Am I........

ilovesiamese · Jun 30, 2006

Am I too over bearing (sp??)???????

I was so excited because my younger sister was supposed to come down (haven't seen for a full year) and stay with me for a couple nights but she always tells me what I want to hear and then never does it and breaks my heart basically.

She came. I saw her for all of 5 minutes and then she left to go hang out with her friend and I haven't seen her since (2 days ago). She keeps promising to come visit me and spend time with me, but then she never shows up.

We were supposed to talk about her coming to stay with me in the fall to finish up highshcool or help her get her GED and she's leaving tomorrow morning with her friend back to Alberta.

I think she must think I'm boring or too overbearing(sp??) and that's why she doesn't want to come to my house or do anything with me.

I asked her about it and she always just makes these really lame excuses. I'm just really sad right now because I love her and want the best for her and she just keeps making bad choices. (Much longer story behind this. Would take forever).

I just needed to vent and cry a little.

shengmei · Jun 30, 2006

I don't think you are too overbearing.

From what I know one cannot overemphasize the importance of education. Without enough education one cannot get ahead in life.

This forum seems to have more educated people than others I had been, so I am fairly certain others would agree with me that a high school diploma is crucial in life.

meowsas · Jun 30, 2006

I wonder how old she is?
Is she between 18 and 25?
Thats a classic age for family being boring.
So much is a life stage thing. when you share a life stage its easier to relate.
I also think she is very thoughtless and selfish and hurtfulI to do that and would distance myself for a while.
In the future when she is getting married or having a baby you will be far more interesting...
If you want to be.. I would distance myself for a while.
And if she comes to you to plan a visit I would say only come if you plan to visit me. if not don't waste my time or insult me.

catsknowme · Jul 1, 2006

oh, kallie - it sounds to me that she doesn't consider you too overbearing, but rather, too inclined to keep her on the right track. it sounds like she might get into too much mischief & resents the authority. please don't give up - my oldest daughter has been battling drug abuse for years, so i recognize the behaviors. i'm not saying that your sis is on drugs, but certainly if she accepts your guidance, she will stay on the road to a successful and happy future.

crystal211 · Jul 1, 2006

Originally Posted by Meowsas

I wonder how old she is?
Is she between 18 and 25?
Thats a classic age for family being boring.
So much is a life stage thing. when you share a life stage its easier to relate.
I also think she is very thoughtless and selfish and hurtfulI to do that and would distance myself for a while.
In the future when she is getting married or having a baby you will be far more interesting...
If you want to be.. I would distance myself for a while.
And if she comes to you to plan a visit I would say only come if you plan to visit me. if not don't waste my time or insult me.

I agree.

And it could just be her age. My sister is 18 and it's too much of a hassle for her to visit other family members. On the other hand, I have a 20 year old sister and she and I visit each other all the time. I'm guessing it's just maturity level...the 18 year old one is not nearly as mature as the older one.

*Hugs* I bet it's not you...it's her being a typical young person.

crystal211 · Jul 1, 2006

Originally Posted by catsknowme

oh, kallie - it sounds to me that she doesn't consider you too overbearing, but rather, too inclined to keep her on the right track. it sounds like she might get into too much mischief & resents the authority. please don't give up - my oldest daughter has been battling drug abuse for years, so i recognize the behaviors. i'm not saying that your sis is on drugs, but certainly if she accepts your guidance, she will stay on the road to a successful and happy future.

And I agree about this, too. My 18 year old sister didn't want to listen to anything we had to tell her about college or what to look for...she wanted to be independent and choose on her own, we didn't know what was best for her, yadda yadda. I know you want what's best for her, but try not to nag (and by mentioning it too often, she'll see it as nagging even if it's not what you intended)...it'll only push her further away.

gailc · Jul 1, 2006

I think she is in that stage of life where she doesn't want any responsibility. This pertains to her life and family. Does she have a job??? If not where does she get her money???? Being her sister you want whats right for her but I don't think she sounds ready for that at this time.

lunasmom · Jul 1, 2006

My sister does that a lot too. She calls to say she's coming in, my parents pick her up from the airport and lets her stay with them. However she's constantly either on the phone, out running errands or hanging out with friends. The last time she was in town I never saw her (even though she hung out right around the corner from where I live).

It's just maturity and responsibility. I'm not sure about age as my sister is 36.

zissou'smom · Jul 1, 2006

I'm the little sister... so maybe I can give you a totally different perspective.

I am 21, and my sister is 9 years older than me. When I graduated from high school, I moved in with her and her husband. My dad sent her this stupid note telling her that she was supposed to be my parent now. So of course she tried to. And it didn't work. She feels like she is totally responsible for every little thing that goes wrong in my life. Which she's not, because even if she told me not to do it, I'd still have done it. Why? Well, when you were that age did you have someone who tried to tell you what to do? And did you listen?

When you've just finally started to try to strike out on your own and get away from your family, someone trying to be your new parent is going to be met with nothing but resistance. Stop bugging her, and she'll come to you for advice, and then she'll actually listen.

So what I'm saying is, let her know that it hurts you when she comes to see you and then just ditches you, and then let her be while knowing if she needs advice to come talk to you. Anything more than that won't do anything but make it worse, especially if all you do is try to tell her to go to school.

ilovesiamese · Jul 1, 2006

Originally Posted by catsknowme

oh, kallie - it sounds to me that she doesn't consider you too overbearing, but rather, too inclined to keep her on the right track. it sounds like she might get into too much mischief & resents the authority. please don't give up - my oldest daughter has been battling drug abuse for years, so i recognize the behaviors. i'm not saying that your sis is on drugs, but certainly if she accepts your guidance, she will stay on the road to a successful and happy future.

That's crazy that you would pick up on that. My sister is 18 years old and is a recovering drug addict. She did admit to me that she went out wit hher friend and used a fake ID to get into a bar here and get drunk instead of coming over.

It's just sad and disappointing because we used to be best friends and we looked out for eachother. She used to let me look out for her. I really miss that. I always feel like I let her down when something goes wrong for her and she always feels like she'll never be able to live up to me. ( Our family is really screwed up). I just want to help her in any way possible.

I told her just to be honest with me because it will hurt me less for her to be honest than to tell me what I want to hear and then be disappointed.

She said she would stop in and say goodbye (she was leaving) and that was 5 hours ago.

It hurts but I get that she wants to do this on her own and I have to respect that she's an adult now and I'll just wait till she comes to me (it's really hard though).

Am I........

ilovesiamese

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shengmei

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meowsas

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catsknowme

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crystal211

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crystal211

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gailc

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lunasmom

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zissou'smom

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ilovesiamese

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