So who is right?

phenomsmom · Jul 6, 2006

As most of you know my sister is getting married on the 16th. She gave us 2 weeks notice. At first she told us she wanted to do a spa day for her bachelorette party thing. Well none of us can afford it on a 2 weeks notice. Now she wants to go to dinner the night before but I have plans to be at a state race with my boyfriend that night. We have had this race planned for atleast 4 months. I think she is mad at me becuase I am not doing her party with her but she can't really expect me to change all my plans that I have had for months to suit her wants becuase she sprung a wedding on us with 2 weeks notice can she?

emrldsky · Jul 6, 2006

I thought the bride didn't get the plan her bachelorette party or her shower(s)...my mom refuses to let me make any decisions regarding my shower and the only thing I've told my maid of honor is that I don't want it to be sleezy (no nekkid men, phallic items, etc.).

You can always surprise her and throw her one BEFORE....*shrug*

luckygirl · Jul 6, 2006

Really, she can't expect you to drop everything cause she decided to spring the wedding on you. However, you have to think in the long run, is there going to be another race you & Lee can go to in the future? Chances are this will be her only wedding... and your only opportunity to be her maid of honor and partake in this activity. And how does Lee feel about it? Would he be upset to go with a buddy instead of you? If he is ok with it, and you can make it up to him by going another time, then think about going to the dinner. Five years from now, are you going to be remembering the race, or your sisters wedding? You may regret not going with your sister later in life. But I do think it's unfair to you that she is angry, one would think she would try to be more understanding about how she is getting married so quickly, especially after all you are doing to make her day special for her. (you really did "spring" right into action girl!)

I would talk it over with Lee and see what is in your heart.... Good luck.

phenomsmom · Jul 6, 2006

I suggested to do it Friday night instead of Saturday night and she said she had plans with her fiance. I told her I wouldn't be at the dinner then. Lee is racing in this race and its a big deal race. I forgot to mention how my sister kept telling me nastily that if I didn't like what she wanted to do in her wedding that she would find anohter maid of honor(she told me this 6 or 7 times) I finally told her if that is what she wanted to do then do it. My feelings wouldn't be hurt. She got mad when I told her that we needed to go ahead and get dresses in case they needed to be altered and she snapped at me that she wasn't worried about that since her fiance was in the hospital on his death bed (he wasn't on his death bed by anymeans. they were trying to find out why there was blood in his spinal fluid and since they did 2 taps that was most likely the reason it was there).

I know she only gets one bridal shower but she has really become Bridezilla and I really don't know if I want to go at all.

luckygirl · Jul 6, 2006

Oh, ok, well all of that makes more sense now... it seems you are dealing with the bride of frankenstein!

I didn't know that Lee was actually racing... I would definately want to be there for that as well. It seems she is being very unfair about this. You have really gone out of your way already to be in this wedding for her. Who has all that extra cash laying around to throw out for a shower, or a dress, or a gift in 2 weeks?! I don't. Just try to explain to her, that although you'd really like to be there on Friday, you have already committed to Lee, and you will not break those plans, you'd still love to be her maid of honor, but if she would rather choose someone else you won't be angry at her (and try not to be if she does), if she wants to have the shower a different time you will definately be there. And I would slip in there also, that the maid of honor is the one who plans the shower, not the bride! Doesn't she have enough to plan?! Good luck Brandi. I'm sorry this is difficult for you, I know how excited you have been to help her... and I might add that you have been doing a fantastic job so far!

phenomsmom · Jul 6, 2006

Thanks! I just talked to Lee and I could tell by the tone in his voice he didn't really want me to miss his race but he said it was ok if I decided to go to her shower instead. She has appointed me to maid of honor but only on her terms. When I did try to help she snapped on me. I am just really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Too bad I can't be in both places at once.

katiemae1277 · Jul 6, 2006

maybe you could send Phenom to the shower in your place?

phenomsmom · Jul 6, 2006

Phenom would be the life of the party!!

luckygirl · Jul 6, 2006

And would probably steal the brides thunder as beautiful as Phenom is!

phenomsmom · Jul 6, 2006

Aww Phenom is blushing!!

I am thinking I am going to end up going to make nice on the situation. I hope she doesn't make me miserable during the dinner.

kittylover4ever · Jul 6, 2006

Originally Posted by Phenomsmom

I know she only gets one bridal shower but she has really become Bridezilla and I really don't know if I want to go at all.

Oh no..........

rockcat · Jul 6, 2006

You are definately right, IMO. Your sister is being very selfish.

satai · Jul 6, 2006

Originally Posted by LuckyGirl

Oh, ok, well all of that makes more sense now... it seems you are dealing with the bride of frankenstein!

I didn't know that Lee was actually racing... I would definately want to be there for that as well. It seems she is being very unfair about this. You have really gone out of your way already to be in this wedding for her. Who has all that extra cash laying around to throw out for a shower, or a dress, or a gift in 2 weeks?! I don't. Just try to explain to her, that although you'd really like to be there on Friday, you have already committed to Lee, and you will not break those plans, you'd still love to be her maid of honor, but if she would rather choose someone else you won't be angry at her (and try not to be if she does), if she wants to have the shower a different time you will definately be there. And I would slip in there also, that the maid of honor is the one who plans the shower, not the bride! Doesn't she have enough to plan?! Good luck Brandi. I'm sorry this is difficult for you, I know how excited you have been to help her... and I might add that you have been doing a fantastic job so far!

I second this very level-headed (and fair) approach.

gailuvscats · Jul 6, 2006

how close are the race and the shower? maybe yu can do both. watch the race and then make an appearance at the shower if possible, and then return to the race place.

shengmei · Jul 6, 2006

Weddings are important. If she keeps doing this to you you should still partake in the wedding activities (so your parents don't blame you).

However, I would stay away from her AFTER the wedding. I would also have her reimburse me for the race tickets.

phenomsmom · Jul 7, 2006

The race location is 2 hrs away so going to both isn't really an option. Now she called my mom and went off on her for taking my side sorta. She told my sister that she understands where we both are coming from and my sister proceeded to go off the deep end. Once again she told my mom that I am the favorite and that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth and continued to bad mouth me. All of her accusations are way off base. My parents wouldn't do anything for me that they wouldn't do for my sister.

But I really shouldn't expect anything else out of my sister. She has always been like that. She is the drama queen of whoa is me. She also told my mom that she should take back all the stuff she bought for the wedding becasue they are just going to go to the court house and our family isn't invited. I dont' know how long that will last but at this point I really don't care. Its a releif to me not having to stress over the details and then getting slammed by bridezilla for caring enough about the wedding for attempting to help plan.

gailc · Jul 7, 2006

I guess your sister wants everything her way!!!!!
Doesn't she realize its the middle of summer and lots of people have plans???
I would continue with your plans for the race and not get upset over your sister.
Why does the shower have to be on Friday-thats a busy day to schedule something at the last moment.
Good luck in surviving until the wedding day.

phenomsmom · Jul 7, 2006

She wants the shower saturday. I asked her if she would consider Friday. She insisted that it be the day before her wedding. As of right now my family is uninvited to the wedding. IMO she is acting pretty crappy. For her to decide so suddenly that they are getting married and insist that everyone drop everything to help her and do what she wants is a little crazy.

satai · Jul 7, 2006

Originally Posted by Phenomsmom

She wants the shower saturday. I asked her if she would consider Friday. She insisted that it be the day before her wedding. As of right now my family is uninvited to the wedding. IMO she is acting pretty crappy. For her to decide so suddenly that they are getting married and insist that everyone drop everything to help her and do what she wants is a little crazy.

No, no. It's A LOT crazy.

If it was just a bridezilla thing, I would advocate a grin and bear it approach - but it sounds like she's one of those histeronic people for whom nothing is ever enough.

My advice (and your mileage may vary) is just to be as level headed and fair as you can - go half way but do not allow yourself to be (ab)used. This is not to change her (though with time, if she is young, it might help) but so that you know that you that you treat her respectfully, and so that honest obsevers in your family whose good opinion of you matters to you, know that as well. This is general advice of course, not just for the wedding.

butterflydream · Jul 7, 2006

Well honestly to spring something on you with only 2 weeks notice is both inconsiderate and unfair to you. But I think you are taking it with a mature approach (though sending Phenom in your place did sound like a clever idea). I think my sister became bridezilla, but her and I weren't talking during that point and time so I did not participate in her wedding, I've always kind of been on the outs with her, could have something to do with the fact that she wanted to stab me with a popsicle stick when she was four--long story).

My sympathies and thoughts to you in this obviously tough and touchie situation.

So who is right?

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