Originally Posted by Rockcat
A friend and I were debating this recently. I said that I'm glad my Mother raised me because if I was raised by many other mothers I know, I would certianly have had a lot of problems.
My friend said that it wouldn't matter. She pointed out people we both know who came from highly dysfunctional families who are upstanding citizens. She also pointed out some "undesirable" people who seemed to have good parents.
So, what do you think has a greater influence on a person's character - the way they were raised or their own inner self, regardless of parental influence?
I'm not really looking for scientific studies. I'd like to see examples and opinions though!
It's funny you bring this up as it was a topic of discussion between DH and myself just the other night.
I was saying that I don't understand that despite my upbringing and my past with abusive parents, heinous peers and an abusive ex husband, how I still remain a kind hearted person when it sooo could have gone the other way.
But to that accord, I'm incredibly sensitive and always have been, I do have some personality disorders due to my upbringing that have made life a bit complicated at times...but I'm working hard at overcoming those as well.
But my sensitivity is a blessing and a curse. I wear my emotions on my sleeve so it is very simple for Joe Blo off the street to take advantage of my kindness.....at the same time I would be the person that would walk up to the little old lady sitting on the park bench looking lonely and depressed and ask her if she was okay.
That's who I am.
Both my upbringing and my one inner self molded me into who I have become as a grown woman. It's a learning curve with regards to life.
Take a look at my sisters:
Sister 1: Evil heinous temper, very out of control (22 years old has three kids). Yells at 7 mo old for getting his face dirty during meal times.... Obsessive compulsive, prone to panic attacks, very low self esteem, but her anger and temper overshadow it, she hides her self esteem problems behind her anger.
Our upbringing and her personality molded her into a continuation of the circle of violence.
Sister 2: Self reliant yet materialistic, just like me hospitalized for mental health issues, but more often than myself. Very distant with the rents, only calls if she needs something. Married, expecting baby. Her and I are not close and never have been. She has Depression, borderline personality disorder 'traits' and among whatever else I don't know. She just turned 24.
Me: Straight into military after HS. Met ex....accepted relationship though abusive because of a few reasons: 1. He was my first 2. I was expecting his child and 3. He was alot like my father (emotionally abusive to me, physically abusive to our child).
I've struggled with mental health issues as well...Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, Avoidant personality disorder and PTSD.
I still struggle with them. It's made life difficult but it has not made me a bitter person or a mean person. I am not prone to anger....and I do not like conflict. I avoid it at all costs.
I don't know if that answers your question but giving an example of me and my sisters I thought that might be a helpful way to show the answer to the question.
Just so you know. I'm the oldest. Sister 1, is the youngest and Sister 2 is the middle child.