A gift giving occasion?

So my SIL little girls are having their first dance recital this weekend. My SIL calls me (we are now back on speaking terms after she brought her five kids to my wedding anniversary party) and says that she thinks it would be nice if we brought the girls a little something. Is this really a gift giving occasion? Is she over stepping her bounds yet again? We don't have kids so I have no idea about this.

What!?! Flowers if anything! What really gets me is that she called to suggest you give them something! I find that just about as rude as you can get!

I don't think it warrants a gift, maybe a card saying good luck or something...

Maybe a card, flowers at most...

I'm glad my babies are furry.

Just a suggestion I don't know your whole story with your SIL but my aunt brought my girls a yellow rose every year for their dance reviews. However yes it is rude and if you bring a gift I am sure your SIL will respond with making the girls send you a thank you card for comming! lol Then again if yours is like mine she will demand the gifts but not care if her kids thank you or anything lol

I was thinking about flowers. But I have not ventured into a toy store since last Christmas when I was buying her kids some plastic toy that I believe to be broken into a million pieces by now. That place is scary. Kids yelling and screaming. I don't like it.

Am I the only person that is at a total loss when it comes to gift giving when the person is under the age of 15?

How old are they?

There are five total the oldest is 11, then it goes to 4, 3, 2, and 1. The two that are having the dance recital are 4 and 3.

I have a 11 going on 30 year old and I always do clothes for her I have a 9 year old who is hard I am clueless there unless she says anything lol and I have a 5 year old and its barbies!

I don't think that a GIFT is called for in this situation. Some flowers might be nice, and the girls would feel special for it, but a gift? No way.

With kids that young, maybe a cute little stuffed animal (we're talking cute but not at all expensive) and a carnation or such? It can't hurt, just to keep the peace, though I agree it was rude of her to ask, but maybe she didn't mean it that way. Who knows?

I agree. I dont think a gift is necessary. I cant believe she told you to give them one. How tactless. i just cant get over that. they're her kids, let her get them something. ugh! I can see maybe a good luck card and a rose or something but it's still rude for her to tell you that.

Anyway if you do decide to get a "present" present i find that little girls around that age seem to like little glittery make up kits (like form claire's, the icing, or afterthoughts or maybe wal-mart) with like lip gloss, nail polish and a mirror and stuff. or like a glittery notebook/fluffy pen set. that should only set you back about $4-$10.

i cant think of any "toys" exept maybe dolls, ooh! you could get like a ballerina barbie or something (if thats the kind of recital it is???) or just a regular barbie.

good luck. hope that helps.

Oh she is so bad!
What a shame to tarnish a nice invite like that.
A pretty rose from your garden wrapped in tinfoil to present to each child would be so sweet and maybe bake a cake with ballet shoes on to take to tea?
Trouble now is they will be expecting gifts!
I would be tempted to call back and say I would love to come and thanks for the invite and you have a little non gift type surprise in mind for the girls.

That is just too rude. I just checked with dd's best friend, and no one got her anything for her dance recital, except her Mom.

Maybe you can get them playdoh, make-up, or a really noisy toy. They will love it but it will make their Mom crazy! (LOL.) Get lots of pics of the girls, and put them in a frame at your house. Then when they visit they will see the pic and know how much you care about them, even if their Mom is impossible!

If you decide not to give a gift, have your husband have a little talk with her about why the kids aren't getting a gift. (Like because they should be the focus that day, not presents!)

Originally Posted by Meowsas

Oh she is so bad!
What a shame to tarnish a nice invite like that.
A pretty rose from your garden wrapped in tinfoil to present to each child would be so sweet and maybe bake a cake with ballet shoes on to take to tea?
Trouble now is they will be expecting gifts!
I would be tempted to call back and say I would love to come and thanks for the invite and you have a little non gift type surprise in mind for the girls.

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What a wonderful suggestion!! Flowers for the performers & a cute cake that ALL the girls can enjoy! With a mother like that, your nieces will need a wonderful auntie like you. At their age, they might not realize what a piece of work their mom is, but as they get older, they will realize, and will be ever so grateful that you are in their lives.
As for toys, etc. , IMO, that would be promoting materialism. I am sure that they will get much more out of flowers & cake!
Meowsa, in BuzzLightyear's words (from ToyStory), "I like your style"

I think that's very rude and I would not be inclined to give a gift.
Does anyone else think we're getting out of hand with the gift demands these days? I mean, this is dance recital for a 4 year old and you're supposed to give a gift?!! Gimme gimme gimme!!!
Gifts used to be for the big occasions, you know, like birthdays and weddings, Christmas etc. Now it's just consumerism gone wild and people expect a present for the most ridiculous things. I think the rule should be: if you want to buy someone a special present and feel it would be appropiate, then fine. To have someone tell you to buy a gift is a tasteless grab, IMO.

A single wrapped flower is as much as I would get. Many years ago when I had dance recitals, that is all I got. I felt very grown up, getting flowers like the big girls.
I cannot believe the incredible nerve of some people to demand gifts like that. Her brother should really say something to her about it, IMHO.

A single flower for each girl would be wonderful.

I have been a professional nanny for over 10 years and have been to MANY recitals. I was in dance for 7 years of my younger life myself, and the BEST thing to get was the flowers. You felt just like the big girls.

I can't BELIEVE her mother told you that you needed to bring a gift!!!

The whole night, I would ask the girls, in front of their mother, "Did you like your gift?? The flower I brought you?" Just to get her goat. The kids won't know the difference and maybe it will put the mother in her place.

lol

OR even better,

you could TELL the mother that you feel it is inappropriate to bring a GIFT per-say. That the focus should be on the recital, not who brings the girls the best gift. Tell her you chose to bring them flowers as traditionally that is what is given at recitals anyway. Tell her you were thrilled to be invited, but that next time you would appreciate it if she let YOU decide if a gift would be appropriate. That way, the gift would be given out of desire, rather than obligation!

In fact, just let me talk to her. I will set her straight!!!

What a woman!!!!
The flower idea is nice and fairly inexpensive. The other would be to take some photos and put the best one of each girl in a cute dance related frame (if this type exists) Maybe you could be in the pictures too!!
I personally would give that SIL a piece of my mind (I have a similar SIL!!)

The photo idea is also excellent!! As for explaining to the SIL, I doubt it would do any good. There is a saying in Spanish that is kinda rude, but it fits, "I can't explain it to you since you won't be able to hear because you have too much manure between your ears".