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Advice Would be Soo Very Appreciated

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
I am going through a relatively rough patch right now, of depression and stress.

Like I was telling DH yesterday, I've been feeling so sad, lost and alone and miserable for so long it's hard to comprehend any other feeling, which may be part of my problem.

Well it's wavering but lately as in the last 72 hours I've been by far very terribly depressed.

Tearful, crying Like this___>

Anyways I know that alot of you have had similar experiances whether it's from depression itself or PTSD or any of the above (and I've got a list which I'm not going to write out again, of diagnosis')

But I would be terribly grateful if anyone who is willing especially if you've adapted and overcome depression, to tell me some of the tools and things you used to get through it and above it.

I find that hearing it from other people that have experianced it is so much more helpful than hearing it from someone who hasn't.

I could really use some new coping skills and I find I learn best from others.

I want to get through this without hitting my breaking point again. You all were so very helpful to me in my 'not fitting in' thread (which I didn't expect). So this is me reaching out again for some words of wisdom from some of you that have been there.

This is the thread that I had started a few months ago, which is when my mood and all started going REALLY south: Family Issues
post #2 of 14
I focus on my kids when I feel my PTSD coming on. I think about taking them places like the park, swimming, Chuck E Cheeses. It always puts me in a better mood when they are happy. Nothing brightens the soul like a child's smile.. especially when it's your own child and you made them smile.

Or I get into a really good book while taking a long hot bubble bath after everyone's asleep. Then I pamper myself by doing my nails, playing with my make-up or even dying my hair.. anything to make me feel better about myself.

You and I have had similar situations in the past so I know what you're going through.
post #3 of 14
All the advice I can give is what helped me through some real rough times: staying busy, setting goals (ie. read certain books by a certain date, make curtains, etc.). I also stayed compeletely away from the news or other sources of negative information. I even stoped chatting on a bridal/newleywed board that I enjoyed being on. Also getting out for a bit each day into the sunlight helped.
post #4 of 14
Well, you've got to have a way to get it out of you. When I was really depressed I would write poetry or blog. It always gave me a sense of relief when I was done.

You have this forum, so just getting all your feelings out here and sharing them is a good start. I also seem to remember reading in your profile that you enjoy painting and drawing. Also an EXCELLENT outlet. Sometimes the art that comes from moments like these isn't the type of thing you share or hang on the wall, but it's very therapeutic. I had a friend once who would destroy hers afterwards as a type of letting go/release of all the negative feelings she had put into it.

Other than that just do things that make you happy. Be with your hubby, your kids, your kitties . If even that doesn't seem like its going to cut it, do like suggested above and take a bubble bath, light some candles, play some music in the background that always makes you happy (for me it's Jewel ), give your self a manicure, etc....

Good luck! Good to see you back on the board btw, and feel free to IM if you see me online!
post #5 of 14
I have to have 10 hours of sleep a night otherwise I just can't function.

Lots of herbal supplements...I have found that herbal supplements are not as expensive if you guy them 90% off on clearance. The herbal supplements do lose potency over time but they don't lose 90% of the potency when they are 90% off......and the degraded stuff does no harm.

Lots of tea and water. I try to drink a gallon of water a day.

10 minutes of exercise a day.
post #6 of 14
I usually find something that I can focus on, such as a project of some sort. Like where I sit at home is my own private area. If we weren't moving when our lease was up, I so would've had this room repainted by now!

Or I go someplace that I might enjoy, like a Farmer's Market, ummm...I'm close to our town's downtown area so I sometimes walk down there for a coffee.

I find that distractions are the best for me to get through my depression. In a way too I find the distractions that focus or develop "me" so that when its over with I feel good about something that was just for me.

Also I remember you saying that money is tight for you two right now. If it gets better, I would highly recommend seeing therapist that does EMDR. Just google it to find out more...its wacky, but it helped me out a few years ago.
post #7 of 14
For a long time, I've been having periodic depression. They are becoming much less frequent (and much shorter) now but for me, that was a matter of re-thinking my life and going in a completely different direction.

However, when it comes to managing episodes of depression, I guess different things work for different people. I usually find that when I'm really depressed, the best thing for me to do is to take some time off and take the time to cry. I usually put on my pyjamas, lie in bed and watch a movie... and cry until I fall asleep.
Keeping busy, exercise, etc. works well when I'm just a little depressed or it works in the long run to prevent depression... but when things are at their worst, I usually have to go with it for a few hours because trying to fight it just makes me feel more helpless when it doesn't work. After a few hours then I can have the energy to do something to keep me busy and make me feel better.
post #8 of 14
All of the above is great advice.

Setting goals and having small projects can be really important.
Getting the proper amount of sleep is ESSENTIAL. If you are not using any anti-depressants (or triptans (like Imitrex for migraines) or opiods (like vicodin or tramadol (ultram) for pain)), PLEASE check out these links:


My husband suffers from Cluster Headaches - a condition that is 100x worse than migraines (they're also called Suicide headaches). Sleep is a real problem, as is depression. He's used both Melatonin and 5-HTP to help get sleep - but the 5-HTP has anti-depression indications (among lots of other good things). It is more effective than melatonin for sleep, and you don't wake up groggy. However, many health food stores now sell a combination supplement that includes both 5-HTP and Melatonin, and that is probably the best way to go.

Exercise is also really important in helping. We've found that what we enjoy the most is going for a walk. Over a couple of weeks, work your way up to 1 - 2 miles. That can be fit into most schedules. Vary the rate of speed - that gives you the most benefit health-wise.

Exercise, sleep, goals - and pampering yourself from time-to-time.

And of course - regular visits to TCS!
post #9 of 14
I have a method though when I first heard it, I thought it was the silliest thing. My feeling is that depression is a malfunction of the thought processes. It is as though the internal governor has switched into overload and all of the thoughts that keep us in line with society go haywire. The thing with these thoughts is that they are very good at the Logic game. To use your example of the thought "I don't fit in here". You try to reason by saying people say otherwise; it comes back as "they lie" (and none of them did lie - they all gave very good responses). You tell yourself to not think those thoughts - that just makes you think them more. I went to an eye doctor's appointment the other day and one of the tests, they had me blink and then said "don't blink". The first thing I wanted to do when I heard "don't blink" was to blink.

I saw a life coach for a little while and he hooked me up with a book called "Taming your Gremlin" by Richard Carson. Basically, it helps you to become self-aware of your malfunctioning thought process. When you do that, you then visualize this thought process as a gremlin and you have something tangible to work with.

To return to the "I don't fit in here" thought, try to visualize the internal voice that is saying that "You don't fit in here". How you imagine it is highly personal, but I will do an example: let's say the voice saying this belongs to the fattest ugliest toad you could imagine. You are not going to try and reason with the toad because he really can't be reasoned with. Instead, you can imagine shoving him out the door and telling him to not come back again. If he slips in, do it again and again. Eventually, that voice goes away.

My therapist is now working with me on the "act as if" therapy option. Not going very well, but then I have trust issues that are currently interfering with the whole process.

You've been under a lot of stress which weakens you. But there is hope - will life turn out the way you want it? Rarely, but you can change the thinking process and enjoy the wonders in your life (like your husband, children, cats). At least that is what keeps me going though some days are much hard than others.
post #10 of 14
I'm very sorry you are going through this, depression is a tough one. Like most people will tell you they would rather have physical pain than mental pain. I think I agree with that. I have been depressed at times and still am sometimes, I can be feeling very low and saying stuff like I don't want to be here anymore at times. The thing with myself is I just can't seem to handle any little thing that goes wrong (a part of my ADD) and I get brought down VERY easily so that sometimes will throw me into a downward spiral, luckily I snap out of depression, not always but it usually doesn't take me too long to feel happy again. My depression is not a typical depression though, I go up and down a lot. I can be feeling very low at one part of the day and then by later on I can be feeling on top of the world, all depending on how my day goes. That's pretty much how it goes for me. Being depressed like you describe on a hourly/daily basis must be sheer torture, I could not imagine but can understand how hard it must be for you.

Things that have helped me, are keeping myself busy, getting out of the house and doing something even if I have nothing planned. Just go out and take a walk, go sit at the park and read a book, try anything that might spark your interest. My incredible love for Sash always keeps me from being down too long and my best friend and bf Will always helps me too (or should I say he tries his best) He's truly a wonderful man and I'm blessed to have him in my life. Do you belong to any support boards on the net? They are also very helpful in letting you know your not alone in whatever you may be suffering from, they are very helpful. I wish you all the best and I hope there will be brighter days ahead for you soon.
post #11 of 14
Thread Starter 
I take medication for my issues (BPD, APD, PTSD and Depression). But the medication is not the right one obviously and it's the worst medication I've ever been on and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone because you can't just stop taking it. (Effexor XR). The withdrawels are awful. I've tried to take myself off of it but it nearly killed me. I've been on it for 2 years in October. 225mg. I was also on Seroquel 100mg from may of last year until pretty much April of this year but I stopped taking it because it has been causing my weight to steadily increase no matter what I did.

I do go through periods where I wish I wasn't here, I went through something similar the other day and did something regrettable to punish myself for some fault I saw in myself. My Suicidal guestures are merely ways to punish myself (much like those that cut or harm themselves in other ways). And not an actual attempt at 'offing' myself.

I'll admit what I did but I'm afraid that someone would lecture me for doing so, I'm fine, that's all that matters. Though I was a great amount of ill and sleepy the rest of that day. I've done things like that before but I will never, ever ever go back into a psychiatric hospital. Each time has been a hellish experiance for me and one I do not wish to repeat.

I need to do things that are constructive not destructive, the bath ideas sound lovely, but having the moments to do so with two small children is nearly impossible. If you know what I mean?

I have a sketch pad, but it lays empty. I can't bring myself to draw. I'm such a perfectionist when it comes to doing my artwork, one mistake and I scratch the whole thing.

All through high school i would draw and all of my work was very dark and dreary. Same thing with my peotry. I wasn't goth on the outside but my inner self surely was....

I just it seems can't motivate myself to do a single thing, I haven't the inner strength or will power to do it. I am hardly awake, even right now. and it's 1:19 in the afternoon.

I did do some cuddling with my son yesterday afternoon and that helped to lighten my spirits (it was only possible because he had just woken up from his nap and his toddler energy hadn't kicked in yet).


I need to shower but I don't feel like it. That's been my running statement these last few days, I don't feel like it. DH tells me I have to make myself, he says by getting up and doing things I will feel better, but it doesn't feel like to to me.
post #12 of 14
I hit a rough patch in school about five years ago and I kept missing school all the time, especially mornings, and going to therapy... until finally my mom just said, get your butt in gear and go back to school. And I did. I really do think sometimes we get scared of not having X disorder anymore, like we're afraid to be happy or not paranoid or whatever because we're used to it. In a way depression becomes a security blanket and not being depressed becomes an unknown that is scary. At least for me anyway. I'm in no way saying "Just get over it" I know that is impossible and doesn't work, but for me realizing I was afraid to feel better was a step towards feeling better.

That, and thinking back to the last time I was depressed and all the things that have happened since then that I would have missed if I was still sad or, you know... haven't had a thought like that in years. If won't matter in five years, it doesn't matter. In a good way, like if you mess something up then you have to stop and examine if it really is truly a big deal that you need to be guilty / worried / upset about, or if you can just learn from the mistake and move on.

Also, I like the visualization of the big toad of negativity. You just have to make sure you're not just talking yourself into denial rather than actually fixing it. I've seen a couple of friends who were depressed and "fixed" it by just shutting themselves off. I sort of did that once too, and made a grown man cry in public because he missed me. If you feel better tommorow, you've done this too. It is a gradual, patience-trying process. But then you stay better.
post #13 of 14
Thread Starter 
Yeah I have a tendency to shut myself off or wall up my feelings, as I was telling DH last night (we've been having alot of talks lately to get my feelings out), I'm afraid to let the walls down because if I do that's like letting a dam break and I'm afraid I'll be flooded with all these emotions, fears, and the like. I won't be able to handle it.

He said that if I let the feelings out and start breaking down the walls, I'll be able to free myself from my 'demons' if you will, and let them out so they won't torment me anymore (this is hypothetical demons okay, not real ones, I'm not delusional, I just have alot of things that I've had to deal with that I haven't really delt with because it has been far to painful and overwhelming for me).

I think the 'plan' is to first build up my 'self-esteem' and my 'mental strength' if you will, so I can handle it when I do start going through the hard stuff.

Then we'll begin taking down my fortress in my head so that I can be a better person, a happy person (I wonder what that's like honestly cause I don't know).

I did go out and do a bit of shopping with MIL today (which is bad actually for me to do because I am a compulsive shopper and usually I have my DH to help curb my spending, well my MIL is also a compulsive shopper and we together spent over 500 dollars--it was more her than me though).

But I did get myself a little 'spa' kit and also a couple new outfits and this paint by number 'house' done by Thomas KinCade.....it's an actual house and you paint it. It's different and hopefully it will help me as well.

I consider it cheating but it's better than nothing right?

It's hard to explain the trials of my brain. It's sort of like being stuck on this emotional rollercoaster than can vary not day to day, but sometimes moment to moment. I also have a hard time around people, I misinterpret someone's actions, inactions or statements as something that I've done to upset them and then feel overly guilty for said actions that probably never occurred.

My logic is ascrewed at times and I, well let's take for example....my ex broke my daughter's arm when she was 9 weeks old. He told me it was my fault for being an inattentive mother and wife. Even though his actions are what did it. I was working with a therapist to let go of the guilt I felt for feeling like it was my fault. Then my mother breaks into my online blog that was set for only people that I thought I knew to read, and I find out, she then begins to write in her fake one how it was my fault because I am this awful mother...blah blah blah.

So this sends me into a turmoil because now.....I've been thinking that the terrible incident with my daughter was my fault. My ex said it was my fault, and now a third party is saying it's my fault so therefore it must be true.

Does that make sense? I don't know. In my head it does...which then demolishes all the guidence from my therapist because now I feel like my thoughts have been verified because they were also stated by someone else.

Thereby making them true. That's how my brain works.

But overall, today feeling a teeny bit better, though I must say I'm still feeling withdrawen. I'm trying to open up more but opening up requires trusting and I don't generally trust a great deal of IRL people.....that which requires a face to face....which is why this is so much easier....cause I don't have to see one's facial expressions and body language as they are reading this (if that makes sense).
post #14 of 14
Actually, it is my belief that buying yourself a spa kit is a positive step. I find that one of the hardest parts of depression is admitting to yourself that you actually deserve something nice. It's a lot easier just beating yourself up mentally than exert the energy to do something nice for someone you dislike intensly - yourself.

As far as what I "do" when things are really bad, there are a couple of things that help some. When I'm REALLY bad, and seriously considering suicide, I tell myself that I have to do "something" first. Whether it's a concert I have to play in (I'm a musician), a committment to go to a sporting or school event for the kids, a deadline at work. So I have to finish that, see? And so I tell myself, OK, I can do it once "blah blah blah" happens. But by then I'm not feeling that way.

Also, my 14 year old son was just diagnosed with major depression and anxiety disorders. It's amazing that when I focus on his mental health I don't think about mine quite as much.
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