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Has anyone been divorced...

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
and gone back to using their maiden name? I am already divorced, but kept my married name just because I've been at my job 10 years with that name and it just seemed simpler to keep what I have as everyone knows me by that . Its really bothering my bf (we are pretty serious) that I didn't change my name. He says he feels like I am still connected to my ex and he hates to introduce me to people with that last name. Also, when we were in Mexico, I had booked the room and everyone thought we were married, so they were calling him Mr. "Ex-husband's last name". He was not happy.
So, long story short--how hard is it to change? Where do I even start? Need help please.
post #2 of 16
Take your divorce papers and birth cert to the court. It's only $75 to change it.. just fill out the paperwork and it's done!
post #3 of 16
I don't know what the laws are, in your state but there is more to a name change, than just the legal stuff. You will have to get a new Social Security card and driver's license. In addition, there is your bank account, credit cards, job, insurance and a host of other stuff that will have to be dealt with.

After my last divorce, it took me almost a week, to get everything changed over. I had to take my divorce decree to the Social Security office and get a new card, before I could get any of the other stuff done.
post #4 of 16
I was only married four months.....ex-hubby had a thing for chicks much bigger than me, and I am a big ole girl.......I never changed my name on many things. But, you shouldn't have to pay to have it changed. You should have a clause in the divorce that states you may take your maiden name back. basically the change has already been paid for. At most DMV's it is only 10 dollars. Social Security is free
post #5 of 16
Check your divorce decree, to see if that clause is included - I made sure that it was in mine. In my case, I returned to using my late husband's last name.
post #6 of 16
I've been divorced twice. Luckily I never took either of my husbands name, so I didn't have to go thru any of that.
post #7 of 16
Well, that's the how-to advice covered

In my opinion it's not an all or nothing game - if you want to keep using it at work because you've been using it so long, you can still introduce yourself outside of work by your maiden name - particularly on holiday - who cares what you call yourself?

Occasionally I use BF's last name because people can't spell mine, and I have no intention of taking it if we ever marry. Then again, I tend to collect names, most of which make no sense unless you know the story behind them.

On the other hand, depending on how long you and BF have been together and how you feel about the name - after ten years, it might be your name to you - you can tell him that you simply aren't changing your name, it's YOUR name, not your ex-husband's name. You can also add (for humour or "hint,hint" purposes) that you will be PERFECTLY happy to change your name - on your next wedding day.
post #8 of 16
Thats a good one. lol,
post #9 of 16
I changed back to my maiden name the day I left my husband. We were together seven years and married for six, but he had an affair and the minute I found out I went back to my maiden name - before we were even offcially separated. And I'll never change it again - I am engaged again to a wonderful, beautiful man and he knows I'm not changing it when we get married. He can change his to mine if he likes but mine's staying put!

It's not really a whole `woman power' thing at all, its just that I am proud of my name and the heritage behind it, and I want to keep it. Also, Max's surname is a total shocker and I wouldn't go there!! But I had decided after my first marriage, before I ever met Max, that I would never change it again. So his name has nothing to do with my original decision, although it does reinforce things a bit!!
post #10 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by KitEKats4Eva!
I changed back to my maiden name the day I left my husband. We were together seven years and married for six, but he had an affair and the minute I found out I went back to my maiden name - before we were even offcially separated. And I'll never change it again - I am engaged again to a wonderful, beautiful man and he knows I'm not changing it when we get married. He can change his to mine if he likes but mine's staying put!

It's not really a whole `woman power' thing at all, its just that I am proud of my name and the heritage behind it, and I want to keep it. Also, Max's surname is a total shocker and I wouldn't go there!! But I had decided after my first marriage, before I ever met Max, that I would never change it again. So his name has nothing to do with my original decision, although it does reinforce things a bit!!
Darling BF is actually considering taking my name if we ever get married, but he's a radical standpoint feminist.
post #11 of 16
An early suffragette said that she'd rather take the name of a man, that SHE chose, rather than that of a father that she didn't. Since I have no real connection, to my biological father and don't want any associations with my ex-husband, I chose to use my late husband's name.
post #12 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by katl8e
An early suffragette said that she'd rather take the name of a man, that SHE chose, rather than that of a father that she didn't. Since I have no real connection, to my biological father and don't want any associations with my ex-husband, I chose to use my late husband's name.
I think that's perfectly valid.

My attachment to my name has nothing to do with my father, and everything to do with me.
post #13 of 16
I was divorced before DH and I were married. I kept my ex's last name. It was easier then changing everything to a name that I felt had no meaning to me anymore. True, I had no meaning in the name I kept, I just didn't want to be known as the woman with a first name only. My current husband, had no problems with it and I took his name when we got married. If (goodness forbid) Dh and I part ways, I'll probably keep his name just because it's the one that means the most to me and yes, it's easier then changing it to the other ones.
post #14 of 16
When I divorced my first husband (John is my 2nd and last ) some years ago, I just notified everyone that I was going back to my maiden name, i.e., changed my driver license, and all those other pesky type things. It required only notification at that time and no charges. It may be different now. I was told at that time that the name I was born with is mine for life unless I have it legally changed in a court of law. As I said, that was more than 30 years ago and things may have changed now so it would be best to do some investigation.
post #15 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satai
On the other hand, depending on how long you and BF have been together and how you feel about the name - after ten years, it might be your name to you - you can tell him that you simply aren't changing your name, it's YOUR name, not your ex-husband's name. You can also add (for humour or "hint,hint" purposes) that you will be PERFECTLY happy to change your name - on your next wedding day.
That is exactly what I said to my current (2nd and last) husband! When I divorced, I kept the ex's last name because we had kids, and I thought it would be simpler. Once I made that decision, there was no way some guy who was made a little uncomfortable with the proof I had been previously married...was going to cause me to change my mind. We obviously did end up marrying, and I did take his last name.

Don't change you name just for the new bf's convenience. If it is something you want to do, go for it.
post #16 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thanks to all of you for your advice and help.
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