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I'm scared of moving.

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
I'm moving in August to a brand new city (I've talked about this before!) and I'm getting kind of scared. Sometimes I feel like I'll just walk right in and take it by storm, but sometimes I doubt that and feel like I'll end up sitting in my apartment all alone and won't be able to make friends. I've never really had a problem with it before, but it's just that it's such a big place and I hardly know anybody, plus I can't just go out on my own at night since it's urban. I don't know really what to do about it either. I am signed up for a few classes, have found a shelter to volunteer at, and am probably getting a job during the week, so it's not like I'm ever going to be totally isolated, but you know I just don't know how to make real friends to just hang out with... I'm starting to feel like moving was a mistake, and I am scared of all the crime around. Believe me, I looked for an apartment in a nice part and sort of found it, but no matter what you have to at least walk through some shady areas at some point during the day. It's just scary. I'm not a by-myself sort of person.

Any advice? I've never done this before.
post #2 of 28
Moving is hard, I've moved alot in my lifetime and especially in the last year, we've moved three times now and we aren't finished yet. I know how it feels not to have any real friends and part of that is that I have never been the popular one. Try to take it easy and dont' worry so much about it, I'm sure that things will go just fine for you.
post #3 of 28
You'll be okay hon!

I've moved on my own before to a much bigger city, but it sounds like you are on the right track (getting yourself signed up for classes, volunteer work etc) I'm sure you will meet lots of new friends.
post #4 of 28
The Bible says something about the less people move, the more they prosper......

Moving is terrible. I totallys sympathize with you.
post #5 of 28
I"ve moved a few times myself. Sometimes to places where I had no friends, sometimes to places where I've had a few friends. At first it's hard but you get used to thing and get more comfortable and before you know it you have people to go out with and things to do. You'll be just fine, being anxious is natural for what you are about to do!
post #6 of 28
Hun, you will be fine. I am also a "pro mover" so to speak,lol. I hated moving as a kid. I was always the quiet one, and very shy! I didnt think I would ever fit in, anywhere. It totally sucked! But now, to be honest with you-I would love to move away and start over, but thats just because I feel like I am old enough now to be *OK* with no friends or whatever. I know we wont be moving anytime soon, but if we did, I really wouldnt mind. Keep your head up, and remember it will all be fine.
post #7 of 28
It sounds like you are really prepared. Give yourself a chance. You'll meet people through your classes and volunteering.

In the meantime, I recommend that you get a copy of Entre Nous: a woman's guide to finding her inner French girl by Debra Ollivier. I found it brilliant for helping me learn to appreciate time by myself.
post #8 of 28
With that many activities you have I doubt you'll have a hard time making friends!

As for urban cities, I totally understand. I went from bright sunny upper middle class suburb to a poorer scarier place. My advice:
* Don't give money to anyone homeless unless you want 10 others around you asking for money.
* If some strange man (any age) says they have something to show you, RUN AWAY! Also consider signing up for a self defense class. The "tougher" you feel the more confidence you'll have walking around.
* Get a witchy look in your face when you're walking. No one bothers anyone with a witchy look

In time though it won't seem as scary and actually you'll become a little cynical to your own hometown...that too will pass. Good luck and remember TCS is moving with you!
post #9 of 28
I moved from Australia to the US at the end of the last year, so trust me - I know how hard it is to move!!! Try making new friends in a new country, while also trying to sort out work visas, stupid Dept of Immigration, social security numbers, trying to do ANYTHING while waiting for a SSN, paying huge deposits for everything because you have no credit history.... lol. Ahh the fun

But yes, it will be hard, and will take a good 6 months to settle in, and you will get sad and homesick at times. You'll also have fun though, have amazing experiences, and meet new wonderful people.

The most important thing I think is to find social groups where you'll meet new friends. Volunteering at the shelter is a great start. Join an art class, a sporting group, or something like that. Try something new! It's an awesome way to make new friends
post #10 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunasmom
* Get a witchy look in your face when you're walking. No one bothers anyone with a witchy look
My fiances sister moved to a new place and the area around is a little scary. She said this was one of the most important things she learned. She said she always walked around with her iPod, headphones on, and never made eye contact with anyone. If you don't give eye contact, and you act like you can't hear them speaking to you they can't bother you.
post #11 of 28
*hugs*
Big things are always scary at first i hope it turns out great!!!
post #12 of 28
You will be AOK I have moved a few times myself. The first move i did was from a BIG city to a small town. so that was kinda odd for me. But i made friends non the less. Than i moved back to the big city and had to start over. You will be fine.

And you have gotten good advice on how to handle city stuff. Dont may eye contact stay in the best lit areas you can at night. I always try to "not look like i have money" if that makes sense. lol when i am in some shady parts of town at night.
post #13 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by squirtle
My fiances sister moved to a new place and the area around is a little scary. She said this was one of the most important things she learned. She said she always walked around with her iPod, headphones on, and never made eye contact with anyone. If you don't give eye contact, and you act like you can't hear them speaking to you they can't bother you.
dunno if i'd agree about the IPOD thing - if you have headphones on and are listening to music, you're not likely to hear if someone comes up behind you.

i agree about not making eyecontact, but don't do it in a looking down "im scared to look at you" way. just look straight ahead, like you're on a mission. tell yourself in your mind that you're on your way to your black belt level tai quon do lesson, and hold yourself accordingly

dont be scared of moving! i know it's nerve wracking, but it'll open up so many new doors, you can meet new people, discover new things... the nervousness will pass, as will the homesickness.

good luck
post #14 of 28
Right - I remember taking 2 self defense courses and one told me not to look at anyone or into anyones eyes...just to look straight ahead and not look down.
The second told me to look into the persons eyes. Their theory behind that is it tells the person approaching that you're human as well.

I stuck with the first, the less eye contact, the better IMO.
post #15 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by arcadian girl
dunno if i'd agree about the IPOD thing - if you have headphones on and are listening to music, you're not likely to hear if someone comes up behind you.
I didn't mean to have the music blaring into your ears so you can't hear what's going on around you. When I go walking with my iPod I make sure to have the volume low enough so I am still aware of my surroundings... I can still hear cars driving by, and people behind me, etc. I figured it was safe to assume she knew better than to have the music so loud she didn't know what was going on
post #16 of 28
You'll be fine

It will be different, but once you are there and all set up how you like it, you will feel so proud and confident that you accomplished that.

I would feel a little scared too...I actually do , I am moving on my own for the first time this Friday..Eeep!

I really do think it is good for a person though, and it will be good for you

If only we could hang out eh?
post #17 of 28
Moving to a new city is definately tough. I've moved so many times in my life... and your getting some great advice. At 1st you will be SO busy, getting all your stuff unpacked, getting your new place set up just so, signing up for school, or finding a job, etc. But then, you can get in a rut, or lonely... and the only thing you can do is not let it happen! Definately try to find a self defense class... you will meet some strong, courageous women there. And you will feel better about your walk through some questionable areas. Do something you've always wanted to do, but never got around too. Because now, you have the time, since you don't have all your best buds around.... sign up for a salsa class, or a pottery class... they have those at local community centers for a low price. If you sign up for a dance class, you'll meet people who like to go out and dance.... do something that makes you happy, and you will find friends in no time! And remember, if you ever need to talk, we are always here for you at TCS!!!
post #18 of 28
Thread Starter 
Awwwww....
Thank you all so much. I feel a little better about it now, I guess everyone has to move sometime, huh?
My mom and I took a self-defense class together when I was a senior in high school and I remember most of it, also I will have three things of pepper spray and I walk with my hand in my purse around it. You know, where I live now there isn't too much to worry about, but I act like I'm in the same kind of environment, like I will NOT go anywhere alone at night, I keep track of pretty much anyone within eyesight (including behind me), I walk quickly with my head up, avoid areas someone could be hiding, etc. Here people think I'm paranoid. So when I move I guess I'll fit right in... The University is trying to clean up the area right near me, they've bought a couple blocks of the street I live on (major major road) and redid everything and put in reeeeaaaallly expensive apartments, so that's all just two blocks away and once I get to that it's much safer. Also the police evicted basically an entire street behind me and it has a task force, I'm not sure if that makes me feel safer or not though.

I'll find out how it goes soon enough, I guess. I'm moving in a month and a half almost exactly. I hope Zissou's ready! She'll hate it of course cause it's smaller.
post #19 of 28
OH! I just thought of another very handy item that would be very nice for you to have. My best friend suggested this to me a while back, and it is definitely on my list of things I want to buy. It is one of those personal alarms.... Something like these:
http://www.tbotech.com/personal-alarms.htm

They are very inexpensive, and would definitely draw the attention of nearby people if activated while someone was bothering you.
post #20 of 28
Thread Starter 
Ohhh, that's a cool idea. I've never heard of those. I think I might also get one of those door ones that you set when you go to bed, since I'll be living alone. I am living on the third floor also.

I forgot to say, I do not look scary nor can I look scary. If I tried to, it would be something like that face Ben Stiller makes in Zoolander. I'm not kidding, I have the same nose I did when I was six, and I look at least five years younger than I am. I still get carded to go to R movies. Seriously. I'm going to have to concentrate more on not looking scared!
post #21 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom
Ohhh, that's a cool idea. I've never heard of those. I think I might also get one of those door ones that you set when you go to bed, since I'll be living alone. I am living on the third floor also.
I like the door idea as well. If I lived alone, I would probably go with it
I wonder how loud the personal alarms are They might be loud enough that neighbors around you would hear it going off if it was activated inside your apartment.
When I did have my own apartment, I made sure to get the phone numbers of my neighbors next to me. It made me feel safer knowing I could call them in the middle of the night if someone was outside my window or something strange like that. They would be able to get there before the police would (I am not saying eliminate the call to the police). I think it was more for my peace of mind. I never had to call them.
I think you are going to be just fine.... My ideas come from being terrified of staying home alone at night. When I lived alone, I had to come up with ways to put my mind at ease or I couldn't get a wink of sleep.

And as far as looks, you don't have to look mean. Just unavailable... Does that make sense? Don't be willing to engage in conversation with a stranger, etc. No eye contact makes you seem less friendly.
post #22 of 28
Thread Starter 
I live right above the building manager, so hopefully I could call him and the police... I don't foresee that being a problem though. The only thing I'm worried about is if someone does break in and Zissou gets out, I hope she'd be scared and hide but I'm not sure. And I doubt a thief would bring the cat back in .

Those personal alarms are loud enough, but you'd have to already be awake. I'm thinking more about the ones that go off if someone opens the door while you're sleeping, so long as I told the landlord I had it in case something happened and they had to come in. I also think I might get doubles of all the cat stuff and put a litterbox, food/water, etc in my bedroom and sleep with her in there with me and the room door also locked. Is that too paranoid?

Most of my neighbors are going to be graduate law students, hopefully some of them are big strong boys who like to watch out for girls. Not that I have to have a man looking after me, just that, well, wouldn't you feel better with two people who look like pro wrestlers living on either side of you?
post #23 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom
Not that I have to have a man looking after me, just that, well, wouldn't you feel better with two people who look like pro wrestlers living on either side of you?
So know what you mean by that!

As for the witchy look, I always try to think of something that ticked me off that day...or if nothing did or I don't want to exhaust myself I just spot people I'm walking by and think "I hate you". as long as the witchiness is set in your eyes, then you'll be fine...you won't hve the Zoolander face!

I would still brush up on the self defense...usually they offer it for free or $5 on campus. You may get a clue in to the areas to avoid or be cautious of through that class.
post #24 of 28
If you don't mind me asking, what area are you moving to? Just curious...
post #25 of 28
Thread Starter 
I'm moving to Ohio State. If you're familiar with Columbus I'll be living somwhere between campus and Short North. I know alot of people who otherwise would have gone there but didn't because they didn't like the neighborhood. To such a suburbanite as me, though, anywhere inside the city limits of any city is pretty scary. I went to look for an apartment and ended up sitting outside the campus bookstore crying because I was so freaked out by everything, but after talking to my landlord for a while I felt better, as she lived there for 20 years herself, adn it'sjust her and her husband own this building and no others, and she seemed like she was very involved and concerned about everything. The laundry room even requires a key, and it's all very well lit and pretty with a courtyard in the middle. I'll be smack in the middle, not on the ends, and also on the top floor too. So I think with reasonable precautions I will feel pretty safe at home. It's just basically everywhere else!
Maybe I'll feel better once I'm there and get a little used to all the different sorts of people and everything, and start to learn my way around, since being both lost and scared at the same time may have made me think it's worse than it is... but it's certainly nothing like where I go now, where most of your worries come from what the other students might do, and stupid drunken vandalism and such. Not armed robbery or assault or anything...
post #26 of 28
I've been thinking about up and moving too! Do you have a job lined up?? I've never been out of my town before and have always wanted to... There are 3 cities I have always considered but now have settled on one, and it's only about 3 hours away from me, so it won't be like I'm across the country. I'm sort of nervous, have had my res on monster and stuff for that area for a couple months with no luck.. I need to update it though. I know I will chicken out, even though it may be the best thing for me.. That's so exciting for you!
post #27 of 28
Thread Starter 
I'll be going to school full-time (11:30-5:30 monday-thursday) so a job is more of a secondary concern. I will start looking once I get there, though, hopefully at the library! I am actually moving closer to home (I grew up closer to Columbus than I live now) so it's not that, but I don't know anybody in Columbus. And I love Northern Ohio much more than Southern Ohio. Soooo much more.

From what everyone's telling me, moving is exciting and good for you so you should do it!
post #28 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom
I'm moving to Ohio State. If you're familiar with Columbus I'll be living somwhere between campus and Short North. I know alot of people who otherwise would have gone there but didn't because they didn't like the neighborhood. To such a suburbanite as me, though, anywhere inside the city limits of any city is pretty scary.
Honey - if people didn't go to certain colleges because of the neighborhoods, well then places like Ohio State, John Hopkins, etc wouldn't be as big as they are now.

(My friend transferred from Wayne State in Detroit to John Hopkins and basically said that once you take one step off of JHU's campus, it makes Detroit look like a picnic. NOW THATS scary).

Anyhoo, just look at it as a growing experience. After this you'll feel comfortable if you have to move to a big city!
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