Not Fitting In

satai

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Originally Posted by Moz

Ditto. BD, I absolutely love your threads and Pearl and Pandora. TCS wouldn't be the same without you!

And I, like many others, am battling various personal demons.. depression and anxiety. We should have a club or something. :p
We do - TheCat(andoccasionallyreallyfreakedoutpeople)Site! Also, we're having a scared of fireworks fourth of July next year, and a valium pyjama party. You're invited!
 
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butterflydream

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Originally Posted by Satai

We do - TheCat(andoccasionallyreallyfreakedoutpeople)Site! Also, we're having a scared of fireworks fourth of July next year, and a valium pyjama party. You're invited!
 

zissou'smom

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You know what's really weird? All the people who say they feel like they're on ignore lists or that nobody likes them or they don't fit in ARE THE REASON I'M HERE!

I love the "That's the way the neurons fired". I may in fact steal your quote sometime, if that's okay.

Zissou wakes me up from my nightmares. It's cute. She always looks at me like "What are you yelling about in here?!?"

Everyone has personal demons. I just remember that I win everytime, since the cause of my main one is already dead and can't hurt me anymore. And the other ones, well they're pretty minor in comparison and I've got them under control.

One recommendation for those who cannot afford therapy (me neither) if you have a university with a psych department near you, often they have free or inexpensive therapy (not psychiatrists, but I don't like meds, long story) that can help. The biggest benefit of therapy to me is that you can talk to someone who does not get emotionally invested in you. My story is so bad that people I care enough about to tell it to end up actually having mental health problems themselves over it... So. Um. I tend not to talk about it.
 
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butterflydream

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Yeah the person or I should say persons that caused alot of my issues are all alive and well (my rents and also my ex). So I don't have that secure feeling.

I've actually had dreams where I've been literally screaming in my sleep and unless DH jars me enough to wake up completely it just continues all night.

Sometimes they are so bad that he can't sleep in the room cause even holding me doesn't help.

I need the meds to keep me semi-stable. Without them, I'd prolly be in the hospital right now to be honest with you.
 

satai

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Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom

I love the "That's the way the neurons fired". I may in fact steal your quote sometime, if that's okay.
Go right ahead. Hurrah! My meme wins!

Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom

Zissou wakes me up from my nightmares. It's cute. She always looks at me like "What are you yelling about in here?!?"

Everyone has personal demons. I just remember that I win everytime, since the cause of my main one is already dead and can't hurt me anymore. And the other ones, well they're pretty minor in comparison and I've got them under control.

...

My story is so bad that people I care enough about to tell it to end up actually having mental health problems themselves over it... So. Um. I tend not to talk about it.
If you feel like it, you can feel free to PM me. I have a story like that too.
 
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butterflydream

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It seems alot of us have stories (maybe that's why we are all crazy cat people?) I actually have a website that tells my story regarding my ex but it's a bit too explicit for TCS.
 

satai

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Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

I've actually had dreams where I've been literally screaming in my sleep and unless DH jars me enough to wake up completely it just continues all night.

Sometimes they are so bad that he can't sleep in the room cause even holding me doesn't help.

I need the meds to keep me semi-stable. Without them, I'd prolly be in the hospital right now to be honest with you.
I'm so sorry


If any the dream-screamers want to talk about it more, I might be able to help - I've had nightmares almost all my life and I've gotten pretty good at waking up in the dream and switching to something else. I don't know how much of it is something I can teach, but it's certainly something I gradually learned.
 

satai

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Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

It seems alot of us have stories (maybe that's why we are all crazy cat people?) I actually have a website that tells me story but it's a bit too explicit for TCS.
Well, stories like ours aren't family-friendly.
 
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butterflydream

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Well part of my problem is that I confuse my dreams with reality or I should say my dreams affect me as if they actually happened. My DH can't understand how I can't just tell myself it as a dream and go forward...but they feel so real.....it's hard sometimes.
 

satai

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Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

Well part of my problem is that I confuse my dreams with reality or I should say my dreams affect me as if they actually happened. My DH can't understand how I can't just tell myself it as a dream and go forward...but they feel so real.....it's hard sometimes.
Ah. I understand. When that happens, which is still does sometimes, I usually can shake it off in a few hours. It's a tough feeling though, very unreal.

I do have a funny one that I think you'll appreciate!

I woke up, bolt upright in my bed (in Limerick of course) convinced that:

a) I was an officer in the US Navy
b) I was stationed at the Washington Naval Yard
c) That I was late for something important
d) That I was in deep trouble

When I realised that I was in my house in Limerick, I really freaked - how the heck had I got there, when I was supposed to be in Washington? Only then did it dawn on me that I wan't supposed to be in Washington, and it had all been a terribly vivid dream.
 

beckiboo

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Originally Posted by Satai

I don't know what helps you when you feel like that, so I'll go with what helps me and hope that it helps a little.

I have a big bunch of quotes from books and songs and people that I write on index cards in pretty lettering and colours and read to... inspire me, I guess in that 'endless and uncertain battle' - which life is, anyway, at the best of times. Here are a couple that would seem meaningful to me when I feel like I think you feel:

"Pain... seems to me an insuffient reason not to embrace life. Being dead is quite painless. Pain, like death, is going to come on regardless... What glorious moments can you win from life in addition to the pain?" (Lois McMaster Bujold, Barrayar)

"So. I have survived one day. Therefore, I can survive another one-day. It couldn't be worse. It could only be more." (Lois McMaster Bujold, Mirror Dance)

"Few things are more attractive than courage, cheerfulness and optimism. But they take on an extra dimension when you realize that they are not a lucky assembly of character traits, but the result of an act of will—a deliberate attempt to tackle an unkind destiny with strength of purpose and good humor." (Jane Shilling)

Thinking about them helps me focus, for a little while at a time, on trying to be brave.
Those are the greatest quotes! A little dark, but I'm glad they are helping you. Maybe a little card saying, "Festus loves me" would help when I get down!
 

satai

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Originally Posted by Beckiboo

Those are the greatest quotes! A little dark, but I'm glad they are helping you. Maybe a little card saying, "Festus loves me" would help when I get down!
Well, to fight the darkness, first I have to see it.

"Fairytales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." (G.K. Chesterton)

Anyway, those aren't the only ones - just the ones that seemed appropriate then. (The Chesterton is another one on my wall). Different ones for different feelings.

If "Festus loves me" would help, get an index card and some sticky tape!
 

satai

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Ok, TCS buddies, it is 4:37 am here, so I'd better get my butt to bed.

Just so we're clear, I'm asleep, I'm not ignoring you!



Catch you on the flip side.
 

emily_325

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Originally Posted by Satai

We do - TheCat(andoccasionallyreallyfreakedoutpeople)Site! Also, we're having a scared of fireworks fourth of July next year, and a valium pyjama party. You're invited!
I'm so there. Way before we adopted Anya, my husband described me as "cat-like". I jump at loud noises, don't like strange people, suffer from depression, etc. I love this site so much because I don't make friends easily. I moved to Los Angeles to be with my husband two years ago from a small town in Georgia (pop. 500) and the only real friend I've made here has since moved back to HER small town because she hated it here too.

Anyway, we all get depressed and feel like we don't fit in. I'm sure yours feels more extreme with the BPD and APD. I can relate to that too though. I dated a guy with BPD for several years. Have you ever read this book? http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/038...lance&n=283155

In my opinion you DO fit in. You're one of my favorite people on here so far. When you replied back about the Buffy relationship to Anya's name my husband walked by and said, "Looks like you made a friend." If you ever need anything or want to chat, PM me.
 
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butterflydream

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Originally Posted by emily_325

I'm so there. Way before we adopted Anya, my husband described me as "cat-like". I jump at loud noises, don't like strange people, suffer from depression, etc. I love this site so much because I don't make friends easily. I moved to Los Angeles to be with my husband two years ago from a small town in Georgia (pop. 500) and the only real friend I've made here has since moved back to HER small town because she hated it here too.

Anyway, we all get depressed and feel like we don't fit in. I'm sure yours feels more extreme with the BPD and APD. I can relate to that too though. I dated a guy with BPD for several years. Have you ever read this book? http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/038...lance&n=283155

In my opinion you DO fit in. You're one of my favorite people on here so far. When you replied back about the Buffy relationship to Anya's name my husband walked by and said, "Looks like you made a friend." If you ever need anything or want to chat, PM me.
I have that book, Also, "Walking on Eggshells"--which I haven't read yet. "Get me Out of Here" a story by a young woman who recovered from Borderline and there is another book that's a 'sequel' if you will to "I Hate you don't Leave me" that is more up to date and less doom and gloom regarding BPD called "Sometimes I act Crazy"

Anytime I or someone I know is diagnosed with something I research all i can about it so I'm informed. I had no idea what Borderline was until my psychiatrist in the military made the comment of "well the feelings of being empty is typical of Borderline Personality Disorder"

Then I got my medical evaluation board where they did psych testing on me and read through it and it said BPD, APD, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety and Major Depressive Disorder. I had thought that all I had was the depression, PTSD and then social phobia.

I try to take things one day at a time, thing is, my brain swaps emotions so quickly some days it's hard to know which way is up. And I get really overwhelmed with how other people 'feel' about me. I know it sounds irrational to feel that way but I do.
 

kluchetta

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Oh, wow, I'm so sorry you feel that way. I think you have great posts. I don't post all that much right now because of MY battle with depression is at a bad level recently. I don't interact with anyone at work, and I hate going to my kids sporting, etc. events because I have to see people. I could just sit or sleep all day.


So it's nice to see people posting! Keep it up, and when I'm better I'll post for you!
 
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butterflydream

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Originally Posted by kluchetta

Oh, wow, I'm so sorry you feel that way. I think you have great posts. I don't post all that much right now because of MY battle with depression is at a bad level recently. I don't interact with anyone at work, and I hate going to my kids sporting, etc. events because I have to see people. I could just sit or sleep all day.


So it's nice to see people posting! Keep it up, and when I'm better I'll post for you!
I'm at a point where I wish I could sleep all day myself but i can't and it's the kids that keep me going. I have a hard time working because I have a hard time interacting with other people and not being paranoid that they are all talking about me or out to get me or screw things up for me...plus sometimes my moods get so bad that I get suicidal. ((I'm proud of myself that I've gone since Last november without any suicidal thoughts)).

That's significant for me since they used to be a fairly a common and regular occurrance for me (esp while I was working cause of my issues with people).

Since I've been staying at home, I've been far more stable.


That was up until all these issues with my so called family. That sent me into a turmoil which I'm fighting as hard as I can. ((my "Family Issues" thread))
 

commonoddity042

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Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom

We should all get together for fireworks next year and watch each other bounce around like Mexican jumping beans every time one goes off!
(You guys do that too right?)

And I like the name change. Although perhaps we just act like cats. People often say that to me, that I'm jumpy like a cat, or act like a cat in general. Maybe that's why I like them so much, because they also freak out at loud noises and strangers.
Not at fireworks.
I'll take photos. I am very jumpy, though, and I dislike it when strangers touch me. In fact, my bf tells me I act like a cat. Odd...
 
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butterflydream

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Originally Posted by CommonOddity042

You usually have very articulate, well thought out posts and I think you fit in very well here.
Thank you, that is a very much appreciated compliment. And usually I have a hard time accepting compliments but that one is easier to accept (my DH tells me at least once a day he thinks I'm beautiful which I'm in disagreeance with him on). I've been told by many people that I am very articulate.
 
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