Kids Say the Darndest Things!!!

Originally Posted by psjauntie

My middle sister asked my oldest sister to let her daughter be her flower girl, so the big day comes and Crystal & her brother make their big entrance, Jason is sort of pulling Crystal down the aisle and of course Crystal falls, no crying but as she gets up she yells at Jason "Sh t I told you not to pull on me, aunt Toni is gonna be p ssed you ripped my dress". This is still on my sister's video of the wedding.

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For my wedding, we wanted to do something special to include Tom's daughter (my new step-daughter) in the ceremony, she had just turned 4. So we had the minister call her up between us during the ceremony to say something about the creation of a new family, and have everyone say a prayer. Well, when I got my video back, sure enough, while she was standing in between us holding our hands she was looking right at the videographer crossing her eyes and curling her tongue. He of course must've thought this was funny cause he zoomed in on her. The little stinker!

My 4 year old mortifyed me yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Our family went to lake, and there aren't any bathrooms near where we were. I realize this isn't proper, but she ran up to my husband and I and said "Mommy I gotta go to the bathroom". He told her to go in the lake........She innocently said "ok" she ran down to the bank where she pulled her bathing suit down and proceeded to pee. Yesterday was a great day for embarrassing moments.

Ok, I love this thread too much, and it's only fair to share. Sadly (or possibly not) I do not have pink skin children of my own, so these are my stories.

Story 1:
When I was eight and my sister was seven, we made our Holy Communion together. The parish we were in made a big day of it and all the kids were involved in various processions or parts of the Mass. So anyway, B and I were processing with ever so cute baskets of flowers when our yougest sibling, our brother A, calls out to us as we pass him: "Hey...!" I, being the dignified and adult eight y/o I was, promptly turned to him, stern look upon my visage, and press a finger to my lips: "SHHHHH!" Ah, the laughter that ensued.

Later in the Mass, after that moment when I had for the first time received Holy Communicon, A askes me what it tastes like - what the body and blood of the Lord God tastes like. Standing between my mother and godmother, I utter the now-immortal phrase - "Stale ice-cream cone."

Story 2:
When I was fourteen I went to the emergency room three times in three months all for reasonably serious - and at the time extremely frightening - problems.

The third, I was a hit by a car, and had no choice but to instruct B (remember, she's only 13) to "Call Mom, and call 911"). Eventually, after everyone arrives, the paramedics have some debate about which of Syracuse's four hospitals to take me too. I recommend St. Joseph's (my fav at the time).

So, later on after I arrive and we are barrelling towards Trauma Room 1 with me on a gurney, a nurse askes "Do you know where you are?" I hestiated for a moment - I didn't, really, after all, and ventured "St. Joe's?" She laughed: "No. Community General. We just want to make sure that you understand you're in the hospital." At 14, of course, I didn't understand how that would be confusing, so I replied: "Well, all hospital ceiling tiles look the same to me."

Later in the same hospital stay, a surgeon offered me one of their particularly vile specialialties, to which I replied (and I suspect, given the years of teasing, will be on my tombstone if I'm not careful): "No thanks, I'll just die."

My friend Sheila's son (4 at the time) wandered off into their vegetable garden. They saw him do it, so they weren't too concerned. But he stayed gone... and stayed gone... so they snuck over to check on him. he was sitting amongst the tall rows of corn, mumbling to himself, getting louder each time "now where the h*** am I?"

Originally Posted by eilcon

When my niece, Kaleigh, was 3 and her mommy (my SIL) was pregnant with her soon to be little brother, Kaleigh would tell everyone that she had a baby in her tummy too. She'd say "Mommy has baby Sean and I have baby Susie."

One day, when my SIL was pretty far along in her pregnancy, I said "Kaleigh, how are you today?" Her response was to sigh, put her hands on her hips, stick out her belly and say, "Fine, but this baby is really making me tired."

We knew who she heard that from!

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This reminds me of a story from a childhood friend when she was little and her brother was about to be born.

Her mother was apparently near due and probably complaining and all. So my friend just simply tells her Mommy to pull down on her ear lobes (while demonstrating of course) and the baby would pop out! Simple as that!

Originally Posted by MoochNNoodles

This reminds me of a story from a childhood friend when she was little and her brother was about to be born.

Her mother was apparently near due and probably complaining and all. So my friend just simply tells her Mommy to pull down on her ear lobes (while demonstrating of course) and the baby would pop out! Simple as that!

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That's too cute!


The other day we were in the truck with both the kids. Well Deacon had a pincher bug he caught in a soda bottle (this child LOVES bugs... he's totally infatuated with them). Well he took the top off the bottle to look at him and it got out.
Mind you, I'm driving the whole time.
Next thing I know I see Deacon in the rearview mirror standing up with a paint stirrer from Home Depot in his hand. He yells at the top of his lungs " YOU LITTLE B D! KILL IT REGGIE!!!" (Dh s Reggie/Daddy) I'm assuming he picked it up from me earlier in the day when a spider crawled across the floor... It certainly makes you aware of watching what you say around kids

Originally Posted by Satai

Later in the same hospital stay, a surgeon offered me one of their particularly vile specialialties, to which I replied (and I suspect, given the years of teasing, will be on my tombstone if I'm not careful): "No thanks, I'll just die."

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That sounds like something I'd say.

Haha, one of my coworkers has a 4 year old son, and the other day he says to her "hey mom, you wanna piece of me?" and he had the whole hands out in-your-face pose and everything, hillarious

lol those are funny..
i have to add one here.

when my niece was about 5 or so we had made some bacon,
she said she wanted some, so her grandfater gave her a couple,.
katie sat there and looked at it all funny then said,

i dont want bent bacon. i want some not broken.

I don't have kids, but I've got friends who do, so I've got a couple good ones.
When my friend's daughter was 3 or 4, we would call her a turkey. She would look at us with a serious face & say in a french accent (I have no idea why french or where it came from), "I'm not a turkey, I'm a girl."

When my other friend told me this story I about died laughing. Her daughter was around 2 & her father was walking around sans-clothing & she walked right up to him & gave his anatomy a good fling.

I have a good one. My brother had a speech impediment when he was younger. One day he had to bring something to school for show and tell. He brought a fire truck my dad made, and my brother had to give hints and the class would try and guess what he had brought. Well, nobody guessed it so my brother said, "It's a fire f***!"

Reading this made me think of a couple more.

My friends daughter, used to pick her nose all the time & of coarse eat what she found. My friend would try to tell her that was not polite & that she shouldn't do it. She would look at her mom very serious & say, "But that's my bubble gum." Then one day she picked her nose & offered it to my friend, "Mom you want some of my bubble gum".

My sister is 4 years older than me (& actually today is her birthday). When my mom was pregnant with me, she would walk around with her hand on top of her belly trying to push me down as she was carrying very high. My sister looked at her one day & said, "Mom I never want to have a baby." My mom asked, "Why?". She said "I don't want to have to walk around like this all the time." & porceeded to act out what my mom would do.

when my sister was about 4 years old or so, she announced that she wanted to be a bird so that she could poop wherever she wanted too

My mother works at the Wal-Mart Home Office and this weekend they had a their Christmas toy expo. All of the vendors brought in the hot toys for the season and invited employees to bring their kids or grandkids to meet and get pictures taken with some of thier favorite characters: Dora the Explorer, Diego, Barbie, the Backyardigans, Power Rangers, etc. My mother took my 3 year old.

Since then, my daughter seems to think that my mom works with these characters everyday. She asks to go to work with Grandma, if I call her at work, she demands that Dora be put on the phone, etc. I'm wondering how long this will last...

I grew up with my best friend, as our mums had been best mates since they were little too, then we had our children but in 6 years my daughter was so shy she never spoke a word to Sue.
Sue had tried and tried to engage her in conversation to no avail, one guy fawkes night as we were going to watch fireworks Sue said to her " we're going to watch fireworks soon, won't that be nice kel" to which my daughter replied " I'm going to burn you on the bonfire, won't that be nice" Sue was so happy she spoke to her it didn't matter what she said!

I have two older brothers, one 5 years older and the other 3. Growing up with them was a nightmare because they always picked on me.

When I was about 8 or 9, we had a dog named Murphy. Now, Murphy was a mutt, but he was a BIG mutt. He was part lab and chow-chow, but we weren't sure what else. Basically, he looked like a bear.

So, one day, my brothers decided to torment me, as per usual. One grabbed my feet, the other grabbed my arms and then they drag me over to Murphy. They proceed to tell me that they're going to feed me to him (mind you, this dog was so GENTLE with kids), and start with my feet.

When I got away, I ran into the house where my parents and grandparents were talking and I yell (with tears running down my face), "Mom! John and Lee were going to feed me to Murphy!" When that didn't get a reaction, I added, "FEET FIRST!" with an exasperated emphasis. Yeah, they still tease me about that.

When my brother John was about 3, he climbed up onto the washing machine. My mom just watched him, making sure he wasn't going to fall off. As he's looking around, trying to figure out how to get down, he says, "I don't believe this sh**!"

I'll have to think of more.

Ok I thought of one for myself. My cousin's birthday is about 3 weeks before mine, in the end of August. Every summer the town we lived in as kids has a big firework show which was just up the street from her house. I remember getting so jealous because Marisa, the one who picked on me and did mean things to me (she's 6 years older than me) got to have a whole firework show for her birthday! I must have thought my Aunt and Uncle were rich!

OH, this is a great thread!

My LIttle cousin was staying wth me when she was 4 years old, she looked out our bay window into the pasture and said "jessie, what is that animal in your field?!" (I looked out to see what she was talking about, and she was pointing at "charlie" our llama) I said..." Bella, that is a llama" she looked t me and she looked VERY puzzled...she replied "no, that is a camel!"

I said "bella, camels have humps, he does not have a hump, he is a llama"
SHe said
"jessie, His HILLS fell off!" and rolled her little eyes..
I couldnt' reply to that!! I totallly gave up & quit arguing!!

Originally Posted by jrosler04

OH, this is a great thread!

My LIttle cousin was staying wth me when she was 4 years old, she looked out our bay window into the pasture and said "jessie, what is that animal in your field?!" (I looked out to see what she was talking about, and she was pointing at "charlie" our llama) I said..." Bella, that is a llama" she looked t me and she looked VERY puzzled...she replied "no, that is a camel!"

I said "bella, camels have humps, he does not have a hump, he is a llama"
SHe said
"jessie, His HILLS fell off!" and rolled her little eyes..

I couldnt' reply to that!! I totallly gave up & quit arguing!!

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Oh that is just toooo much!