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Children: Be Honest - Page 5

post #121 of 144
7/10/06 at 10:50am
I love kids but do not want any of my own. If I gave my reasons for not wanting kids to anyone they would think I was selfish Thank goodness it is MY decision to make and I don't have to worry about doing what others think I should do.

I really liked the response "Why do you ask" that was previously mentioned. I will have to use it next time. I can normally end that question quickly though by stating that I am still in school. People tend to think you are supposed to have kids after your finished with college
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post #122 of 144
7/10/06 at 11:11am
My fiance and I do plan on having children, but I completley understand why some couples would choose not too.

Even though I do plan on having 1 or 2 (God willing) I am still amazed at how pushy people can be!!

They assume that I would have children as soon as I get married (I'm getting married this September) and were disgusted with me when I said that my career is my #1 priority in life at this point in time.

Some people are just too nosey for their own good!
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post #123 of 144
7/10/06 at 12:14pm
I get pretty offended when people ask why I don't have kids. I don't mind them asking if we plan to as long as they accept a simple no. When I was in my early 30's I had cancer and had to have a hysteroctemy. I had just been married a year. Now that I am 46 and re-married I have acccepted that I will never have kids. It hurts, but its okay. Maybe there was a reason.

Once, in a public place with several aquaintances around, a man I had just been introduced to asked me if I had kids and then why I didn't have kids. I was speechless. I certianly didn't feel a need to explain to my personal issues to him. I ended up just walking away.

Yosemite, now I know what to say next time. Thanks.
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post #124 of 144
7/10/06 at 12:23pm
I gave up being able to have children (among other things) when I entered religious life. At first, I thought not being a mother is what I would miss the most, especially when my friends and family members started having children. Now, I can honestly say I have no regrets. I love kids and adore my nieces and nephews, but don't miss not having children of my own.
It's such a personal decision, and there are so many factors that weigh into it for people depending on their circumstances and beliefs. I respect whatever choice people make.
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post #125 of 144
7/10/06 at 10:20pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockcat
When I was in my early 30's I had cancer and had to have a hysteroctemy. I had just been married a year. Now that I am 46 and re-married I have acccepted that I will never have kids. It hurts, but its okay. Maybe there was a reason.
Aw, I'm sorry the full choice was taken away from you! But it is good that you have come to a place where you are okay with it.

As you said, people have many reasons for their choices, and people should not pry!
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post #126 of 144
7/11/06 at 7:15am
Quote:
I get pretty offended when people ask why I don't have kids.
I also hear this all the time as well "yeah, but you don't have any kids, so you don't understand". I say, yes I DO have kids. They have 4 legs!! And I know for certain, that my cats get better care than some peoples kids do It would be easier if I had kids. If my wife and I wanted to go away over night or even just a couple days, I could bring the kids along with me or find a good baby sitter that I can trust. With our cats, we can not get a cat sitter and I do not trust anyone from my family to look after them like I do.
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post #127 of 144
7/11/06 at 7:49pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmberThe Bobcat
I also hear this all the time as well "yeah, but you don't have any kids, so you don't understand". I say, yes I DO have kids. They have 4 legs!! And I know for certain, that my cats get better care than some peoples kids do It would be easier if I had kids. If my wife and I wanted to go away over night or even just a couple days, I could bring the kids along with me or find a good baby sitter that I can trust. With our cats, we can not get a cat sitter and I do not trust anyone from my family to look after them like I do.
I can totally understand that with your crew. Now, I worry about things like where to board them, you have a totally different story.

Lately my husband and I have been talking about buying a house and building an enclosure for strays. I'm not to sure yet, but I may end up running a little rescue!
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post #128 of 144
7/12/06 at 1:35am
Quote:
Originally Posted by CommonOddity042
That's exactly how I am with kids of all ages. Whenever people say "Come see my kid's photos, he looks so cute!" or something similar I walk over out of politeness, look at the photos and feel....absolutely nothing. I try not to make my stock "That's cute" comment sound too monotone for the parent's sake and go back to whatever I was doing.
glad i'm not the only one and its always, when they're showing pics "here she is on the swing..oh here's a good one, here she is sitting onthe porch! oh here she is with a ball, isn't that adorable? here she is sitting on a chair!" and i can feel my eyes starting to cross. i mean i understand that that's their child, of course everything their child does is cute to them..but i wish people would realize it's not exactly fascinating to the rest of us

if you've got pics of your cats, on the other hand...
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post #129 of 144
7/12/06 at 6:25am
It is you choice not to have kids.... I have no problem with people who decide not to have any, and I wouldn't ask why.


My husband and I are waiting for another year or so to have kids because we are young (i'm 22 and he's 23) and we have plenty of time to have kids. But we always get his family and people at our church asking why we haven't gotten pregnant yet (we have only been married for about 2 years), mainly because it is custom in his culture (lebanese/palenstinian) to have a child within the first year. I just keep telling them that I am only 22 and I have plenty of time to have kids. The main reason is that most people in our church don't get married until they are in their late 20's...so yeah it's more logical that they have kids earlier. We were the youngest couple to get married in the church.
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post #130 of 144
7/12/06 at 8:31am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom
Went to see a movie the other night, and someone had broughten their toddler (this was NOT an afternoon showing, or a children's movie) and was acting like it was their own living room, yelling about how the kid was to go sit in time-out, wandering up and down the stairs, the kid was screaming and crying. I mean really, I see things like that that I know I will never do and it's easy to see why some people don't particularly enjoy children. IMO, when you see things like that it's the parents fault. You don't bring a toddler to a 9:00 movie on a Saturday night.
We went to see "Click" on Saturday - and *of course* a woman comes in with a three month old baby on her chest and her little 3-4 year old. And the kicker? There weren't enough seats left so the dad went and sat up front, and the mom brought her brats right behind us. That kid cried and yapped about how bad he wanted daddy...then she let him walk up there to his dad, crying the whole way. Then the baby started crying. Oooh, so many times I considered turning around, asking why she had to ruin the experience for all of us. FINALLY, over an hour into the movie, she left with the kids.
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post #131 of 144
7/12/06 at 8:46am
I am only 20 at the moment and I know that I want children I just can't picture my future without them. I would want to wait for anouther 8-9 years before I start my family because it is something that I want to be ready and stable in doing. I personally don't understand the decision not to have children but that it my problem I would never critisize or comdem anyone for deciding not to have children as it is there choice.
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post #132 of 144
7/12/06 at 12:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckiboo
Aw, I'm sorry the full choice was taken away from you! But it is good that you have come to a place where you are okay with it.

As you said, people have many reasons for their choices, and people should not pry!
Thanks! I love the kids I do have, Oliver & Tripod.
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post #133 of 144
7/20/06 at 5:15pm
I say good for you!
Childless by choice is exactly that: a choice.
A lifestyle choice and you can expect it to become more and more popular in the future.

I for one and staying child free. It's not that i don't like children i just don't want that sort of lifestyle.... It's so weird how i get the same thing.... oh you will one day, you just haven't found the right man, your time will come etc. etc. etc.

I think the people who say those things ultimately believe that it is in our nature to breed. And that's just their belief....

I also think that the ultimate altruistic form of parenthood is when people who can have children choose to adopt instead.
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post #134 of 144
7/20/06 at 8:41pm
I have heard it from a friend that a female who doesn't want children is considered chemically imbalanced. Personally, I think that's a load of crap. The need, urge, or want to have children is completely choice. I didn't want kids when I was younger, but after some thought, I think in a few years, I'll be ready for one. My fiance wants 5, but I've drawn the line at 3 or 4. I'm not even sure we can handle one. Thankfully this is about 10 years in the future, so we have plenty of time to think about it. To tell you the truth, I'm not that big on kids. The only kid I've ever been able to stand was my cousin when he was only a year old.

I don't think anyone, male, female, or anyone between should be judged on thier decision of whether or not to have children. Some people just don't want children. If you ask me, I think they should be more worried about the people out there who SHOULDN'T be having children.
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post #135 of 144
7/21/06 at 3:35am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soka
If you ask me, I think they should be more worried about the people out there who SHOULDN'T be having children.

so true.....
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post #136 of 144
7/21/06 at 4:15am
I don't have kids and never wanted any. My cats are my kids. My sister has 2 grown boys (20 & 23) after yet another argument with her a couple of weeks ago she screamed at me "You don't have a life, you have cats" to which I replied it was your choice to have kids and mine not to. Her reply to me would probably get me banned from here!
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post #137 of 144
7/21/06 at 8:33am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soka
I have heard it from a friend that a female who doesn't want children is considered chemically imbalanced. Personally, I think that's a load of crap. The need, urge, or want to have children is completely choice. I didn't want kids when I was younger, but after some thought, I think in a few years, I'll be ready for one. My fiance wants 5, but I've drawn the line at 3 or 4. I'm not even sure we can handle one. Thankfully this is about 10 years in the future, so we have plenty of time to think about it. To tell you the truth, I'm not that big on kids. The only kid I've ever been able to stand was my cousin when he was only a year old.

I don't think anyone, male, female, or anyone between should be judged on thier decision of whether or not to have children. Some people just don't want children. If you ask me, I think they should be more worried about the people out there who SHOULDN'T be having children.
That's a weird generalization for one to make - I agree with your comments on it, too. It's not that I don't have motherly feelings...I baby my cats all the time...but I hate to say it, I get more attached to animals than babies, I don't care for babies or kids. At some point that may change...but right now I doubt it will because it's gotten stronger over the years.

And lol at that last comment -- my mom and I were just talking about her trip to the zoo and how kids were out of control there...but you can't blaim them, it's really the parents. Some people have kids just because you're "supposed" to...or because they want to and can't handle it...and it's a mess for everyone.
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post #138 of 144
7/21/06 at 9:33am
This has also been an issue for me from time to time. I NEVER want kids and it has been that way for a very long time. Yes I am ony 28 but I knew at 16 that kids were not for me. Do not get me wrong I like kids (OTHER people kids!!) I can give back to the parents when they annoy me!! I babysit for my friends a lot and have a 12 yr old brother I spend time with. I have also been a nanny.

But I know what impact having kids has on your lifestyle and I know that I am way to selfish to give a child what they need. I also do not have that motherly instinct everyone talks about. I do "oooh and ahhh" over tiny babies but I only like the little babies! When they learn to walk and talk forget it then are just whiney little brats! I have NO patience to deal with that.

But I get comments all the time as well...."you will change your mind", "you have not met the right guy yet" etc.

My answer is and always will remain the same...No i do not want children but I do have tremendous respect for those who do and enjoy the job. Becase that is what it is to me a JOB...children are a blessing but for me they are just not what I want.

And while I do feel for those who want and can not have kids I am not going to have a child just because I reproductively can and people think I should.

I enjoy my life as it is with me and my furry kids
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post #139 of 144
7/23/06 at 10:45pm
I have 2 cats a playstation2, xbox360, motorcycle.
I dont really want kids, Kids are fine, i love to play with my sisters kids.

heeh when they where little i used to give them some candy and or mt drew before i would take them home to mom and dad hehe i know its evil but it was so much fun

I dont know, maybe once, we pick where we are going to live we will have one, but the wife wants 3, i tell her , ok 3,, one from me, who is going to be the father to the other 2.

for some reason that always seems to her.
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post #140 of 144
7/25/06 at 6:52pm
I only had one child and it took me about 5 yrs of debating whether or not I really wanted kids. I'm glad I had him - he graduated last year, but if given the choice to do over, I don't think I'd have any kids.

Personally I just don't like babies (till they are 3-4 yrs old) and babies don't like me

I'd answer back when people question with "why do you feel you need to know"?
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post #141 of 144
7/27/06 at 7:54pm
Having children is a deep personal choice each family must make on there own. I knew from an early age I wanted a child. I had kaitlyn. I hadn't planned on having anymore then here came Hannah.(thanx Orthtricyclen lol) But I didnt regret it. I planned this baby, because I knew he would be my last child. When I got married I got 3 more and a grandson. My mom gives me total agony over this. But, I love children, and it was my choice, and nobody elses. I admire you and anyone else who chooses not too have children.
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post #142 of 144
7/28/06 at 4:26am
This is an interesting thread. I agree that anyone who chooses to not have children shouldn’t be harassed by others who don’t agree. It is a personal choice and should be left alone. A few years ago I was in the group that said I don’t like kids and I certainly don’t want them. Then my best friend got pregnant and gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy in the world. She had some major problems in the beginning as a single mom with depression and stuff so I helped her out a lot. After the first few times holding that little guy while he slept I was hooked. Now four years later I ache for my own little ones. The fur-babies are all I have for now but they are not quenching my baby vibes. My point being that no matter what your choice is people should keep to themselves. If you choose not to have kids then bless you. If you choose to have kids then bless you as well. If you choose not to and then change your mind then bless you too. Who knows I may even change my mind again before my day comes eh… an I better not hear any lip from my family about it. lol
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post #143 of 144
7/30/06 at 5:51pm
WOW.Interesting post.
I have 4 children.I have ALWAYS wanted them.At 16, I knew that I wanted 4........just like my Mom and Dad.
I personally prefer the newborn/infant stage as the toddler stage.I DON'T mind the middle of the night feedings,teething,belly aches.....none of that.I don't like the whiny stage,the attitude stage and the talking back stage.
I think it should be a personal choice and no one should have the right to voice their opinions on you.
I can NOT imagine my life without my 4 kids.They are my life.........but that is MY CHOICE/OPINION!!!!
If I could, I would have atleast 2 more.Which I can't due to a hysterectomy.So, I just take care of my "brats" and my fur kids.
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post #144 of 144
7/30/06 at 7:11pm
I'm like Stormysmom. I was pretty much the anti-child until earlier this year. I don't know if it was being around all the newborns and premies at the hospital, my change of denomination, getting married, or being around death everyday that made me want to have babies. I think it's a combo of all four. If you would have asked me last year if I wanted kids I would have said never. I also laughed at anyone who suggested I might change my mind someday! I've even posted about not wanting kids and why on this message board!

All that being said, it is a choice and it is up to you. You shouldn't feel guilty, or feel coersed or guilted into having kids. I'm sure you can have a wonderful life either way, and that is what matters.
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