Not Fitting In

Originally Posted by Satai

Yeah, we could also have a valium pyjama party.

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What I wouldn't do for some valium!

Or anything to help me sleep and stave away the nightmares.

I can be really jumpy (that's the PTSD). You should have seen me when I came back from the deployment that I should have never gotten sent on.

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

Whew...I had to go upstairs with hubby to take the wheels off my son's bed...who ever thought that wheels on a crib was a good idea.

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Well, I guess you don't know til you try!

Although, I mostly slept in a pram when I was a baby, kinda the same thing, yes/no?

I'm not sure what a pram is (a bassinet??).

My son is 2.5 and he still needs to be in a crib cause he won't stay in bed otherwise. Tonight he's been a pain. Let's see, he's moved his crib three times (that's why we took the wheels off) and he removed his clothing as well...and was standing there stark naked.

Oh what a night huh?

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

What I wouldn't do for some valium!

Or anything to help me sleep and stave away the nightmares.

I can be really jumpy (that's the PTSD). You should have seen me when I came back from the deployment that I should have never gotten sent on.

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Yeah, I have the nightmare problem too - though it's gone on since I was really little that I only get scared now when it's really over the top. It's your thread, so I don't want to hijack - I don't mind talking about it here or we could PM if you want to talk about it.

I can be pretty jumpy too though only when kinda wound.

I don't mean to pry, so don't feel you have to answer or anything - just something to think about - but if you're having trouble sleeping maybe it's time to get your meds adjusted? Its a trial and error thing, after all.

I want to get them adjusted...I was seeing a income based clinic and they refused to change my meds...and I can't afford a real psychiatrist.

so I'm stuck on the meds I'm on.

I think you fit in just fine. I've liked all your posts so far in my "N.Korea" thread. You seem cool- so don't feel like we don't want you here you're always welcome.

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

I'm not sure what a pram is (a bassinet??).

My son is 2.5 and he still needs to be in a crib cause he won't stay in bed otherwise. Tonight he's been a pain. Let's see, he's moved his crib three times (that's why we took the wheels off) and he removed his clothing as well...and was standing there stark naked.

Oh what a night huh?

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Oh, its a stroller I guess - except back in 1979 it was a huge black contraption, not the the strollers we see today.

Oh okay, so a crib is like a small child's bed with rails on each side.

Oh gosh it's just a miserable day....I guess alot of this stems from me just being depressed and overly critical of myself, so I tend to take alot of things just the wrong way.

Or take things as too personally. Which is typical of me anyways.

As my husband said, I'm ultra sensitive and it can be a blessing at times for other people if they need someone but it's also a curse.

You don't seem too out of place here.

I sometimes feel that way too...like I'm a misfit here and am on everyones ignore list ( maybe I am!).

The hardest thing about being online is determining emotions through black and white text. The smilies do help determine one's personality at the time of writing, but if there aren't any smilies then unless they type how they feel (i.e. "That makes me angry when..." or "I'm so happy now...like being on cloud 9") then it's hard to tell what their emotions are. Heck, I could be typing this while feeling down, but how would you know unless i typed it?

Just remember too: There are SEVERAL members here...you should find someone.

I don't use the smilies most times I just use quick reply. *sigh*

Like I said, it's probably me and my own stupid issues.....sorry my brain is firing all my lovely bad thoughts at me right now, makes life difficult at times...gotta love depression.

You seem pretty cool to me! I thought it was neat to have someone else to to talk about asbergers with.. Most people go as-what? I don't go in all the threads myself.. I hang in the lounge, the health, behaviour, kitten (even though I don't have much exp with 'em I love the pics!) and care & grooming. I don't usually go in some of the other areas here b/c they are not as interesting to me, though when I was trying to catch my younger two the strays & ferals subforum was great.. People here seem very nice.. I've had two people mail me coupons, tons of help with my sig, and some advice on health problems with rocky. Plus I can talk about my cats all the time and no one thinks I'm the crazy cat lady.
I don't usually go in IMHO b/c I like to keep it light and talk about cats.

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

I want to get them adjusted...I was seeing a income based clinic and they refused to change my meds...and I can't afford a real psychiatrist.

so I'm stuck on the meds I'm on.

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Oh, that sucks to the point of actually seeming inhumane to me.

As an honourably-discharged member of the Air-Force, aren't you entitled to support from the dept of Vet. Affairs - I read something about this a couple of months ago but can't find it now? (this is why it took me a while to post back).

Originally Posted by Satai

Oh, that sucks to the point of actually seeming inhumane to me.

As an honourably-discharged member of the Air-Force, aren't you entitled to support from the dept of Vet. Affairs - I read something about this a couple of months ago but can't find it now? (this is why it took me a while to post back).

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That's true...B was in the army, but he was able to get mental help last summer through the VA. Definitely look into it!

I am an honorably discharged veteran, but the closest VA medical center is in D.C. and that's crazy traffic.

Plus I'm in the middle of a VA benefits compensation claim. I've been in the middle of it since September. It's still ongoing.

Originally Posted by zak&rocky

Plus I can talk about my cats all the time and no one thinks I'm the crazy cat lady.
I don't usually go in IMHO b/c I like to keep it light and talk about cats.

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Well we do, but in the sense of:

Me: Hi, I'm Satai, and I'm a crazy cat lady.
TCS: Hi Satai!

BTW there's no H in the IMO forum - possibly constitutes fair warning?

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

I am an honorably discharged veteran, but the closest VA medical center is in D.C. and that's crazy traffic.

Plus I'm in the middle of a VA benefits compensation claim. I've been in the middle of it since September. It's still ongoing.

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Yeah, I can see how it would be complicated. Anyway, at least you know the option is there (to whatever extent it is there).

I hope it gets better soon - I know it must feel endless to you.

I was just saying that last night, the battle with depression and all my personal demons seems like an endless and uncertain battle....and believe me there have been many moments where I've felt like giving up, I guess the important thing is I haven't.

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

Oh okay, so a crib is like a small child's bed with rails on each side.

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Oh, we have cribs too - I just slept in a pram

(My earlier comment was just a joke implying that I couldn't talk about baby beds with wheels).

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

Oh gosh it's just a miserable day....I guess alot of this stems from me just being depressed and overly critical of myself, so I tend to take alot of things just the wrong way.

Or take things as too personally. Which is typical of me anyways.

As my husband said, I'm ultra sensitive and it can be a blessing at times for other people if they need someone but it's also a curse.

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Look, at least you feel like you can talk about it here, and feel like you can tell us that you don't feel like you fit in. Obviously it's not perfect, but at least it lets us try to be supportive.

Originally Posted by Satai

Oh, we have cribs too - I just slept in a pram

(My earlier comment was just a joke implying that I couldn't talk about baby beds with wheels).



Look, at least you feel like you can talk about it here, and feel like you can tell us that you don't feel like you fit in. Obviously it's not perfect, but at least it lets us try to be supportive.

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Sorry my sense of humor button is malfunctioning today.

Well I need to talk to someone I guess...so if you don't mind I might just keep on droning on and on......I've got so much on my mind after all that's happened to us in the last couple months, well month and a half....so things have been hard and difficult...and I just don't know the and...actually.

Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

I was just saying that last night, the battle with depression and all my personal demons seems like an endless and uncertain battle....and believe me there have been many moments where I've felt like giving up, I guess the important thing is I haven't.

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I don't know what helps you when you feel like that, so I'll go with what helps me and hope that it helps a little.

I have a big bunch of quotes from books and songs and people that I write on index cards in pretty lettering and colours and read to... inspire me, I guess in that 'endless and uncertain battle' - which life is, anyway, at the best of times. Here are a couple that would seem meaningful to me when I feel like I think you feel:

"Pain... seems to me an insuffient reason not to embrace life. Being dead is quite painless. Pain, like death, is going to come on regardless... What glorious moments can you win from life in addition to the pain?" (Lois McMaster Bujold, Barrayar)

"So. I have survived one day. Therefore, I can survive another one-day. It couldn't be worse. It could only be more." (Lois McMaster Bujold, Mirror Dance)

"Few things are more attractive than courage, cheerfulness and optimism. But they take on an extra dimension when you realize that they are not a lucky assembly of character traits, but the result of an act of will—a deliberate attempt to tackle an unkind destiny with strength of purpose and good humor." (Jane Shilling)

Thinking about them helps me focus, for a little while at a time, on trying to be brave.