Love language?

lookingglass

lookingglass

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My SIL reads her first book in 10 years and it's about relationships. Well she keeps telling me that I have to learn my husband's "love language" and I have to learn to "serve him better". Can someone explain this to me? I avoid the relationship area in the book store because it has coodies.
 
pushylady

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I asked my husband for his opinion, but he didn't want to hazard a guess for fear of the repercussions!
Umm, I think it's kinda gross for her to be telling you that about her brother anyways!
 
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lookingglass

lookingglass

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Originally Posted by pushylady

I asked my husband for his opinion, but he didn't want to hazard a guess for fear of the repercussions!
Umm, I think it's kinda gross for her to be telling you that about her brother anyways!
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I know!! It is a bit odd, but she keeps talking about this book. I honestly don't know what to say.

She also is a bit upset that I don't do his laundry. I've told her that the day he looses his arms I will teach him to fold with his feet!
 
satai

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Originally Posted by lookingglass

I know!! It is a bit odd, but she keeps talking about this book. I honestly don't know what to say.

She also is a bit upset that I don't do his laundry. I've told her that the day he looses his arms I will teach him to fold with his feet!
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Good for you. Everyone has to figure this stuff out for themselves, and I suspect that every happy couple does that together, not by paying attention to other's advice.

What makes BF and I happy together, or seems like a fair sharing of joint burdens, is about us - I wouldn't assume that it would work for someone else - and I would assume that anyone else's system would work for us.

I think I might know what's going on with SIL, though. She's read it, she is hoping that by doing as the book suggests she'll get something she wants (happier relationship, more attention from hubby/BF, praise from society as a 'good wife' or 'wife material' or possibly some other award), but she's not certain, so she's recruiting others who will either hopefully support her and tell her this is a good way of getting her object, or she will get attention for her efforts to be a good wife/potential wife.
 
MoochNNoodles

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I think I read the book you are referring to. It's not all that bad. It just kind of explains that people have their 'love need' met differently. For example, one 'language' is Words of Affirmation and another is Quality Time. Yes Acts of Service is one, but the author isn't talking about the usual thing that gets women all riled up. He's talking about doing something for the one you love, because you love them. And it's not written by a man toward women. It's written for either sex, although I believe there is a version out geared to wards men and one for children also. Now someone can take the book and mix it all up (like it sounds your sil may have done to some extent) but there is really nothing anyone can do about that unless she sees that.

Now my husband falls under the 'Acts of Service' category, but for him that just means lending a hand when he's involved with some project. Now when we first got married I couldn't figure out why he would go and get so upset over me not wanting to go to Lowes with him 10 million times to find just the right shelves. But now I understand better and make a point to help out because I know he appreciates it. Not saying I do every time, but enough for him to know I care.

I on the other hand fall under the 'Physical Touch' category. If my husband and I are really busy and don't see each other except maybe in conversation, I find myself getting down. But so long as a few nights a week we just lay together on the couch for a bit and he plays with my hair or scratches my back (somehow that is soooo relaxing!) I'm good. Just sitting there talking isn't good enough, it's got to be some sort of non-sexual touching.
 
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lookingglass

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Originally Posted by MoochNNoodles

I think I read the book you are referring to. It's not all that bad. It just kind of explains that people have their 'love need' met differently. For example, one 'language' is Words of Affirmation and another is Quality Time. Yes Acts of Service is one, but the author isn't talking about the usual thing that gets women all riled up. He's talking about doing something for the one you love, because you love them. And it's not written by a man toward women. It's written for either sex, although I believe there is a version out geared to wards men and one for children also. Now someone can take the book and mix it all up (like it sounds your sil may have done to some extent) but there is really nothing anyone can do about that unless she sees that.

Now my husband falls under the 'Acts of Service' category, but for him that just means lending a hand when he's involved with some project. Now when we first got married I couldn't figure out why he would go and get so upset over me not wanting to go to Lowes with him 10 million times to find just the right shelves. But now I understand better and make a point to help out because I know he appreciates it. Not saying I do every time, but enough for him to know I care.

I on the other hand fall under the 'Physical Touch' category. If my husband and I are really busy and don't see each other except maybe in conversation, I find myself getting down. But so long as a few nights a week we just lay together on the couch for a bit and he plays with my hair or scratches my back (somehow that is soooo relaxing!) I'm good. Just sitting there talking isn't good enough, it's got to be some sort of non-sexual touching.
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Now this seems far more reasonable than what she was talking about. I'm still a bit shaky about the book though. I may try to get a copy from the library, and read it at night, alone, with no one watching.
 
MoochNNoodles

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Originally Posted by lookingglass

Now this seems far more reasonable than what she was talking about. I'm still a bit shaky about the book though. I may try to get a copy from the library, and read it at night, alone, with no one watching.
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I did enjoy the book. I actually just gave my best friend's sister a copy for her bridal shower gift. If you do read it, let me know what you think.
 
lilleah

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I have that book. As soon as I seen the title to this thread..I knew what it was about. It's a good book. Although, my man doesnt think we need "love languages"
It's worth reading. You can find out so much more about you SO, and how to work them the right way.
In fact, that book saved my aunt and uncles relationship.
She's the one who suggested it to me.
 
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While I think reading too many books on relationships will surely ruin a relationship, I do think men and women think differently. And of course each person is unique. So it is important to learn what your mate needs to feel loved by you.

I'm not sure simply doing laundry would make your hubby feel more loved. Especially if you are totally opposed to it, and would resent doing it! But the idea of doing something for a spouse or S.O. is a good one. Like I used to almost always cook, because I got home from work so much before dh. Now he is unemployed, and he cooks dinner almost every night. I feel very fortunate that he is doing the cooking.

Anyhow, I'm not necessarily saying to get the book, but I think it does give couples some good ideas.
 
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If anyone here has read my posts in the "Our quirky SO's" thread, I would like to know what you feel my husband's love language is.


Infant, Caveman, Viking, or Tongues?


Oh well. I am the one woman in the world that actually understands and appreciates my hubby's oddities...I embrace them and nurture them in my own way.
 
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