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Needing affirmation/advice

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
Hi all. Just feeling alittle blue about the 6 kittens
I've made myself responsible for....

I just wanted the board to reassure me, I'm doing the right
thing rescuing the kittens and that if someone has problems (my
so called BF) with me doing this and wants me to quit,
because I love another species more than my
own (his words!!) well maybe it says something about them
and their attitude to people?? Not mine?

How can helping animals mean I don't like people??!!

Also, he wanted to know if I could live cat free, and
I told him, only when my 2 oldsters die, and when
my Lexi passes on. I won't get new cats, but
I sure as heck ain't getting rid of my current ones!

So please, views? Am I all wrong here? And is this
BF worth keeping even? I mean, how do get that
loving cats = not loving people??
post #2 of 5

It's so hard when the ones we care about don't understand our caring for others - whether they're people, dogs, cats, or whatever.

Is the problem that your boyfriend doesn't like cats or is the problem that he's jealous of the attention and commitment you give/have to them? I don't think any of us are in a position to tell you whether or not you should keep or dump your boyfriend, but given what seems to have gone on, I think you're at a point where you need to step back and take stock of your relationship.

I never had cats as a kid or young adult. We always had dogs. My hubby used to HATE cats and love dogs. I just commented to him the other day that it's funny how things work out. Had I already been involved with cats when we got back together (we dated in high school), I think it would have been a serious problem. Thankfully that wasn't the case, and we're going to be celebrating 13 years of marriage this year, we work together as partners in business, and we lived together full-time in an RV (traveling for work) for the first 11 years of our marriage.

We became "cat people" together, and while we still love dogs, he is a "crazy cat person" and is basically the local trapper.

I hate to think what would have happened if I already had cats and we entered the relationship while he still hated cats. It probably wouldn't have gotten that far. If I felt about cats the way I do now, and he hated them - I might have passed up what has been an incredible relationship. On the other hand, if I was already a cat person, and I love cats with the passion that I do, and he still hated cats with the passion that he did, if we'd gotten married anyway, I can't imagine what it would be like with him hating having to share me and our space with cats. I doubt it would have been the incredible relationship it has been. I think there would always have been an underpinning of resentment on both our parts, and that's just not a healthy way to live life.

I'm so sorry your boyfriend doesn't share your love of kitties.

At TCS, so many of us seem to feel that it is very important to follow your heart, and that is really the only advice I can give.

It certainly seems like it's time to have a chat with him. If the problem is that he doesn't like cats, I don't know how that gets resolved. If the problem is that he's jealous of the time you spend with/on cats, that may be resolvable.

Ultimately the problem is respect. It's one thing to not like cats - many people don't. It's another thing if he doesn't feel one particular way or another about cats, but he's having trouble respecting your love of them.

I wouldn't have "required" Gary to love cats in order to marry him - but if I were already dedicated to cats in the way that I am now, I would have expected him to at least respect my love of them. And if he couldn't get past the hate for cats that he had, I can't see how it would have worked. He would have to have been willing to share his home with them. I probably would have agreed to not let the bedroom be a part of their space. But if he hated cats so much that he wasn't able to share our home with them and had problems with my spending time on them, I very much doubt we'd be married.

There's nothing wrong with loving cats. Of course, you're getting a biased opinion. But what if you were totally into quilting, and you had lots of quilts hanging on your walls, and you spent lots of time going to yard sales and house sales, hunting down special or antique quilts - but your boyfriend was into modern art? Or just didn't really like quilts. Or had no particular feelings one way or the other about quilts - would he be having a problem with the time you spend pursuing something about which you feel the passion you do? Whether it's quilts, calligraphy, scuba diving, stamps, cats, dogs, or whatever - ultimately the question is - is the problem the activity itself or the time and commitment and love you feel for it? And do you love this person so much you want to find some way to reconcile the problem - or is your passion such that you'd rather be with someone who at least enjoys what you're into, even if they don't share the same passion for it?

I think the answer to this question is something that will affect what you decide to do.

Kittens need rescuing. There will always be kittens that need rescuing. Whether or not you're willing to give up rescuing is a question only you can address. However, you're not a bad person if you decide to give up rescuing. Gary and I rarely foster anymore - it's something we just don't have the emotions to deal with. TNR is. Of course I think any aspect of any type of animal (or people!) rescue is worthwhile. Compassion is something I greatly respect - and I think you'll find it's something that everyone at TCS thinks is an admirable trait! If you chose to pursue the compassion that you feel in other ways, there's nothing wrong with that either. Again - this is something only you can decide.


post #3 of 5
I think LDG said it quite well. While we here don't know your situation more then what you've said. It sounds like your BF is jealous of the time, energy and love you give to your cats. I worry though that someone that is "insecure" enough to feel that you love your cats more then him and feels that he needs to destroy that....what happens if you have kids, well he have the same problems if you love them more then him??

Take a step back, and look at this with your heart and your head. And then make a decision. Tons of good vibes and hugs
post #4 of 5
It's hard when the people in our lives don't understand or support what's important to us. It sounds like you maybe you and your boyfriend really need to have a serious talk about your cat involvment. If he's really jealous or feels threatened in some way about the rescue work you do, that's a problem with him, not you. He doesn't have to approach it with the same passion as you do, but he should respect and support your efforts. You shouldn't have to give up something you believe in so strongly just to make someone else happy. People who think that caring about animals some equates to not caring about humans are just ignorant. Our call is to respect and care for all creation and people who don't realize that are missing a piece of what it means to be human.
post #5 of 5
My ex-husband didn't understand my love of cats. He is my ex.

When I met my current husband, I told him on our first date that if he had a problem with cats, we wouldn't have a relationship.

I am passionate about cats and could never live with someone that didn't share that passion. That is the choice that I made for my life. You cannot change another person. If his attitude about cats bothers you now, and you can't bear to give up the love for other creatures, you have a hard choice to make. You are not chosing cats over people. You are chosing both. There are a LOT of people out there that love both. We just have more love to share.
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