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Vibes for my family please.

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
As some of you know, I am in the UK briefly, as part of the great MOVE to France. I visited my parents yesterday and was told some bad, if unsurprising (to me) news. My younger brother and his wife are separating, and my mother is devastated. I have never liked my SIL, she never comes to family events and hardly ever takes her daughters (9 and 7) to see their grandparents, though they only live 10 minutes away. My brother has always seemed scared of her and won't contradict her decisions. Last Christmas I posted about how she invited her mother down to stay for the whole holiday and never invited my parents once, even though she knew they would be on their own for Christmas lunch. So she is no big loss. But I think now that their daughters, sweet little girls, will be lost for ever to our family, and that is a great shame. And my brother is getting the blame for it all - having told me three years ago that he was miserable and yet would not let his wife's moods spoil his life, he of course has now found someone else, so the girls have already been told by their Mum that Daddy has found someone he likes better than mummy, and is leaving them. It is terrible. She will demand the house and everything. SO some thoughts and vibes please would not go amiss.
post #2 of 18
That is terrible!!, sending many prayers and vibes
post #3 of 18
Jenny,

I'm so sorry for your parents. My sister stopped speaking to me a couple of years ago and I don't really miss her, but not being able to see my niece and nephew really hurt. I hope that somehow it works out and the girls get to see their grandparents. I hate it when someone is so petty as to deny children their family.

post #4 of 18
Jenny i feel for him i really do because Gils relationship with his wife was very similar Why does the other half have to make it worse on the children by poisoning their minds like that because it gets them no where, so just accept that the marriage is over and move on!!.

As long as your brother keeps in touch with them that's all that counts. An ex boyfriend of mine who's wife bad mouthed him to their children used to write them letters every week and kept copies of them incase she didn't give them to them.

One day the children will be old enough to make up their own minds, and if their anything like Gils children they'll realise what really happend and side with your brother making their mother look the fool.

As sad as the situation is though, i'm so pleased he's got another chance of happiness with someone else
post #5 of 18
I'm so sorry - and sending vibes to you and your family of course.
post #6 of 18
Many vibes to your family. WHat a terrible thing for you all to have to go through. especially the children.
post #7 of 18
Jenny, I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending many vibes for your family.
post #8 of 18
aww Jenny!

*sending you and your family lots of vibes*
post #9 of 18
Aww Jenny!! That is so sad. I hate it when kids gets "deprived" of other family members just because of one person...that is usually the mother!! Many vibes and thoughts for you all.
post #10 of 18
That is awful! I am sending plenty of vibes your family's way {{{}}}
post #11 of 18
Oh Jenny, I'm sending tons......a break up is never easy, no matter who's at fault. Let's hope the children don't suffer...
post #12 of 18
Jenny, I'm so sorry that you family are going through a hard time. I remember you posting about your SIL before. This is a chance now for your brother to find happiness. Although your SIL is likely to have the children living with her, your brother does have rights and when the girls are with him, I'm sure they will have a chance to visit your parents.

Loads of vibes coming for your family - I understand how distressing this must be for your parents.
post #13 of 18
Adding more {{{prayers and vibes}}} for your family! I do hope & pray that your brother gets visitation rights. Do grandparents have any rights in the UK? I personally know how uncomfortable it can be, during the exchanges, but just remind your brother & your parents to "pick their battles" and put up with much & complain little, all for the sake of the children. The children will get older & see things how they really are.
My family learned the hard way about this - my first nephew went thru much during the years as his parents fought for custody & the new spouses contributed to the animosities. He grew up to be a gentle soul who went out of his way to settle conflicts; he was a swimming mentor for foster kids who were afraid of water. At 18 yrs., he was murdered by a stranger in a random act; at the gravesite, it was his dad, mom & me ( I was the Lamaze coach when he was born) - it was so hard to walk away. And most heart-wrenching was seeing his parents cling to each other, lamenting, "Why, why couldn't we get along & not make life so rough for him, etc"" Now my grandson is in a similar mess, but my family bends over backwards & then some to make sure he has as much contact with us as possible; yes, it angers the rest of the family to see how far we drive, how we adjust last-minute plans, put up with sudden schedule changes, replace lost clothes; ignore that he gets sent over in small, delapidated clothes, etc. But to this day, the pain at that gravesite still stabs me, and I continue on knowing that I have given my grandson joys in this life that far exceed any costs or inconvenience to me... Hugs, Susan
post #14 of 18
Jenny, I'm sorry your family is going through this. As catsknowme asked, what is the situation with visitation? All my sister's kids (from two different husbands) have been through divorce, in two different states, and in both cases pretty fair visitation rights were worked out, and all grandparents, including step-grandparents, get to see the kids regularly.
I remember you posting about your SIL, and I'm not the least bit surprised that your brother has found somebody else.
post #15 of 18
I breakup of a marriage is never pleasant. I hope the children will continue to see their grandparents, aunts and uncles.
post #16 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsknowme
My family learned the hard way about this - my first nephew went thru much during the years as his parents fought for custody & the new spouses contributed to the animosities. He grew up to be a gentle soul who went out of his way to settle conflicts; he was a swimming mentor for foster kids who were afraid of water. At 18 yrs., he was murdered by a stranger in a random act; at the gravesite, it was his dad, mom & me ( I was the Lamaze coach when he was born) - it was so hard to walk away. And most heart-wrenching was seeing his parents cling to each other, lamenting, "Why, why couldn't we get along & not make life so rough for him, etc"" Now my grandson is in a similar mess, but my family bends over backwards & then some to make sure he has as much contact with us as possible; yes, it angers the rest of the family to see how far we drive, how we adjust last-minute plans, put up with sudden schedule changes, replace lost clothes; ignore that he gets sent over in small, delapidated clothes, etc. But to this day, the pain at that gravesite still stabs me, and I continue on knowing that I have given my grandson joys in this life that far exceed any costs or inconvenience to me... Hugs, Susan
I'm so sorry that this happened to your family, and your wisdom is a life-lesson for others. I hope (as everyone does) never to be in such a situation, but I know that if I am, your two stories will stay with me. Thank you for sharing.
post #17 of 18
Lots of thoughts and prayers to your family. I hope everything works out.
post #18 of 18
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone. I had a long talk with my brother tonight on the phone, and he said he had been agonising over this decision for five years. I know how he felt - it took me 12 years to leave my husband. But he does sound happier and he said he is going to do everything possible to bring the girls for a holiday in France with me later this summer. He hopes he will be able to take them to see their grandparents, as he knows his wife will never do that. But he is now living and working in a different city (London not Cambridge) and it will be hard to organise things. What we all dread is the poisoning of their minds. I have never said a word to my daughter about the reasons for my break-up, and I just hate people who do that. As for rights, grandparents don't have any, legally, in the UK. And as I said, my brother will be blamed as he is the one who 'left'.
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