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To spank or not to spank??? - Page 3  

post #61 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by ButterflyDream
I agree with you Dixie....There is a stark difference between beating the crap out of one's kids and a swift tap on the rear.

I think that we all are just going to have to agree to disagree. Not all parents are the same, not all kids are the same....and how you Siamese, interpret spanking may be totally different than say how Dixie or myself interpret's it. Again, I have no problem with it.....but we hardly do it ourselves.

I think that the major problem with the kids and teenagers this day is the lack of discipline out of fear that the kids are going to go to a teacher or authority and scream abuse when there isn't any going on so parents slack off on teaching their children that actions have consequences.

Being raised how I was raised, I know the difference between a simple smack on the bottom and an all out beating.

It's the all out beatings that are the bad thing, not necessarily simple smacks.

It's not considered abuse unless you leave obvious marks or welts on the child btw.


Ok, I lied, I'm not done yet...

I have joint custody with my ex husband of my oldest son. About 3-4 weeks ago Justice slipped and fell on my brick steps in the living room while I was mopping.. He was told MANY times to stop running in the house and to stay off the wet floor...He had a tiny mabye 2 inch scratch on his leg. Later that day he decided he was going to take it upon his self and go bike riding w/o asking. I stood at the end of the driveway and told him to come home.. Knowing I have a bad knee and I can't run after him he just laughed and kept riding. I waited about 10 mins and he came home. He got his butt popped and his bike taken away for a week.
Later that night he went to his father's for his regular overnight visit. The next day I was napping on the couch with my current husband and we had a knock on the door. It was the Sheriff's department and CPS. My exhusband called the police. Apparently my son didn't like the fact that he got his bike taken away and his butt popped and told his father I "beat him".... to make a long story short, Justice broke down crying and admited he lied because he was mad.it was all unfounded and the CPS worker said "there is nothing wrong with spanking your child"
My ex husband has also called because I took his TV away, because I wouldn't let him go on a field trip, because he cut his finger on a refrigerator magnet.... need I say more? They teach the children that if something doesn't go thier way then MAKE it go thier way... To be honest, I am SCARED TO DEATH to raise my voice, spank or sometimes even discipline my children because of this. And when I do, I am paranoid as all hell for about 3 days that some stranger is going to knock on my door asking who, what, when, where and how about MY family and our values.
It's a fear I live with every time I tell my sons NO. And then people wonder why children(including my own children) walk all over adults now days?
post #62 of 76
Honestly we all believe in different forms of discipline based on experiance with our own children. While one form of punishment may work for some, it may be completely the opposite for another parent. Like I said, spanking a child is not considered abuse but DSS standards, as long as it is a quick wack on the tush and nothing beyond that, not on bare bottom, not with odd objects, not anything extensive.

Some kids time outs, groundings and non-corporal punishments don't work, simply put.

When those don't work I mean how many times do you have to repeat a punishment for the same offense over and over again if you don't spank your child?

Do they repeat the action they were punished for after the punishment is over?

As in, say you put them in time out for a few minutes for oh I don't know pick a thing...

How many days is it before they repeat it?

Is all I'm saying.

Here's the things we do spank for and is why we don't spank that often.

1. Hurting an animal if you are old enough to understand that it's not okay....such as what my daughter did.

2. Doing something that is obviously going to cause more injury to body or self than the spanking itself.

You have more of a risk of getting CPS called if you have a child that gets severely burned from the oven or stove top than you do if you use a slight spanking to prevent it from happening.

Also.....running into the middle of a busy parking lot....my 6 year old did this as well. she just took off into the street and about right in front of a car had I not grabbed her arm in time.

I thank God she wasn't hit by a car and she knew not to do stuff like that so a small smack to remind her...and it scared the heck out of me.


Other than that we use time outs. Like I said before what may work for you may not work for another parent. Doesn't make spanking morally wrong. I think it's more wrong to let your child run all over you to grow up being just as disrespectful and mean as the rest of the world seems to be becoming. Know what I mean?

Before the whole I'm going to call social services on you mom thing happened, you didn't have as much of a problem with teenage gangs or school shootings or drugs or sex or violence.

It's a growing pandemic in this world.
post #63 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by ButterflyDream
Honestly we all believe in different forms of discipline based on experiance with our own children. While one form of punishment may work for some, it may be completely the opposite for another parent. Like I said, spanking a child is not considered abuse but DSS standards, as long as it is a quick wack on the tush and nothing beyond that, not on bare bottom, not with odd objects, not anything extensive.

Some kids time outs, groundings and non-corporal punishments don't work, simply put.

When those don't work I mean how many times do you have to repeat a punishment for the same offense over and over again if you don't spank your child?

Do they repeat the action they were punished for after the punishment is over?

As in, say you put them in time out for a few minutes for oh I don't know pick a thing...

How many days is it before they repeat it?

Is all I'm saying.

Here's the things we do spank for and is why we don't spank that often.

1. Hurting an animal if you are old enough to understand that it's not okay....such as what my daughter did.

2. Doing something that is obviously going to cause more injury to body or self than the spanking itself.

You have more of a risk of getting CPS called if you have a child that gets severely burned from the oven or stove top than you do if you use a slight spanking to prevent it from happening.

Also.....running into the middle of a busy parking lot....my 6 year old did this as well. she just took off into the street and about right in front of a car had I not grabbed her arm in time.

I thank God she wasn't hit by a car and she knew not to do stuff like that so a small smack to remind her...and it scared the heck out of me.


Other than that we use time outs. Like I said before what may work for you may not work for another parent. Doesn't make spanking morally wrong. I think it's more wrong to let your child run all over you to grow up being just as disrespectful and mean as the rest of the world seems to be becoming. Know what I mean?

Before the whole I'm going to call social services on you mom thing happened, you didn't have as much of a problem with teenage gangs or school shootings or drugs or sex or violence.

It's a growing pandemic in this world.

So very well put Butterfly! That is EXACTLY what I was trying to say!
post #64 of 76
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ButterflyDream
Do they repeat the action they were punished for after the punishment is over?

Before the whole I'm going to call social services on you mom thing happened, you didn't have as much of a problem with teenage gangs or school shootings or drugs or sex or violence.

It's a growing pandemic in this world.

Yea before kids realized they had rights and should be treated with respect and dignity, children were considered posseessions just as pets are today.

Before social services we had corpral punishment in schools and regular beatings because that was the norm, after all, children were only a belonging that had to do what they were told or else.

In all honesty, I think the real problem with parent-child relationships is lazy parents who don't know what to do. They'd rather be out with friends or whatever rather than being involved in their children's lives. This world is do whatever feels good and is easy.

My mom and dad are the perfect example of above. My dad grounds sister a. for a month (way too long) and then they never stay home at night (go out for coffee with friends constantly) and so sister a. is free to do whatever.

Groundings do work if you are willing to put the time and effort into them. You may have to put up with screaming cryin or whatever, but once you say something you better do it or it won't work as well the next time because the kid knows how to make you flake.

My son is still young, but he does know right from wrong most times. WE have felexible rules, but for the ones we have, if you break them be prepared for the consequences and I remember that kids do make mistakes. I always give one warning for whatever behavior and if done agian, then their's a punishment.

I know that kids do have different things that work for them, but I just believe spankings ( a slight tap on bum) are never an option and you can not tell me that if you gave your kid a spank for something that they never ever did that same action ever again in their entire lives.
post #65 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by IloveSiamese

you can not tell me that if you gave your kid a spank for something that they never ever did that same action ever again in their entire lives.

How can you realistically say the same for yours? Not getting involved in this, just pointing out that that statement made no sense.
post #66 of 76

Like I said earlier, I really think this subject has reached a standstill.

Just because people use spankings or what not does not mean they are being lazy or uninformed parents.

It is all dependant on the child.....


What works for your kids doens't neccessarily work for someone else's.

I don't think it's morally wrong and I've said my bit. But I also know that others will and have a right to have a difference of opinion, that doesn't make them any more right or wrong than I am.

I've put in my two cents

And unless there is anything new to add to this discussion aside from repeating the same thing over and over again.....I think the debate will only continue and potentially get more heated and what not.

I'm a pacifist. I don't like arguing with others. We are all different people, from different backgrounds, with different morals and beliefs and parenting techniques that work for us.

Can we end the debate because honestly, it's only going to continue to go back and forth.

Until someone ends up going off the deep end with an insult or something else that makes someone else offended and wooo there we go...know what I mean?
post #67 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by ButterflyDream

Like I said earlier, I really think this subject has reached a standstill.

Just because people use spankings or what not does not mean they are being lazy or uninformed parents.

It is all dependant on the child.....


What works for your kids doens't neccessarily work for someone else's.

I don't think it's morally wrong and I've said my bit. But I also know that others will and have a right to have a difference of opinion, that doesn't make them any more right or wrong than I am.

I've put in my two cents

And unless there is anything new to add to this discussion aside from repeating the same thing over and over again.....I think the debate will only continue and potentially get more heated and what not.

I'm a pacifist. I don't like arguing with others. We are all different people, from different backgrounds, with different morals and beliefs and parenting techniques that work for us.

Can we end the debate because honestly, it's only going to continue to go back and forth.

Until someone ends up going off the deep end with an insult or something else that makes someone else offended and wooo there we go...know what I mean?

I agree. The horse died long ago, and now wants to rest in peace.
post #68 of 76
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CommonOddity042
How can you realistically say the same for yours? Not getting involved in this, just pointing out that that statement made no sense.

No that is what I was saying. I know that a kids going to make mistakes (responding to BD when asked how long it would take for a child to reoffend after time outs) and that no type of discipline can ever be said to be 100 percent effective.
post #69 of 76
Thread Starter 
On a different note from for or against,

I noticed that every person who responded was spanked atleast once in their lives and we've all turned to animals (especially cats) for companionship.

Do think these two have anything to do with eachother????

I know I turned to my most favorite pet for comfort and companionship after I would get a spank. He was the only thing in my world I could be completely honest with and he never had a judgment of me.
post #70 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by IloveSiamese
On a different note from for or against,

I noticed that every person who responded was spanked atleast once in their lives and we've all turned to animals (especially cats) for companionship.

Do think these two have anything to do with eachother????

I know I turned to my most favorite pet for comfort and companionship after I would get a spank. He was the only thing in my world I could be completely honest with and he never had a judgment of me.
I will admit that when I would be beaten (and I don't classify what my father did to me a spanking but a beating)...I'd go outside and be comforted either by Maxx (our black lab) or Tiger (a stray tom cat that often visited and would give hugs, before he was poisoned by a neighbor).

But me I seek animals for comfort because unless they are Jeb the dog from the Bush's baked beans commercials, they aren't going to be going and telling your secrets to anyone.
post #71 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by IloveSiamese
On a different note from for or against,

I noticed that every person who responded was spanked atleast once in their lives and we've all turned to animals (especially cats) for companionship.

Do think these two have anything to do with eachother????

I know I turned to my most favorite pet for comfort and companionship after I would get a spank. He was the only thing in my world I could be completely honest with and he never had a judgment of me.
One of my biggest rebellions throughout the constant beatings, yelling, and humiliation my mother put me through during childhood was feeding the stray kittens in the neighborhood.

She hated cats and told me not to feed them the day I was sent to live with her. If it weren't for her telling me that, I wouldn't have known they were there.

She never found out because I'd put the food in the overgrown yard ten feet from the house so I could watch them play.
post #72 of 76
OK, I don't know where to start on this but can you honestly say that ANY parent who spanks thier child is lazy? I have to say I DO take offence to this in many different ways... As for the getting spanked and turned to animals statement, I don't think it's entirely true.

I will say this.. I don't think I will post on this thread anymore because of the fact that I will probably say things that will offend people and that's the last thing I want to do... Let's just agree to disagree and move on........
post #73 of 76
That's what I was saying, agree to disagree and move straight ahead....
post #74 of 76
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DixieDarlin256
OK, I don't know where to start on this but can you honestly say that ANY parent who spanks thier child is lazy? I have to say I DO take offence to this in many different ways... As for the getting spanked and turned to animals statement, I don't think it's entirely true.

I will say this.. I don't think I will post on this thread anymore because of the fact that I will probably say things that will offend people and that's the last thing I want to do... Let's just agree to disagree and move on........

1.I don't mean to offend you, but that is my opinion. Just as I think many parents who do not spank are lazy too. I don't mean lazy in general, just in the context of discipline.

2. I thought I had moved on by say besides the topic of for or against...and then asked a question. I know I will not be changing my mind and I don't expect you to ( I do not get offended that people disagree with me) that is why I changed the direction of the discussion to the connection with animals.
post #75 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by IloveSiamese
On a different note from for or against,

I noticed that every person who responded was spanked atleast once in their lives and we've all turned to animals (especially cats) for companionship.

Do think these two have anything to do with eachother????

I know I turned to my most favorite pet for comfort and companionship after I would get a spank. He was the only thing in my world I could be completely honest with and he never had a judgment of me.
Good idea, otherwise we'd be like our cats and chase our tails until oblivion.

Anyhoo, I was really young when I was spanked (in catholic household and use "Jesus Christ" in the sense of swearing that the last I remember). Unfortunatley we didn't have our family dog at the time.
I can agree that our pets do provide the one thing we all cherish: Unconditional love.
Even as I type this, Luna is asleep behind me and Whitey is asleep to the left of me. Yet B is out at the bar...why isn't he asleep somwhere around me ?
post #76 of 76
I believe that just about anything that can be said about spankings has been said, and further posts will be non-productive and lead to hurt feelings. I'm therefore locking this thread.
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