To spank or not to spank???  

In general, I do not spank my children (the 16 month old is too young anyway) but I do make exceptions. If my 3 year old is doing something that endangers her or someone else's safety, I give a quick swat to her rear, just to reinforce the message. Otherwise, time outs are sufficient to keep her behaviour in check (I use the Supernanny "naugthy spot" method.)

There is nothing I hate worse than going to Wal-Mart and seeing someone spanking thier kids or dragging them down the aisle by one hand. If my child decides to throw a fit in public, I tend to leave the store and resolve the issue in private.

I was spanked (although I was very well-behaved as a child, and my parents can count the # of spankings I got on one hand) and it didn't seem to damage me, but my parents spanked in appropriate situations, never with a belt or any other object, and never out of immediate anger (that's, IMO where the line is drawn between abuse and spanking).

I imagine that if I had boys rather than girls, we would spank more often. I know its a double standard, but boys seem more responsive to spanks than logic and time-outs.

When I got spanked which was rarely and not for long, I was more upset that my mom was mad at me than that she was spanking me. It never hurt. At all, and I don't think it was meant to.

Spanking is an open-handed slap on the tushie, never hard enough to leave a mark.

I would never do it.

I don't agree with it. It is never okay to hit another person, but somehow it is okay to hit your kid??? That is illogical. Also, as a former babysitter of many many children, kids who were spanked regularly are VIOLENT and ill-behaved. One of them punched me in the face, and when I told his mother she did not explain to him that hitting was wrong but rather spanked him. Which teaches him what exactly? Children who were never spanked tended to be much more open to other disciplines, like rewarding them with a favorite movie, talking out problems with their siblings, etc. I know lots of people will say that they were spanked and they weren't like that, and I'm sure it's not 100% either way, but if a child has never known violence of any kind it's pretty unlikely that they'll be violent towards others. Plus you are probably fine by now, but as a small child, spanking age, perhaps you were more unruly than you would have been.

If your kid is older than about 6, spanking is ridiculous and cruel. My dad spanked me in public when I was 13 once. I think that's just abusive, and it was humiliating. I cried for like an hour.

I am going to be the first pro spanker to post. I was spanked, and it taught me that there were always consequences for what I did. If I ever do have children I will spank, but only in circumstances where I feel that nothing else will work.

My parents weren't abusive, and I was always warned that if my negative behavior continued then I would be spanked. It was never a surprise, and it was always a last resort.

I was spanked and don't think that I turned out so badly. My kids got swats on the butt, too. This stopped, when it started hurting my hand too much, though.

I am not opposed to spanking though it is a last resort. I try to do everything BUT spank them unless it's a VERY serious situation. I try to explain to them what they did was wrong and why it's important not to do it again. There have been times like when they ran in the road or something of that nature that they did get a spanking.

I was spanked.

I think spanking is unneccassary. why? because it does nothing, it just scares your children. A swat on the butt is fine, but a hard spanking just because your kid wasn't supposed to do something or did something they did that wasn't right? I don't think so. I'd rather give a child a time out rather than a spanking and tell them what they did to deserve a time out. If I ever have kids, I will give them a time out not a spanking. JMHO

I was spanked. And i turned out just fine.

I like another poster am not opposed to Spanking. It should be done at appropriate times of course. And to me a spanking is one open handed swat to the tushie. It gets the point across. I never feared my father (he was the one who gave the discipline) and I always knew when it was coming I was warned.

I got spanked. One time with the belt! I didnt like that at all! But that is the price to pay if you are bad. I will spank my child if she is very
bad.

Exactly. I never do it repeatedly. Once, and thats it. Deacon ran out in the road when there was a car coming and I was about 20 feet away running after him and telling him to stop REPEATEDLY and he didn't. Just kept going. Thank god the car seen him and stopped way ahead of time. He laughed and though ti was funny... Yes, he got his butt swatted and sent to his room for time out with no toys and tv.

My personal interpretation of spanking would be a continuos slapping of the hand onto the body of a child/person or animal, smaller, weaker and not able to fully comprehend their actions,than the person spanking....the extent/duration/strength of the spanking being decided by the person bigger/stronger and fully able to comprehend their actions.

My interpretation of spanking i do not agree with.I think it is wrong to do.

But i do agree that if a child does something that could cause pain or injury to themselves or others then that child must be taught what it feels like to 'feel' pain
and i think 'a' slap along with an explanation as to why they 'feel' that slap would help them to comprehend that.
I certainly would not slap or spank a child for breaking a vase or something just like i don't think anybody would slap or spank their pet for breaking something,it can be replaced.

and to slap a child in public is humilliating and wrong and yes Zissous mom i agree with you i think it is nothing short of abusive.

See, I still think its individual to the child. When I babysat (regularly) the children in my neighborhood weren't spanked and were the most violent. One kid probably mimicked "daddy" and stuck his hand up my shirt to grab my boob.
Another family of 3 that I babysat by the end of the night the kid was sitting on my HEAD and bouncing up and down on it. I was yelling and trying to take control of the situation at one point I grabbed one of the kids by the wrist (not enough to hurt them, but enough to say "I'm in charge") and the kid immediately started crying. The next day the parent called me saying that I wasn't of any service to her since I couldn't control her kids. I flat out said told her "Maybe if you disciplined your children every once in a while, you could actually find a babysitter who actually care if you fired them".

Just IMO.

I was spanked and do not have a problem spanking only IF the situation goes to far (i.e. continues to ride bug wheel into road, swears at me or someone they need to respect). However, I do not agree to do it in public.

I dont recall getting swatted as a child(and my parents, always said we didnt get any) but anyways-I am not one to spank kids(i know my son never got any spankings) my daughter LOVES to push your buttons though, and she knows daddy means business-lol. He dont even have to spank, he just has to tell her once and she listens, but on the other hand with me, nah, dont work so well. I dont think spanking teaches them anything really. IMO time out or taking something away that they really like works just as good.

I was spanked.

I will not spank.

Spanking is hitting. Hitting is wrong. A big person hitting a little person is doubly wrong. It's a worldview that I cannot accept.

The only exception would be a quick swat on the bottom for something that is truly life threatening, such as running out in the street.

I still get nervous from time to time when I see my mom just casually pulling out a belt!
Oh yeah, the belt and I were close when I was little.
Geez....can still remember some of em.
Anywho, despite my dislike when it came to "tearin that behind up" when
it came to me, I would SO spank my kids.
It taught me disipline and Im not scarred by it...I think.

I was spanked as a child but not much. But with my own, I did not spank except once. And that was my son when he was 5 years old. We had went to payless shoe store and he had the run of the place to figure out which shoes he wanted. It finally came down to either a blue pair or a black pair. He took 30 minutes and finally decided on the blue pair.

It was real crowded in the store this day as it was the weekend. I paid for them and "assumed" he was right behind me. I heard a commotion and turned around he was was laying prone in the floor screaming and flailing his arms and legs. His first and only temper tantrum.

If he had of asked me, I would have traded the shoes out. I couldn't believe he did this. Everyone was staring thinking he was some demented child..

I left him in the store and put my purchase in the car and went to get him. When I picked him up, he continued this behavior. I politely smiled at everyone and walked toward the door getting kicked by my child.

I could not get the car door open because of the kicking. So a woman helped me get Bryan strapped in. I was still smiling.

When we drove off, I went down the road, pulled the car over and spanked him. He had continued to scream and flail land kick in the car the entire time. But I spanked him on the side of the road out of public eye. I did not want to humiliate him in that way. That was his one and only temper tantrum and his one and only spanking.

We handled thing as a rule very differently. He stole something once when he was 6. It was a small washer from a bolt. hehe. Not much of anything but I had to make a point. So we went back to the store and I talked to him all the way about what he was going to tell the man at the store about him stealing some of his merchandise. Bryan was terrified that he was going to jail and they were going to call the police. But when we got to the store, he stood tall and told the man what he did and that he promised he would never do it again. I will always remember what the manager told him. "You did the right thing son by bring it back". Bryan was visibly relieved. And to my knowledge, he has never stolen anything else. I had just gotten off work this day when this occured. I was in the restroom when Bryan stood outside the door and said in a quivering voice "Mama I stoooole something today", and when I asked him what he stole, he said "Let me slide it under the door".,..hehehe This little tiny washer came sliding under the door and I just stared at it for a minute. I was so tired that day but I had to make a point with him. He felt very guilty about "his theft" and fessed up to the whole thing which is good. He felt guilty over a little washer.

I still think there are better ways to teach a child than spanking but I did do it once.


He is 23 now...... and he remebers both of these incidents. He is also feeding a stray cat right now and has tamed a couple a ferals. The apple does not fall far from the tree.

And also........Fear or making your child feel afraid of being hit is not discipline. That is abuse.

And one more thing to think about. If two adults hit each other in Walmart, the police would be called, but when an grownup adult hits a child, people turn the other cheek and laugh a little. Now that does not make sense.

Jenn

I was spanked, but only when I did something wrong that could have harmed me, like riding my bike on a busy city street, or eating an entire box of raw cake dough. Over 40 years later, I remember most of my spankings so they left a strong impression. Mom would tell us to fetch her leather belt and she would hit us with the end that had the metal belt buckle. Yup, we had welts. But we never did our stupid acts again. I think I turned out OK if you ask me.

I don't have kids so its hard to say if I would spank or not. I've seen friends do a firm swat on the behind when their kids misbehave and didn't disagree with it. I don't spank or hit our critters, but will reprimand harshly if they do something to harm themselves (like running into the street), and that is just the dogs.

I agree wholeheartedly. I was spanked only rarely and things were different back then. It was much more accepted and I certianly don't blame my Mom.

PLEASE though, IF you do spank, DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE DO IT! My (then) husband and I were taking care of our 6 year old niece for a few days. She loved us and especially loved my (then) husband. Her parents believed in spanking and left instructions that if she should mis-behave, she should be spanked. I refused. My (then) husband felt terrible, but complied with the parents' instructions. She was mortified. I knew he didn't physically hurt her, but she was so humiliated she couldn't stop crying. The relationship between them was strained. She lives in another state and years later, she is still not close to him. She is a teenager now and I don't expect them to ever be close again. He regrets it; her parents regret it, but its too late.

I was spanked as a child, and all it did was make me terrified of my parents. So I am not going to do it when I have kids. I had other punishments that "worked" just as well (time out, writing apology letters, etc.)

I am curious, why do some of you disagree with spanking and then say that it is okay in certain situations?

Shock value. If the only time a kid were spanked is the time he ran out into the street, it could make an important impact. By spanking I just mean a quick slap on the butt. Just IMO.

Oh ok, thank you. I guess I was confusing a quick slap on the butt with what I got!

Spanking sure can have different definitions. If you were beaten, thats definately abuse. I think that parents who hurt their children have anger problems that they are taking out on their kids.

No I wasn't beaten but it was definitely more than a quick slap

Glad to hear that!

ILoveSiamese, you sound like a good mom!!!

We try alternative methods to spankings, time-outs, tv restrictions, limitations...ect....

Spanking is always a last last last resort. And by spanking it's a quick swat on the tush and then we sit down and we talk about what happened, why it's not okay and that we still love the child and that nothing emotionally has changed about our feelings.

But that's with every punishment, usually we tend to yell. No, sharp, firm so it is understood that what is being done is not okay.

A naughty spot (Supernanny) and removing the child from wherever it is they are misbehaving and again explaination as to what is being done that is bad and why it is not okay to do so.

Does any of that make sense? I've got a bit of a headache, I woke up at 6am with a terrible migraine that has yet to lift.

But I wanted to add my opinion.



I should add that growing up, spankings entailed a belt and several sharp hits that would often lead to welts. Without regard to where one's hands were, if your hands were in the way that was your own fault. I had welts on my hands once from trying to protect my bare backside.

And I did NOT turn out okay. I've got severe emotional issues from my upbringing and deep emotional scars.

Not just from my upbringing but the way I was raised led me to readily accepting the abusive relationship I ended up with at the age of 18.

I've got to go though, I may come and add more or just ask questions if you wish.
I have to feed the kids.

I've must've been a demon when I was a kid because most of you guys only got spanked very rarely.

Like I said earlier I had to get lunch for the kids.....but...

I got spanked almost daily. For big things and little things and not just spankings, I got things thrown at me, had my room torn up for being a mess (literally). I got spanked with belts (sometimes the buckle end), sticks....rarely was it hand to skin.

We have to run errands for my MIL so again I have to get going.....


I'll be back in a bit.