I'm scared of moving.

I'm moving in August to a brand new city (I've talked about this before!) and I'm getting kind of scared. Sometimes I feel like I'll just walk right in and take it by storm, but sometimes I doubt that and feel like I'll end up sitting in my apartment all alone and won't be able to make friends. I've never really had a problem with it before, but it's just that it's such a big place and I hardly know anybody, plus I can't just go out on my own at night since it's urban. I don't know really what to do about it either. I am signed up for a few classes, have found a shelter to volunteer at, and am probably getting a job during the week, so it's not like I'm ever going to be totally isolated, but you know I just don't know how to make real friends to just hang out with... I'm starting to feel like moving was a mistake, and I am scared of all the crime around. Believe me, I looked for an apartment in a nice part and sort of found it, but no matter what you have to at least walk through some shady areas at some point during the day. It's just scary. I'm not a by-myself sort of person.

Any advice? I've never done this before.

Moving is hard, I've moved alot in my lifetime and especially in the last year, we've moved three times now and we aren't finished yet. I know how it feels not to have any real friends and part of that is that I have never been the popular one. Try to take it easy and dont' worry so much about it, I'm sure that things will go just fine for you.

You'll be okay hon!

I've moved on my own before to a much bigger city, but it sounds like you are on the right track (getting yourself signed up for classes, volunteer work etc) I'm sure you will meet lots of new friends.

The Bible says something about the less people move, the more they prosper......

Moving is terrible. I totallys sympathize with you.

I"ve moved a few times myself. Sometimes to places where I had no friends, sometimes to places where I've had a few friends. At first it's hard but you get used to thing and get more comfortable and before you know it you have people to go out with and things to do. You'll be just fine, being anxious is natural for what you are about to do!

Hun, you will be fine. I am also a "pro mover" so to speak,lol. I hated moving as a kid. I was always the quiet one, and very shy! I didnt think I would ever fit in, anywhere. It totally sucked! But now, to be honest with you-I would love to move away and start over, but thats just because I feel like I am old enough now to be *OK* with no friends or whatever. I know we wont be moving anytime soon, but if we did, I really wouldnt mind. Keep your head up, and remember it will all be fine.

It sounds like you are really prepared. Give yourself a chance. You'll meet people through your classes and volunteering.

In the meantime, I recommend that you get a copy of Entre Nous: a woman's guide to finding her inner French girl by Debra Ollivier. I found it brilliant for helping me learn to appreciate time by myself.

With that many activities you have I doubt you'll have a hard time making friends!

As for urban cities, I totally understand. I went from bright sunny upper middle class suburb to a poorer scarier place. My advice:
* Don't give money to anyone homeless unless you want 10 others around you asking for money.
* If some strange man (any age) says they have something to show you, RUN AWAY! Also consider signing up for a self defense class. The "tougher" you feel the more confidence you'll have walking around.
* Get a witchy look in your face when you're walking. No one bothers anyone with a witchy look

In time though it won't seem as scary and actually you'll become a little cynical to your own hometown...that too will pass. Good luck and remember TCS is moving with you!

I moved from Australia to the US at the end of the last year, so trust me - I know how hard it is to move!!! Try making new friends in a new country, while also trying to sort out work visas, stupid Dept of Immigration, social security numbers, trying to do ANYTHING while waiting for a SSN, paying huge deposits for everything because you have no credit history.... lol. Ahh the fun

But yes, it will be hard, and will take a good 6 months to settle in, and you will get sad and homesick at times. You'll also have fun though, have amazing experiences, and meet new wonderful people.

The most important thing I think is to find social groups where you'll meet new friends. Volunteering at the shelter is a great start. Join an art class, a sporting group, or something like that. Try something new! It's an awesome way to make new friends

Originally Posted by lunasmom

* Get a witchy look in your face when you're walking. No one bothers anyone with a witchy look

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My fiances sister moved to a new place and the area around is a little scary. She said this was one of the most important things she learned. She said she always walked around with her iPod, headphones on, and never made eye contact with anyone. If you don't give eye contact, and you act like you can't hear them speaking to you they can't bother you.

*hugs*
Big things are always scary at first i hope it turns out great!!!

You will be AOK I have moved a few times myself. The first move i did was from a BIG city to a small town. so that was kinda odd for me. But i made friends non the less. Than i moved back to the big city and had to start over. You will be fine.

And you have gotten good advice on how to handle city stuff. Dont may eye contact stay in the best lit areas you can at night. I always try to "not look like i have money" if that makes sense. lol when i am in some shady parts of town at night.

Originally Posted by squirtle

My fiances sister moved to a new place and the area around is a little scary. She said this was one of the most important things she learned. She said she always walked around with her iPod, headphones on, and never made eye contact with anyone. If you don't give eye contact, and you act like you can't hear them speaking to you they can't bother you.

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dunno if i'd agree about the IPOD thing - if you have headphones on and are listening to music, you're not likely to hear if someone comes up behind you.

i agree about not making eyecontact, but don't do it in a looking down "im scared to look at you" way. just look straight ahead, like you're on a mission. tell yourself in your mind that you're on your way to your black belt level tai quon do lesson, and hold yourself accordingly

dont be scared of moving! i know it's nerve wracking, but it'll open up so many new doors, you can meet new people, discover new things... the nervousness will pass, as will the homesickness.

good luck

Right - I remember taking 2 self defense courses and one told me not to look at anyone or into anyones eyes...just to look straight ahead and not look down.
The second told me to look into the persons eyes. Their theory behind that is it tells the person approaching that you're human as well.

I stuck with the first, the less eye contact, the better IMO.

Originally Posted by arcadian girl

dunno if i'd agree about the IPOD thing - if you have headphones on and are listening to music, you're not likely to hear if someone comes up behind you.

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I didn't mean to have the music blaring into your ears so you can't hear what's going on around you. When I go walking with my iPod I make sure to have the volume low enough so I am still aware of my surroundings... I can still hear cars driving by, and people behind me, etc. I figured it was safe to assume she knew better than to have the music so loud she didn't know what was going on

You'll be fine

It will be different, but once you are there and all set up how you like it, you will feel so proud and confident that you accomplished that.

I would feel a little scared too...I actually do , I am moving on my own for the first time this Friday..Eeep!

I really do think it is good for a person though, and it will be good for you

If only we could hang out eh?

Moving to a new city is definately tough. I've moved so many times in my life... and your getting some great advice. At 1st you will be SO busy, getting all your stuff unpacked, getting your new place set up just so, signing up for school, or finding a job, etc. But then, you can get in a rut, or lonely... and the only thing you can do is not let it happen! Definately try to find a self defense class... you will meet some strong, courageous women there. And you will feel better about your walk through some questionable areas. Do something you've always wanted to do, but never got around too. Because now, you have the time, since you don't have all your best buds around.... sign up for a salsa class, or a pottery class... they have those at local community centers for a low price. If you sign up for a dance class, you'll meet people who like to go out and dance.... do something that makes you happy, and you will find friends in no time! And remember, if you ever need to talk, we are always here for you at TCS!!!

Awwwww....
Thank you all so much. I feel a little better about it now, I guess everyone has to move sometime, huh?
My mom and I took a self-defense class together when I was a senior in high school and I remember most of it, also I will have three things of pepper spray and I walk with my hand in my purse around it. You know, where I live now there isn't too much to worry about, but I act like I'm in the same kind of environment, like I will NOT go anywhere alone at night, I keep track of pretty much anyone within eyesight (including behind me), I walk quickly with my head up, avoid areas someone could be hiding, etc. Here people think I'm paranoid. So when I move I guess I'll fit right in... The University is trying to clean up the area right near me, they've bought a couple blocks of the street I live on (major major road) and redid everything and put in reeeeaaaallly expensive apartments, so that's all just two blocks away and once I get to that it's much safer. Also the police evicted basically an entire street behind me and it has a task force, I'm not sure if that makes me feel safer or not though.

I'll find out how it goes soon enough, I guess. I'm moving in a month and a half almost exactly. I hope Zissou's ready! She'll hate it of course cause it's smaller.

OH! I just thought of another very handy item that would be very nice for you to have. My best friend suggested this to me a while back, and it is definitely on my list of things I want to buy. It is one of those personal alarms.... Something like these:
http://www.tbotech.com/personal-alarms.htm

They are very inexpensive, and would definitely draw the attention of nearby people if activated while someone was bothering you.

Ohhh, that's a cool idea. I've never heard of those. I think I might also get one of those door ones that you set when you go to bed, since I'll be living alone. I am living on the third floor also.

I forgot to say, I do not look scary nor can I look scary. If I tried to, it would be something like that face Ben Stiller makes in Zoolander. I'm not kidding, I have the same nose I did when I was six, and I look at least five years younger than I am. I still get carded to go to R movies. Seriously. I'm going to have to concentrate more on not looking scared!