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I don't know what to do anymore!

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
I am at a loss! I do not know what to do about my stress level. This past week my children have turned into messy, spoiled, not listening devils! They are 11,9 and 5. My house is turned upside down from them. They have cleaned up the same rooms over and over 3 to 5 times a day yet to still mess up. I am not talking about a few blocks or books here and there I am talking about stuff everywhere. I am not feeling good to start off with and hubby is not making anything any easier. His response to my tear soaked face was well your home all day just tell them to clean! I swear I saw myself lunge forward to strangle him lol On top of that I have my MIL living with us who has NEVER lifted a finger to help cook, clean, wash towels, scrub bathroom nothing, nada, not even to vacuum her own area where she is staying at! Just because I am a SAHM doesn't mean I should do everything. Am I wrong? I never get a break. I never get a vacation. I never go anywhere without my kids. The only friend I have is my sister. I just feel helpless. I don't know what to do anymore! Well I am done venting time to go clean yet again cuz I am supose to do everything! Yet get no credit for it being done!
post #2 of 14
If you are just looking for someone to listen, let me please say that I understand.

If you are looking for advice, there are some things you can try:

1. Make the kids clean the mess - no breaks, no playing, no nothing til the WHOLE house is finished.
2. Restrict their play area to their bedrooms. Nothing in the bedroom is allowed outside of the bedroom or it will be confiscated for two weeks.
3. If that doesn't work, make them clean the whole house again, and them put them under 'house arrest' in their bedrooms - they can only come out to eat, use loo, etc.
post #3 of 14
Sorry you are having a bad day ....... someone once told me ......."you must take care of yourself in order to give your best to others" ..........and I always took that to mean .......make time for myself ...... with 2 grown adults there (hubby and MIL) go take a breather ..... whatever that may be ..... a walk, a manicure, a spa treatment, shopping ...... just something to make yourself feel better and help to clear your thinking ......... then come home and lay the law down LOL ........
post #4 of 14
Call Nanny 911 and she'll sort them out
post #5 of 14
Been there, felt like that. You need some 'me' time, lock yourself in the bathroom with a nice relaxing bubblebath, a glass of wine and some soothing music or a good book.
I also used to let the kids rampage all day then have a grand clear-up before tea, if they didn't put their stuff away they didn't get any pudding!
I think it is too hard to have a tidy house all day with children around, and this way you are only nagging once a day not all the time and you and they should be more relaxed. I found with mine (three homegrown and up to three fosters) that the more I nagged the less they listened.
post #6 of 14
I like the Dr. Phil approach. If they don't do what they are told, remove everything, toys, tvs, books, except the bed and their clothing, put it away where they can't get to it, and make them earn it back.
post #7 of 14
Originally Posted by krazy kat2
I like the Dr. Phil approach. If they don't do what they are told, remove everything, toys, tvs, books, except the bed and their clothing, put it away where they can't get to it, and make them earn it back.
That is how I was raised. My parents decided that I was a bit too bratty one day and took EVERYTHING (except for my sheets) out of my room. It took me over a month to get it back. I will admit I wasn't the easiest child to raise, but now that I look back on it I really did have wonderful parents. Do it now, not later. They will thank you in the long run.
post #8 of 14
I know exactly how you feel. I am also a stay at home mom with three kids 13, 9 and 3. My 9 year old also is ADHD. I also home school my kids which is even more pressure and my husband does not do anything to help me with the kids or even around the house. He told me once that "You were the one who decided to be a stay at home mom." That statement will be with me forever and makes me mad everytime I think about that.

I told him one day that I would be happy to go back to work but he would either have to stay at home with the kids or he would have to figure out how we are going to afford private schools (public schools really suck where we live) and then also daycare for the baby. He has stayed at home for a 2 months and he absolutly hated it.

I don't have any advise to give because I don't know what to do either. But I am glad that I am not the only one out there who feels this way.
post #9 of 14
I don't have any better advise about your children other than what's been suggested.
About your MIL though..... How old is she?? any health problems??? Does she contribute to household expenses???
I think it was either Ann Landers or perhaps Dr Phil says it too---you have done all this housework without getting help-well stop. If you MIL is capable she should pitch in-you have allowed her to get away with not doing anything.
Make a list of items she could help would with and I would sit down with her and DH to discuss this. Your children should have a list of items they can help you with too. They are old enough to start helping out.
When you husband has a day off or if he doesn't work weekends-leave for the day and let him experience what you are going through every day-it should be an eye opener for him.
post #10 of 14
I would think of it this way. He works 9-5 (or whatever is standard 8 to 9 hour shift is) and I'm sure he works hard. What he needs to understand is that you work at your job (stay at home mom) 9-5 as well, and you work just as hard as he does. When he gets home and "gets off work", so do you, because with the both of you there together, it stops becoming a job, and it starts becoming a partnership and parenting. That means he can help put the dishes from dinner away while you get the kids in for their bath. He can read them a bedtime story while you get the last of the laundry folded and put away. Then, when you both have completed your household and parenting duties for the day, you get to spend quality time together.

You wouldn't expect him to be at his job from the moment he wakes until the moment he sleeps, and he can't expect the same from you. And he need to understand and respect the fact that your job is just as demanding and requires just as much skill as his job and deserves just as much respect from the people around you. While he's gone, you are running your family. I can't think of any job that he should value so much as that.

As for the MIL, I would just stop cleaning up after her. If she can't vacuum her own floor, then let her walk on a dirty floor. I think she'll figure it out pretty quickly.

post #11 of 14
I agree with the above post 110% Is your MIL capable of being in charge as a babysitter?? Then maybe you could schedule a 3 hour break from the kids on a daily basis. Or maybe you could explain to your MIL that if she could clean her own living area, it would really help you out. Perhaps she doesn't want to clean because so many people prefer to do it a certain way, or she might think you'll consider it a criticism of your housekeeping skills, when it really needs to be a partnership, not a contest. The MIL situation is a toughie, all right - as my grandma used to say ,"Only one spider to a web".
post #12 of 14
What men don't understand with being a SAHM is they may get off work at 5-6 pm and off on the weekends and thier job is done. Being a SAHM.... your job is NEVER DONE!...NEVER! You don't get a "lunch" hour, or "sick days" or "vacation days".. It's a 24/hour, 7days a week, 365 day a year job!
I too was a SAHM... I enjoyed it SO much, I went BACK TO WORK!

My suggestion is take a couple hours to have a bubble bath and pamper yourself... Let the house go for a day or two...
Tell your MIL to get off her rear and either pay rent or help out
and tell your DH that you're going to hurt him in his sleep if he doesn't help out... seriously... you HAVE to have this time or you can't function properly
post #13 of 14
How about reducing their toys. Pack a lot of them in boxes and rotate them in and out - that way they have less to make a mess with.

Also, do you have a good friend or neighbor you can have help you out? When my kids were little, I had a neighbor (also with kids) and when one of us was at our 'wits end' we would call the other one and they would take the others kids for an hour or two.

How about more outside activities... wear them out. Going to the park, swimming etc. I always remember the saying... no good dog like a tired dog - same goes with kids.

Also, staying on a really good routine might help. Get on a schedule. Someone mentioned Nanny 911. I used to help babysit for a nanny that ran a daycare and that was the key to her success... a SET schedule.

Good luck
post #14 of 14
To your MIL say, Mom, you wouldn't mind watching the kids for awhile while I go shopping would you? Thanks. Oh, and by the way while I'm gone make sure that they pick up their rooms and put all their stuff from the rest of the house away... Um, and could you start dinner...
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