This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment ... and they hired him! As what?
1. NAME: Greg Bulmash
2. DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying
here in the first place.
3. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a
Michael Ovitz-style severance package. If that's not possible, make
an offer and we can haggle.
4. EDUCATION: Yes.
5. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
6. SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
7. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of
stolen pens and Post-it Notes.
8. REASON FOR LEAVING: It stank.
9. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
10. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and
Thursday.
11. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I
had one, would I be here?
12. DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT
WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING (UP TO 50 LBS)?:
Of what?
13. DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question
here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"
14. HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers
Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
15. DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
16. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who
thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to
be doing that now.
17. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No,
but I dare you to prove otherwise.
1. NAME: Greg Bulmash
2. DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying
here in the first place.
3. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a
Michael Ovitz-style severance package. If that's not possible, make
an offer and we can haggle.
4. EDUCATION: Yes.
5. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
6. SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
7. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of
stolen pens and Post-it Notes.
8. REASON FOR LEAVING: It stank.
9. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
10. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and
Thursday.
11. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I
had one, would I be here?
12. DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT
WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING (UP TO 50 LBS)?:
Of what?
13. DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question
here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"
14. HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers
Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
15. DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.
16. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who
thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to
be doing that now.
17. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No,
but I dare you to prove otherwise.
