I'm ENRAGED! (If you read Worried for a friend, please read!)

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jazmynn

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lunasmom said:
I take it you really don't want to get yourself too involved since you keep threatening to tcall the police but you haven't yet. It's too late, you're already involved and the only way to save your friend is to take authority.
lunasmom said:
I am involved, and it's not that I don't want to really be involved but it's the simple fact that even if I do call, I honestly do not believe it will do any good. It will cost me her friendship and put my family in the way of harm. And I know to take suicide threats seriously having been suicidial(I was also a cutter so I'm familiar with this area) at one point and time in my life. The only thing is, when a person threatens it alot, you're never sure when to take them seriously. She's threatened this before, however, it was when she was suffering abuse by her parents. And when I helped her go to the cops about the abuse, nothing was done, she went back home to them (she's emmancipated (sp?) and didn't have to. She was offered a place at my home) and told me that I shouldn't have talked her into going to the police and causing such a scene.

I guess I should have probably provided that info in the initial story :/

I hope I'm not being a bad person, but it's hard to know when she's serious? Does that make sense or do I sound insensitive?
 

zissou'smom

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No, it makes sense.
Maybe treating her like she's totally serious will help her learn not to say it when she's not serious.
You are in such a difficult situation, and it's kind of a lose/lose.

Maybe the best thing you can do is just be her friend, maybe take her for lunch or a movie or something without mentioning her abusive husband or her talking about suicide. Or tell her you are there in a heartbeat when she needs you, but that you can't help her if she won't help herself.
 

shengmei

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I think you should get a camera phone. You should take pictures everytime she shows up to work with a bruise and then build up a strong case in case she changes her mind.
 
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jazmynn

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Thank you everyone for the good ideas!
 

misskitty4088

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If you suspect abuse please don't hesitate to call the police. It's better to be safe than sorry!!! I've learned from my college classes (social service field) that it takes on average 7 times for an abuse victim to leave an abusive relationship and it has to be the victims decision to leave. All you can do right now is let her know that you are there for her. Another thing that you could do is look research domestic abuse shelters in your area and talk to some of the staff there. Many of these places have safe houses where the abused person can stay. Its usually an undisclosed location so he wouldn't know where she is. I hope everything works out for your friend.
 

gardenandcats

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The best thing right know would be to talk your friend into going to counseling.Offer to help her find a good reputable counselor that deals in domestic abuse.The Counselor has the tools and know how to help her understand that there are choices in life for her. That she does not have to live this way.Often the abused women feels she is stuck living this way that they can not finacially make it on their own. There are shelters for women to go to that will help them get on their feet and make other livng arrangements such as helping them find a apartment ect. If you could at least get her to go to one that would be a first step in the right direction for her.
 

lunasmom

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I understand and what you said does make sense. It's hard to take someone seriously when all they do is threaten. But the thought is still there and because she is saying it, I still would take her seriously. I had a friend that threatened that all the time and after a while I stopped listening about her thoughts of suicide. Then one hot summer day she showed up in long sleeve flannels. I asked why and she showed me her wrists.
I learned from that moment that when someone says their suicidal make sure you're listening. Even if they talk it, the instant you stop, they'll do it.
 

april31

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You mentioned (Well she told her husband what I said and he told her I needed to stay out of it and it was none of my business.) Why would she do that knowing it would cause more problems. I too am thinking that maybe trying to talk your friend into seeing a counsler or maybe someone from a womens shelter. I just dont understand why she woud tell him about u trying to help her.
 

zissou'smom

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Most people don't realize what happens and what women do in an abusive relationship. It makes you very angry and bitter, and so you start picking fights, or escalating them. There are no boundaries really, in what is okay to say anymore and you start saying the things that normal people don't say to each other. She probably brought it up like "Well, yea, my friend said she would help me", possibly even in defense of when he was trying to isolate her further and tell her she couldn't do something. It doesn't make sense to try to understand it because abusive relationships are completely irrational on both sides.
 
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jazmynn

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I think I'll go the professional help route! I'll look up good therapists online and see what we can do~
 

loubelia

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If she's your friend-you have every reason to be involved, I believe her husband is wrong-if you stay away from your friend, that is giving the husband more power over her and you. Definitely go to services to seek counseling for her, and I applaud you for being her friend and sticking by her side. I have heard many of a time girls staying with their husbands even though they've abused their wives/girlfriends and mainly it continues until the abuser kills the other or the other finally gets enough sense and leaves. I sure hope that she finds enough courage to leave the guy cause I think he won't stop until he kills her unless he gets some serious counseling and anger control.
 
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jazmynn

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Thank you everyone for encouraging words of wisdom! I'll keep you posted!
 
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