Why does he care??? vent!!

As most of you know.. I went through a horrible breakup with my ex last year, he left me for another woman and got engaged briefly after they started being together, I was devestated but I swallowed it.
For other reasons I am still in contact with him, its been a long time since I have forgiven them and I even talk to his Fiancee on the net occasionally.
Last night he told me she was pregnant and even showed me a picture of the pregnancy test being positive.
He just msged me again today with another pregnancy test being negative.

Up untill last week, he would sometimes send me msgs telling me that I shouldnt find another man and that I should wait for him to break up with her ect.
I told him I wasnt going to wait for someone who treated me so badly and that i have no trust in.

THe point is that he does love her.. Atleast i think so, but he just doesnt tell me, they plan to get married in the near future if she really is pregnant.
I am totally happy for them but I just dont understand why he ISNT HAPPY for ME??

He just found out about my new partner, and he keeps on calling him bad names and wants all information of him.
Why DOES HE CARE??
I just don't understand or how to deal with it!!!

I Know i can vent to you cat lovers as some of you have been in my situation.. but i just dont... UNDERSTAND!!!

Oh Fran...this guy seems to cause you so much grief. IMO you are even too good to talk to him at all!!

If he was a good man (and he truly wanted to be your friend) he would be happy for you to be involved with someone new and support you.

I hope all works out for the best

He acts like he cares because he wants to keep you hanging out on the side as a back up, so to speak, if things don't work out in his current relationship. If your not in a relationship, he seems to think he can just come back to you at any time... It's like a safety net.

I personally, and please don't take this badly, don't think you and him can carry on a healthy friendship together. It's not your fault, it's his.

Fran We all love you, and I don't think any of us are going to defend him because we all know what he put you through in the past. He doesn't even deserve to have the pleasure of calling you his friend

Tracy is absolutely right. He is a very lucky guy that you give him and his fiance the time of day after what he did to you.
He is most definately playing mind games with you, and likes to have control of you and the fact that you are clearly moving on, means he doesn't have that control anymore.
It rarely works that ex's manage to keep a friendship going after a serious relationship. Sometimes, no matter how much it hurts, you have to cut people out of your life altogether to let yourself move on.
You're worth more than this Fran

Originally Posted by squirtle

He acts like he cares because he wants to keep you hanging out on the side as a back up, so to speak, if things don't work out in his current relationship. If your not in a relationship, he seems to think he can just come back to you at any time... It's like a safety net.

I personally, and please don't take this badly, don't think you and him can carry on a healthy friendship together. It's not your fault, it's his.

Fran

We all love you, and I don't think any of us are going to defend him because we all know what he put you through in the past. He doesn't even deserve to have the pleasure of calling you his friend

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I know, I honestly dont believe anyone can have a heathy relationship with him, he puts his gf through miserable things, sometimes it sounds worse than what he was like with me!
Well I hope reality has finally hit him that he isnt going to come back to me.
He just talks to me as if he is still suffering from our break up, and i dont really understand it because He was the one that left me, i was the one that nearly killed him, I just think that it should be the other way around.. But I dont, I am really happy that I'm not in a relationship with him anymore.
Thanks for letting me vent, I just needed to get it out to someone!
I cant talk to any of my current friends because they werent here when it all happened, and i dont feel like going into detail to them about it, so i feel alot better telling you guys!



I love you all too

Originally Posted by Miss Mew

Oh Fran...this guy seems to cause you so much grief. IMO you are even too good to talk to him at all!!

If he was a good man (and he truly wanted to be your friend) he would be happy for you to be involved with someone new and support you.

I hope all works out for the best

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he doesnt cause me grief at the moment, infact i dont feel anything towards him, In my eyes he is just an idiot!!

Originally Posted by Pombina

Tracy is absolutely right. He is a very lucky guy that you give him and his fiance the time of day after what he did to you.
He is most definately playing mind games with you, and likes to have control of you and the fact that you are clearly moving on, means he doesn't have that control anymore.
It rarely works that ex's manage to keep a friendship going after a serious relationship. Sometimes, no matter how much it hurts, you have to cut people out of your life altogether to let yourself move on.
You're worth more than this Fran

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I know But it wouldnt hurt me that i have to cut him out of my life, I really actually want to, but he just owes my father alot of money so this is the reason why I cant.

I just couldnt believe it the other week, he called me just before midnight and asked me :censor::censor::censor: I am!!? Because i wasnt online for 2 days in a row... I just thought he was crazy!

Yes, what's up with this guy, anyway???

He wants you to remain single so that he can get back together with you in the event he breaks up with his current girlfriend? Whatever. Sounds like he wants to keep you hanging in the wings...he's leaving you for re-bound material. Ugh. And how would current girlfriend feel if she knew he was sending you these types of messages? We hardly have to guess. He's not exactly being faithful to her, either. He's up to his old tricks again!!!

And the jealousy is SOOO obvious here with your new SO. If he can't speak nicely or remain neutral about him, he's jealous, and isn't capable of being happy for you.

Sounds like we have a serious jerk on our hands. I too would find it hard to maintain a friendship with this one.

He keeps on saying "just tell me when you F*** him, so i wont care anymore"

" he will rip you appart, noone will ever be as good as me in the bedroom"


I just have to crack up because how can he be so sure??
He really makes him self look really stupid!!

Fran, dear. you deserve so much better than him. He is just wanting to keep you as back-up in case things go wrong with his current squeeze. Just like he did before. Maybe when he starts that "he is still suffering from our break up" junk or when he gives his opinion about you having someone new, just calmly tell him that you are not interested in his opinion. Nothing more, just that you are not interested.

Originally Posted by wookie130

Yes, what's up with this guy, anyway???

He wants you to remain single so that he can get back together with you in the event he breaks up with his current girlfriend? Whatever. Sounds like he wants to keep you hanging in the wings...he's leaving you for re-bound material. Ugh. And how would current girlfriend feel if she knew he was sending you these types of messages? We hardly have to guess. He's not exactly being faithful to her, either. He's up to his old tricks again!!!

And the jealousy is SOOO obvious here with your new SO. If he can't speak nicely or remain neutral about him, he's jealous, and isn't capable of being happy for you.

Sounds like we have a serious jerk on our hands. I too would find it hard to maintain a friendship with this one.

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I know He makes the Jealousy wayy too obvious, I really wonder when she will catch him saying all these things!

If he doesnt stop I will just copy and paste what he writes to me to her. So they can have their "stress" and ill have my peace for a while

Originally Posted by katachtig

Fran, dear. you deserve so much better than him. He is just wanting to keep you as back-up in case things go wrong with his current squeeze. Just like he did before. Maybe when he starts that "he is still suffering from our break up" junk or when he gives his opinion about you having someone new, just calmly tell him that you are not interested in his opinion. Nothing more, just that you are not interested.

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I have told him before that I am not interested in listening to his rubbish or his opinions, he will stop for a few days and start all over again

I need a better line

Ewwww...he does NOT need to know when you're intimate with your current boyfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a yucky request...as IF that would make it easier for him!!!!

Originally Posted by fwan

I have told him before that I am not interested in listening to his rubbish or his opinions, he will stop for a few days and start all over again

I need a better line

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No - you just need to use the broken record technique. Wears them down .

Him: Blah blah blah
You: Not interested.
(Notice there is no explanation)
Him: But Blah Blah Blah
You: Not interested.

Thing is to give him no reaction. After awhile, he will lose interest.

Didn't he move to another country????
I agree with the others-he wants you as a fallback ready and waiting for him in case this current "relationship" falls through!!

Yeah he did move to another country

Unless there is a financial reason... ie one of you owes the other money, there is no good reason for the two of you to speak.
My ex and I have some mutual friends.. Haven't seen him thank god in probably 3 years. Anyway every time I saw him he would talk about how much he missed me, what went wrong, blah, blah. He would monopolize my time and attention in a social setting, like a party. I would usually end up upset.. So think about it. What are YOU getting from this continued friendship?
In some situations I do think it's okay to still be in contact or friends with ex.. I had two of them at my wedding even.

Aw fran I have to agree with everybody else,He sounds like he 'wants his cake and eat it' he's trying to keep you hanging on in case his new gf dumps him.It sounds like he thinks you still love him and he thinks you would have him back when he snaps his fingers.
Just by him saying "just tell me when you F*** him, so i wont care anymore"
He is trying to emotionally blackmail you into thinking if you go with anybody else then there will never be a chance for you two again,and by saying " he will rip you appart, noone will ever be as good as me in the bedroom" he's playing mind games in the hope you will think you will never find anybody better than him.

Don't play his mind games fran,Leave him to mess his own head up

You need a better line Fran ?,Tell him he's not having his cake and eating it!!!

Originally Posted by fwan

He keeps on saying "just tell me when you F*** him, so i wont care anymore"

" he will rip you appart, noone will ever be as good as me in the bedroom"


I just have to crack up because how can he be so sure??

He really makes him self look really stupid!!

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What an idiot... Staying away from him is the wisest thing you can do.

Fran, IMO, your ex realizes now that he made a big, big mistake in letting you go! What an idiot thing to do!! But you are WAY TOO GOOD for him, and he knows it and knows that you are probably the best thing that ever did and ever will happen in his life. When he says that no one can be better than him, he really means that no one can be better than you (We here at TCS knew that all along ). Sorry that his current GF has to put up with him now, but "payback's a 'not fun'" , to put it politely - she thought it was fun hooking him - and now the trap is sprung - she should start preaching warning messages for women who fall for someone else's man, sorta like former alcoholics and formerly abused women do!
I do hope that your father gets his money back - is there anyway he can go to the courts & get a judgment??