absolutely heartbroken

For those that hadn't read my other thread many moons ago, a quick summary of my situation.

Was living in NY with my mom, her cats and my cats. Moved to FL to take a job and buy a house. Apartment had a two pet limit so, not wanting to seperate my three boys (they were VERY attached to each other), I asked my mom to catsit them for me until I closed on the house. I never planned to get rid of them, EVER. As far as I was concerned this was just a temporary "visit" with mom until the house closed. She agreed. House got stuck in probate, took longer than we all thought. House is now closing on Friday. During this time, one of her cats died (cancer at 12years) and one of mine died (heart failure from being born with aortic stenosis at 7 years). The ones still in her house are 2 of hers and 2 of mine. She then asked me to take her male as well because he had bonded with my two boys so much that she didn't want to split them up. Her other cat is female and much prefers to be by herself anyway.

That request was a few months ago and as far as I knew I was taking my two boys and her one boy and all was well.

So tonight I called up my mom to finalize things with the house and try to set up a date when I could get my boys. Instead of agreeing to it, she informed me that she doesn't want to give them to me because she spoke to a friend of hers who works for a no-kill shelter and the woman told my mom that bringing them down here and putting them in a new house would be traumatic to them.

I have been looking forward to getting my boys back from the first second I left. I feel like someone just ripped my heart out! My boyfriend keeps telling me that if I let my mom keep them they'll get good care and a loving home and we can go adopt other kitties who need homes... which is true... and I know he's trying to help... but these are my boys! Heck, I bottle fed one of them! And it's not like they haven't moved before. When I had moved to Albany to go to school they had moved with me to my apartment and then back to long island when I came home. They adjusted just fine... I'm just not understanding how getting them back from her would be so traumatic to them this time.

So please, any advice is helpful. Should I leave them with her and go adopt other cats who need homes? Should I fight for them? Her telling me this came as such a shock that I didn't even know how to react when she said it and now I don't know what to think.

Fight for your kitties!!! You are their meowmie!!! She has no right to do that. Cats travel all the time. As long as they have you, they'll adjust!

If it was me:

If they still recognised me I would take them with me. I would consider leaving them with my mother only if they were completely settled and no longer considered me a part of their lives.

(And I would be extremely angry at having something so cruel sprung on me, too).

Get your boys back!! I definetly would if I was in your position!!!

Sounds to me that your mum is a bit dictatorial, and I fail to see how making your cats bond with new people and almost certainly be split up, is in there best interest.
I would tell her no and make arrangements to pick them up. If its like here(Australia) only the owner of a cat can hand it in to the pound.

Hope all goes well for you.

Originally Posted by mistys mum

Sounds to me that your mum is a bit dictatorial, and I fail to see how making your cats bond with new people and almost certainly be split up, is in there best interest.
I would tell her no and make arrangements to pick them up. If its like here(Australia) only the owner of a cat can hand it in to the pound.

Hope all goes well for you.

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Oh no, she doesn't want to bring them into the pound. No my mother wants to keep them for herself at her house. Her friend who works for the shelter was telling my mom that my mom should keep them for herself instead of bringing them to me. If I thought she was bringing them to the shelter I'd be on the next plane.

But I do agree that she is quite dictorial... it's one of the main reasons I moved 1200 miles away

Thanks for your replies everyone. My first reaction is to fight for them, but what I'm trying to figure out is where the "trauma" part comes in. I mean, is there any possibility that bringing them down here would in some way be traumatic and its somehow better to leave them with her? If I knew all would be ok with them, I'd be on the phone with my mother right now arguing about this. But I guess her friend struck fear into me with considering a move traumatic to a cat... and of course I just want to do whats best for my boys... so if it would somehow be traumatic to them, then it would be in their best interest to stay with my mother. But if that's just a load of bull and an excuse my mother has come up with because she wants to keep them, then I want to go get them.

Fight for your boys.!!!!!!!

They are yours and the best thing for them would be to be reunited with their meowmy. The cats can handle a move, espcially since it's not their first. How do you think kittens go to their furever homes????

Sorry I thought that they were going to the pound.

I have travelled to 3 different states here in Australia, Tasmania, W.A and now NSW, I have also moved into 14 different places, caravan (not enough room),flats (same, not enough room) and houses ( rental only, house sold or rent put up) and my cats just take it in there stride, as I have.
As they are indoor cats only, they have never been able to stray, but they haven't marked new territory or used anything other than their trays and they haven't appeared scared at all. I would say that my cats haven't ever been traumatized at all about the moves.

So it is up to you, if you are happy to leave them with your mum on the agreement that she doesn't get rid of them and then getting settled before going and getting one or two rescue cats/kittens from the RSPCA or telling her no that you want them back.
Hope this helps a bit.

I would also get them back as well....they are after all your babies....would she do the same to you if they were children...I think not.

I wish I had a more wise way of helping you...but alas I cannot put logic into much tonight.

I agree with everyone, go and get your boys! Its probably more traumatic for them to lose a meowmie than to travel 1200 miles to be with you...especially if you bottle raised them, they must be very attached to you. thats just my opinion...

I think that the cats would be fine either way. My sis rented an RV from CruiseAmerica & we traveled with the cats & dog from California to Tennessee just fine. And last year, I moved a man's family & the 2 cats to Sacramento, over 6 hr. drive; I spritzed Feliway in the carriers & the cats did fine, even though they'd never been in a carrier before (to get neutered, they were put into burlap bags & carried to the vet).
And who knows, but if you pick up your boys maybe your mom will miss them so badly that her friend who works at the shelter will find some cats there to fill the cat-shaped holes in your mom's heart. Since the shelter worker is familiar with your mom, it will be easier for her to know which cats will fit best, as opposed to you finding replacements in a new neighborhood shelter.
Please keep us updated! What a heart-wrenching situation

Certainly your kitties will need an adjustment period to get used to their new surroundings, but to suggest that it would be so traumatic that you should just leave them is over the top. It sounds to me like YOUR MOM is the one who got used to things being a certain way and now just doesn't want things to change. But these are your kitties, not a piece of furniture or something else you can just go out and replace. If I were you, I would say calmly but firmly, "I appreciate your concern for their well-being Mom, but I will be bringing at least my two home with me. If you'd prefer I didn't take your boy, that's fine," and then tell, don't ask, her when you'll be coming to pick them up.

Easy. They are YOUR cats. Don't settle for anything other than keeping YOUR cats.

Heck, when i move back to australia im taking my kids with me!
and believe me Germany - Australia is a very long way! plus quarantine and everything

Now that I've had a chance to sleep on it and pour some coffee into myself, I'm thinking a lot clearer on the situation. Last night I was just shocked and confused.

I thought a lot about what Satai said...

If it was me:

If they still recognised me I would take them with me. I would consider leaving them with my mother only if they were completely settled and no longer considered me a part of their lives.

(And I would be extremely angry at having something so cruel sprung on me, too).

Click to expand...

While all your replies meant a lot, this one seemed to stick in my head. I see the logic to it. I thought back to my last trip up to NY at the end of April. Jack and Johnny (one of mine, one of mom's) seemed to recognize me right away. Azrael took a little longer - a day or two, but then he had just been through a very traumatic time (see other thread about urinary blockage/resusitation) and he is a very shy boy, so this could have been for any number of reasons... but once he did remember me, you couldn't pry him off my lap with a crowbar.

So, this morning I was on the phone with my mother and made it VERY clear that I wanted them back - whether or not she wants me to take or leave Johnny is up to her, but one way or another I want Jack and Az. She threw every excuse in the book at me - including the fact that I have two dogs and what about the cats getting along with the dogs.... which is just silliness since both dogs currently live with one cat and both of my boys grew up with one of my two dogs. Heck, I even have a picture of Jack (cat with mom) and Karma (dog with me) sharing Karma's bed when Karma was little. So we went head to head for a while and then let it drop. Not that I've given up, but I've found with my mother it's best to present your argument and then give her a day or two to mull it over... and usually she comes around.

And this is where I'm at. But, I've also decided that if for whatever reason we find it's best for them to stay with her (which I can't come up with a reason of why I'd do that... but let's just say "worst case scenario"), I will still get to see them and I know they will be well taken care of and have a very nice life.

Originally Posted by MuttigreeMom

Now that I've had a chance to sleep on it and pour some coffee into myself, I'm thinking a lot clearer on the situation. Last night I was just shocked and confused.

I thought a lot about what Satai said...



While all your replies meant a lot, this one seemed to stick in my head. I see the logic to it. I thought back to my last trip up to NY at the end of April. Jack and Johnny (one of mine, one of mom's) seemed to recognize me right away. Azrael took a little longer - a day or two, but then he had just been through a very traumatic time (see other thread about urinary blockage/resusitation) and he is a very shy boy, so this could have been for any number of reasons... but once he did remember me, you couldn't pry him off my lap with a crowbar.

So, this morning I was on the phone with my mother and made it VERY clear that I wanted them back - whether or not she wants me to take or leave Johnny is up to her, but one way or another I want Jack and Az. She threw every excuse in the book at me - including the fact that I have two dogs and what about the cats getting along with the dogs.... which is just silliness since both dogs currently live with one cat and both of my boys grew up with one of my two dogs. Heck, I even have a picture of Jack (cat with mom) and Karma (dog with me) sharing Karma's bed when Karma was little. So we went head to head for a while and then let it drop. Not that I've given up, but I've found with my mother it's best to present your argument and then give her a day or two to mull it over... and usually she comes around.

And this is where I'm at. But, I've also decided that if for whatever reason we find it's best for them to stay with her (which I can't come up with a reason of why I'd do that... but let's just say "worst case scenario"), I will still get to see them and I know they will be well taken care of and have a very nice life.

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I'm glad I was able to help - and that you've made a decision that you are comfortable with. Good luck!