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post #1 of 41
Thread Starter 
I am not one to support declawing, however my parents have said that if I do not declaw my kitten (who is about 4 months old) then they will not pay for my rent and bills while I am in college. What should I do?
post #2 of 41
unless you can get a job and pay for it yourself I say try softclaws. Try them out to see how it goes it might change their minds
post #3 of 41
It is unfair of your parents to blackmail you into declawing your kitten... maybe you should have a discussion with them about how much it will upset you to declaw your kitten. Do it calmly, without yelling or freaking out.

Most people who want to declaw or are considering it have not researched it enough to fully understand what it really is. Maybe if you find some articles on it, or a documentary on it, it could at least persuade them to wait and see? Alot of people believe that declawing is a routine surgery that almost goes along with having an indoor cat. It is not. It is an amputation of the toes which can cause behavioral problems far worse than inappropriate scratching.

Every argument against declawing has been made on these forums about 100 times, if you do a search of the forum maybe you can find some good ammo.

If your parents put so many strings on supporting you in college though, maybe you need to talk to them about that too though. Is the kitten living with you, or staying with them while you are at school?
post #4 of 41
Thread Starter 
my kitten will be living with me. I think my parents main concern is that she will destroy my furniture since I will not be home a whole whole lot, but I was planning on using the soft claws, which I looked at today and they have in kitten size. There was also this sticky paws tape stuff, that i had never heard of before and don't know anything about really. I would like to get her a friend once I move up to Lubbock with her that way she isn't alone all of the time I am at school and working
post #5 of 41
There is a lot of information on declawing in this thread. Can you try to educate your parents about what declawing entails?

post #6 of 41
Thread Starter 
i have shown them the threads and they have a cat that they declawed which they still allow to go outside... they think of pets as below them in a way. like they don't need love and attention. They don't think they soft claws will work even tho my kitten has not torn anything in my room up yet and i have had her since May. She rarely even claws at my rugs.
post #7 of 41
If your cat is living with you, I really don't understand the insistence on declawing. Are they buying you nice furniture? If so why don't you tell them you don't need nice furniture and would rather have your kitten with all her claws.

Or tell them to compromise, and if she starts clawing your stuff then you'll consider it. Since it is pretty easy to prevent a cat from scratching, esp with SoftClaws, you'll never have to "consider" it. Sneaky I guess, but certainly not immoral.
post #8 of 41
Thread Starter 
i didn't want the new furnuture I got and the only thing i really got she could harm is a couch. I do not have a love seat or any chairsd except my dining table which is mostly metal. I will talk to them some more and see if I can do the trial basis. I do not truely understand why they care so much because they would never be in lubbock and if she did any damage to my couch i would still use it. Thank you all for your help and I will keep you posted on my what my parents decide. Have your fingers crossed for me
post #9 of 41
Have you told them about softpaws?
post #10 of 41
I agree with giving your parents some info about declawing and soft paws- your parents are probably of the generation that believed declawing was a simple and normal thing. Please reassure them that you will take every step to insure that kitty does not destroy any property and that you have the destructive tendencies well in hand with training and soft paws. Maybe they just don't know about this stuff. Good luck!
post #11 of 41
Ok if they are never going to be where you are, just lie to them.

Alternatively, consider trying to go to school with out there support - it sounds like they are having a little power trip for themselves on your time - buying you stuff (but which they clearly don't think of as yours to do with as you like), threatening you over something that doesn't affect them at all.

If they don't care about cats, or why declawing is bad, or what can happen to a declawed cat that goes outside, you will never convince them that you are right and that they are wrong.

The only thing left to do is stand up for yourself and the life you are responsible for.
post #12 of 41
Honestly, I would lie to them too. If they are being that unreasonable...Tell them if you want her declawed then you give me the money for it and then go out and buy her some soft claws. haha that might be hard to do but they are being really stupid about it.
post #13 of 41
Warning: gruesome pictures of a declaw surgery (don't click if you're squeamish) but maybe if they see that they'll change their minds.
post #14 of 41
It's unfair of your parents to blackmail you into declawing your kitty. I'd be tempted to call their bluff. You're an adult and the cat is yours so tell them that you won't be declawing him/her. If they then refuse to help you through college then that's a separate problem that you (and they) will have to deal with. After all, even if you went ahead and declawed your kitty, what other conditions are they going to attach to their financial help?
post #15 of 41
when i was in school, my stuff all came from the stuff other people trossed out. you would shocked at some of the good stuff you can find along side the road at 3am

i would agree that there is still some control issue there.

this is mean, but i still remember being 19, my father coming over and yelling at about me having a cat and ferret in the apartment, and the fun i had saying , you dont pay the bills here i do. heheh.

Good luck, and no yelling
post #16 of 41
Thread Starter 
ok wow those pics were bad. thanks for all your support everyone. I will try talking to them more and then I will lie if that doesn't work because y'all are right about this being a control thing. It seems like everytime I turn around my mom is threatening to cut me off because I did something she doesn't like. I have been looking into loans and other things and some of my friends who are more self-sufficient are going to help me see what loans i can get if my parents do indeed follow through for once.
post #17 of 41
Originally Posted by TexbabyJ
I have been looking into loans and other things and some of my friends who are more self-sufficient are going to help me see what loans i can get if my parents do indeed follow through for once.
Good for you! It is hard to start out on your own, but everyone has to do it eventually. When I moved out of my parents house 3 years ago and started paying all of my own bills, I felt so responsible! Good luck
post #18 of 41
Originally Posted by TexbabyJ
then I will lie if that doesn't work
i would say dont lie.but you are a adult.
you know your mom and dad best.
post #19 of 41
Originally Posted by TexbabyJ
ok wow those pics were bad. thanks for all your support everyone. I will try talking to them more and then I will lie if that doesn't work because y'all are right about this being a control thing. It seems like everytime I turn around my mom is threatening to cut me off because I did something she doesn't like. I have been looking into loans and other things and some of my friends who are more self-sufficient are going to help me see what loans i can get if my parents do indeed follow through for once.

Yay! I was also going to suggest talking to a financial aid counselor at your school about ways to pay for school on your own. Not just because of the immediate kitty issue, but as someone else said, what other kinds of strings are they going to attach to this, and other things? It's hard on your own, but not the end of the world--remember that lots of the students around you have no or very little help from parents for a variety of reasons. If they can do it, you can too.
post #20 of 41
Okay, this is going against the grain here, but I do not think you should lie to your parents and there is nothing Financial Aid can do for you on your own if a) your parents can afford to pay for your school (which they probably can, if they can afford all your rent and bills and tuition) and b) they will not fill out the FAFSA, which if they're willing to cut you off they're willing to not fill out the FAFSA.

My father is a controlling psychopath too, and I've had a heck of a time getting through school. Things will be different once you move. But I honestly, from personal experience, recommend that you do as much as you reasonably can to get them to pay for school. If your parents decide to control you, they can feasibly prevent you from going to school at all unless you can pay for everything yourself WITHOUT loans or financial aid, which you won't be able to get until you are 23 without their consent. You don't have good enough credit to get loans by yourself, and Financial Aid can't do a thing if you are still a dependent student, which you are.

I really don't want you to get your kitty declawed, but do not ruin your life over this. Talk to them, and try to change their mind, but don't lie (you will get caught!) and don't tell them you don't need their money because you do.
post #21 of 41
I don't think you should lie either.

If the couch or a couple pieces of furniture are the only reason they want the kitten declawed, give them back to your parents. Buy yourself a few pieces of used furniture in the classifieds or at a thrift store. If their only reason for wanting it done is to keep their thumb on you, well... At some point you will have to make a decision whether that kind of behaviour on their part is going to be allowed to continue. When you draw that line can have significant consequenses, so make sure you choose the right place and time.

It would kill me to do this and I would probably only do it as a last resort, but it's another option. If they won't relent, consider placing your kitten in a home with someone you know will be a good parent and adopt an already declawed cat or kitten from the shelter. For some reason there always seems to be quite of few of them there. At least that might allow you to continue your education at their expense without mutilating the kitten, while providing a home for another cat.
post #22 of 41
While I do agree with cinder, declawed cats have many problems, which are listed in detail throughout this site, and are often the reason they are given up in the first place.
I'm not sure how common this in in the USA but could you take a gap year or two? If you defered your place at uni then you could work a full time job and earn the money you need to study. Its quite common in the UK. If you got a job near your uni you could also work while you study. Give it a thought anyway
post #23 of 41
That's true cata_mint, that is why many are there in the first place. But they still need homes too. I'm hoping it never comes to that for TexbabyJ and that she can work out a compromise with her parents.

If given that alternative and no other options, I would place one of my cats in another home before I'd declaw them.

Worst case scenario...you declaw the kitten, which then develops problems....like peeing on that special couch.
post #24 of 41
Okay... yes, declawing may cause behavioral problems, however, those cats aren't usually up for adoption. The previously declawed cats up for adoption have passed the tests usually, for not house soiling or being aggressive. In a kill shelter, cats who bite or won't use a box are put down, and in no-kills they are usually adopted as "permanent residents" who live at the shelter for life and are not up for adoption.

Getting a previously declawed cat from a shelter then, is way better for many reasons if you must have a declawed kitty. For one, you aren't mutilating another cat, and for another you already know if it currently has issues resulting from it's declaw. No guarantee that they won't develop any of the possible other problems, but then we can't gaurantee the health of any cat for the future!

However, the best case scenario in this instance is that her parents don't try to make her declaw her kitten and she can keep her baby kitty! I am really optimistic that it can work somehow.
post #25 of 41
gosh i have a feeling this post could make me pretty unpopular really fast but heres my opinion:

ive owned two declawed cats in the past, that i personally took to the vet and had declawed, and never had any behavior problems out of either. i dont think wanting to keep your furniture from being all torn up is a bad reason to have it done. ive never heard of declawing causing any sort of problems with cats and i am not against doing it. i looked at those pictures of the surgery and honestly, it doesnt look that bad to me. no surgery is pretty but thats actually one of the least gruesome ive ever seen. its up to each individual if they think its a good idea or not for their own circumstances. i would NEVER let a declawed cat outside though.

post #26 of 41
well jaycee - I'm not going to go into all the reasons against declawing here as that's been done so many times before - but bear in mind the OP does not want to declaw her cat. Her cat is not tearing up her furniture. It's her parents who are wanting her to declaw the cat as a condition of college funding.
post #27 of 41
I've always loved what my now deceased ex-husband used to say when he said you never truly know a person until you know their boundaries. And, you can't truly love a person until or unless you know them. Your parents don't seem to have a problem making their boundaries known, it's time you begin to let them know where yours are.

Being that your kitten is yours, you can tell them you will not have your kitten declawed. Tell them this and tell them all the reasons morally and ethically why you cannot do this to another living thing. If they don't respect your wishes, they can choose to "cut you off" but they won't. Believe me, they want you to go to college a whole hell of a lot more than they want your kitten declawed. Think about it.

Every time they bring it up after your initial boundary discussion just *calmly* tell them, "I've already discussed this with you, what more do you want to know?

Then when they persist, tell them, "I will be devastated if I cannot go to college, but I will be more devastated to knowingly harm a kitten I know I can train to refrain from scratching over time." Tell them you cannot get financial aid grants and loans either and working yourself will not cover the cost of a degree, so you'll be forced to work at McDonalds. Don't freak out when they say, "Okay, I guess you'll be working at McDonalds then." Just go fill out the application.

Eventually you will no longer be under their wing, so to speak, and then you WILL be able to get both grants and loans via the federal government, and you deserve these. By the way, everyone deserves love and respect, both.

If they continue arguing with you, just say, "I've nothing left to say. I'm really sorry you are forcing this on me, I wish it weren't so but I feel strongly about declawing."

If I am wrong, and after a month or so of you sticking to this routine with them, if they really aren't going to pay for your college over a kitten, then ask your parents if your giving the kitten away will be an acceptable compromise. Tell them that shelters often find homes for unwanted pets but do not say exactly how you plan on getting rid of the kitten. If this will make your parents happy, give the kitten to a close friend to hold for you--but do not tell your parents anything except that you gave the kitten away, end of story.

Do not speak of it again with them. Learn to change the subject graciously. Practice practice practice. It's a skill you'll be needing.

Have the friend give the kitten back once you are firmly ensconced in college. In this way you are not lying.

You need to start laying out these type of boundaries with your parents anyway, given they're being so unreasonable. Always be very clear, and never talk about things beyond what is required to be clear--don't go into too many details. This is how pulling back works with controlling parents--you're essentially training them....

However, I strongly suggest you might want to get the support of a good counselor and work with him/her on this parents problem. That type of work will pay off big time in the long run, believe me. It's not going to be easy, so you might as well get someone who is on your side for support. Many people use counselors in this way, they go for the express purpose of working on a specific relationship, or parents, or even any life change (like going to college) and when they are done, it is agreed the therapy ends. All universities have counselors who are usually both good and cheap if not free. In the meantime, see if you can get someone locally to help you with this.

Keep us posted too, I hope.
post #28 of 41
Thread Starter 
I had a long talk with my dad this past weekend and showed him the pics. While he is not an animal person he is more down to earth than my mother. He said he would be willing to give me a chance to train my kittne not to claw up anything. He says that if he coems to visit and my furniture has been torn up that I will have tow options, get rid of the cat or declaw her. I don't think she and I will have any problems with her clawing up my furniture, my biggest fear is that she might do it out of boredom because I will not be there for a good chunk of the day. She was used to me working 4 days out of the week so hopefully she will be fine.
post #29 of 41
glad to hear he is coming around, good luck!
post #30 of 41
Originally Posted by jaycee
ive owned two declawed cats in the past, that i personally took to the vet and had declawed, and never had any behavior problems out of either.

i currently have 2 declawed cats, one of which i had declawed, & have owned 3 more previously. only 1 had what i would term 'biting' issues, & IMO, she had cause. none ever had litterbox issues related to the declaw. one had a litterbox problem related to an intestinal infection that i didn't catch quickly enough...Chip occasionally will put his teeth on me, but doesn't actually bite. Pixel never even tries, regardless of how unhappy she is with whatever is going on. Mouse never tried to bite, either.

i'm glad your dad is willing to give you & the kitty a chance. make sure she has other things around to claw instead of your furniture!
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