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Church Ladies With Typewriters

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
Please don't take offense. I am a former choir director and organist, and the church is very dear to me. But these were just too much!!

Items that appeared in Church bulletins:

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your
own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water". The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus."
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off-let the Church help.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their schooldays.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning
to join the choir.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 P.M. Steak, mashed potatoes, green
beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person(s) you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and
gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M..-prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
post #2 of 6
Those are hilarious! Thanks!
post #3 of 6
LOL I love the last one! :laughing:
post #4 of 6
Those wouldn't be near as funny if they weren't true! :LOL:
post #5 of 6
:laughing: Maybe they should offer proofreading classes. Those are too funny.
post #6 of 6
I laughed so hard at these, I had tears coming down my face!!!! Those were hilarious!!! Thanks!!!

*now I have to wash my face off to see again*
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