don't think we should come. Thanks for the invitation. See you soon."

And that's just the polite thing to do, nevermind the wise thing being to keep his child home and let her get well. Seems to me his own need to have fun took precedence over both courtesy and parenting.
post #15 of 25
It is very rude to bring a sick child to someone elses home. As a mother, I always call, and cancel normally. Because when the girls are sick they are miserable! I hate being around them feeling so bad, and I know nobody else wants to spend their afternoon feeling sorry for my sick lil' girls. Sometimes as a single mom, I had to take them some places, but few and far between.
post #16 of 25
I think for the most part, it was very rude of them to bring their child sick.
But, I have also been one of THOSE parents...........though NO fault of my own.We were in Michigan for my Dad's funeral and my youngest son got the flu bug...vomitting.I had NO ONE to watch him and was too far from home.So, he went with us.I had hubby keep him away from everyone though.(Hubby had to go as he was a pallbearer.)He got the bug from someone at the viewing.I made sure to warn everyone ahead of time that he was sick and to not go around him.Thankfully he wasn't running a fever.
post #17 of 25
No way would I have done that. It makes it worse on your child. I know when I'm sick I just want the comfort of my own home and my children do too. Not to mention how it can infect other people. I think some parents are selfish.
If one of my boys are sick, I won't/don't think twice about calling in to work. My family comes first and I let EVERYONE know it too.
post #18 of 25
It may have been allergies.
post #19 of 25
i agree, you should not bring a sick child any place.

As for work, lol fat chance, here you are expected to show up unless you are on your death bed. how the boss thinks the work week is 3 days long.
post #20 of 25
Wow, I guess I've always been lucky. When I'm sick I've never had a problem getting off work. Well, I did work for somewhere strict once, but they had a lot of problems with people calling off the graveyard shift on weekends.

I showed up once at 2:00 am on a Saturday once with the flu and they were like-- Go home and go to bed. NOW! I must've looked like death warmed over.

That is odd how some bosses have 5-day weekends, isn't it?
post #21 of 25
Originally Posted by theimp98
i agree, you should not bring a sick child any place.

As for work, lol fat chance, here you are expected to show up unless you are on your death bed. how the boss thinks the work week is 3 days long.
I know how it can be about calling in sick - damned if you do, damned if you don't My daytime jobs were frequently that way; the co-workers and staff would be miffed either way - and there was no paid sick leave
At the dinnerhouse, it was the complete opposite. We co-workers would cover shifts for each other; in fact, you could call 4 hours in advance of a shift and the managers would bring in an "on-call" person (there were 2 on-calls per shift). The restaurant didn't want anyone sick at work. And if you had a special occasion or wanted simply some time off, to take the kids on an outing, or to go skiing, hiking, etc., it was very easy to trade shifts or hours It was a wonderful environment that bred loyalty among the staff I worked there for over 12 years, and still miss it very much, even though it's been 7 years now (I hurt my neck in a car accident, and still have bulging discs).
post #22 of 25
Originally Posted by catsknowme
I know how it can be about calling in sick - damned if you do, damned if you don't (I hurt my neck in a car accident, and still have bulging discs).
well, here we are so short staffed now that one person takes time off, it screws someone else. we have 4 network operation people, for 365 day data center.

also we are in a small office. so between us and the help desk people, if one person gets a cold,with in a month it goes to everyone else.

ouch sorry to hear about the discs, I have some issues with my discs also, If i had to really work again(like when i was in school) i could not do it, I hope you are doing better.
post #23 of 25
I guess it depends on how ill the child was, but I can lie its a pet peeve of mine to that usually happens at school. I feel like you bring your sick child to school, and they in turn affect every other child in their class, until my baby, with perfect attendance has to miss a day b/c now they are carrying your childs germs. BUT it is unrealistic to think that your child wont go on their own and find some sick friend to play with as well. In your situation, I would be p/o b/c that was a party NOT school and why would you bring your sick child to a BBQ where they will be coughing and sneezing and what not over everyone else that is there. Also, that would, at least for me, having to keep an eye on your child the whole time and I would not have a good time. It also must have been miserable for the poor child! But yes, long gone are the days where ppl feel the need to allow the sick to rest!
post #24 of 25
My best friend earned the nickname "Russian Flu Ramona" after she refused to stay home from college classes after she came down with it. I missed a week of classes and another one of our group developed pneumonia and suffered a collapsed lung.

As for the dragging sick kids around, I'll loosely quote what I often read in an etiquette forum - "But the chiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllllllllllllldren!" (In a whiny voice.)
post #25 of 25
Well, I hate to tell you this, but I would have asked the parent to take their sick child home. I am TOTALLY offended if a sick person comes to my home, be it child or adult. I have no desire to catch it myself. In fact I probably wouldn't let them in my house, sick.

As far as co-workers coming in to work sick: Yes, I am furious when they do. I understand that people need money, and at my job, we get no sick days off with pay. However, I think it is inconsiderate of anyone to deliberately spread their sick germs to other people. I say just stay home, if you're sick.
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