Kids Say the Darndest Things!!!

My mom's favorite stories of what I did she always tells me when she gets a chance.

The first one is I went to a nice restaurant when I was about 6 or so, and after we got our food I stood on my chair and yelled at the waitress across the room "Are we allowed to use these?" while waving a cloth napkin. Because, of course, I had never been anywhere with cloth napkins. My mom was mortified.

The other one, I went to my cousin's wedding when I was a toddler (in preschool) and stood up in the middle of their vows, opened the hymnal, yelled "Jesus loves me!!!", shut the hymnal, and sat back down like nothing had happened.

I don't have kids... I hope it's okay to tell you my stories instead.

This thread had me rolling all the way through - BF just walked in to try to figure out what was going on!

My neice recently came up to me and said, "Aunt Heather you used to be SO fat! Almost as fat as Mom!" All I could do was blush.

These are just too much! The 'boobie' ones reminded me of one I got from a classmate.

She was getting dressed one morning with her 4 year old standing there, who was just in her panties. She kept looking at her mommy and then herself. Finally she pronounced "Mommy! I don't have breasts! I have nipples!"

that is too funny. lol. when my little sister was about 3 or 4 she used to pronounce her "K's" like "T's" so one day we went over to the neighbors house to play with her cats (didnt have one of our own at the time) and my little sister rang the door bell and the neighbor opened the door and my sister said "we want to play with your titties" (instead of kitties) i almost peed myself.

I work in a daycare with three year olds, last week I was using a water spray bottle to cool the kids off and one the boys, Lucas was helping me. We kept asking the kids if they could feel the rain. Well Lucas goes over to another teacher and asks her if she could feel the rain, her reply was so no, so Lucas grabs the spray bottle and squirts her right in the face and says, "can you feel the rain now?" We both just busted up laughing.

When my nephew's youngest turned 3, Mom and I gave him 3 $1 bills since we had been sick and unable to go toy shopping. We enclosed them in a card. This gathering was nephew's side of the family. After opening all the gifts, the birthday boy opened our card. He knew what money was and liked it. He also counted it.

A couple of days later was the birthday party with his mom's side of the family. Birthday boy opens a card, shakes it, and when nothing came out, shouted "How Rude!". Nephew explained about our card. His in-laws started laughing and several opened up their wallets.

Money is tight for me and mom, so the great-grandkids have been getting money to match their age until they hit 10 and it will stay at $10. Nephew's daughter was a bit unhappy, so I said we could start subtracting $1 for each year after 10. She decided that $10 is a good amount!

Originally Posted by MamaSquishy

One day I told her it isn't polite to do that, in front of anyone. She asked me why, I told her other people don't want to see your privates. She proceeded to tell my mother inlaw....."I can't show my ti**ies to anyone, it is rude" I about died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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that's awesome lol

Speaking of that, my best friend's mom said that when she was little, she took my best friend to the grocery store and put her in the shoping cart. In the middle of the store, she reached foward, grabed her mom's boobs and said "honk, honk momma" .... knowing my best friend, i can definitely see her doing that lol....she's gonna be paying for her raising when she has kids

I love this thread- i had to post one of the funny happenings from yesterday at work. Every friday we have a "water day" for the kids at the daycare- they come in their swimsuites, and we slather them in sunscreen and turn the sprinklers on. Well, the directors daughter, Carly, is in my class....and Lisa, her momma had somehow found one of those patriotic bikinis....for a 2 yr old! It was hysterical, Carly had on one of those bikinis like those sports illustrated models wear, with her diaper hanging out.- it was too cute! Well, i had Carly over at the table by me putting sunscreen on her when Jayde and Sarah (3 yr olds) came over to the table to investigate Carley's ensemble....Jayde is known around the daycare for her "blunt" personality...so it was not surprise when Jayde looked at Carly's top and then looked at her chest and announced- "Carly has boobie things!(talking about her triangle bikini top), I don't have boobie things!-as she pointed to her chest) lol! It was hysterical...all of the teachers were cracking up, and Carly strutted her stuff out on the playground the rest of the morning lol. We told Lisa, Carly's momma that her baby bikini was definitely a hit

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

that's awesome lol

Speaking of that, my best friend's mom said that when she was little, she took my best friend to the grocery store and put her in the shoping cart. In the middle of the store, she reached foward, grabed her mom's boobs and said "honk, honk momma"

.... knowing my best friend, i can definitely see her doing that lol....she's gonna be paying for her raising when she has kids

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OMG that is so funny!

yep, and knowing my best friend- she's definitely the type that would do that lol. I can't wait till she has kids someday---lol that's going to be hysterical when they begin to talk.

Those are some great stories!! My daughter(which is 2) is always doing something funny!! We dont even need a tv with her around-lol. She is so full of energy all the time! Now Im trying to think of a good one to share with ya guys....hehe. The other day she was sticking her finger under her arm pit and was telling us to smell it,lol...she sais it smelled like ice cream! Not sure where that came from......

I will have to be back later and post some more.

I have one of me and one of my kids. Let's do mine first.

We have this family tradition with a meat grinder. My aunt took one apart a long time ago and used a piece to play a joke on my dad. Now every Christmas, someone ends up getting one of the MANY pieces spread amogst our family. Well when I was 3(being so young, I didn't know the meat grinder tradition) I was unwrapping presents at grandma and grandpa's house. I opened up my very first ever part of the meat grinder, turned to my mom and said "I didn't ask for this!!!"

Here's my other one.

Our kids are at the age where they like to call each other "poopyhead" and "baby" and other such names. Well one day, me and Kristy were standing by the tables while the kids ate lunch. One of my boys turns to me and goes "Miss Courtney, Emma called me a poopyhead." I look right at Emma and say calmly "Emma we don't call our friends pottywords" and without missing a beat, she slides sloooooowly down her chair while saying "I didn't call him a poopyhead" She ended up on the floor and under the table, pouting. She knew she was guilty but I tried to not laugh. Me and Kristy had to turn around so she wouldn't see us laughing.

omg this thread is awesome guys. Totally had me laughing out loud.


Here's my contribution:

1.when my little sister(meg) was 5 and my mom had me and meg in a store...she askes the welcome lady what grade you needed to work there. The welcome lady proceeded to tell meg that she needs to have her grade 12. This information upsets meg and she gets this look on her face and say in the most disgusted voice "fine! I'll just go work at Zellars." My mom was embarassed but when we got in the car she nearly peed her pants laughing.

2. I was 4 years old and my really old aunty was visiting and she told me to get to bed and that made me mad and I said to her "I'm going to cut your head off with a knarf" My mom laughed so hard and my aunty has always thought I was a mouthy child.

3. My son and I were at the doctors and they have a little slide for children to play on in the waiting area and my son yells at the top of his lungs "come catch me crunchy nuts". I was really embarassed. He's never said that before and I was like where did you hear that and he told me his buddy Mathew from daycare told him that.

Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom

My mom's favorite stories of what I did she always tells me when she gets a chance.

The first one is I went to a nice restaurant when I was about 6 or so, and after we got our food I stood on my chair and yelled at the waitress across the room "Are we allowed to use these?" while waving a cloth napkin. Because, of course, I had never been anywhere with cloth napkins. My mom was mortified.

The other one, I went to my cousin's wedding when I was a toddler (in preschool) and stood up in the middle of their vows, opened the hymnal, yelled "Jesus loves me!!!", shut the hymnal, and sat back down like nothing had happened.

I don't have kids... I hope it's okay to tell you my stories instead.

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Those are hilarious!

Oh these are so funny!

One that came to mind was at my sister's wedding. Everyone was inside for the dinner while most of the kids were playing outside. Right in the middle of the best man's speech, one little girl came running in and yelled "mummy, Katey peed her pants!" I still remember the stunned look on the best man's face.

i have a story from when i was a kid that my mom still likes to tell. i was pretty young, and there was a tv show we had watched, and in it a guy brings his shirts to a dry cleaners, but when he goes back to pick them up, he doesn't have his ticket, and the person behind the counter says "no tickee no shirtee" (no ticket, no shirt).

a few days later, we went out for pizza. at the pizza place by our house, you order your pizza and get a slip of paper, and then when its ready you have to show your slip, and then you get your pizza. so we were waiting in line, and this man went to pick up his pizza but he couldn't find his reciept anywhere, and he was getting really agited and angry, and taking it out on the cashier. he was furious. he finally stopped yelling for a moment, at which point my mom says i walked up to him and loudly proclaimed: "no tickee no shirtee!"

My middle sister asked my oldest sister to let her daughter be her flower girl, so the big day comes and Crystal & her brother make their big entrance, Jason is sort of pulling Crystal down the aisle and of course Crystal falls, no crying but as she gets up she yells at Jason "Sh t I told you not to pull on me, aunt Toni is gonna be p ssed you ripped my dress". This is still on my sister's video of the wedding.

When my niece, Kaleigh, was 3 and her mommy (my SIL) was pregnant with her soon to be little brother, Kaleigh would tell everyone that she had a baby in her tummy too. She'd say "Mommy has baby Sean and I have baby Susie."

One day, when my SIL was pretty far along in her pregnancy, I said "Kaleigh, how are you today?" Her response was to sigh, put her hands on her hips, stick out her belly and say, "Fine, but this baby is really making me tired." We knew who she heard that from!